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Too fast....?
AlyceInWonderland
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I have two problems...kind of, and was wondering if you guys would be kind enough to help :P
So, around two weeks ago, I met a guy (We'll call him Joe) from a mutual friend of ours, and we immediately got along great. We started hanging out, and talking constantly on AIM. I developed feelings for him the first several days we started talking. It was also pretty obvious that he liked me back, and just yesterday he had asked me out. I said 'yes' obviously because I liked him.
Now, my problem is that my close group of friends (Absolute best friends) feel that only knowing someone for two weeks (despite constantly talking and hanging out) is a little too fast to be considered "going out" or "boyfriend and girlfriend" or what have you. They've been calling it "weird" because I didn't immediately tell them about how I felt towards Joe, and they keep riding my ass about how weird it is that I now have a (very nice) boyfriend, and how they think it was too fast.
They've actually broken down what they think Joe and I's week consisted of, but they really don't exactly know.
They basically think that they should know about everything I do, with someone not them, and they're making me feel wrong in my decision. He's very nice and I like him a lot, and if I didn't think it was a good idea I wouldn't have said yes to being in the relationship (Or hardly one, since we've been going out for...2 days)
TLDR; I've known my, now, boyfriend for two weeks before he asked me out. My friends think that happened to quickly, and they're giving me shit for it. Is it too fast, or am I right in my decision?
Edit: I'm 17, he's 18.
So, around two weeks ago, I met a guy (We'll call him Joe) from a mutual friend of ours, and we immediately got along great. We started hanging out, and talking constantly on AIM. I developed feelings for him the first several days we started talking. It was also pretty obvious that he liked me back, and just yesterday he had asked me out. I said 'yes' obviously because I liked him.
Now, my problem is that my close group of friends (Absolute best friends) feel that only knowing someone for two weeks (despite constantly talking and hanging out) is a little too fast to be considered "going out" or "boyfriend and girlfriend" or what have you. They've been calling it "weird" because I didn't immediately tell them about how I felt towards Joe, and they keep riding my ass about how weird it is that I now have a (very nice) boyfriend, and how they think it was too fast.
They've actually broken down what they think Joe and I's week consisted of, but they really don't exactly know.
They basically think that they should know about everything I do, with someone not them, and they're making me feel wrong in my decision. He's very nice and I like him a lot, and if I didn't think it was a good idea I wouldn't have said yes to being in the relationship (Or hardly one, since we've been going out for...2 days)
TLDR; I've known my, now, boyfriend for two weeks before he asked me out. My friends think that happened to quickly, and they're giving me shit for it. Is it too fast, or am I right in my decision?
Edit: I'm 17, he's 18.
AlyceInWonderland on
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I was dating my girlfriend about 3 days after I met her. We were offical after a week. We have been together for three years now.
Time means nothing.
do what you want, if they can't accept that then they're not very good friends (or jealous, ooooo)
if it makes you happy, keep going with it
Don't let what they are saying get to you. They are most likely jealous about you finding a guy like him.
If they keep doing it, tune them out of your life for a while until your new relationship stabilizes a bit. Meanwhile you can find out more about this guy without being exposed to negativity from your "friends".
Sure your friend's opinion should matter a little, however, when it comes down to it do what makes YOU happy. If you think you have every reason to be in the relationship, then be in it. If they don't understand that then that's their problem, and it shouldn't be at the point where they need to know every little detail about your life. Eventually they'll get used to the idea that you're dating this guy, or they weren't that great of friends to begin with.
Joe Graduated last year, and my friends had Calc with him, and they thought he was arrogant. But now since he's been in Basic Training for the Army for 9 months and since that year has passed, he's changed a hell of a lot. He's no longer arrogant, and he treats me very well.
Also, today a friend of mine walked out of her class and said "FUCK YOU" to me and started yelling at me about how I didn't tell her I was dating Joe. When he asked me, it was 8:30, and I got home from hanging out with him at 10:30. What was I going to do...call her and wake her up? It's just ridiculous.
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Hey. You can't lime something you just wrote. It doesn't work like that, buddy.
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I think what you need to do is talk to your friends individually - single them out and have a chat. I've always known groups of friends as being stubborn animals, and prone to running along a 'party line' when they're personally not so convinced. A dynamic like this can lead to inconsiderate words. If you talk to them alone (if you haven't already) not only are you more likely to get a good idea about what's behind the dislike of this guy, but you'll have a much better chance of changing their minds and getting them to give him a chance.
But in the end, don't worry about them. Romance is a magical thing, enjoy it while you've got it. People will be jealous and stubborn and unsure about it, so it's your job to put all that aside and appreciate it.
I mean, you can tell them off, or come up with an excuse, or a logical explanation. But the arguments against the guy aren't exactly logical either. Some of them just don't like the guy. So what, you know?
It sounds like your friends expected there to be gossip or drama, and there isn't. They probably wanted to hear about how you met a guy and he's so sweet and great, and then gossip about it for a while. Instead, you're just suddenly dating a guy and you seem happy about it. They feel like they're being left out of the loop.
I'd say just deal with it for a while. You're young and your friends are acting immature. They're not going to listen to logic, and you could develop some bad blood if you tell them to just fuck off and mind their own business.
So you just keep seeing the guy and answer your friend's complaints with "so? what's your point? I'm not marrying him this weekend."
As for your friends, it sounds like they're insulted you don't ask them about every little thing. I don't know exactly how groups of girls work (does any guy, really >.>), but I assume you guys gossip and chat with each other a lot more than guys do. If that's the case, then it's easy to see how they feel left out, but just realize that it's totally up to you about who you talk to about whatever. If this is something you feel you have a good grasp on and don't really need their opinion, more power to you. Don't let them talk you out of a decision you made though; they may be your BFFs, but they aren't you.
Go be happy with this guy. Don't let people start up worthless drama over some petty bullshit.
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Flip your friends a bird.
This is taking it a little overboard. They're probably just showing concern and don't want you to end up getting yourself hurt. Tell them that you'll be fine and that you appreciate the concern but that you don't feel it's too fast and that you're happy doing your own thing.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
Winnar. It's not like you met him and screwed him, you met him and thought wow, he seems neat, I'd like to date him, and so you did. Further investigation of said dating has in fact revealed he is in fact neat.
Really getting to know someone before you ask someone out seems pretty stupid if you hit it off the bat, to me it seems you are wasting perfectly good dating time.
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Says who? Bugger off.
Says everyone man. It's part of the Unwritten Rules.
And if they say something like "I know that, I'm just saying that you shoulda gotten to know him a while before dating him you know? To make sure." then you can respond with "Yes, I'm getting to know him as we speak. It's not like we decided to date and then I immediately fell on my back and opened my legs you know."
That's probably the best way to put an end to it. "Yes, thank you for your concern but I felt it was the right choice and I'm happy and I will appreciate it if you don't bring up the "fast" thing again." I get the feeling though that Alyce's friends won't drop it that quickly but telling them to fuck off really isn't a great way to solve it.
That thing with the friend getting all pissy at you for not telling her immediately... yeah that might have been a bit of an overreaction on the friend's part. I'd react pretty badly to someone coming up to me and making such demands on my life but if you can let bygones be bygones (and assuming she doesn't bring it up again, bitching about it at a later date), then just move on and pretend it didn't happen. If she continues to be mopey about the supposed lack of information coming her way (and you are in the right here, you had no obligations to inform EVERYONE of your change of status) then just tell her what you said here. It was late, you were tired and enjoying the afterglow of the date and you were intending to tell her later. If she still can't let it go, then just ignore her whenever she brings it up.
I get the feeling that this is an issue. Friends or no at your age the whole world seems to be looking for gossip. Try to keep the issue as non-chalant as you can and they'll drop it. If they don't tell them kindly to do so. Freaking out about it makes it all the worse and telling them to fuck off both loses you a few friends and exponentially increases "drama."
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It's like they feel they know every damn thing about dating and relationships.
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i could see if you'd known him for two days before you guys started going out, but two weeks? that's a long fucking time, especially since it takes no time at all to become attracted to someone
i'm definitely in favor of telling 'em to fuck off
it's not like you're pregnant
Have you talked to them one-on-one? Any of them? Seriously, I've been in so many situations where my friends have ganged up and mimicked each other in going along with something, but if you actually get them alone they fall apart and you'll probably find they aren't really that bothered in the first place. Maybe you'll find out that just one of them is at the root of the distaste towards this new guy, and you'll be a whole lot closer to understanding (and solving) it.
Good luck, anyway, and as important as friends are, you owe it to yourself to have fun with this guy!
I... what?
I'm afraid we don't speakity the same lingity.
Anyways, your best option is to retain that easy-going attitude when talking to your friends about this. Logical discussion is your best ally, especially when they can't keep their cool. It's (really) not a big deal and unfortunately people think they know everything about relationships. They don't. If they did, they would be very wealthy.
At a large campus, unless I'm in the same class as someone, there's rarely a chance I will see the same person again in a short time. Therefore, most of the time my only option is to ask someone out almost immediately, say 5 to 10 minutes of good conversation. Heck, they seem interesting and I would like to get to know them and that's probably not going to happen if I never bloody see that person again. After you go out, then it's your call whether or not to decide if a relationship is right.
As you can see by the consensus of the responses here, you're not wrong in your thinking.
Let 'em eat fucking pineapples!
Glad I wasn't the only one confused there... I was starting to feel old or something.
Anyways, OP, definitely try to get them one on one, it might break up the group mentality they have going, good luck, and enjoy your relationship above all.
you guys are old
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
You must realize this language is not for us, it's for guys like this.
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
If these people are saying these things, and insulting you, then at best they are stupid, narrow-minded and shouldn't be listened to.
There are no rules for dating and relationships. None. The only thing that matters is finding what works.
i'm not entirely sure why i came back to pa
I was about to say the same thing. I mean, regardless of how clever you think you are, that's not how it works.
On topic, I think your friends are just overreacting, and need to chill out a bit.
*Disclaimer: I may be a bitter old man.**
**But probably not.
I think they are either 1) envious 2) just pissed because you apparently didn't consult them or 3) don't really get how the whole dating thing works.
He treats you well, makes you happy, and you didn't wake up next to a complete and total stranger. You're doing well compared to the majority.