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Violated at the dermatologist
jackjohnson312
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I went to the dermatologist a little less than a week ago and the woman that checked me out seemed to touch me very unnecessarily. I have a birthmark on my butt that I needed to get looked at and I've had a sore that reoccurs and disappears on my anus. She started looking for the sore and said that she couldn't see one. I explained how it comes and goes and she said that made sense but she seemed hellbent on finding it because she spread me open and looked around for a long time, even inserting her finger up my butt even though I said that its always been on the outside. She then told me how she saw that I had jock itch on the inside of my legs and continued to handle my testicles for what seemed like a very long time. She also did not change gloves after she had her finger inside me and touched my testicles with the same glove. After looking she told me that she wanted a second opinion, and she had another doctor come in. She told her what she thought she saw, and she held my testicles and tugged them in different directions to try to get a good look. I didn't have an issue with that, but while she held my testicles her finger grazed against my penis multiple times, more than can be excused as mistakes. Then, she asked the other doctor to spread open my cheeks to try to look again for the sore, and she touched my anus even more trying to look for it. She then asked me to flip over without giving me anything to cover myself so my penis was in plain sight of both of them. Then she said that she thought she saw some bumps around the base of my penis and continued to touch it even though I never noticed any bumps before nor could I see any. She then pulled the skin down and looked around under the head. She told me that she saw I had some very small bumps around my penis but that they weren't an issue, even though I never saw what she was referring to. While I was still laying on my back she told me she wanted to check one last time for the sore on my anus and told me to bend my legs, and she reached down and touched me again inside my cheeks and on my hole to no avail, of course. I hated the position she had me in and it made me feel very vulnerable. I didn't like that we made eye contact while she had a finger in me, especially with another doctor watching.
This whole experience felt very unprofessional and it left me feeling embarrassed and violated. What I'm asking you is can I do anything about it? Are there any rules she has broken? I have a feeling that if the genders were reversed I wouldn't have an issue at all. Every other time I've been to a dermatologist and I've needed to show them something below the belt they let me leave my boxers on up until the area is being looked at and I've been given a sheet to cover up. This was not the case, she had me strip completely naked from the beginning and I laid there exposed while she was just talking to me and asking basic questions.
Is there anything I can do about this? Am I being too sensitive about my body or are my concerns justified?
This whole experience felt very unprofessional and it left me feeling embarrassed and violated. What I'm asking you is can I do anything about it? Are there any rules she has broken? I have a feeling that if the genders were reversed I wouldn't have an issue at all. Every other time I've been to a dermatologist and I've needed to show them something below the belt they let me leave my boxers on up until the area is being looked at and I've been given a sheet to cover up. This was not the case, she had me strip completely naked from the beginning and I laid there exposed while she was just talking to me and asking basic questions.
Is there anything I can do about this? Am I being too sensitive about my body or are my concerns justified?
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I would suggest not going to that specific dermatologist office again, and trying to find a new dermatologist who is male.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
1) call or write your dermatologist to air these grievances. If you want to do it face to face, consider bringing a chaperone. A visit would have to be scheduled. If all you want is an explanation and/or apology, this is the way to go.
2) file a complaint with the state medical board. Your claim will be investigated, and they have the power to change the physician's license to practice.
3) contact a lawyer if you believe economic remuneration is necessary.
The state medical board is the most common option to resolve these disputes. There is always the danger of breach of anonymity which may make it harder for you to get patient care from physicians, and the state medical board should help to minimize that. However, you should first think about what you really want and need. Keep documenting like you have been doing and document your future interactions with as much detail.
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
While I don't think any of these are bad ideas, none of it seems necessary. There should able be a formal complains procedure at every clinic and it's usually pretty easy to do. I would call up the clinic, say you want to make a complaint, and ask what the procedure is. There's nothing to feel ashamed of in being unhappy with the treatment you received.
Either way, don't see that doctor again and it sucks you had such a terrible experience!
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
If you feel the experience caused you substantial physical, mental or emotional distress, you can definitely speak to a malpractice lawyer and explore your options. Though not being a doctor OR a lawyer, I couldn't say what would come of it.
I think your advice is meant well so won't put you on blast, but there are men who like other men as well. Obviously that should not come into play as a professional dealing with a patient.
So I'd say yes, look for a new doctor but go on comfort with them and their skill, not their gender.
The gender alignment between patient and doctor is really way way way more about the patient's preference and comfort than the doctor's. All other things being equal, I wouldn't see an issue with a patient who prefers a specific gender of doctor, especially for stuff like dermatology.
Of course there are, but I just meant that in his original post he said that if the genders were reversed he didn't think he would have felt uncomfortable with the touching, so it seems like he would prefer a male doctor in this case.
For me personally, I like having a doctor of the same gender as myself, and it makes me a lot more comfortable with invasive exams (like a pap smear). Whether the doctor is a lesbian or not doesn't really enter into it, unless, as mentioned in the OP's story, the doctor acts unprofessionally.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Ok, I'm going to be honest with you here - there is the absolute slightest chance that this doctor was interested in your genitals in a sexual way, but it is extremely unlikely. Think about the fraction of the population who are turned on by the male anus, it's a small number of people. Sure a lot of women like men's butts, but generally not that interested in the hole. Now think about the fraction of the population who are sexually aroused by inserting a finger into a butthole to check for sores, again tiny. Now take the fraction of people who are qualified and practicing dermatologists, yet again tiny. Further to that take into account that medical professionals deal with genitals and anal regions on a semi-regular basis to the point that they've lost most of their sexual allure in the first place. When considering that the odds that you found a dermatologist that fits the description of qualified, experienced female with a sexual fetish of inspecting men's buttholes for sores are slim to none.
For the penis side of things, if someone is handling your testicles for legitimate reasons, 'unlimited' is the reasonable number of times to brush against your penis. It's kind of unavoidable without going to great and awkward and probably uncomfortable lengths to prevent. If the doctor thought she saw bumps that may be of concern, she absolutely should be checking. She probably should have asked and ensured you were okay with it first, but as a medical professional it's her job to check out anything she thinks is wrong. If it turned out to be penile cancer or some other serious ailment she could lose her license for malpractice if she didn't pay attention to it.
I understand you were uncomfortable and if you feel you would have been more comfortable with someone else doing the same procedures I would encourage you to find an alternate provider for your dermatological needs. That said, all of these things can be justified as normal given the original issue you asked her to investigate and I wouldn't put much thought into it as a case of sexual abuse or a 'violation.' She has poor bed manners and should definitely be warning/asking prior to inserting anything or touching a personal area of your body, but it really doesn't sound like she was touching you for her benefit.
If a doctor is doing something or about to do something you don't want.
Tell them "I don't want that done." "Stop what you are doing."
I have never had a Doctor insist over an objection, and I object to my vision doctor about every year to him/her dilating my pupils (I hate that). They always stop write it down, perform an alternate exam and move forward.
Apologies. By not wanting others to misinterpret your post, I may have done exactly that.
Agreed OP should see a doc they are comfortable with, which this doc is definitely not.
Side note, @zepherin the only reason I found out I had a retinal detachment before going blind was the test with the dilated pupils. So. There's a good reason to do it!