The original girl from OKC and I have been spending some time together. She's been opening up about herself more this time around, but in the process I've learned that her addiction issue goes beyond cigarettes and her prior eating disorder. There's some more hardcore stuff in there, too, and it still occasionally gets its claws in her. Shame, because there are definitely parts of her I really like, but I don't think this is going to be a thing I can do.
On the other side, I've exchanged a ton of messages today with an incredibly cute CPA.
I just couldn't shake the feeling I was being an idiot child about the whole thing and I needed to act like the goddamned (reasonably) sensible adult that I am and quit ascribing so much gravity to a stupid fucking social media thing.
Luckily, though, I found out how to kajigger the internet whatsists so that the few times I actually go on there I don't have to see any of the shit people post at all so I dunno, I guess it's fine.
MetalbourneInside a cluster b personalityRegistered Userregular
So I spent all night thinking poignant thoughts about being a woman and dating post-transition and this being the first relationship post-abusive horror story
But my hair is fucked up and there's a cum stain on my dress so...
What do I do with this Christmas gift I had gotten for my ex... Barf. I hate this whole situation. I'm such an asshole.
Well without knowing what's going on I'd say return it or give it to someone else?
Oh.
Oh hi emby it has been a while.
The gist of it is that I'm a worthless coward who can't power through my own anxiety attacks to spend enough time with the person I love to maybe her feel like I actually do love her.
And for the majority of the past week or two since breaking it off I've barely even spoken to her. I'm a double coward.
0
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
What do I do with this Christmas gift I had gotten for my ex... Barf. I hate this whole situation. I'm such an asshole.
Well without knowing what's going on I'd say return it or give it to someone else?
Oh.
Oh hi emby it has been a while.
The gist of it is that I'm a worthless coward who can't power through my own anxiety attacks to spend enough time with the person I love to maybe her feel like I actually do love her.
And for the majority of the past week or two since breaking it off I've barely even spoken to her. I'm a double coward.
No. You. Are. Not.
Anxiety attacks are not something that are easy to power through, no matter how much you may want them to be.
And she either needs to figure out how to accept that there are some challenges to the relationship and learn how to adjust her needs/wants for constant physical proximity, or she's just not ready to be in a relationship with you.
Which sucks doubly for you. But you're not a coward for not talking to somebody after they broke up with you. And you're not a coward for not being able to conquer something that is just not easily conquerable by a few thousand other people.
You're a good guy, a great guy. You deserve happiness. But you deserve happiness on your terms, not just at the mercy of somebody else.
But you are not a coward and I will not stand for you saying such things about yourself.
Thanks lonelyahava. But to be fair I broke up with her not the other way around. I just knew that I was not going to do what she was asking me to do. Or be around her like she needed me to be.
I guess it really is better this way afterall. It wasn't the right time and we aren't in the right place for each other right now. I know it will be ok long term but I still feel like I am a jerk. Thus being afraid to talk to her more.
Tallahasseeriel on
0
MetalbourneInside a cluster b personalityRegistered Userregular
What do I do with this Christmas gift I had gotten for my ex... Barf. I hate this whole situation. I'm such an asshole.
Well without knowing what's going on I'd say return it or give it to someone else?
Oh.
Oh hi emby it has been a while.
The gist of it is that I'm a worthless coward who can't power through my own anxiety attacks to spend enough time with the person I love to maybe her feel like I actually do love her.
And for the majority of the past week or two since breaking it off I've barely even spoken to her. I'm a double coward.
1. You're not a coward, this is a legitimate issue
2. Have you told her about it?
3. Think you can handle telling her? Like maybe in the form of a card explaining the things you've written here and attached to the gift?
She would probably appreciate the closure and to know that you were thinking about her
+4
MetalbourneInside a cluster b personalityRegistered Userregular
Haha I think I might be somebody's girlfriend soon
How do you live with someone who sees mess where you see none (because I don't see the mess)?
I've tried cleaning/doing what I think needs to be done, but this has been shown this weekend to be the wrong answer, as I inevitably pick the wrong thing to be doing.
Doesn't help that I apparently leave stuff sitting around after finishing a task, with no recollection or realisation that I have done so.
knitdanIn ur baseKillin ur guysRegistered Userregular
I live with an anal-retentive retired airman who is very particular about cleaning.
Start by asking them what they think the high priority areas should be, and have them explain precisely what their standard for "good enough" is. If you can get them to understand that "good enough" exists, that is.
Focus on those areas, and then when you feel that you're done, go back over them again with fresh eyes, looking especially for things you've left behind.
Finally, there's always the option of telling them that you have your standards and they have theirs, and if they don't like how you clean they can damn well do it themselves. I do not recommend this option unless you want a fight.
“I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
How do you live with someone who sees mess where you see none (because I don't see the mess)?
I've tried cleaning/doing what I think needs to be done, but this has been shown this weekend to be the wrong answer, as I inevitably pick the wrong thing to be doing.
Doesn't help that I apparently leave stuff sitting around after finishing a task, with no recollection or realisation that I have done so.
I grew up with a dad who's such an OCPD type clean freak he's literally scrubbed all the copper off a pot because he thought it was dirt. I am assuming the person you live with is not that bad. But anyway, I've basically got a PHD in living with overly-neat people at this point. So...
Basically the key here is communication. Everybody has their own way of doing things and it'll be easier to learn your partner's than develop your own. Talk to the other party about what constitutes mess, and discuss how they like to clean. If you're patient with each other, you should be able to figure something out. Maybe make some lists if that would help you remember what to do and how to do it.
Don't be too hard on yourself (the other party should be understanding too) if you don't catch on immediately. You kind of have to develop an eye for cleanliness/organization.
Make sure expectations are reasonable. There's "clean" and then there's "sterile." You want things to be clean. Sterile is an unreasonable expectation and it creeps people out when your living space is that clean/organized.
One of my friends died this weekend, suddenly, in his sleep, at 39.
I literally just saw him two weeks ago - we had time for a hug and a hello but no more, I was intending to catch up with him later but got busy, and then he went on holiday. And he died.
He has a wife, and two small daughters. Every dimension of this is awful. And I'm just trying to remember good times we had together but I keep thinking, there weren't enough. There should have been more.
One of my friends died this weekend, suddenly, in his sleep, at 39.
I literally just saw him two weeks ago - we had time for a hug and a hello but no more, I was intending to catch up with him later but got busy, and then he went on holiday. And he died.
He has a wife, and two small daughters. Every dimension of this is awful. And I'm just trying to remember good times we had together but I keep thinking, there weren't enough. There should have been more.
One of my friends died this weekend, suddenly, in his sleep, at 39.
I literally just saw him two weeks ago - we had time for a hug and a hello but no more, I was intending to catch up with him later but got busy, and then he went on holiday. And he died.
He has a wife, and two small daughters. Every dimension of this is awful. And I'm just trying to remember good times we had together but I keep thinking, there weren't enough. There should have been more.
Um
20q girl sent me a message of her dancing to Darkness's girlfriend with the stuffed animal she was dancing with. She also kissed it and signed love ya on it
What have I done?
How do you live with someone who sees mess where you see none (because I don't see the mess)?
I've tried cleaning/doing what I think needs to be done, but this has been shown this weekend to be the wrong answer, as I inevitably pick the wrong thing to be doing.
Doesn't help that I apparently leave stuff sitting around after finishing a task, with no recollection or realisation that I have done so.
I grew up with a dad who's such an OCPD type clean freak he's literally scrubbed all the copper off a pot because he thought it was dirt. I am assuming the person you live with is not that bad. But anyway, I've basically got a PHD in living with overly-neat people at this point. So...
Basically the key here is communication. Everybody has their own way of doing things and it'll be easier to learn your partner's than develop your own. Talk to the other party about what constitutes mess, and discuss how they like to clean. If you're patient with each other, you should be able to figure something out. Maybe make some lists if that would help you remember what to do and how to do it.
Don't be too hard on yourself (the other party should be understanding too) if you don't catch on immediately. You kind of have to develop an eye for cleanliness/organization.
Make sure expectations are reasonable. There's "clean" and then there's "sterile." You want things to be clean. Sterile is an unreasonable expectation and it creeps people out when your living space is that clean/organized.
Yeah, moved into a new place with new people this summer, and I'm in your situation @discrider
If you haven't discussed yet how you have a higher tolerance for mess, do so. Putting it out there explicitly will help. Then ask how you can help.
In my case, I told them this and that it is 100% okay to point out tasks, pleasantly. Just point me in a direction and I'll take care of it, etc.
They are getting stressed because of their life history, more or less, and there isn't any point in trying to change that. Really all I want to do is establish that EVERYTHING IS OKAY
I also have OCD and can't do chores here unless someone has shown me "their way" and I can emulate that. ymmv on that but I bet there's some extent to that in a lot of people (how do you put the dishes away, which cleaners do you use, etc.). When I explained this situation then everything got a lot nicer for us.
I still don't see mess the same way but we're living together peacefully for the most part!
Um
20q girl sent me a message of her dancing to Darkness's girlfriend with the stuffed animal she was dancing with. She also kissed it and signed love ya on it
What have I done?
you might have gotten a girlfriend.
you may have to verbally check, to be sure. Which could be risky, but it might be time to take that risk.
+9
MetalbourneInside a cluster b personalityRegistered Userregular
One of my friends died this weekend, suddenly, in his sleep, at 39.
I literally just saw him two weeks ago - we had time for a hug and a hello but no more, I was intending to catch up with him later but got busy, and then he went on holiday. And he died.
He has a wife, and two small daughters. Every dimension of this is awful. And I'm just trying to remember good times we had together but I keep thinking, there weren't enough. There should have been more.
It's never easy. We're close to the same age so if you want to talk I'm here, though.
0
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
Jesus Christ... Last night was horrid.
It was like going to war.
And my soul is for the worse.
I have seen a man projectile vomit rumham ten feet.
Posts
Hmm
Best pickup line or most canadian pickup line or both?
Dont read into it too much
Yeah, it's best not too over think things
I love not deleting comments and watching as people dig themselves further and further into a hole when I make a political post.
Sadly that happens very rarely anymore, on my posts.
Ah, romance.
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
I defied every law of nature.
Everyone is gagging.
The rumham has betrayed us.
good
On the other side, I've exchanged a ton of messages today with an incredibly cute CPA.
I just couldn't shake the feeling I was being an idiot child about the whole thing and I needed to act like the goddamned (reasonably) sensible adult that I am and quit ascribing so much gravity to a stupid fucking social media thing.
Luckily, though, I found out how to kajigger the internet whatsists so that the few times I actually go on there I don't have to see any of the shit people post at all so I dunno, I guess it's fine.
But my hair is fucked up and there's a cum stain on my dress so...
Well without knowing what's going on I'd say return it or give it to someone else?
Oh.
Oh hi emby it has been a while.
And for the majority of the past week or two since breaking it off I've barely even spoken to her. I'm a double coward.
No. You. Are. Not.
Anxiety attacks are not something that are easy to power through, no matter how much you may want them to be.
And she either needs to figure out how to accept that there are some challenges to the relationship and learn how to adjust her needs/wants for constant physical proximity, or she's just not ready to be in a relationship with you.
Which sucks doubly for you. But you're not a coward for not talking to somebody after they broke up with you. And you're not a coward for not being able to conquer something that is just not easily conquerable by a few thousand other people.
You're a good guy, a great guy. You deserve happiness. But you deserve happiness on your terms, not just at the mercy of somebody else.
But you are not a coward and I will not stand for you saying such things about yourself.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
I guess it really is better this way afterall. It wasn't the right time and we aren't in the right place for each other right now. I know it will be ok long term but I still feel like I am a jerk. Thus being afraid to talk to her more.
1. You're not a coward, this is a legitimate issue
2. Have you told her about it?
3. Think you can handle telling her? Like maybe in the form of a card explaining the things you've written here and attached to the gift?
She would probably appreciate the closure and to know that you were thinking about her
Wew warm fuzzy feelings.
Love Life: Generally Nonexistent
Result: Mostly okay but sometimes lonely.
Pls retweet if this is you.
Switch Friend Code: SW-1406-1275-7906
Pretty much same! Occasional flings (mostly with friends) but nothing solid, no dates for a month or two, etc. etc. But doing good otherwise!
Switch Friend Code: SW-1406-1275-7906
i would retweet but i could never figure out this twitter thing
1 like = 1 commisseration
I've tried cleaning/doing what I think needs to be done, but this has been shown this weekend to be the wrong answer, as I inevitably pick the wrong thing to be doing.
Doesn't help that I apparently leave stuff sitting around after finishing a task, with no recollection or realisation that I have done so.
Start by asking them what they think the high priority areas should be, and have them explain precisely what their standard for "good enough" is. If you can get them to understand that "good enough" exists, that is.
Focus on those areas, and then when you feel that you're done, go back over them again with fresh eyes, looking especially for things you've left behind.
Finally, there's always the option of telling them that you have your standards and they have theirs, and if they don't like how you clean they can damn well do it themselves. I do not recommend this option unless you want a fight.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
I grew up with a dad who's such an OCPD type clean freak he's literally scrubbed all the copper off a pot because he thought it was dirt. I am assuming the person you live with is not that bad. But anyway, I've basically got a PHD in living with overly-neat people at this point. So...
Basically the key here is communication. Everybody has their own way of doing things and it'll be easier to learn your partner's than develop your own. Talk to the other party about what constitutes mess, and discuss how they like to clean. If you're patient with each other, you should be able to figure something out. Maybe make some lists if that would help you remember what to do and how to do it.
Don't be too hard on yourself (the other party should be understanding too) if you don't catch on immediately. You kind of have to develop an eye for cleanliness/organization.
Make sure expectations are reasonable. There's "clean" and then there's "sterile." You want things to be clean. Sterile is an unreasonable expectation and it creeps people out when your living space is that clean/organized.
So, so old
I literally just saw him two weeks ago - we had time for a hug and a hello but no more, I was intending to catch up with him later but got busy, and then he went on holiday. And he died.
He has a wife, and two small daughters. Every dimension of this is awful. And I'm just trying to remember good times we had together but I keep thinking, there weren't enough. There should have been more.
Holy shit, I'm so sorry, Nic.
That's awful
I'm so sorry Nic
20q girl sent me a message of her dancing to Darkness's girlfriend with the stuffed animal she was dancing with. She also kissed it and signed love ya on it
What have I done?
Yeah, moved into a new place with new people this summer, and I'm in your situation @discrider
If you haven't discussed yet how you have a higher tolerance for mess, do so. Putting it out there explicitly will help. Then ask how you can help.
In my case, I told them this and that it is 100% okay to point out tasks, pleasantly. Just point me in a direction and I'll take care of it, etc.
They are getting stressed because of their life history, more or less, and there isn't any point in trying to change that. Really all I want to do is establish that EVERYTHING IS OKAY
I also have OCD and can't do chores here unless someone has shown me "their way" and I can emulate that. ymmv on that but I bet there's some extent to that in a lot of people (how do you put the dishes away, which cleaners do you use, etc.). When I explained this situation then everything got a lot nicer for us.
I still don't see mess the same way but we're living together peacefully for the most part!
you might have gotten a girlfriend.
you may have to verbally check, to be sure. Which could be risky, but it might be time to take that risk.
It's never easy. We're close to the same age so if you want to talk I'm here, though.
It was like going to war.
And my soul is for the worse.
I have seen a man projectile vomit rumham ten feet.
The horror, the horror