As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

History of Rome [Chat]

RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
edited September 2015 in Debate and/or Discourse
737px-SPQR_banner.svg.png

"Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!" - Gaius Julius Caesar

Rome was founded by a Furry named Romulus, but when Grand Moff Tarquin wanted to build a Death Star the Rebel Alliance overthrew him and established the Republic. In the early days a dictator named Cincinnatus set up a project to colonise the Ohio River, but after the first sacking of Rome people forgot about it until it was rediscovered in the 18th Century.

During the Phyrric Wars the Romans managed to seal Yawgmoth in Phyrexia and keep control of Italy. This set the stage for the Punic Wars, so called because when encountering war elephants Scipio Brutus Bannerus said "Puny Elephants" and Hulked out to defeat them personally. However the Carthaginian General Hannibal crossed the Alps and shocked the Romans at the Battle of Cannae by eating the Consul's liver with a nice chianti. Despite this shock Scipio Africanus encircled him at Langley where he is reported to be to this day.

After the Punic Wars everything was wonderful until Julius Caesar formed the Triumverate. He conquered Gaul, and was held up by a small village in Armorica when General Pompeii erupted and he had to deal with that. He also had to deal with a personal gambling problem, for he'd often proclaim that the die was cast. In the aftermath he met Cleopatra and they were going to be married but Brutus et tu'd him in the back on the Ides of March. Then Mark Antony tried to marry her but Caesar Augustus stopped him so they killed themselves. After surviving an assassination attempt by Gaius Yodatius, Augustus decided that Republicanism couldn't deal with nontraditional marriages like that and reorganised the Republic into the Empire.

In keeping with Rome's furry origins, Caligula appointed a horse as Consul, and was then assassinated while putting the finishing touches on his experimental autobiographical movie. Then Claudius invaded Britain and put down Boudicca's revolt while Nero Smite Evil'd on Agrippina's Womb. Nero then multiclassed to Bard and fiddled while Rome burned, and then persecuted the Christians. For inciting the seige at Masada, God caused him to lose his Paladin powers so he committed suicide saying "What an artist the world is losing". The Year of the Four Emperors had four friendly folk work together for the better of the empire, but three quit due to obligations to Death, leaving Vespasian to rule for a decade then become a god.

Hadrian did nothing for twenty years except build a wall. Then Antonius Pius did nothing for twenty years but let Marcus Aurelius become emperor. While in Elysium and already dead, Marcus planned to restore the Republic, but Joachim Phoenix had other ideas, and he and Russel Crowe duked it out for the fate of the empire. They both died, and five good friends spent a year figuring out what to do before Septimius Severus Snape spent much of his reign teaching potions while wanting the Dark Arts job.

Then came the Crisis of the Third Century. Maximinus Thrax from Earth-3, Philip the Arab from Earth-24, Zenobia from Earth-63, Consuls Caracalla and Gaeta from Earth-17, King Hannibal from Earth-216, Aurelian from Earth-1 and Julius Caesar Prime teamed up to stop the Anti-Monitor using the Sassanid Gauntlet to destroy the Infinite Empires. At the end Tacitus sacrificed himself but Diocletian promised to take up the mantle while a single man was locked up in a temple of Asclepius claiming he could remember the Achemenid Empire.

Constantine flipped off Satan after Jesus appeared to him in a dream, and won full control of the empire at the Milvian Bridge by displaying the Cross on his shield. After founding Istanbul he made the entire empire Christian. Julian the Apostate tried to revive the Old Gods by offering sacrifice at Rl'yeh, but the Governor of the province Alertus threw the spear of destiny at the ritual and Christ's majesty sealed Cthulhu forever.

Valens lost the battle of Adrianople to Attila the Hun, and this allowed Ghengis Khan to sack Rome in 410, leading to a withdrawal from Britain. Everyone was so disgusted that Rome was sacked that a big argument happened and the Empire split into East and West. Justinian kept the Eastern Empire intact, but Romulus Augustus lost to Odoacer and the West fell in 476. The last thing Rome did was send Saint Patrick to Ireland and King Arthur to Britain. The Eastern Empire did [FILE NOT FOUND] until 1453, when it was conquered by the Mongols.

Final assessment of (Western) Emperors:
[Julius Caeser <] Augustus > Tiberius >>> Caligula <<< Claudius >> Nero < Galba > Otho > Vitellius <<< Vespasian = Titus > Domitian < Nerva << Trajan = Hadrian = Antonius Pius > Marcus Aurelius > Lucius Verrus >>>> Commodus <<<< Pertinax > Didius Julianus < Septimus Severus > Gaeta >>>> Caracalla <<< Marcinus > Ellagabulus < Alexander Severus >>>> Maximinus Thrax <<< Gordian I & II < Pupienus & Balbinus > Gordian III < Philip the Arab = Decius = Hostillian < Gallus < Amellian < Valerian = Gallienus < Claudius Gothicus <<< Aurelian > Tacitus = Florian = Probus = Carus = Numerian = Carinus << Diocletian > Maximian > Constantius >> Galerius = Maximinus Daia > Severus II << Constantine I > Maxentius > Maximian II > Licinius I > Constantine II < Constantius II > Constans I < Julian > Jovian < Valentinian = Valens > Gratian > Valentinian II < Theodosius > Honorius = Constantius III > Joannes >> Valentinian III > Petronius Maximus > Avitus << Majorian >> Libius Severus < Anthemius > Olybrius = Glycerius < Julios Nepos > Romulus Augustulus [< Odoacer]

For more details, go here or watch this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbBHk_zLTmY

RMS Oceanic on
«134567100

Posts

  • Options
    Raiden333Raiden333 Registered User regular
    What is this? This chat is unsanctioned.

    THIS ISN'T NAM, MAN, THERE ARE RULES.

    There was a steam sig here. It's gone now.
  • Options
    descdesc Goretexing to death Registered User regular
    A bold move

    I respect this usurper's gambit

  • Options
    skippydumptruckskippydumptruck begin again Registered User regular
    no gods, but maybe

    maybe a hero

  • Options
    skippydumptruckskippydumptruck begin again Registered User regular
    I have a headache and I feel like shit -- I think I have a cold

    and emers is at the dr office cause we think she has an ear infection

    and sarah is hungover because she is a strumpet

  • Options
    PantsBPantsB Fake Thomas Jefferson Registered User regular
    ILLEGITIMATE!

    UNSANCTIONED!

    APPLESAUCE!

    11793-1.png
    day9gosu.png
    QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
  • Options
    DiplominatorDiplominator Hardcore Porg Registered User regular
    ~
    nickname nick_the_usurper RMS Oceanic

  • Options
    skippydumptruckskippydumptruck begin again Registered User regular
    PantsB wrote: »
    ILLEGITIMATE!

    UNSANCTIONED!

    APPLESAUCE!

    I cannot abide the wanton debauch taking place in that other thread

    that house is no longer a home

  • Options
    RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    PantsB wrote: »
    ILLEGITIMATE!

    UNSANCTIONED!

    APPLESAUCE!

    I took my legislation to the tribunate and the people and they cheered for it. Not my fault the Senate refused to pass my laws!

  • Options
    IlpalaIlpala Just this guy, y'know TexasRegistered User regular
    Happy love time chat is no longer safe...there is no hope.

    FF XIV - Qih'to Furishu (on Siren), Battle.Net - Ilpala#1975
    Switch - SW-7373-3669-3011
    Fuck Joe Manchin
  • Options
    descdesc Goretexing to death Registered User regular
    Weebs incoming

  • Options
    P10P10 An Idiot With Low IQ Registered User regular
    et tu, rms

    Shameful pursuits and utterly stupid opinions
  • Options
    GooeyGooey (\/)┌¶─¶┐(\/) pinch pinchRegistered User regular
    NO GODS

    NO MASTERS

    919UOwT.png
  • Options
    Kid PresentableKid Presentable Registered User regular
    Oh shit it's the mods!

    Uh, uhm. Hello. This is the only [chat] I've ever posted in.

  • Options
    ChanusChanus Harbinger of the Spicy Rooster Apocalypse The Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User regular
    Allegedly a voice of reason.
  • Options
    Evil MultifariousEvil Multifarious Registered User regular
    liberty has no inherent value fyi hth

  • Options
    RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    That's a nice Rubicon you got there

    Be a shame if somebody were to...cross it

  • Options
    ChanusChanus Harbinger of the Spicy Rooster Apocalypse The Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User regular
    Oh shit it's the mods!

    Uh, uhm. Hello. This is the only [chat] I've ever posted in.

    this isn't my [chat] i was holding it for a friend

    Allegedly a voice of reason.
  • Options
    skippydumptruckskippydumptruck begin again Registered User regular
    desc wrote: »
    Weebs incoming

    private desc, stop all incoming chatters at the border and search them for contraband

    we don't want the infestation spreading

  • Options
    zepherinzepherin Russian warship, go fuck yourself Registered User regular
    phoenix-wright-objection.jpg

  • Options
    PLAPLA The process.Registered User regular
    Rome de gozaimasu.

  • Options
    Dark Raven XDark Raven X Laugh hard, run fast, be kindRegistered User regular
    And once again the beast sleeps

    Oh brilliant
  • Options
    ChanusChanus Harbinger of the Spicy Rooster Apocalypse The Flames of a Thousand Collapsed StarsRegistered User regular
    ic61hfk7xyrt.jpg

    Allegedly a voice of reason.
  • Options
    Evil MultifariousEvil Multifarious Registered User regular
    Chants that is gold

  • Options
    Blameless ClericBlameless Cleric An angel made of sapphires each more flawlessly cut than the last Registered User regular
    that glowforge thing is amazing

    Orphane wrote: »

    one flower ring to rule them all and in the sunlightness bind them

    I'd love it if you took a look at my art and my PATREON!
  • Options
    IlpalaIlpala Just this guy, y'know TexasRegistered User regular
    That otter doesn't look like it's laboring much at all.

    FF XIV - Qih'to Furishu (on Siren), Battle.Net - Ilpala#1975
    Switch - SW-7373-3669-3011
    Fuck Joe Manchin
  • Options
    RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    Ilpala wrote: »
    That otter doesn't look like it's laboring much at all.

    Do you think it otter?

  • Options
    Harry DresdenHarry Dresden Registered User regular
    latest?cb=20090518192123

  • Options
    ZephiranZephiran Registered User regular
    Alright and in this next scene all the animals have AIDS.

    I got a little excited when I saw your ship.
  • Options
    wanderingwandering Russia state-affiliated media Registered User regular
    edited September 2015
    for too long has the bourgeois otter lived in indolence on the back of the proletarian zoo worker

    wandering on
  • Options
    GooeyGooey (\/)┌¶─¶┐(\/) pinch pinchRegistered User regular
  • Options
    RMS OceanicRMS Oceanic Registered User regular
    I think the thing I'm most proud of in that OP is the Crisis of the Third Century

  • Options
    PantsBPantsB Fake Thomas Jefferson Registered User regular
    Ilpala wrote: »
    That otter doesn't look like it's laboring much at all.

    Do you think it otter?

    As climate change makes the world generally otter we'll all have to adjust our viewpoints

    11793-1.png
    day9gosu.png
    QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
  • Options
    EchoEcho ski-bap ba-dapModerator mod
    that glowforge thing is amazing

    I want one to make ALL the wargaming terrain!

  • Options
    AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    edited September 2015
    that glowforge thing is amazing

    right?

    I'm not going to drop $2k on a first gen product buuuut..

    Afforable (well, kinda) and easy-to-use laser cutters are going to enable people to make far more useful stuff than 3D printers can.

    Aioua on
    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
  • Options
    programjunkieprogramjunkie Registered User regular
    So, let's talk about how the UN are extremely dangerous, freedom hating fascists:

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/09/24/the-united-nations-has-a-radical-dangerous-vision-for-the-future-of-the-web/
    It may not have intended to, precisely, but the United Nations just took sides in the Internet’s most brutal culture war.

    On Thursday, the organization’s Broadband Commission for Digital Development released a damning “world-wide wake-up call” on what it calls “cyber VAWG,” or violence against women and girls. The report concludes that online harassment is “a problem of pandemic proportion” — which, nbd, we’ve all heard before.

    [Men who harass women online are quite literally losers, new study finds]

    But the United Nations then goes on to propose radical, proactive policy changes for both governments and social networks, effectively projecting a whole new vision for how the Internet could work.

    Under U.S. law — the law that, not coincidentally, governs most of the world’s largest online platforms — intermediaries such as Twitter and Facebook generally can’t be held responsible for what people do on them. But the United Nations proposes both that social networks proactively police every profile and post, and that government agencies only “license” those who agree to do so.

    “The respect for and security of girls and women must at all times be front and center,” the report reads, not only for those “producing and providing the content,” but also everyone with any role in shaping the “technical backbone and enabling environment of our digital society.”

    How that would actually work, we don’t know; the report is light on concrete, actionable policy. But it repeatedly suggests both that social networks need to opt-in to stronger anti-harassment regimes and that governments need to enforce them proactively.

    [Contrary Internet crybabies, online speech in the U.S. is really free, actually]

    At one point toward the end of the paper, the U.N. panel concludes that “political and governmental bodies need to use their licensing prerogative” to better protect human and women’s rights, only granting licenses to “those Telecoms and search engines” that “supervise content and its dissemination.”

    In other words, the United Nations believes that online platforms should be (a) generally responsible for the actions of their users and (b) specifically responsible for making sure those people aren’t harassers.

    Regardless of whether you think those are worthwhile ends, the implications are huge: It’s an attempt to transform the Web from a libertarian free-for-all to some kind of enforced social commons.

    This question, of course, mirrors other, larger debates playing out across the culture, including tiffs over academic “trigger warnings” and debates about Reddit’s foggy future. Writing at Breitbart several weeks ago, the conservative columnist Allum Bokhari described a growing social movement that he dubs “cultural libertarianism”: the rejection of any and all limitations on absolute free expression.

    [How Reddit became the perfect illustration of free speech on the Web]

    It’s no coincidence that the “cultural libertarians” Bokhari cites are all leading figures in Gamergate, just as it’s no coincidence that the U.N. report references Zoe Quinn, the first victim of that movement. Well over a year after Quinn’s harassment became international news, we still haven’t answered these fundamental questions about what values the Internet should protect and who is responsible for it.

    This U.N. report gets us no closer, alas: all but its most modest proposals are unfeasible. We can educate people about gender violence or teach “digital citizenship” in schools, but persuading social networks to police everything their users post is next to impossible. And even if it weren’t, there are serious implications for innovation and speech: According to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, CDA 230 — the law that exempts online intermediaries from this kind of policing — is basically what allowed modern social networks (and blogs, and comments, and forums, etc.) to come into being.

    As reports like this are making increasingly clear, however, these platforms were developed by people who never imagined the struggles that women face online. We’re using tools that weren’t designed for us; they had other people and values and priorities in mind.

    Is a reckoning — or at least rebalancing — imminent? The United Nations suggests it has to be. But it certainly won’t look like the model dreamt up in this report. For better or worse, that’s several steps too revolutionary.

    Also, way to fuck up your priorities, when so many people lack even the most basic guarantees of physical safety, food, shelter, clean water, and healthcare.

    This is especially damning coming from the UN, because unlike solely domestic US commentary, where one can reasonably say, "Well, it's not like people are being jailed or even just outright disappeared for saying the wrong thing on the internet, so why not put our fingers on the scale a little bit?" that's a very common worldwide problem. Harassment is a problem, absolutely, but it is not a problem as bad as being arrested by authoritarian regimes or being lynched by mobs for saying what should be protected speech online.

    Saudi just recently sentenced a minor to be crucified for being at an anti-government protest. The answer is not more government control of speech, whether in person or over the internet. honestly, everyone involved should be completely ashamed of themselves, for throwing both the UN declared human right of free speech, and all number of associated rights, like the right to a functioning democracy, under the bus.

  • Options
    DiannaoChongDiannaoChong Registered User regular
    edited September 2015
    That weird all in one scanner/cnc laser machine seems weird. They cant say when they will ship, except within the next year, and (granted theres no scanner in most) cnc machines that do 12"x20" are comparatively priced to 2k, their preorder price. msrp of 4k for that? fuck right off. The modernization's are neat, but not 2k neat.

    edit: ebay has cheap 12"x8" co2 machines for $600, by comparison.

    DiannaoChong on
    steam_sig.png
  • Options
    AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    (he says, trying not to order one)

    (shhh vowels remember no specs on laser life/replacement cost, other part costs, no real-world tests yet shhhhh don't do it)

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
  • Options
    GooeyGooey (\/)┌¶─¶┐(\/) pinch pinchRegistered User regular
  • Options
    ZephiranZephiran Registered User regular
    Alright and in this next scene all the animals have AIDS.

    I got a little excited when I saw your ship.
  • Options
    skippydumptruckskippydumptruck begin again Registered User regular
    aioua it makes me mad that your nickname is longer than your username

    these precious keystrokes

This discussion has been closed.