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How do I change? Anxiety
gimlisealposeph
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
It feels weird to be writing to complete strangers but my options are low and could really do with a fresh perspective.
I grew up with not a great childhood as most of us do. Drugs are a funny one, how they change people and how it alters your feeling towards that person. Sometimes you forget their personality (what it used to be like).
It all changed for me a couple of years ago after taking champex to quit smoking. It felt like I woke after being asleep for so long. My perception of the world was totally different. I couldn't understand for a long time how people can make decisions and be so shocked by the consequences. How they can hurt people and just pretend like nothing has happened.
From a rough childhood, I no longer have much of a relationship with my mum or dad. I can't seem to see them in the same way anymore. Through this and probably many other things that I experienced I have anxiety issues and possible depression. I understand my flaws (I think). I wear my heart on my sleeve and seem to want to take on any battle that I think is morally wrong both of which has never done me any good at all. I overthink and I tend to run every senario possible. I smoke weed to dumb this all down, it's the only thing that ever been able to switch my brain off for long enough for me to think more clearly. But of course with any drug that's abused the consequences become apparent very quickly and now is becoming totally counter productive. I have cut down considerably and smoke every other day (compared to everyday smoking a large amount). I had someone I loved more than anything in this world and I was finally ready for a fresh start. Unfortunately 2 weeks before we were due to move out she told me she didn't love me and walked away. This seems to be the running story of my life. Now I am not trying to be hard done by (I realise my problems aren't as serious as most and I count myself very lucky for that) but I think I have aquired some serious bad luck throughout my life, that I have never really been able to shake.
Everything I seem to do crumbles and the motivation to think and see the world on a positive light is not easy anymore. I feel so angry sometimes and wish I could present myself in a better way, more together, more calm better composed.
How do I train myself to not let my emotions take over and dictate my life? I think it has been the root of most of the failed relationships and failed careers. Thanks for you time.
I grew up with not a great childhood as most of us do. Drugs are a funny one, how they change people and how it alters your feeling towards that person. Sometimes you forget their personality (what it used to be like).
It all changed for me a couple of years ago after taking champex to quit smoking. It felt like I woke after being asleep for so long. My perception of the world was totally different. I couldn't understand for a long time how people can make decisions and be so shocked by the consequences. How they can hurt people and just pretend like nothing has happened.
From a rough childhood, I no longer have much of a relationship with my mum or dad. I can't seem to see them in the same way anymore. Through this and probably many other things that I experienced I have anxiety issues and possible depression. I understand my flaws (I think). I wear my heart on my sleeve and seem to want to take on any battle that I think is morally wrong both of which has never done me any good at all. I overthink and I tend to run every senario possible. I smoke weed to dumb this all down, it's the only thing that ever been able to switch my brain off for long enough for me to think more clearly. But of course with any drug that's abused the consequences become apparent very quickly and now is becoming totally counter productive. I have cut down considerably and smoke every other day (compared to everyday smoking a large amount). I had someone I loved more than anything in this world and I was finally ready for a fresh start. Unfortunately 2 weeks before we were due to move out she told me she didn't love me and walked away. This seems to be the running story of my life. Now I am not trying to be hard done by (I realise my problems aren't as serious as most and I count myself very lucky for that) but I think I have aquired some serious bad luck throughout my life, that I have never really been able to shake.
Everything I seem to do crumbles and the motivation to think and see the world on a positive light is not easy anymore. I feel so angry sometimes and wish I could present myself in a better way, more together, more calm better composed.
How do I train myself to not let my emotions take over and dictate my life? I think it has been the root of most of the failed relationships and failed careers. Thanks for you time.
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You will hear this echoed by most everyone on these forums. Counseling is a great thing, everyone can use it. Find out what therapist resources are in your area and what sort of coverage you can acquire to help you see them.
This resonates with me. This was how I saw life and everything I did for a very, very long time. I ended up speaking with my doctor, who gave me a depression test. How do you feel about X, have you ever thought about committing suicide, how often do you feel like Y, etc. I answered honestly and received a diagnosis of severe depression. I was put on a mix of drugs and with a few tweaks started to feel again. Maybe even "normal".
Speak with a professional, like Enc suggested. You are worth it, no matter how much your brain tries to convince you otherwise.
Steam Me
It's important to remember that you don't have to go through this sort of thing alone. I know that when I was at my lowest point, I was reluctant to see a therapist because I wanted to fix things on my own. I felt that if I got help, then it wasn't my accomplishment and that undermined the whole point. I was wrong, and ended up causing myself way more grief as a result.
There's no shame in help. You're not alone, and you don't need to be.
Anyway, what you can expect talking to a professional depends on what your problem is. My problem with anxiety was basically unfinished thought. Normal human problem solving is to identify the problem, assess the root cause and continuing factors, manage the next steps of the present to control or reverse the damage, and evaluate the flaws in procedure and management to improve and prevent for next time, right? Well, if you let your brain run on autopilot, it might succeed with identification, which then spawns a powerful emotional register of guilt and underconfidence that puts you in a sort of emotional seizure loop that prevents you from reaching the next stage of thought.
So naturally, the psychiatrists I talked to were mostly brick walls until I started repeating myself, and then offered the next logical link in the chain I was refusing to address. Disappointed one of my mentors by failing to complete an assignment, huh? Did I ever think that this person is a professional and a nice personand is likely not to keep a secret vendetta against me or have their happiness ruined just because one of their many students did something that's happened numerous times before?
Anyway, just hearing my ideas in the open and paying attention to them did most of the work, with a little redirection and encouragement from a very patient audience. Other people do more fancy stuff, especially where addiction is concerned. Some see addiction as a poor man's substitute for a missing need in life, like how video games may be a substitute for skill mastery, productivity, self respect, and social kinsman ship in real life. There are fun ways to deal with this, so don't be afraid of letting out your guilty pleasures. Do it at the beginning so you don't lead your physician on a wild goose chase.
I don't feel anxious much anymore, partly because of this help and partly because that part of me burnt out. I know my limitations now, and I don't feel a bit regretful about things that honestly have always been way beyond my control. I just got in a fender bender yesterday and it was a pleasant experience, because I knew and followed the best procedure afterwards, I was able to make the other party comfortable, and I had enough power over my life to deal with the short and long term consequences. Being miserable is by far the worst part of having something bad happen to you, and it's mostly optional.
The big caveat is that pretending to fully know how you've become who you are is hubris. I can only conjecture how I got over my problems, as I suspect will be the same case for you, hopefully in the near future. Nobody can guarantee anything. You're not a broken machine that can be fixed, you're a black box that will one day in the future be healed, and nobody will know how exactly you got there. So no having an obsession that you must do exactly this or exactly that to solve your problem. You are the final determinant of whether you succeed or fail, no matter what everyone else judges, so put in an effort.
Also if you hate yourself a lot, hit the gym, see how far a deadened sense of self survives against heavy lifting and cardio. Turns out most people are still human. See if your dumb brain can afford to worry all night if you're physically exhausted.
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
No better way to shut up your brain than to start using it to train your body. If you've never lifted before or done any physical training, you get the best success when your mind is engaged as well, and that does wonders for getting your head around problems.
for me it's usually alcohol, but once or twice it has even extended to coffee. i'm not playing the detox card here - it's not about that. it's just understanding that these things hijack and alter neurological responses: usually, they draw out your dopamine in heavy bursts that fuck with your reserves and your receptors - sometimes leaving you prone to bouts of depression.
mental health is chemical a lot of the time, which is why seeing a psychiatric doctor who can give you something to help is often the right idea. but before you reach that it's always worked for me to make sure you're starting from a clean slate
basically, quit pot
I don't think you meant it this way, but the OP isn't abnormal for feeling angry or seeing the world negatively. These are healthy responses to what can often be a frightening reality, where many feel powerless and lacking in control - whether that's on a more personal scale or in society at large. This isn't unusual. I don't think OP necessarily has to drug themselves out of this either, they aren't reporting a problem with being able to feel.
Emotions will always play a significant part of your life @gimlisealposeph , I hope you can come to think of them as something rewarding or empowering, and not only troublesome. Talking to a professional therapist or counsellor can help you come to understand them more, so you can feel more at ease with them, or to gain some element of control (we're not completely powerless after all).