Even as the world crumbles around us, we still have [Miss Universe]

Cambiata

Gentle friends, as we muscle our way through the darkest timeline, let us remember that we have and will always have lovely ladies wearing the most ridiculous of costumes in the name of patriotism.

I'm speaking of course of the only holiday I still anticipate with pleasure every year: The Miss Universe national costumes pageant.

The TLO boys do much better at captioning these pictures than I can, so I'll link their blog. Please note that these will almost certainly not be safe for work and will also have vulgar language in them, including the use of gendered insults. Generally I try to avoid gendered insults myself, but I make an exception for Tom and Lorenzo.

http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/01/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-shield-maidens-and-flag-bearers/
http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/01/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-buildings-and-bird-ladies/
http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/01/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-wtf/
http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/02/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-virgins/

Highlights:

Miss Great Britain

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“BREXIT, BITCHES! It’s a new dawn for the Empire! Fear my glittery shield!”

Miss Mexico

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“Fuck you. This is all you’re getting out of us this year. Mexico’s not in the mood.”

Miss Indonesia

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“PEOPLE OF EARTH. THE GOLDEN WARRIOR SHRIKES OF INDONESIA CLAIM PROTECTION OVER THIS WORLD.”

Miss Canada

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“CANADA RISING, losers! YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Our guy’s hot AF and it’s one big party here! Also: cold.”

Oh my lord, Canada! You're so lovably goofy this year! This is doing it right!

Miss Belize

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“ARISE, MY SISTERS! THIS IS THE SIGNAL! THROW OFF YOUR CLOAKS AND TAKE FLIGHT! KILL ALL THE MEN!”

Miss Peru

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“Yes! Enough of the Militant Bird Women nonsense! Angelic Good Girls will always win the day! Especially PERUVIAN ones!”

Miss Russia

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“Is Russia who is best at sexy good-girl bird costume. Peru is made-up country.”

Miss Nicaragua

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“DON’T BE SCARED. I’M ABOUT TO ENTER THE FINAL STAGE OF MY TRANSFORMA -SHRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!.”

Miss Ukraine

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“FLOWER BALLS! Popular thing in Ukraine! Even to use as hair decoration!

Look! I am the Princess Leia, yes?”

Miss Venezuela

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“Come to the magical underwater kingdom of VENEZUELA. We, the undersea people of VENEZUELA, live in buildings made of pearls, laugh with the dolphins and ride on sea horses. I am Princess Anemone and I bid all the peoples of the world WELCOME.

Or as we say in VENEZUELA, ‘Click click click OWM OWM YIYIYIYIYIYI.’

Because we live underwater, you see.”

Miss Israel

Tom and Lorenzo wrote:

“Just here to remind you that all of this (*indicates entire arena*) arises out of an ancient story that positions women both as the ultimate in beauty and the ultimate in temptation and evil, which naturally led to millennia of subjugation and devaluation.

Also, I totally thought this apple was real when I bit into it for effect. Shit.”

Some of the costumes that TLO didn't cover are here:
http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/specials/miss-universe/159588-miss-universe-2016-candidates-national-costume

Cambiata

I forgot to bat signal some folks

@Captain Carrot @Strikor @Regina Fong @Jacobkosh @tynic @lonelyahava @Elldren @surrealitycheck @Hakkekage @Hahnsoo1

AngelHedgie

Miss Indonesia looks like a toku show is missing a cast member.

AngelHedgie

Not sure if she's cosplaying as the Petronas Twin Towers or Alexander.

ahava

I love this and you so much right now. This is what I need in my life

[Expletive deleted]

What's up with all the bird ladies? Is this normal (for Miss Universe) or a new thing?

AngelHedgie

[Expletive deleted] wrote: »

What's up with all the bird ladies? Is this normal (for Miss Universe) or a new thing?

It's...A Thing with the Cosplay of Nations.

ahava

massive abundance of feathers is an easy way to get lots of height, width, and volume while also maximizing color. I'd imagine

Elldren

lonelyahava wrote: »

massive abundance of feathers is an easy way to get lots of height, width, and volume while also maximizing color. I'd imagine

And without adding a lot of weight to the costume

kowi

AngelHedgie wrote: »

Not sure if she's cosplaying as the Petronas Twin Towers or Alexander.

Those were the same first thought when I saw her.

Elldren

AngelHedgie wrote: »

Not sure if she's cosplaying as the Petronas Twin Towers or Alexander.

She's clearly Alexander

And Russia is a one-winged angel...

Rhesus Positive

Elldren wrote: »

lonelyahava wrote: »

massive abundance of feathers is an easy way to get lots of height, width, and volume while also maximizing color. I'd imagine

And without adding a lot of weight to the costume

Basically the reasons that birds can go bugfuck wild as well



Ladies

The Ender

Well, at least Canada isn't horribly racist this time.


Would be nice if we could a costume that isn't either racist or hideous, though. Maybe we should do a bird costume next year - sure, it's cliché, but it seems easy to do right.

Rhesus Positive

Canada's national bird is currently under discussion, but may end up being the gray jay



D'aww

The Ender

A loon costume could be boss AF:

The Ender

But no, we'll probably get a Tim Hortons & Molson Canadian costume instead because our costume designers suck and have no imagination.

Feral

fuck me

Cambiata wrote: »

if this isn't the last thing I see at my moment of death, I will know I have failed as a warrior

Cambiata

[Expletive deleted] wrote: »

What's up with all the bird ladies? Is this normal (for Miss Universe) or a new thing?

"Tom wrote:

“Ohmigod, you guys! I laid an EGG. I didn’t even know we could DO that.”

Cambiata

Also, Miss USA probably choose the wrong year to employ imperialist symbolism. Or maybe it was the right year from the perspective of the designer?

AngelHedgie

The Ender wrote: »

But no, we'll probably get a Tim Hortons & Molson Canadian costume instead because our costume designers suck and have no imagination.

Eh, snowflake this year. Which is a vast improvement over last years racist monstrosity.

surrealitycheck

the eagle is two-headed like mutant bear from fallout

very appropes

Cambiata

Oh, I like Miss Singapore, though I can't tell if she's queen of the bird people or some form of sun/rainbow goddess:

Hahnsoo1

Cambiata wrote: »

Oh, I like Miss Singapore, though I can't tell if she's queen of the bird people or some form of sun/rainbow goddess:

Monster Hunter outfit, right there.

Cambiata

I'm not going to post Miss France because instead of a costume she went with bedazzled boobs. I think France got tired of people making fun of her sad dresses and Eiffel tower recreations.

nexuscrawler

Hahnsoo1

nexuscrawler wrote: »

Man, they'll trot out just about anything these days. No one's around to say "neigh" and veto these outfits. I wish they would stop horsing around.

Cambiata

Here's Miss Sweden from the front:



I hear she's supposed to be Pippi Longstocking and the horse is a reference.

Couscous

nexuscrawler wrote: »

"What does everybody know about Sweden that hasn't already been done a billion times by us already?"
"Pippi Longstocking?"
"Not that well known but sure, it will work."

Gvzbgul

Chile is cosplaying as the Dragon Wars DVD cover.

tynic

Cambiata wrote: »

Here's Miss Sweden from the front:



I hear she's supposed to be Pippi Longstocking and the horse is a reference.

Pippi Longstocking was so strong she could pick up a horse, so
... frankly I'm impressed at the sheer literalness of the reference.

Frozenzen

tynic wrote: »

Cambiata wrote: »

Here's Miss Sweden from the front:



I hear she's supposed to be Pippi Longstocking and the horse is a reference.

Pippi Longstocking was so strong she could pick up a horse, so
... frankly I'm impressed at the sheer literalness of the reference.

It has been forever since I saw or read any Pippi Långstrump, but I'm fairly sure that is literally a cardboard cutout of her horse from one of the TV versions. And at some point she does carry it around to make a point.

Cambiata

Miss Switzerland wants to make sure you check out the leg

The Ender

Well, in fairness, it is a very nice leg.

Hahnsoo1

Did they run out of material? Where's the rest of the dress?

Maybe it's a martial arts thing. Easier to kick someone in the face.

She looks like she's wearing a pizza slice, Queen Amidala-style.

The Ender

I think perspective and her pose in that shot might be playing a trick on the viewer; could be wrong, but the dress seems to mostly drape around the back - she's just folding one side forward and over for the shot.

Cambiata

Miss Tanzania lost her luggage, but managed to make a suitable costume replacement with a bag of recycling she found in the alley near her hotel.

Hahnsoo1

That costume looks... Busy. It's like rolling around in a vat of glue, then diving into a landfill like a ball pit.

Cambiata

You haven't seen it from the back!

Hahnsoo1

Literally junk in the trunk.

Ketar

Making jewelry, ornaments, wallets and lots of house wares and glassware from recycled items is a big thing in many areas of Africa. It's pretty cool that Tanzania did a costume centered on that movement.

Cambiata

Ketar wrote: »

Making jewelry, ornaments, wallets and lots of house wares and glassware from recycled items is a big thing in many areas of Africa. It's pretty cool that Tanzania did a costume centered on that movement.

Perhaps, but if you're going to represent that in this ceremony, at the very least you should be dressed as a single, gigantic bedazzled water bottle.

Frankly this year is an all-over disappointment because of the lack of hugely silly costumes like last year's Tuk Tuk costume. If you're not going silly as fuck you're doing it wrong.