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How do I tell my girlfriend about my secret life?

Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
in Help / Advice Forum
Hey guys, I'm a specialist in the military, which is as much as I can say about it, but... I also lead a secret life as a... Tabletop roleplayer!

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a few months, I see her whenever I'm home, but I'm afraid to tell her I'm a big ol' nerd. She thinks rifles and long hours sat in the snow is cool, so I don't want to spoil this persona she's got in her head.

What do you think guys?

Posts

  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    Unless you plan on living your life never telling this person you play table top games the obvious answer is to just tell her you play tabletop games. As far as I know there's no total cure for tabletop games so you should really let her know so she can minimize her exposure risks and maybe get vaccinated.

    But you never know, maybe she wants to be a giant nerd too, I hear people are into that.

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  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Well since I am a nerdy lady myself, I might not be the best to give you advice on this... but I would think that "specialist in the military" would be cool enough to blot out any perceived "uncoolness" because of hobby preference. There's also the fact that being a nerd is pretty well regarded in this day and age? She'll find out eventually anyway, may as well let her know. /shrug

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    But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
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  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    Haha thanks you two. I guess I'll tell her later. Now you mention it I suppose it's not that big a deal these days. I'm super not cool though.

  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    If it helps, Vin Diesel is a tabletop roleplayer. Generally honesty and transparency are very good in relationships.

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Tell her you needed to roll for initiative, because she causes a critical effect on your heart.
    She loves your ranged weapon stat, so if your luck is high enough she'll love your perception too. If she does, she can test your endurance, :winky:

  • LibrarianLibrarian The face of liberal fascism Registered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Tell her you needed to roll for initiative, because she causes a critical effect on your heart.
    She loves your ranged weapon stat, so if your luck is high enough she'll love your perception too. If she does, she can test your endurance, :winky:

    Yeah, don't do that.

    But OP, is this seriously a big thing for you? Do you really suspect she might react badly to the revelation? Would you want to be with a person that does not want to be with you just because you play pen&paper rpgs? I can think of about 100 hobbies that are dorkier and more annoying, like being into larp for instance ;)

  • AspectVoidAspectVoid Registered User regular
    Yeah, just tell her. And if she gives you a hard time, you can list all of the positive benefits of RPGs, such as increased creativity, cooperation, improvisation, etc. Then invite her to a game, or start hosting a game at your home when she's around. My group has had multiple significant others come over to the D&D side just by being around and seeing how much fun we're all having when we game.

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  • WezoinWezoin Registered User regular
    Gee, I'd sure avoid telling her. I mean, what if word gets out? What will the neighbours think?

    But really: the longer you wait the harder this will be. Bite the bullet and tell her now.

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    I've found that the best way to explain D&D is to liken it to poker. Its an activity to get a bunch of friends together with beer to talk up and have fun. But instead of gambling with money you are gambling with a narrative.

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    Librarian wrote: »
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Tell her you needed to roll for initiative, because she causes a critical effect on your heart.
    She loves your ranged weapon stat, so if your luck is high enough she'll love your perception too. If she does, she can test your endurance, :winky:

    Yeah, don't do that.

    But OP, is this seriously a big thing for you? Do you really suspect she might react badly to the revelation? Would you want to be with a person that does not want to be with you just because you play pen&paper rpgs? I can think of about 100 hobbies that are dorkier and more annoying, like being into larp for instance ;)

    No it's that that big a deal, I just found it amusing that this is my big secret.

    Thank you all for commenting, you lovely people.

  • KoregKoreg Registered User regular
    Hrm, I came here expecting you to tell us you were actually either a James Bond type, or an actual super hero.

    Leaving disappointed, but not before agreeing with everyone. Tell her. My wife looked at me funny when she found out I like to paint Warhammer figures, but that was about it. Now she's reinforcing my addiction by buying me new things to paint, and helping me upgrade my painting supplies.

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  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Koreg wrote: »
    Hrm, I came here expecting you to tell us you were actually either a James Bond type, or an actual super hero.

    Leaving disappointed, but not before agreeing with everyone. Tell her. My wife looked at me funny when she found out I like to paint Warhammer figures, but that was about it. Now she's reinforcing my addiction by buying me new things to paint, and helping me upgrade my painting supplies.

    He didn't deny being a spy or mutant, so I wouldn't rule it out.

    If you need a way to introduce her to gaming there are ways to do it that might be more palatable to her. If she is a Jane Austen fan, maybe try this card game, my wife loves it. And there's always the ubiquitous Settlers of Catan that has been used by many men to introduce women to games, and by women to introduce men to games, and by men to introduce men to games, and by women to introduce women to games. It's pretty popular.

  • PrimePrime UKRegistered User regular
    Also when you tell her don't apologise for your hobby like so many of my friends do. I'm an uber boardgames/rpg geek but I own that with confidence.

  • QuidQuid Definitely not a banana Registered User regular
    Be confident about what you like and what you do and you'll be that much more attractive.

  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    Prime wrote: »
    Also when you tell her don't apologise for your hobby like so many of my friends do. I'm an uber boardgames/rpg geek but I own that with confidence.

    Yep, everyone's a nerd about something if they're paying attention in life.
    Gym rats? Workout nerds
    People who play tons of club sports? Sport nerds
    Movie buffs? Movie Nerds
    etc.
    etc.

    Being a nerd about something is good.

  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    maybe your girlfriend is anxious you'll discover that she posts on penny arcade forums!

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  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    Gosh! Is that you? :O

    For the record guys I told her and she was fine with it. Now we're going to ride bicycles through the woods!

  • WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Man, I like freshened up my coffee and got all nestled in to read this thread, pfft.
    Wear your Nerdity full frontal!

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  • Grunt's GhostsGrunt's Ghosts Registered User regular
    Endless_Serpents wrote: »
    Gosh! Is that you? :O

    For the record guys I told her and she was fine with it. Now we're going to ride bicycles through the woods!

    Now you can tell her how riding a bike in the woods is like being a knight charging towards a dragon with a lance for you!

    I guess I'm the only one to do this...

  • azith28azith28 Registered User regular
    You have to ease her into it.

    Find one of your friends that can be a good sport about this...Have that friend over for dinner, and have him bring a low-level introductory board or card game that you think your girlfriend might like. That way you can foist it off as his idea if shes completely against the idea. Then you can write her a dear john letter saying you've run off with your Agricula.

    Stercus, Stercus, Stercus, Morituri Sum
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    One morning, in bed, roll over and ask her suddenly "do you want to do a little roleplay?"

    When she says "yes," whip out your dice.

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  • FiendishrabbitFiendishrabbit Registered User regular
    Drez wrote: »
    One morning, in bed, roll over and ask her suddenly "do you want to do a little roleplay?"

    When she says "yes," whip out your dice.

    Both sets?

    "The western world sips from a poisonous cocktail: Polarisation, populism, protectionism and post-truth"
    -Antje Jackelén, Archbishop of the Church of Sweden
  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    Alright dudes, keep it together.

    Glad it worked out @Endless_Serpents.

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