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Coming down from a PTSD episode.
Goatmon
Companion of KessRegistered User regular
Companion of KessRegistered User regular
Hey guys. I'm not having the best morning.
Last night I was reading a comic online. I don't want to go into specifics, but the story was centered on a kid that was being put through big-time physical and psychological abuse.
To give you some context; My Dad is an abusive scumbag. Growing up I was never really safe when he was around. He put me through some shit, suffice to say.
As such, I typically avoid stuff that evokes that kind of imagery. But, for whatever reason I just kept reading it. That kind of stuff can bug me, but I've never had anything serious come out of it as a result. That was a mistake.
Pretty soon I had a tightness in my chest, my hands started shaking, and I felt what I can only describe as an intense fear and sadness. It was sort of like being trapped in a dark room. Nothing tangible. Just.. a sort of sad helplessness. I'm still not 100% sure what exactly happened to me.
Thankfully, a lady friend of mine online was there for me, and she helped me talk through the worst of it. I eventually went to bed a couple hours later, but getting to sleep was hard. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd read. I woke up around 4 hours ago, only getting 4-5 hours rest.
I'd like a more solid idea on what exactly happened to me. And I'm wondering if it's common for it's effect to linger as long as it has.
On the plus side, typing this out while having breakfast at a cafe seems to have helped a lot. I think I'm gonna be all right.
But I'd appreciate any advice y'all might have on how to avoid this happening again anytime soon. And how to cope with one if I Don't have anyone to help talk me through it next time.
Also I guess I should talk to my shrink about this next time I see her. And possibly do something to cut down on my anxiety. Bluh.
Last night I was reading a comic online. I don't want to go into specifics, but the story was centered on a kid that was being put through big-time physical and psychological abuse.
To give you some context; My Dad is an abusive scumbag. Growing up I was never really safe when he was around. He put me through some shit, suffice to say.
As such, I typically avoid stuff that evokes that kind of imagery. But, for whatever reason I just kept reading it. That kind of stuff can bug me, but I've never had anything serious come out of it as a result. That was a mistake.
Pretty soon I had a tightness in my chest, my hands started shaking, and I felt what I can only describe as an intense fear and sadness. It was sort of like being trapped in a dark room. Nothing tangible. Just.. a sort of sad helplessness. I'm still not 100% sure what exactly happened to me.
Thankfully, a lady friend of mine online was there for me, and she helped me talk through the worst of it. I eventually went to bed a couple hours later, but getting to sleep was hard. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd read. I woke up around 4 hours ago, only getting 4-5 hours rest.
I'd like a more solid idea on what exactly happened to me. And I'm wondering if it's common for it's effect to linger as long as it has.
On the plus side, typing this out while having breakfast at a cafe seems to have helped a lot. I think I'm gonna be all right.
But I'd appreciate any advice y'all might have on how to avoid this happening again anytime soon. And how to cope with one if I Don't have anyone to help talk me through it next time.
Also I guess I should talk to my shrink about this next time I see her. And possibly do something to cut down on my anxiety. Bluh.
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If you know the content is going to bother you, avoid it, close it, stop reading and get your mind off of that content immediately. Go do something you enjoy, change the gears so to speak and focus on something else.
Just put on some music you like and go it so you don't focus on anything else and your head will clear.
I know some people also have good results with doing Adult coloring books, if you google Color Therapy or Adult coloring books on google images you'll come up with a big selection to choose from.
Same idea as exercise, it's just something semi-mindless and stress relieving while still taking some focus so you can't just sit there in your own head and run over the scenarios over and over and over.
I'll keep all that in mind, thanks.
My initial reading of "Adult Coloring books" conjures up a hilarious mental picture.
I'm sure someone makes that sort of "Adult" coloring book as well, it'd be up to you if shading in dicks calms you down or not.
It sounds like you may have never had one before. This can be super scary and can lead you down a even shittier rabbit hole.
She/he will give you ways to cope with it or even work through those ways with you (which I advise since you may not fully understand a method).
It took my almost a year to figure out what worked really well for me. This is going to sound stupid, but my psychiatrist recommended that I try yoga one morning to just help my focus for the rest of the day.
After the yoga session the instructor just had us sit motionless while she rang a little hand bell. You had to focus on the sharpness of the sound then keep focusing as the sound eventually disappeared.
That was it for me, ever since then if I feel a panic attack coming on (and I'm at home I do this for myself) if I'm out in public I do a breathing exercise.
Also, I'm sorry that your dad was a scumbag!
― John Quincy Adams
As for techniques to come down? I know of a few. As mentioned excercise is a great one. Breathing excercises are similarly good. I also strongly advocate for building a fort. It sounds silly, but it is usually pretty soothing. Its a whole control issue. Music is also extremely helpful. The best in the moment response is a smell with a powerful positive connection. Extremely harsh smells can help as well but I have known that to get people together for a moment before sending them even deeper down the rabbit hole so caution is advised.
As for lingering effects? Yeah they can suck. When triggered mildly it can leave me a bit off for a day or so. Bad ones can stick with me for days. Keep things light and avoid anything that might be related.
Now I ask you stuff cause I am in the mental health field and I can't help myself. Do you have a therapist of any form? Psychologist, counselor, social worker or anything of the sort? There might be more to this or it might be a one time thing. It never hurts to have the cob webs cleared out and children of abuse almost always have lingering issues. It took me a long time to get over my anger issues for example (my PTSD comes from my time in Child Protective Services rather than my home abuse just in case that matters to you in terms of my advice) though it took me a long time. It is still there as a useful tool to tap into when rage is needed to make a point (stuff with my kid exclusively). Surviving has made you strong, but that doesn't mean there isn't something down deep that could be shored up.
I realized that I was going through a rapid butterfly effect in my head of "remember when this happened? And then THIS? And oh man how awful that was, what would you do if THIS invented thing happened? Oh man yeah this awful thing would probably happen after that too, this is just my life, it's always been my life, this will never change, why bother, etc etc etc". It was an incredibly damaging cyclic pattern of thinking - a downward spiral that I wasn't even aware I was perpetuating.
What helped me a lot was to (1) first try to really be aware of how you're feeling in a particular moment. Take a short breather to sit back and think about that. Recognize when you feel uncomfortable. This will likely take some mental training. (2) Try to figure out if you're having damaging thought patterns or repeatedly going over a certain train of thought or memory. (3) Force yourself to break out of that cycle by making the conscious effort to think of something else, or distract yourself somehow. (4) Repeat as needed...just try to avoid being in that headspace for a continual, extended period of time.
I've also tried to distance myself from those thought patterns by categorizing them as "anxiety-driven or depressive thoughts". I remind myself that what those thoughts are 'saying' about me or my life or past are not necessarily rational - or healthy. I try to tell myself that "these thoughts may exist but I'm going to view them as 'not me'. I have my rational, healthy thoughts and then I have these thoughts that have come into existence due to past trauma, and I'm obsessing over them in an unhealthy way. I'm going to view these thoughts at a distance rather than allow myself to be wholly absorbed by them."
One of the added benefits of being more conscious of how you feel in a given moment is that you can learn to catch yourself if you're reading something or watching something that's distressing - you can stop and decide if it's something you want to continue doing or if it might be best for you to stop completely or at least take a break.
This isn't something that works flawlessly 100% of the time, but it has helped me hugely over the years in avoiding that headspace more and more. I hope it can help you too!
Truth be told, this is the first time in memory I think this has happened to me.
I had something vaguely similar a year or so back, where a lot of pent-up feelings kinda burst and I fell apart for a few hours. That was more akin to ongoing problems of self-image, depression, and a lot of generally negative shit that I wasn't dealing with.
I've gotten on antidepressants since then and I'm a lot better these days.
This was pretty different from that. I never had anything quite like this.
Odd that it wouldn't happen until now. (I'll be 33 next month)
Probably something to do with going back to school and thinking more about long-term plans. I can't really handle even basic shit like that, without specific medication.
Everything is a mess, but it's a mess you're accustomed to living in.
And cleaning it up means dealing with old crap, and making an even bigger mess in the meantime.
Talk to someone like a therapist as much as you can. Don't try to muscle through it alone. Feel free to message me anytime.
If you live in the gulf coast area I can try to recommend you some people who work cheap. If not I might have a recommendation but it would be less likely. Not being Medicaid makes it better and worse of course. Your insurance website should have a list of people to try.