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Traveling with a snorer.
Kyougu
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I have a pretty large group of friends who I enjoy taking trips with, usually just weekend trips out somewhere. Because I have a knack for it I tend to organize these trips, which includes booking the hotel and making room assignments (easiest way I found to handle this).
Over the many trips we taken together, there's been one problem that keeps coming up: Our friend Steve is just a horrendous snorer, and loves to keep the room almost freezing. The later we can deal with, by usually taking control of the AC, but the first one is the huge problem. People at this point cannot room with him (I done it before, and I'm a heavy sleeper and he woke me up a couple of times. Other had play music on their headphones the entire time or sleep in the bathroom).
Now a new trip is coming up, and it's only 8 of us so far. So 4 per room...and one room get's Steve. I already see people not being happy, but I can't think of a solution that's not being a dick (making him get his own room). Any ideas? Or thoughts to handle this situation with the least hurt feelings?
Over the many trips we taken together, there's been one problem that keeps coming up: Our friend Steve is just a horrendous snorer, and loves to keep the room almost freezing. The later we can deal with, by usually taking control of the AC, but the first one is the huge problem. People at this point cannot room with him (I done it before, and I'm a heavy sleeper and he woke me up a couple of times. Other had play music on their headphones the entire time or sleep in the bathroom).
Now a new trip is coming up, and it's only 8 of us so far. So 4 per room...and one room get's Steve. I already see people not being happy, but I can't think of a solution that's not being a dick (making him get his own room). Any ideas? Or thoughts to handle this situation with the least hurt feelings?
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Or maybe larger hotel rooms, the kind with 2 beds for people to use, and then in an ante-room, a fold out couch. Steve gets to use the fold out until he does something about his snoring?
High-quality earplugs would also help...though if people are getting to the point of sleeping in a bathroom, AND this guy likes to keep the room much colder than everybody else, I don't think it's all that unreasonable to ask him to get a separate room.
Since this benefits everybody and snoring isn't something he can really control (though he should really make the attempt, at least, via those strips and/or something else) it might even be an option to divide up his extra room cost amongst everybody, so everybody pays the same amount. That would really depend on if people are cool with that or not, but it's also an option you could discuss.
Steam Me
In defense of people who snore, many of those don't work. I have allergy related snoring and when it goes off there really isn't anything I can do about it. I sleep on my side, tried those nose things, and even time my medicine to be most effective and it does nothing. It is worth it to try and approach him on the topic, but the solution just might not be something he can do directly.
And if that is the case, then he should be the one sleeping in a bathroom or in his own room rather than others. Exhaust all other options first, but the burden really is on him.
I like the idea of him getting his own room and us covering at least part of it, since it is for the benefit of the group.
I'm assuming if its that loud, its also above the level that headphones/whitenoise really drown out, but a big box fan can really take the edge off a lot or noise. Your brain will get used to the fan and it will muffle the loudness of room noises. You can easily fit a cheap one flat in the trunk, and just point it against the wall if you don't actually want the air movement.
My boyfriend stopped snoring when we got a better mattress and he lost weight, luckily. Nothing else really helped him before both those things occured.
In all seriousness though, sleep apnea is no joke and can cause some severe complications down the road. If he hasn't seen a sleep specialist he should really consider it. They may hook him up with one of those CPAP machines, which do really well if you give them a chance.
Because of the snoring, my parents no longer share a room, even when traveling. Dad gets his own room. Because otherwise, literally nobody can sleep. One time my siblings and I had to share a room with him, and he was so loud we got up and just stood around his bed staring at him in disbelief. So I think it's perfectly reasonable to have the snorer sleep in a separate room, the bathroom, whatever.
One thing though- Dad's snoring is always 100000X worse when he's been drinking, and/or sleep deprived. It takes about a month for him to totally "recover" but once he has, he just does this thing we've dubbed the "puff-snore" which is annoying, but much quieter. (Basically, he just kind of goes *inhale* *Pfffffft* all night.) If your friend really doesn't want to get stuck in his own room, he could try avoiding alcohol and being really careful about getting enough sleep, and see if that works.
Yeah. Snoring isnt unhealthy, but I think lots of people shrug it off as no big deal when you're actually fucking the right side of your heart because you're not just snoring, you're apneic
If he snores that badly he can come up with money for his own room or not go. He is already being a dick by not considering his snoring or freezing room temperature an issue.
I think for most of us that it has to do with the breathing channel (I'm not a doc, I don't know what to call it). For me, if I roll over to my side, or have my head/shoulders elevated or propped up then it wont happen. Breathe rite strips do help, but changing up the sleeping position would be most effective.
Those spongey in-ear plugs also help.
Personally I can't sleep with earbuds in my ear (I can hear them shifting in my ear) and noise cancelling earbuds wouldn't work either as they don't sit in my ears and they fall out.
Satans..... hints.....
How tight is this group? Feel like you all need to be straight up with him and then work out a solution together
Eh, nah. We're all friends, and we know it's not necessarily Steve's fault that he snores. And we want Steve to come! And Steve is the only one who doesn't actually need Steve in a potentially more expensive room! I'd vote everybody pays the same.
And if my friends said I had to pay extra to come with them because they have a problem dealing with my perfectly natural and common snoring, I wouldn't travel with them any more, which would likely lead to me not being friends with those folks anymore.
OP said the fundamental issue is that nobody can tolerate Steve's snoring. The common suggestion was that an extra/different room should be had, so that people aren't trying to sleep in the same room as Steve. This almost definitely would increase the net cost of the trip for the group. How should that additional cost be distributed?
e: I was putting myself in Steve's shoes, since I am also just a horrendous snorer.
Airbnb is a good idea, but yeah it would raise the cost, specially since this trip is a simple weekend getaway (dallas to austin) and we really wouldn't be using the accommodations more than for sleeping and cleaning up.
In theory two nights should be bearable but yeah, the snoring is beyond what any one should consider normal.
In truth he's aware of this problem (and what it is a symptom of) and feels really bad about it, as we have talked to him about it before. That's why I'm trying to find a solution that would work for us all, which may be the whole subsidizing at least part of his private room.
It sucks, but if you're a horrendous snorer and people want to travel in peace, you bear the brunt of the expense. It isn't that people don't like snorers, it's just that some people are incredibly sensitive to it (such as myself) and being in the same room as a snorer means I will sleep maybe 2 hours a night. Is that an ok burden to put on others?
It's a situation that sucks all around, but any cost responsibility etc. ultimately falls on the person making issues for others.
My dad was a total dick about his snoring. It wasn't until he was visiting his best friend from college and was told he needed to go to a hotel after the first night, because my dad's snoring kept up the entire family, that he realized he actually had a problem and saw a doctor about getting a cpap machine. It's why when people started telling me my snoring was becoming a problem. Especially if you're on a trip and planning on doing something fun, fucking up other's people's sleep is just rude.
Like, that's my read. I'd be like "oh. Well. I don't really have that kinda cash. So...ok." and basically stop spending time with everyone. Because any time you talk about a trip you all took, I'm just gonna say "cool" and stop paying attention.
I'm not saying the group are terrible people for doing this. I'm saying the group needs to understand that decisions have consequences, and they are going to alienate Steve and may likely lose him as a friend. It is what it is.
This is not something that someone should be taking personally. It's not an indictment of character. It's just a reality that needs to be managed.
Sometimes you have to be the one doing the accommodating. Other times, other people have to do it for you. This is called not being a dick.
If your friends make a good-faith effort to work through it and can't, then that's all you can really expect of them. Continuing to force the issue will only cause problems, because both sides are not going to be happy.
I'm going to repeat myself here since the advice seemed to be ignored. You need to tell your friend to get checked out for a sleep disorder. If he has something like sleep apnea, it can be treated. And not only will it absolutely deal with his snoring issue, since CPAP machines are quiet (especially in comparison to snoring), but it will increase the quality of his life.
If that doesn't work, then yeah, your friend is going to have to work it out himself. If he can't afford his own room and your friends don't want to chip in for a larger situation to help out, then a good compromise would be sleeping in the car with the expectation that he gets bathroom/shower privileges without having to pay. Or sleeping in the bathroom on an air mattress. Something along those lines.
Since it's everyone's trip, I would expect everyone to chip in at a level which would make the most sense economically. If Steve has the scratch to afford his own room, awesome he can do that. If it would mean Steve can't come, then definitely divide the cost up among more people until it becomes economically feasible.
Let's say you decide to split the cost of plane tickets, and everyone is good for the 200 dollar round trip tickets, but one person can't take off work early enough and so they need to leave at a different time and so the group will be paying 250 per set instead. Is it the first person's job to pay for their own ticket and also the extra 50 for everyone who didn't need the more expensive tickets? I mean, you could argue that, but when you go on a trip either everyone buys their own crap or they pool their cash for the good of the group.
It's not about "steve needs his own room" at that point, it's more like "the group needs 3 rooms," and if Steve can afford it he's the preferred person to pick up the cost, since he gets the sweet benefits of not having to share a bed and getting the temperature wherever he wants it.