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If you want to havea good time at pax dont...
SuperFlyTNT
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
burn the locals.
"Contact with alien races always renews one's faith in humanity. It is my belief that foreign travel narrows the mind wonderfully"
-Helem Boesch-
-Helem Boesch-
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Because I am physically unable to do anything else.
most of all, most of all
someone said true love was dead
but i'm bound to fall
bound to fall for you
oh what can i do
It is a weird feeling to sit in a Bellevue hotel at four in the morning -- hunkered down with a notebook and tape recorder in a $75-a-day suite and a fantastic room service bill, run up in forty-eight hours of total madness -- knowing that just as soon as dawn comes up you are going to flee without paying a fucking penny . . . go stomping out through the lobby and call your red convertible down from the garage and stand there waiting for it with a suitcase full of marijuana and illegal weapons . . . trying to look casual, scanning the first morning edition of the Seattle Times."
(Ok, thats not a true story)
-Helem Boesch-
The short-and-sweet back story is that I slept-in on Sunday. Crawled up to the Denny's. I refused any of their watered-down coffee with the intent of consuming gallons of Bawls once I returned to PAX. Then began making my un-caffeinated return from the eastern side of the 405... enter Bellevue's finest.
Those of you that were tempted by the gourmet cuisine Denny's was offering no doubt noticed that the sidewalks, traversing the 405 overpass adjacent to the Dairy Queen, were closed. I noticed. I simply didn't care. Whilst returning I came alongside the "sidewalk closed" sign/blockade. I stopped. I looked down at it, looked up; and immediately met the disapproving gaze of a uniformed officer comfortably seated in his cruiser comfortably parked in front of the Dairy Queen. Most people would have offered an apologetic grin accompanied by a sheepish wave. Others, unprepared for the compromising situation, might simply freeze. I, on the other hand, am not like 'most people,' let alone the 'others.' I did the only thing I could do: without breaking eye contact, without checking the traffic conditions and without a moment's hesitation I started marching straight at him. First, across a southbound blind corkscrew off ramp. Had a motorist been exiting at that time they would have hit me spot on. Then across the southbound on-ramp. Past yet another blockade informing the weak minded conformists that the sidewalk is, in fact, closed. Then, no more than 15 feet from the legal crosswalk, I j-walked against the light and traffic. As I reached the center of the street, with no apparent change in course or my resolute expression, his stern gaze of disapproving anger gave way to that of alarmed disbelief.
"Look at that skinny fucker.. wait a minute... skinny fucker? Shit, I bet he's high as a kite on PCP. He could probably rip the door clean off this car and kill me with his bare hands before I could get a single shot off!" He likely thought to himself as his pathetically uninteresting life flashed before his eyes..
That's nonsense, of course. He was in all likelihood genuinely concerned... that his day would be ruined with copious amounts of paperwork if an unsuspecting motorist ran me down. My brief adventure through traffic complete, without slowing my pace, I walked straight up to the patrol car, thrust my head in the driver-side window and in a loud, booming voice, so as to overcompensate for traffic noise, stated:
"Hello! Can I ask you some questions about the Greater Seattle area?!"
So thoroughly befuddled by the question and the events that preceded it "Uhh.. um... yeah?" was all he could manage to say in response. I then explained in the most obscene detail that I'm on vacation, live in Phoenix and, based upon what I've seen and the people I've met, am planning on moving to the area. Then, in equally tedious detail, I inquired about rental rates, commuting distances/times and, based upon that information, what would be the best area to look for an affordable apartment. His response: "Uhh.. well? Umm... you know.. It's all good." It most certainly is not!!! Now, I know what your thinking: "That's no big deal." Indeed it wouldn't have been had I not said that out loud:
"It most certainly is not!!!"
"You know what, kid? You need to learn some discipline! You ever consider joining up?" Asked the police officer turned army recruiter. The coup de grace:
"Actually, I've given serious thought to joining The French Foreign Legion!"
And I have. Seriously. Confronted with this unabashed display of what mainstream media has titled an 'unpatriotic' form of thought, as opposed to a genuine interest in armed humanitarian interdiction and proud service to a EU member state, he made an enraged sputtering sound, started his patrol car and left peaceably.
The End
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Thats pretty fucking funny. Is the french foreign legion still around? I thought it fell to the nation of islam.
-Helem Boesch-
But the French toast was delicious.
Would've been priceless if I did that in front of the cop. I can only assume that the municipality redoubled its efforts on Sunday. I passed one sign on the eastern side of the overpass and two on the western side, all erect.
... oh wait...
that's LA. Sorry.
That is frickin' AWESOME. Funniest thing I've read all day.
Let me guess: you were using HAX on America's Army?
I am not a Los Angeles native, I am a San Diego native. Los Angeles is roughly a two hour drive from my humble abode, so it stands to reason that I am at least remotely familiar with the area. I am at least familiar enough with it to realize that driving to LA, especially during E3 time, is simply ludicrous. I took the trusty Amtrak instead, and ferried my way through the subway system to get right to Figueroa Street, in front of the Staples Center and Los Angeles Convention Center.
Since I didn't bring a car with me, and didn't want to ride the train home, I asked some of my friends from Los Angeles to pick me up from the show, since they wanted to hang out with me for a weekend of games. The expo closes at 6 PM every day except for the final day, in which it closes at 4 PM. Well, I was going on the other two days and told my ride to get me at 6. When the show ended at 4, I was left high and dry outside of the convention center. No big deal, I'll just look over the bags full of freebies I collected.
It was about 5 when a LAPD officer came up to me and politely informed me that I was loitering and would have to leave. So I, in an equally polite manner, explained to him that my friends were on the freeway and would pick me up soon, then I'd be out of the way. He didn't seem too enthusiastic about that idea, and told me that if I wanted to wait for them, there was an italian sports bar a few blocks down the road. We exchanged some semi-friendly debate about this for a while, and with a laugh he told me that I'd really have to go to that sports bar or else he'd have to "forcibly remove me", which he added with another laugh. Since we were having so much fun, I jabbed back "Yeah? You and what army?" (Note: It is fun to talk shit to the LAPD since they'll either a) Talk shit back, b) Beat the shit out of you, or c) Find something better to do). So since the green berets were still taking everything down, he points over towards them and replies "The United States Army". In a very Family Guy fashion, I hang my head and respond "Oh, that's a pretty good army." It's mostly a joke at this point, but they did come over and haul me to the street corner, then watch me walk past the Staples Center and across the next street. I gave a friendly wave and continued on to the italian place.
Side note to the story: Once I arrived at the italian place, looking pretty dejected and tired, a very italian man named Mario offered me a Guinness on the house and gave me a nice discount on some good pasta.
If the ID wouldn't have worked, you could've whipped out your DDR video... he would've prolly given you a free pack....
As long as I don't do, what I'm planning on doing, everything will work out perfectly.