An update on recent technical problems and more from the admin: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/250292/on-technical-difficulties-mod-coverage-and-other-things/p1?new=1
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Update: Three months and no job.
Nobeard
North Carolina: Failed StateRegistered User regular
North Carolina: Failed StateRegistered User regular
For some reason my fucking phone keeps killing this window after I pour out my soul for ten minutes so I'm making this thread now to save my work godsdamnit.
It's me, my wife, and two young kids. Food and shelter being covered by fam for now. I'm completely lost in almost every way. I don't know where to begin rebuilding and the evil truth is I don't want to. I tried my best and I failed and now everyone is fucked because I'm the only provider in my family. I'm all there is. I'm angry at all of existence. I'm so depressed I'm beyond sad, I don't know how else to describe it. I can't think straight because I don't know what straight is anymore.
There's so many details and baggage I can't get it all out. I'd like it if people would ask questions. That way I don't have to prioritize information.
I know my family loves me, I love them, we all love eachother. I know I want help. I see very little beyond these things.
It's me, my wife, and two young kids. Food and shelter being covered by fam for now. I'm completely lost in almost every way. I don't know where to begin rebuilding and the evil truth is I don't want to. I tried my best and I failed and now everyone is fucked because I'm the only provider in my family. I'm all there is. I'm angry at all of existence. I'm so depressed I'm beyond sad, I don't know how else to describe it. I can't think straight because I don't know what straight is anymore.
There's so many details and baggage I can't get it all out. I'd like it if people would ask questions. That way I don't have to prioritize information.
I know my family loves me, I love them, we all love eachother. I know I want help. I see very little beyond these things.
Nobeard on
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What's your current financial situation like?
You 100% need a therapist I think, but let's staunch the bleeding first.
This is not a failure of you, you are not a bad person because of any or all of this happening to you. You were just dealt a shit hand. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise, you're not a bad person.
Top priorities: Unemployment, food stamps, and possibly welfare depending on state. Children's ages could also open up WIC (for kids under 5), and potential for other subsidies that would be useful if both of you are working.
Personal story time. I was the sole bread winner when I worked for the state. I worked child protective services. I broke eventually. I held it together for a while afterwards but we ended up living in a spare bedroom at my dad's house for 2 years. It really fucking sucks, and the end never seems to be in sight until you have it. It is there though. You can recover. Focus on surviving, but don't forget you can make it back.
I think step 1 is getting unemployment, if it's available to you, followed immediately by getting employment. From what I remember in the last thread, I think you were working in the IT field?
Is that still something you want to pursue?
If not, IS there something you'd want to pursue?
If there are no jobs in the area, is relocation an option?
You can't give someone a pirate ship in one game, and then take it back in the next game. It's rude.
Depending on your field and experience, it can be very hard to get back to where you were if you take a lower tier; unless that's financially viable and makes you happy of course.
My god thank you for saying this. I've been in a horrific slump the past few days. Yesterday my brother in law gave me a heart to heart and I'm feeling more motivated today. I want to try again now, which is both nothing and everything.
You were missing work because you needed to be at home to help your wife and child, but due to the other stuff even if you worked full time you couldn't get ahead.
My advice is to find a job with an alternative schedule you can make work. Or at least try to. There are telecommute options for people in support roles, etc. Before you go looking, sit down with your wife and have a real discussion about what she wants and what the family needs. Eventually hopefully you can figure out what kind of employment will help you be there for your family.
I think you need an income because you very obviously place a value on taking care of the people important to you. It's a little easier to get out of bed when you are participating in the day, rather than wonder how it's going to fuck you over.
I think you need at least a little time with a therapist because sorting out complicated thoughts while drowning in emotion doesn't work. They can offer a way to stay on task while you untie some mental knots.
I think you need perspective on how fortunate you are to have a place to sleep and not waste the opportunity. It's shitty and it's awful and you should be fucking pissed. It could also be worse. Owing money or being bankrupt isn't against the law. It may be time to do some rough decision making, but its always worth trying.
TLDR. Talk to wife and find out what can work. Talk to therapist to sort your thoughts. Deep breath, go to it.
From ITT Tech. Yes, that ITT Tech.
Thing us I've got 4 years experience with amicable termination from employer who will give good reference. That should allow me to easily get an interview, I hope.
Don't sweat the ITT thing, there's literally dozens of us who are good at our jobs.
I went to ITT as well. Me and two other ITT grads got in ground floor support with a company that had 12 other employees a decade ago. I'm now running our data analysis team, another is our network system admin, and the third created our QA department before leaving in January to get a job doing the same that wasn't an hour away from where he lives.
The problem is that this brings to a head the fact that my wife is physically unable to care for our children. She is nearly unable to care for herself. She occasionally needs to be hospitalized for various reasons. She recently has fallen and suffered a severe concussion. The support we have here is her father, mother, and brother. Her parents are both in their late 60s early 70s. Her father gives us money but takes out payment in being a judgmental jerk about it. He resents his daughter for deep, dark reasons that I can't talk about on a public forum. Her mother is kind and willing to help, but she is senile. She has nearly no short term memory and occasionally is mistaken about reality. Her brother lives with thier parents right now. He is I believe a genuinely good person, but is an addict and has stolen mine and my son's medication. He looks to be clean right now and provides transportation for my kids sometimes, but cannot be left alone in the presence of meds. This is the entirely of the available familial help that is within the same state.
It gets worse. My wife has bipolar disorder and PTSD. She is freaking out about being merely left alone. Not even counting physical disability, she psychologically may not be able to handle me not being home.
We have two children, both grade school age. My son has some kind of disorder that neither I nor anyone else can clinically diagnose. The effect is that he cannot stand to attend school. He breaks out into hysterical crying and screaming even in the parking lot. This started last year and has continued. We have managed to get him attending school for half days and then only if I stay at the school, in the parking lot, in the car. Even then day to day attendance is spotty. My daughter seems fine for now.
We have been flatly denied for unemployment and good stamps. My wife lost what little money she was getting for disability months ago. She can reapply, but it is a lengthy process that is difficult for her to attempt.
The one good thing is we all have government health insurance. My son and I both have psychiatrist and psychologist that we regularly see. My meds keep me from descending into deep depression for too long.
Last night I had the worst nightmares I have ever had. Twice I woke up, the first one in a scream. The second one I could not go back to sleep from. I feel sick and achy and I gave up on getting my kids to school this morning. I could have physically pushed through it but mentally I am beyond empty. My wife got up to try to get them to school but she physically could not do it. My kids do not have have dependable care.
I can't be in two places at once. I've always been able to figure out what to do, even if I am unable to follow through with decisions. Now, I truly see no solution for this situation. I do not see a least awful option. Even if i was able to mentally and physically commit 100% of my time and energy to the care of my family with no time or thought for myself (an impossible goal in itself), it would not be enough. Our eviction was not a total surprise, I was scared it would happen, but I could not do enough to stop it. Now I fear some other catastrophe is on the horizon and I cannot articulate what it is.
I am eagerly following through with getting a job, but not to materially improve my situation. I do it to show I am trying my hardest and having some money may help things. Also, I just want some money to make myself feel better. I don't know what help or advice there is for my situation, I'm posting this to feel better.
Does your son have a social worker? It sounds like he needs some special educational provision.
Yes, my son does have a social worker and we are working with the school. The terminology changes from state to state, but the gist is that the state, his doctors, and us (his parents) will have an official documented plan for his education.
In other news, I GOT A JOOOOOB! I interviewed with the company this morning. Less than a half hour later, I got the call saying I got it. I must have done something right. They asked if maybe I could do a half day today or start tomorrow. The company really needs someone to help with the workload, so I knew they were looking to move quickly, but I did not expect it to be this fast.
Right now I'm excited and nervous and hopeful. Even a little scared. But this is a major step to bringing back normalcy for myself and my family. I know this is what I need to do, even though it brings it's own challenges. I did it, and I will keep going forward.
First day today at work. It went great. This job is sooooo much better than my last job at a call center. I get to actually use the skills I went to school for!
There was something not related to the job at all that affected me deeply deeply. All my coworkers were comfortably middle class, with spouses or other family that provided support. They had disposable income to pursue hobbies and other interest. One guy brought in his new occulus rift and the accompanying gaming desktop his wife (who works as well making similar money at least) bought for him. I felt so jealous of their lifestyle. They can afford to splurge like that and not stress about it. They may have to budget more tightly that month, but they won't have thier power cut off. They won't risk being evicted. If I splurge 50 goddamn dollars on something then that's something else that we don't get. I won't have gas for my car. We would eat ramen (the cheap ones) for lunch and dinner.
This last part may be petty but I was so jealous that my coworkers had their gaming PCs. Mine finally died the very week we were evicted. I had managed to stretch the lifetime of the motherboard and processor for fully 10 fucking years. I had a catalog of games with high replayability so I could game without buying a brand new non-steam sale game only every few years. I played multiplayer games and met people. I was able to be creative and have fun. It was my hobby, my pastime. I don't need it, but I should be allowed to pursue my interest, within reason. Even my 3ds that I only had for a year and small catalog of games got lost in the eviction. Grandpa bought my son a Nintendo Switch so I can play that sometimes, but it's not mine. I can't take it where and when I want. I can't even buy the games and accessories I want. I have nothing that is mine and just for fun.
I have missed living a non-crisis mode life for a while, but today I was hit really hard with how much I've missed, lost and can't replace. I got home and cried in my car. The kind of crying where you empty your lungs and keep on crying. I think it had been building up for a while. It was not for very long, and my wife listened to me and comforted me when I walked in. Thankfully the kids were at their grandparents so they did not see me.
That was a few hours ago. I'm ok now. There is still some achy, lingering sadness that will go away after a while. I had a pity party for myself and thats ok. I'm still resolute in moving forward. I believe I'm good enough and strong enough. I can and will keep this ship afloat, even if I'm sometimes frantically bailing with a bucket.
You are a goddamn baller boss.
It may not mean a lot coming from a rando on the internet, but you are a good human being. I'm not going to pretend to know what it is that you're going through, but the fact that you have made this much progress through so many difficult things is amazing and inspiring to me.
Thanks. Although you may not say that if you saw the condition of my home. So much stuff has not been put away because I just don't get around to it or we don't have room for it. Dirty dishes have piled up in the sink. We don't have an automatic dishwasher and my wife's arthritis and neuropathy means she can't do it. Doing dishes is easy, I can listen to Pandora and work like a bee for hours, but either I don't have the time or motivation to do it. I'm trying to not sweat that stuff too badly, but it gets wearying to know that if I don't do it, it won't get done, and that is for nearly everything in my life right now.
Also, don't let your brain full you. Literally all of us have shit that languishes at home. Stuff like this happens all the time to people you perceive as having their shit together. I can tell you because I'm one of them.
If you can, try to find some time to go for a 15-20 minute walk regularly, or something else that lets you take a mental deep breath.
You just described my house, which is administered by two perfectly healthy adults with a dishwasher. And that of 90% of the parents we know.
Is it clean when guests show up? Usually. Mostly.
But it is a lie.
lol buddy my girlfriend and I moved almost three months ago now and our living room floor is still covered in packed boxes, and we are two non-disabled adults with sub-40 hour jobs and no kids.
Shogun Streams Vidya
I get what you are saying, bit there are two issues here.
1. The guy is going through some hard times himself and is struggling. Without going into details, he (seemed to) have a picture perfect life and lost it due to his own reckless and dumb decisions. I don't want to ask too much if him. Also, there is extensive family history that kind of complicates things so I'm not fully confident I could ask for that kind of help without... unintended consequences.
2. He has stolen mine and my son's medication before. He has confessed and apologized for it in the past. I told him it takes a lot of courage to confess that kind of stuff and forgave him. I haven't forgotten it, though. I genuinely like him as a person and enjoy our relationship, but I don't want him in my house for extended periods.
Oh, I thought you were all living together. My apologies for misreading your post.
When I got home I got a message saying my contract had terminated. They were supposed to keep it through december but they cancelled the day before thanksgiving. I held it together for Turkey day but after that I've been in a bad way. I'm scared and so angry. I can't not be angry. I shake and cry with anger and someth8ng else. I had worked someth8ng out with my FiL so he agreed to pay our rent but now I'm back to square one. No money for christmas. Begging him for money every week and begging him for money every week. The staffing service I work with said they would call me Friday to set up an interview next Monday but they never called. I emailed them today and have not heard back. Usually clonopin easily brings me down bit it's not working. My wife is taking me to my psych office tomorrow and we will sit and wait for next available.
If you haven't signed up for this, please, please consider it. They are very cool, and if nothing else your kids can have a good holiday without you having to struggle for it.
You've worked really hard and things falling apart doesn't mean otherwise. You and your family are going through some shit right now but you all deserve a nice holiday.
Thanks, I will consider it. My kids don't lack for toys, though. Grandpa buys them toys, expensive toys all the time. My son got three Switch games and a brand new set of joy cons to replace the ones my son broke. I get to game through my son vicariously.
Then put yourself in.
We all lost so much I don't know what to ask for.
We have food, shelter, and clothing. What I've lost is expensive and I'm not going to ask for that kind of thing.
This year has been especially bad but life has been a struggle for about 3-4 years now. I want to go to my Mon-Fri 8-5 job and come home to normalcy. I want to have enough money so I don't worry about utilities being cut off (it's happened before). I want my wife to be healthy, to have a dependable baseline of health instead of some days being mostly ok and some days her sleeping 14 hours. I want my son to go to school for the full day everyday and have normal 10yo problems. I want to be able to ask family for help without being judged as lazy/selfish/incompetent. I want to be able to help my mother who is recently going through her own debilitating depression. I don't want to feel like I'm responsible for everything, even if I don't actually do everything all the time. I want going home from work to always feel like a good thing instead of dreading what drama awaits me. I want a life not in crisis mode. Not permanently, just a plateau of a few years so I can stockpile resources, physical and mental. I want permission to feel this way and talk about it when other people have it worse or maybe I've lead a sheltered life and this is just how it is.
Unless God/Allah/Yahweh/whatever is a PA forumer, I'm not getting any of that.