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Need advice on multiple fronts.
Hiryu02
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Uh, hello PA. I hope this won't be too scattered and rambly, but honestly I'm at the point where I need advice of any sort on multiple serious issues in my life, so please bear with me.
The overall background is that after many years, I have finally come to terms with the fact that my wife has left me, and that she and our little daughter will never be coming back. It took the deaths of two pets, and the loss of two family members, including my mother since last October for me to realize that I was going to be alone, as even these events did not prompt any outreach from my estranged wife.
I am now trying to fight what I feel is chronic depression, which is interfering with me fixing things in my life I should have fixed years ago, but I was in a limbo state of life, still believing my marriage would work out, my family would reunite, and things would get better.
So, here's what I need to fix:
I have not filed taxes for at least the last 5 years, including this one. I don't think I owe anything, as usually I would get money back, but I have not filed. I claim no dependents for I think the same amount of time, but I was under the impression I had to file with my wife jointly, and was going to catch up on this when she returned, which has not happened. What should I do first?
I have also not had an updated driver's license for about two years, I have an ID, which expires in September, but due to an issue with getting pulled over without my updated insurance on me, which has since been resolved via me hiring a lawyer and going to court, I've been using uber a lot to get to work, and in many cases working from home instead. This obviously is a drain on the wallet, which has been bearable since I make decent money, esp living alone, but it's something still hanging over my head. I still own a vehicle, and keep the insurance and registration up to date. I should be able to go back to the DMV and get my license renewed now, right?
And sort of lastly, I'm having a really hard time being lonely. I have one great friend, who has stood by me and is my best friend, who knows all my problems, and without him I would probably be in a much worse place. However he is also a family man with a wife and child, and we cannot hang out together as much as we used to, as I will not demand that he hang out with me over his family obligations. I also have my uncle here in the same town, but we don't have a lot in common socially, and I don't wish to burden him further, he does know about my family issues, but not the other stuff. I have a great feeling of "failure" that I do not wish to show my family, it is why I kept my marriage problems a secret from everyone in my family, especially my mother, until her passing. I have completely withdrawn from most social media, esp facebook, for years now.
I also have recently sort of "broken up" with a lady I had been talking to online, she and I had become close last year after she reached out to me after I lost my first cat, but it was an LDR, and we have never met IRL. Recently she has been dealing with her parents' serious health issues and for now she wants to concentrate on herself and dealing with her own issues, which I understand and respect, and we parted amicably. Of course, this is one more support structure that I no longer have, and I am saddened by the loss of it.
It's very hard for me to remain motivated at anything, from my job to even the things I used to enjoy. On weekends I stay home, order delivery, and watch Twitch or just endlessly browse reddit and here, which to be honest is what I do even at work, I endlessly browse the internet, trying to distract myself from my problems on the horizon. I have taken up a new hobby, making cosplay, but with my predilection for procrastination combined with recent events, it's hard to keep working on it. I find that I endlessly consume instead of interact, reading manga, comics, watching videos and so on. I used to be creative, and all that, but I just find myself struggling through the days.
Concretely, what steps should I take to address the tax and license issues outlined above. The other stuff I know if more nebulous and does not have an easy resolution, I figure if I can get my shit in gear, I can take small steps to address the bigger problems, and give myself peace of mind.
Thanks for reading this, I am sorry to drone on. I thank you for any advice you may give.
The overall background is that after many years, I have finally come to terms with the fact that my wife has left me, and that she and our little daughter will never be coming back. It took the deaths of two pets, and the loss of two family members, including my mother since last October for me to realize that I was going to be alone, as even these events did not prompt any outreach from my estranged wife.
I am now trying to fight what I feel is chronic depression, which is interfering with me fixing things in my life I should have fixed years ago, but I was in a limbo state of life, still believing my marriage would work out, my family would reunite, and things would get better.
So, here's what I need to fix:
I have not filed taxes for at least the last 5 years, including this one. I don't think I owe anything, as usually I would get money back, but I have not filed. I claim no dependents for I think the same amount of time, but I was under the impression I had to file with my wife jointly, and was going to catch up on this when she returned, which has not happened. What should I do first?
I have also not had an updated driver's license for about two years, I have an ID, which expires in September, but due to an issue with getting pulled over without my updated insurance on me, which has since been resolved via me hiring a lawyer and going to court, I've been using uber a lot to get to work, and in many cases working from home instead. This obviously is a drain on the wallet, which has been bearable since I make decent money, esp living alone, but it's something still hanging over my head. I still own a vehicle, and keep the insurance and registration up to date. I should be able to go back to the DMV and get my license renewed now, right?
And sort of lastly, I'm having a really hard time being lonely. I have one great friend, who has stood by me and is my best friend, who knows all my problems, and without him I would probably be in a much worse place. However he is also a family man with a wife and child, and we cannot hang out together as much as we used to, as I will not demand that he hang out with me over his family obligations. I also have my uncle here in the same town, but we don't have a lot in common socially, and I don't wish to burden him further, he does know about my family issues, but not the other stuff. I have a great feeling of "failure" that I do not wish to show my family, it is why I kept my marriage problems a secret from everyone in my family, especially my mother, until her passing. I have completely withdrawn from most social media, esp facebook, for years now.
I also have recently sort of "broken up" with a lady I had been talking to online, she and I had become close last year after she reached out to me after I lost my first cat, but it was an LDR, and we have never met IRL. Recently she has been dealing with her parents' serious health issues and for now she wants to concentrate on herself and dealing with her own issues, which I understand and respect, and we parted amicably. Of course, this is one more support structure that I no longer have, and I am saddened by the loss of it.
It's very hard for me to remain motivated at anything, from my job to even the things I used to enjoy. On weekends I stay home, order delivery, and watch Twitch or just endlessly browse reddit and here, which to be honest is what I do even at work, I endlessly browse the internet, trying to distract myself from my problems on the horizon. I have taken up a new hobby, making cosplay, but with my predilection for procrastination combined with recent events, it's hard to keep working on it. I find that I endlessly consume instead of interact, reading manga, comics, watching videos and so on. I used to be creative, and all that, but I just find myself struggling through the days.
Concretely, what steps should I take to address the tax and license issues outlined above. The other stuff I know if more nebulous and does not have an easy resolution, I figure if I can get my shit in gear, I can take small steps to address the bigger problems, and give myself peace of mind.
Thanks for reading this, I am sorry to drone on. I thank you for any advice you may give.
Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
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2. Taxes: if you didn't owe taxes (re: were due a refund) then the government does not require you to have filed. They are fine with you leaving them extra money. If you haven't received any letters from the tax man, then this is probably the case. Simply go to a tax pro, sit down and discuss how to tackle it. Most likely you'll need the tax info from every year and you'll start with this year if you haven't done it yet. Then you'll go back to the latest one and work your way forward. It might take some time, but it sounds like you should net some positive funds that way.
3. Driver's license: check your local DMV website for what constitutes proof of address, take those two or three pieces of info in with you to the DMV office and fill out the paperwork they have there. Set aside plenty of time to do this so when you are there in the office you can just relax and get it done without being extra stressed because you tried to squeeze it into a lunch hour or something.
4. Loneliness: is tough, I feel you there definitely. Try a meetup app to find people with similar interests maybe? Depends on where you live, but I've heard good things about that but where I live there's no one to meet up with so it doesn't work.
Good luck and keep asking questions here!
For the endless internet browsing, you might try setting some limits. There are lots of parental control type settings and apps out there to help it stick. I've used LeechBlock and StayFocusd to limit myself to 30 minutes a day on here, news sites, Reddit, Facebook, etc. There are apps for both iOS and Android that'll do the same sort of thing.
I actually have a gym membership and I used to use it regularly, but I haven't had the motivation to do that in a long time. I agree I need to make myself go again on weekends, I don't think there are classes at this one though, but perhaps I haven't looked enough.
My friend says it's because she knows she fucked me over and has this weird guilt thing going which is why she never asks for anything, and also refuses to interact with me. I don't even know what to do about that. I haven't seen my daughter for what feels like years now, maybe 2? I also sometimes feel like that's for the best, to avoid stressing out the child further.
Usual disclaimer here that I am not a lawyer, which is why you want to be talking to one to get your rights.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Time to get in touch with an accountant and a lawer.
Edit: Further, I can ask my employer to re-send me my W2's from say 2012 to 2014, right?
RE:Edit:
"Retention
Employers should keep Copy D (Employer Copy) of Form W-2s for their records for 4 years."
You may get lucky but you're passing that retention policy. I also don't see where they have an obligation to supply them to you. Though the IRS would have them.
I would really get an actual CPA to untangle this myself. This is not going to fit into any of H&R's little boxes and procedures.
And yes, your employer should be able to resend your W2s.
Source - I've worked as a tax pro at an H&R Block and have dealt with very tangled webs of divorced and not divorced couples with even stranger stories than the one you've laid out here.
To hell with the mother's opinion, she doesn't own that child. Get a lawyer, get a divorce, get your kid back.
She is your kid, you have rights. She has rights too.
Also, try walking a bit every now and again or other exercise you feel you can manage. It really does help. Therapists are always amazing people to talk all of this out with and get a grasp on where to go next. Places to find them on the internets abound. Don't be afraid to look around a little to find one that really clicks with you.