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I'm about to lose my cat
Hiryu02
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Last night, in the span of five minutes, Mr. Kitty was fine. (she is female) She is one of my 4 cats and I had just picked her up and placed her by a food bowl to finish eating it. I noticed she couldn;t move one of her hind legs and was a bit incontinent. She didn't seem to be in any pain but I rushed her to the emergency vet. Several hundred dollars later, leaving me with less than $50 in the bank I was able to pay with the help of a friend for them to watch her overnight.
I understand it's a common thing, saddle thrombosis most likely. The good news was that she wan't in pain and her feet were warm. I just got a call from the doctor just now, she is starting to exhibit some signs of pain, though seems happy on pain meds, purring but not eating. It will cost thousands more dollars for CT scan, spinal tap etc to figure out what it is and I literally cannot afford it. Could be cancer, heart disease, lymphoma something else. In the end I literally cannot afford another dollar for her care, so I will let her stay there one more night and I will have to take her to our regular vet tomorrow to be put to sleep. Typing this is killing me. She is the cat that loved me the most, that came when I called, slept on top of me or beside me, and was there for me for the last 10 or so years since she came into my life. I want to die right now. I want to take her home now and sleep one last night with her but i know thats just me BEING SELFISH, and she is comfortable where she is right now and it's not right for me to cause her any pain just so I can assuage my selfishness. I want to just bring her home and see what happens but if it will bring her more pain and she will never regain her use of her legs and her quality of life it's just me being selfish again. I just want her to be happy and not be in pain so I guess I only have one last thing I can do for her.
She will be the first cat that I have lost in the 39 years of my life, I became a cat owner relatively late in life. Now I have four, and they all love me, and they call give me kisses and rubbies but Mr Kitty loved me most of all. She had the softest fur and I dont even have a ton of photos of her because I thought we wouldn;t be here for years and years, yet it changed in five minutes.
I don't know what i'm trying to accomplish here but I am alone right now and I want there to be a place somewhere on the internet that says her name and shows her face so she will be not forgotten. I'm just trying to unburden myself and I'm so sorry about all this and I despise that cannot literally pay any more money to keep her any longer. I hate that I'm not rich and that I canot do anything else for her, who has made me feel loved and happy for so many years of my life.
I love her so much. Thank you for everything Mr. Kitty.
She's the black cat.
I understand it's a common thing, saddle thrombosis most likely. The good news was that she wan't in pain and her feet were warm. I just got a call from the doctor just now, she is starting to exhibit some signs of pain, though seems happy on pain meds, purring but not eating. It will cost thousands more dollars for CT scan, spinal tap etc to figure out what it is and I literally cannot afford it. Could be cancer, heart disease, lymphoma something else. In the end I literally cannot afford another dollar for her care, so I will let her stay there one more night and I will have to take her to our regular vet tomorrow to be put to sleep. Typing this is killing me. She is the cat that loved me the most, that came when I called, slept on top of me or beside me, and was there for me for the last 10 or so years since she came into my life. I want to die right now. I want to take her home now and sleep one last night with her but i know thats just me BEING SELFISH, and she is comfortable where she is right now and it's not right for me to cause her any pain just so I can assuage my selfishness. I want to just bring her home and see what happens but if it will bring her more pain and she will never regain her use of her legs and her quality of life it's just me being selfish again. I just want her to be happy and not be in pain so I guess I only have one last thing I can do for her.
She will be the first cat that I have lost in the 39 years of my life, I became a cat owner relatively late in life. Now I have four, and they all love me, and they call give me kisses and rubbies but Mr Kitty loved me most of all. She had the softest fur and I dont even have a ton of photos of her because I thought we wouldn;t be here for years and years, yet it changed in five minutes.
I don't know what i'm trying to accomplish here but I am alone right now and I want there to be a place somewhere on the internet that says her name and shows her face so she will be not forgotten. I'm just trying to unburden myself and I'm so sorry about all this and I despise that cannot literally pay any more money to keep her any longer. I hate that I'm not rich and that I canot do anything else for her, who has made me feel loved and happy for so many years of my life.
I love her so much. Thank you for everything Mr. Kitty.
She's the black cat.
Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
Hiryu02 on
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She is the best cat, and you love her. She was loved all of her life, and she loved you. That is enough for any life.
Again, I am so sorry.
My brother had to put our dog down last month for assorted medical reasons, and it sucks losing a pet. There's no way around that.
I wish there was anything I could say that would help, in part so I could say it to help you, in part so someone could have said it to me.
Best I can do is ask you to take solace in the fact that you gave her a good life, and didn't extend her suffering so you could feel better.
But I know from experience that those words don't help much.
Thank you. This is what I keep telling myself and keep wanting to believe, that her life was better because of me. Even if only for the time we were together.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I didn't think it would hurt this much. I never expected to be here so soon, it feels like yesterday was when we found her. I try to tell myself, it's nothing that I did or could have done, to my understanding these things like heart disease tend to be genetic in cats, and there isn't anything more to it.
Which is so sad, and all I can do is hope I made her happy and make her transition easier. It's just such a terrible thing, to know you cannot do anything more because of a fucking thing like money, and even if you have the money, there is no guarantee that she would get better, just that you would know exactly what it was that was causing her pain. Which is small comfort.
I want to say, let me take her home, let me have her for as long as she holds out, but she can't talk, she can't tell me that she wants that or that she doesn't want that. She can't tell me how she feels. I just have to decide, that this is all the time she gets. It's so heavy and I don't know that this is the right decision, could be a miracle and I'll never know. But I know that she may simply never have the life she once did, and so it's better this way? But no matter what I do it just doesn't seem like it's ever going to be the right decision. The only humane thing to do is not let her suffer any more.
Thanks again guys. Thanks so much I cannot describe.
My parents had a cat named Milo who I liked a lot. About 2 years ago he had some urinary issues where they ended up taking him to the emergency vet. They're relatively well off and spent a small fortune on keeping him there, and then putting him through surgery. Ultimately, it was all for nothing and they had to put him to sleep a few weeks later. Please don't beat yourself up about not being able to afford more care for her; even thousands of dollars couldn't save poor Milo.
My wife and I had to put our cat Pumpkin to sleep last year, and that was heartwrenching. Pumpkin was my wife's first cat. We don't definitively know what she had, but she had dropped from 8 pounds to under 4 in the span of a few months and went to the bathroom several times on the carpet. She had stopped eating. We couldn't afford to diagnose her further, and we knew we couldn't afford to treat whatever it was, which was probably cancer. Bringing her to the vet and being there for her as they euthanized her was the best we could do.
Hang in there. It's probably going to be pretty rough for a few days afterward. And thinking about it will still hurt later on; my eyes are welling up as I type this. With time it gets better, of course, and you'll be able to remember all the awesome times you had with her.
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I just have to trust that she is comfortable right now, and it's just one more night, and then I can help her have peace.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Seconding this. You're not a bad person or a selfish person if you can't afford palliative or terminal care of a pet. People talk a big talk when it comes to "you're a terrible person for not being able to afford this, you shouldn't have had a pet" but when a $1000+ bill comes their way, they do the same thing. I'm hoping that line of thinking was because of stuff you've heard or read or had said to you in the past in regards to decision making around pets, but you're absolutely okay here OP.
Unfortunately pets do not live as long as us, so while you might feel bad that you can't give them everything to make them better after all the happiness they gave you, realize that eventually they will pass too. There's no cosmic balance sheet. You did a great job, and you made them just as happy as they made you.
This morning at about 9:19 AM I got the phone call telling me she was gone. I had picked her up from the emergency vet at 7:00 AM, and unfortunately there was no change in the paralysis. She was alert and happy and purring, but she still wasn't eating and of course she was still unable to use the bathroom by herself. She was under pain meds, so hopefully she was in no discomfort until it was over. I brought her to our regular vet and explained the situation and they agreed, it was probably the right thing to do, especially before the painkillers wore off. I think to myself over and over what could have been different or what I could have done and I know logically I did everything I could and even if I could have done or paid more it probably would not have extended her life in a meaningful way or spared her further suffering. I spent a few minutes with her and she didn't want to be in the carrier, and she seemed a bit happy to see me, she purred and let me give her belly rubs, so I did try to have a short last time. The vet said they would call me when it was done, and now her struggle is ended.
So now all that's left is to pay the IOU to the emergency vet for the balance of her care. The plan is to bring her later this week to a ranch owned by a friend of mine, and he's going to help me bury her there. She gave me so much comfort and love in the years we were together, and I can only hope her last feelings were of there being no pain and that it was peaceful. I can't wrap my head around it still. I just hope and pray to whatever gods that she knew she was loved until the end.
Thanks again all, I've been crying like a child, almost at random for the past couple days. I guess that's good, to express my grief. I keep remembering a line from an old reader's digest.
"And there, holding the head of my dead mare in my lap, while the great warm tears fell one after another down my cheeks, I sat until the sun went down, the shadows darkened in the car, and night drew her mantle, colored like my grief, over the world."
I know it will get better. And for her it is better now. I thank you all for making me understand that this is the price of love. In the end, I'm glad I was given a reason to pay it. I have three more cats, and I will be here for them and do my best to make their lives as happy and safe as Mr. Kitty's.
Because you shared her with us, you are not the only one who is shedding tears for her. If you need help from the PA community, we're here for you.
I got my first cat last year, and even though he's a little monster, I couldn't bear to be without him.
I'm sorry for your loss, but you sound like the best of pet owners, and you most definitely had as much of a profound effect on Mr. Kitty's life as she clearly had on yours.
I've been second-guessing myself again, but you know again, that's a different cat, might not have been the exact same scenario as Mr. Kitty and maybe they knew for sure the cat wasn't in pain.
I wish it was just a clear thing, but the choice I had to make was the most humane one and the one sure to spare her any more distress. I just keep wondering what if I tried and just gave her a little more time, even though I know that's really not the right thing to do, I would have had to leave her unsupervised while I was at work, and the thought of her maybe being unable to do basic things without help is equally crushing.
It just sucks you know, wondering what if? But I appreciate everyone's advice and comfort in helping me through this decision and this time in my life. I am very grateful to you all and I know that things will get better with time. Thank you for feeling for Mr. Kitty and thank you for letting me tell you her name and show you her face and maybe you will remember her a bit along with me.
I cannot adequately express how much help you guys have given me just by being here with me in spirit. Thank you all, thank you all so very much.
While it was a hard decision it was the right decision for you, I feel.
Just remember, though, it's okay to be sad about it. Your cat was a large part of your life. In the end, everything will be okay. She lived a good life with you, she couldn't have asked for a better life and outcome to suffering. And don't worry about spreading your love with the other cats either, it's good and okay to do so, and you're not disrespecting Mr. kitty by doing so. Quite the opposite.
Every pet touches us and changes us in a different and unique way and leaves a part of them with us forever.
Don't beat yourself up. You sound like an amazing pet owner, and I am sure your sweet cat loved you very much.
Sometimes money doesn't help either. My aunt's cat passed away after $7000 in medical bills and they couldn't diagnose what was wrong with her until postmortem autopsy.
We are here for you...
It's the combination of them being so close and a part of your daily life, the fact that you cannot communicate to them why this is the best course and that you are put into a position to decide over life or death.
also people are dicks sometimes about losing pets, be ready to tell them to sod off.
Yeah this is one of the worst things about losing a pet, that it's a very real and painful grief that some people will treat you shittily for experiencing.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
This thread has reminded me that I went through the same thing almost a year ago. I've had the same second thoughts about what happened but I know that in the end we made the right call so she wasn't in anymore pain.
Believe me when I say that it does get easier in time. Take heart in knowing that your little one is at peace now.
http://www.robot-hugs.com/promeowses/
He was in obvious obvious pain. I'm just numb today and I don't even know what to do.
It's just been a rough few weeks. First Mr. Kitty, then my sister back home passed away after a long cancer battle, then Pumpkin. I didn't even know if I should post, but the recent activity made me feel like maybe yeah I should share this.
FWIW I'm doing "better", in the sense that I'm not a sobbing wreck and having to miss work, I had to work yesterday right after the vet visit, so I was a zombie. I'm still just kind of a zombie. I was so scared coming home yesterday and waking up this morning that I would have a third cat. Toggle and Biscuits are fine it seems. I looked around the apartment for anything Pumpkin could have eaten that was toxic and found nothing chewed up. He was fully grown we we rescued him so I have no idea of his age or genetic background, just hoping he had a happy life with me, sleeping on the bed and snuggling under pillows.
He and Mr. Kitty will be cremated together and their ashes spread on a farm outside the city. Maybe I can go visit them later on. This has been just an insane month. i'm sorry guys.
For whatever it's worth, and as fucked up as it feels, NONE of this is your doing and you are not responsible. Again, the care and attention you've shown checking up on the cats, and following up on something that could have potentially caused Pumpkin's passing shows you are a caring and attentive cat owner.
We are a community, and if one member experiences pain, the rest are here to help in any way we can (at least that's been my experience). Lean on us in any way you can, and take good care of yourself.
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