Widow Who Needs Advice - Moving/Roommate Situations - I'm A Wreck

Amandee

Hi All! I'm not going to say 'I'm new' cause the rules expressly forbid that ;-) I am pretty upset and sad. I lost my husband 6 years ago, and that was terrible, since then I have been taken advantage of and lied to. I hear that's not unusual for widows. I'm sure you're vulnerable and people can sense it, blah blah. So I've been through some exploitative living situations. I was renting a home which had no air conditioning and it's in the hottest part of Nevada, so I looked for a roommate with a/c and lower rent. Well, I explained all I'd been thru to prospective renter, my roommate said he was single, with a daughter and was high-ranking in the Air Force. He was and still is very helpful. I've been here a month, erstwhile, his 'friend' I met at rental interview, is now back to being his non-live-in girlfriend, and he told me since her Mom is sick he's selling the house to live with her. AFTER I moved in he then told me he moved 18 times in 10 years. That fact and the fact that he probably hid he had a girlfriend (because most single ladies of the same age wouldn't move in with a guy in a relationship), really hurts me. He put me through a strict vetting process for heaven's sake. Now, he has offered to have me move in with his female relative, and will pay my deposits in full and move me. I guess that's a good deal. I am angry at him and the girlfriend and I feel that they misrepresented themselves. If it was a set-up I don't know what the gain is, he swears I've done nothing wrong and have been great, which I believe I have. I don't have enough money to go get my own apartment outright with the money he's giving his female relative for my deposit. I feel like he's in control of my life in a way. Should I run away with my dog and try to patch together something to get my own place? The female relative is okay, I've met her. Am I wrong to be upset? I signed a year lease with 2 months notice on both sides, he is giving me 2 months. Sorry for the long story, I'm sick about this. Any advice would be appreciate, this JUST happened. I honestly have no trust left in people now, it's been smashed. Regards, Amandee

BlindZenDriver

Not a good situation, but letting it get to you does nothing good. It is really easy to say and hard to do, but it is best to just find a new room and not spend anymore energy being upset. It sure sounds like guy should have been more upfront about his details, but I bet he did not expect his situation to chance so rapidly else he would not have rented out in the first place. At least it sounds like he is now trying to do things right.
While it may not seem like it there are good people out in the world, so don't be afraid to trust. Be cautious, but do not be afraid.

Wassermelone

I am not a lawyer

But as a renter you do have rights. Having recently signed a year lease and being very rapidly given two months notice sounds fishy to me. You might want to investigate your rights as a renter in Nevada and/or talk to a lawyer. I suspect his desire to pay your deposit is related to wanting to get you out of there even if he technically legally cannot. But again, I am not a lawyer, and I haven't ever lived in Nevada so I do not know how things work there. Each state has its own quirks.

On the other hand, utilizing said rights might poison any relationship you have with this person, and remove the option of living with his relative off the table.

Would you still be paying rent to him, or would you be paying rent to his relative?

Amandee

Hi Wassermelone and Blind Zen Driver, I would be paying rent to the relative. He went to FL to visit a relative after he received deposit. I do think there was some immediate need for a roommate's money. Now, I have no problem analyzing all the possibilities of what I think he and his g/f were up to, which are many, and telling them. As you say, it might poison the well. If I go to a 'new' place, he probably will not agree to pay the 2 months rent on top of deposit (I failed to mention that in my original note because he told me afterwards), as his daughter has become attached and he wants me to live with her and her Mom, that's the female relative. LOL, the daughter is not very happy with me as I get the big upstairs bedroom with bath that is currently hers, that's the only drawback, I can understand her upset, esp. if Dad is cutting away her stability with moving all the time. If he really wanted me out because of behavior, I don't know why he'd sell the house and arrange a living situation - unless the decision hinged on how well he got on with me, see? He clearly has some Obsessive Compulsive issues I've clearly observed -I have a degree in this area-, so the 18 moves he told me of is indicative. It means that nothing and no one is perfect enough so he makes impulsive changes 'maybe THIS TIME it will be to my liking' sort of thinking. I have fought so many battles with exploitative people and my late husband's will, I don't have it in me to take this on. He has fixed my car, gotten me deals at the vet and has bought me groceries when they went out of town. I think this is more about his 'habitual' behavior and a bit of self-interest. So I will live with his ex-wife see how it goes, sock away money, then leave. TY both!