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Even as the world crumbles around us, we still have [Miss Universe]

CambiataCambiata Commander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
Gentle friends, as we muscle our way through the darkest timeline, let us remember that we have and will always have lovely ladies wearing the most ridiculous of costumes in the name of patriotism.

I'm speaking of course of the only holiday I still anticipate with pleasure every year: The Miss Universe national costumes pageant.

The TLO boys do much better at captioning these pictures than I can, so I'll link their blog. Please note that these will almost certainly not be safe for work and will also have vulgar language in them, including the use of gendered insults. Generally I try to avoid gendered insults myself, but I make an exception for Tom and Lorenzo.

http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/01/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-shield-maidens-and-flag-bearers/
http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/01/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-buildings-and-bird-ladies/
http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/01/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-wtf/
http://tomandlorenzo.com/2017/02/miss-universe-2016-national-costumes-virgins/

Highlights:

Miss Great Britain
aRfv9lJ.png
“BREXIT, BITCHES! It’s a new dawn for the Empire! Fear my glittery shield!”

Miss Mexico
76nvlOn.png
“Fuck you. This is all you’re getting out of us this year. Mexico’s not in the mood.”

Miss Indonesia
XZOPsKd.png
“PEOPLE OF EARTH. THE GOLDEN WARRIOR SHRIKES OF INDONESIA CLAIM PROTECTION OVER THIS WORLD.”

Miss Canada
zeDaVHF.png
“CANADA RISING, losers! YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Our guy’s hot AF and it’s one big party here! Also: cold.”

Oh my lord, Canada! You're so lovably goofy this year! This is doing it right!

Miss Belize
Chcq9Ib.png
“ARISE, MY SISTERS! THIS IS THE SIGNAL! THROW OFF YOUR CLOAKS AND TAKE FLIGHT! KILL ALL THE MEN!”

Miss Peru
X7NdlOf.png
“Yes! Enough of the Militant Bird Women nonsense! Angelic Good Girls will always win the day! Especially PERUVIAN ones!”

Miss Russia
JXH1cdS.png
“Is Russia who is best at sexy good-girl bird costume. Peru is made-up country.”

Miss Nicaragua
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“DON’T BE SCARED. I’M ABOUT TO ENTER THE FINAL STAGE OF MY TRANSFORMA -SHRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!.”

Miss Ukraine
W2jyn9A.png
“FLOWER BALLS! Popular thing in Ukraine! Even to use as hair decoration!

Look! I am the Princess Leia, yes?”

Miss Venezuela
CDLiC9S.png
“Come to the magical underwater kingdom of VENEZUELA. We, the undersea people of VENEZUELA, live in buildings made of pearls, laugh with the dolphins and ride on sea horses. I am Princess Anemone and I bid all the peoples of the world WELCOME.

Or as we say in VENEZUELA, ‘Click click click OWM OWM YIYIYIYIYIYI.’

Because we live underwater, you see.”

Miss Israel
8JqQkcm.png
“Just here to remind you that all of this (*indicates entire arena*) arises out of an ancient story that positions women both as the ultimate in beauty and the ultimate in temptation and evil, which naturally led to millennia of subjugation and devaluation.

Also, I totally thought this apple was real when I bit into it for effect. Shit.”

Some of the costumes that TLO didn't cover are here:
http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/specials/miss-universe/159588-miss-universe-2016-candidates-national-costume

"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
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Posts

  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Miss Indonesia looks like a toku show is missing a cast member.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    2nhzkg2sic8p.jpg

    Not sure if she's cosplaying as the Petronas Twin Towers or Alexander.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    I love this and you so much right now. This is what I need in my life

  • [Expletive deleted][Expletive deleted] The mediocre doctor NorwayRegistered User regular
    What's up with all the bird ladies? Is this normal (for Miss Universe) or a new thing?

    Sic transit gloria mundi.
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    What's up with all the bird ladies? Is this normal (for Miss Universe) or a new thing?

    It's...A Thing with the Cosplay of Nations.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    massive abundance of feathers is an easy way to get lots of height, width, and volume while also maximizing color. I'd imagine

  • ElldrenElldren Is a woman dammit ceterum censeoRegistered User regular
    massive abundance of feathers is an easy way to get lots of height, width, and volume while also maximizing color. I'd imagine

    And without adding a lot of weight to the costume

    fuck gendered marketing
  • kowikowi Registered User regular
    2nhzkg2sic8p.jpg

    Not sure if she's cosplaying as the Petronas Twin Towers or Alexander.

    Those were the same first thought when I saw her.

    PSN: kowi - WiiU: kowi - XBL: KoWi - twitch.tv/kowi profile.png - "Yes, Kowi is the King of All" - smilie.png Unbreakable Vow
  • ElldrenElldren Is a woman dammit ceterum censeoRegistered User regular
    2nhzkg2sic8p.jpg

    Not sure if she's cosplaying as the Petronas Twin Towers or Alexander.

    She's clearly Alexander

    And Russia is a one-winged angel...

    fuck gendered marketing
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Elldren wrote: »
    massive abundance of feathers is an easy way to get lots of height, width, and volume while also maximizing color. I'd imagine

    And without adding a lot of weight to the costume

    Basically the reasons that birds can go bugfuck wild as well

    istock_000001816104_small.jpg

    Ladies

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    Well, at least Canada isn't horribly racist this time.


    Would be nice if we could a costume that isn't either racist or hideous, though. Maybe we should do a bird costume next year - sure, it's cliché, but it seems easy to do right.

    With Love and Courage
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Canada's national bird is currently under discussion, but may end up being the gray jay

    Cxeo8DMVQAQxEql.jpg

    D'aww

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    A loon costume could be boss AF:

    PacificLoon24.jpg

    With Love and Courage
  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    But no, we'll probably get a Tim Hortons & Molson Canadian costume instead because our costume designers suck and have no imagination. :|

    With Love and Courage
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited February 2017
    fuck me
    Cambiata wrote: »
    XZOPsKd.png

    if this isn't the last thing I see at my moment of death, I will know I have failed as a warrior

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    What's up with all the bird ladies? Is this normal (for Miss Universe) or a new thing?

    5I9mQCy.jpg
    "Tom wrote:
    “Ohmigod, you guys! I laid an EGG. I didn’t even know we could DO that.”

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Also, Miss USA probably choose the wrong year to employ imperialist symbolism. Or maybe it was the right year from the perspective of the designer?

    N3vsEZ4.jpg

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    The Ender wrote: »
    But no, we'll probably get a Tim Hortons & Molson Canadian costume instead because our costume designers suck and have no imagination. :|

    Eh, snowflake this year. Which is a vast improvement over last years racist monstrosity.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • surrealitychecksurrealitycheck lonely, but not unloved dreaming of faulty keys and latchesRegistered User regular
    the eagle is two-headed like mutant bear from fallout

    very appropes

    obF2Wuw.png
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Oh, I like Miss Singapore, though I can't tell if she's queen of the bird people or some form of sun/rainbow goddess:

    g0rQJE2.jpg

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    Cambiata wrote: »
    Oh, I like Miss Singapore, though I can't tell if she's queen of the bird people or some form of sun/rainbow goddess:

    g0rQJE2.jpg

    Monster Hunter outfit, right there. :D

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    I'm not going to post Miss France because instead of a costume she went with bedazzled boobs. I think France got tired of people making fun of her sad dresses and Eiffel tower recreations.

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • nexuscrawlernexuscrawler Registered User regular
    Miss-Universe-2016-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-Miss-Sweden.jpg

  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    Miss-Universe-2016-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-Miss-Sweden.jpg
    Man, they'll trot out just about anything these days. No one's around to say "neigh" and veto these outfits. I wish they would stop horsing around.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Here's Miss Sweden from the front:

    NiIAX99.jpg

    I hear she's supposed to be Pippi Longstocking and the horse is a reference.

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • CouscousCouscous Registered User regular
    Miss-Universe-2016-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-Miss-Sweden.jpg

    "What does everybody know about Sweden that hasn't already been done a billion times by us already?"
    "Pippi Longstocking?"
    "Not that well known but sure, it will work."

  • GvzbgulGvzbgul Registered User regular
    BEwE5cn.jpg
    Chile is cosplaying as the Dragon Wars DVD cover.
    Dragon-Wars-2007.jpg

  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Cambiata wrote: »
    Here's Miss Sweden from the front:

    NiIAX99.jpg

    I hear she's supposed to be Pippi Longstocking and the horse is a reference.

    Pippi Longstocking was so strong she could pick up a horse, so
    ... frankly I'm impressed at the sheer literalness of the reference.

  • FrozenzenFrozenzen Registered User regular
    tynic wrote: »
    Cambiata wrote: »
    Here's Miss Sweden from the front:

    NiIAX99.jpg

    I hear she's supposed to be Pippi Longstocking and the horse is a reference.

    Pippi Longstocking was so strong she could pick up a horse, so
    ... frankly I'm impressed at the sheer literalness of the reference.

    It has been forever since I saw or read any Pippi Långstrump, but I'm fairly sure that is literally a cardboard cutout of her horse from one of the TV versions. And at some point she does carry it around to make a point.

  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Miss Switzerland wants to make sure you check out the leg

    xomxY9C.jpg

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    Well, in fairness, it is a very nice leg.

    With Love and Courage
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    Did they run out of material? Where's the rest of the dress?

    Maybe it's a martial arts thing. Easier to kick someone in the face.

    She looks like she's wearing a pizza slice, Queen Amidala-style.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • The EnderThe Ender Registered User regular
    I think perspective and her pose in that shot might be playing a trick on the viewer; could be wrong, but the dress seems to mostly drape around the back - she's just folding one side forward and over for the shot.

    With Love and Courage
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    edited February 2017
    Miss Tanzania lost her luggage, but managed to make a suitable costume replacement with a bag of recycling she found in the alley near her hotel.

    Eg1AtSh.jpg

    Cambiata on
    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    edited February 2017
    That costume looks... Busy. It's like rolling around in a vat of glue, then diving into a landfill like a ball pit.

    Hahnsoo1 on
    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    You haven't seen it from the back!

    z01HDK1.jpg

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    Literally junk in the trunk.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • KetarKetar Come on upstairs we're having a partyRegistered User regular
    Making jewelry, ornaments, wallets and lots of house wares and glassware from recycled items is a big thing in many areas of Africa. It's pretty cool that Tanzania did a costume centered on that movement.

  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    Ketar wrote: »
    Making jewelry, ornaments, wallets and lots of house wares and glassware from recycled items is a big thing in many areas of Africa. It's pretty cool that Tanzania did a costume centered on that movement.

    Perhaps, but if you're going to represent that in this ceremony, at the very least you should be dressed as a single, gigantic bedazzled water bottle.

    Frankly this year is an all-over disappointment because of the lack of hugely silly costumes like last year's Tuk Tuk costume. If you're not going silly as fuck you're doing it wrong.

    "If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
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