The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Good time to leave?
AltforExit
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Is there ever a good time for a breakup between two adults who share an apt. and thought they would marry? I think things are falling apart and I'm not asking for advice there, but I know that my partner is going through a variety of hard times right now, and I have no wish to pile on, this is a multi year relationship that is not working, not some vindictive act against a perceived transgression. At the same time, just staying out of inertia and ease will do neither of us a favor. If I have a reasonable timetable for things to be a bit better after x date is it reasonable to wait? Or just rip the bandaid off? It's seeming increasingly inevitable, but I would like to minimize my partners pain, if at all possible.
0
Posts
And as you keep going it always gets harder
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
There's really no good time, and if you prolong it, you very well may end up regretting the extra months spent in that situation. Speaking from experience.
But no matter when you do it, it's going to be bad.
Just my opinion. I think it is better she knows instead of going through more days where you aren't into it.
Breaking up before the vacation means she is at least surrounded by family to help her cope, if that's the sort of family she has, and has time to adjust before having to function for job/whatever.
So I can see that being a mixed bag. Though you'll definitely come off as an ass to the family.
So its clear, I appreciate the advice! Just explaining why that wont quite work. If we were in the same place, I'd do the talk now.
Relationships aren't always fun and ultimately both people have to want it to work. The only thing you can do is discuss your relationship openly and honestly with your partner.
Good luck!
but they're listening to every word I say
Only a mere 136 pins to go!
"She broke up with me over gchat. GCHAT! You just don't DO that to someone!"
"She came on our family vacation and ate cheese with my mom and acted all normal! What kind of a sociopath goes on a family trip with someone they're breaking up with? You just don't DO that!"
You can't win because the shitty part is the breaking up.
You're probably talking yourself into a delay because it is super unpleasant to break up with someone. Be strong and get it over with, is my advice.
If my ex-wife had just told me she wanted out prior to cheating on me for 9 months of our 12 month marriage, it would've saved me a lease break, thousands of dollars in wasted couples counciling, and generally saved my sanity.
Battlenet: Judgement#1243
psn: KupoZero
If my ex had had just told me she wanted out instead of spending 2 years making me feel like a piece of shit so that I'd be the one to take the moral hit for breaking up, I wouldn't have spent some years in an alcoholic suicidal depression alienating everyone in my life. Maybe she had her reasons, I don't know (because she didn't tell me!) but there it was. I sure didn't feel grateful to her for "sparing my feelings".
Be honest with the people you are in a relationship with. You don't owe them sex or money, but god damb, you do at least owe them the truth.
I would say, having been through this, that it's not the communication method that matters, it's treating the other person with respect. My ex (still very weird to think of him as that) was kind and we let each other say everything we needed to. In our case, there is no animosity. I'd say rip the bandaid off, get it over with. Breakups are hard and there is no good time. I will say that now that the talk is over, it's nice that he's so far away and I don't have to see him every day (we live together so that's another thing to deal with). Talking to her before the vacation will allow her that space.
Yeah, that hits home with me. My ex and I were on the outs from her side. I even gave her the option of just ending things.
Had she just been honest and said she wanted out... yeah, I wouldn't have exactly been thrilled about it, but I can respect it.
Instead she said she didn't want that, and less than a week later went the full nuclear route, bringing about a slow and painful ending to the relationship once it came to light all the shit she was doing.
So I lost the relationship and I lost a friend of several years even before the relationship. I could have gotten over things ending and had a friend still, but now I could never speak with such a miserable person again in my life.
To the OP... there isn't ever a perfect time. So don't wait too much. Just take the time, if any, to make sure you are certain this is what you want. And while you obviously don't want to do it on someone's birthday or some such... there isn't ever going to be a time that is just perfect for this.