The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.

Need advice on multiple fronts.

Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
Uh, hello PA. I hope this won't be too scattered and rambly, but honestly I'm at the point where I need advice of any sort on multiple serious issues in my life, so please bear with me.

The overall background is that after many years, I have finally come to terms with the fact that my wife has left me, and that she and our little daughter will never be coming back. It took the deaths of two pets, and the loss of two family members, including my mother since last October for me to realize that I was going to be alone, as even these events did not prompt any outreach from my estranged wife.

I am now trying to fight what I feel is chronic depression, which is interfering with me fixing things in my life I should have fixed years ago, but I was in a limbo state of life, still believing my marriage would work out, my family would reunite, and things would get better.

So, here's what I need to fix:

I have not filed taxes for at least the last 5 years, including this one. I don't think I owe anything, as usually I would get money back, but I have not filed. I claim no dependents for I think the same amount of time, but I was under the impression I had to file with my wife jointly, and was going to catch up on this when she returned, which has not happened. What should I do first?

I have also not had an updated driver's license for about two years, I have an ID, which expires in September, but due to an issue with getting pulled over without my updated insurance on me, which has since been resolved via me hiring a lawyer and going to court, I've been using uber a lot to get to work, and in many cases working from home instead. This obviously is a drain on the wallet, which has been bearable since I make decent money, esp living alone, but it's something still hanging over my head. I still own a vehicle, and keep the insurance and registration up to date. I should be able to go back to the DMV and get my license renewed now, right?

And sort of lastly, I'm having a really hard time being lonely. I have one great friend, who has stood by me and is my best friend, who knows all my problems, and without him I would probably be in a much worse place. However he is also a family man with a wife and child, and we cannot hang out together as much as we used to, as I will not demand that he hang out with me over his family obligations. I also have my uncle here in the same town, but we don't have a lot in common socially, and I don't wish to burden him further, he does know about my family issues, but not the other stuff. I have a great feeling of "failure" that I do not wish to show my family, it is why I kept my marriage problems a secret from everyone in my family, especially my mother, until her passing. I have completely withdrawn from most social media, esp facebook, for years now.

I also have recently sort of "broken up" with a lady I had been talking to online, she and I had become close last year after she reached out to me after I lost my first cat, but it was an LDR, and we have never met IRL. Recently she has been dealing with her parents' serious health issues and for now she wants to concentrate on herself and dealing with her own issues, which I understand and respect, and we parted amicably. Of course, this is one more support structure that I no longer have, and I am saddened by the loss of it.

It's very hard for me to remain motivated at anything, from my job to even the things I used to enjoy. On weekends I stay home, order delivery, and watch Twitch or just endlessly browse reddit and here, which to be honest is what I do even at work, I endlessly browse the internet, trying to distract myself from my problems on the horizon. I have taken up a new hobby, making cosplay, but with my predilection for procrastination combined with recent events, it's hard to keep working on it. I find that I endlessly consume instead of interact, reading manga, comics, watching videos and so on. I used to be creative, and all that, but I just find myself struggling through the days.

Concretely, what steps should I take to address the tax and license issues outlined above. The other stuff I know if more nebulous and does not have an easy resolution, I figure if I can get my shit in gear, I can take small steps to address the bigger problems, and give myself peace of mind.

Thanks for reading this, I am sorry to drone on. I thank you for any advice you may give.

Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.

Posts

  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    1. If you aren't already, start seeing a therapist. If you are already, consider making a change just to get a new perspective.

    2. Taxes: if you didn't owe taxes (re: were due a refund) then the government does not require you to have filed. They are fine with you leaving them extra money. If you haven't received any letters from the tax man, then this is probably the case. Simply go to a tax pro, sit down and discuss how to tackle it. Most likely you'll need the tax info from every year and you'll start with this year if you haven't done it yet. Then you'll go back to the latest one and work your way forward. It might take some time, but it sounds like you should net some positive funds that way.

    3. Driver's license: check your local DMV website for what constitutes proof of address, take those two or three pieces of info in with you to the DMV office and fill out the paperwork they have there. Set aside plenty of time to do this so when you are there in the office you can just relax and get it done without being extra stressed because you tried to squeeze it into a lunch hour or something.

    4. Loneliness: is tough, I feel you there definitely. Try a meetup app to find people with similar interests maybe? Depends on where you live, but I've heard good things about that but where I live there's no one to meet up with so it doesn't work.

    Good luck and keep asking questions here!

  • [Michael][Michael] Registered User regular
    On top of the above suggestions for depression treatment, you might try joining a gym along with some group classes. Exercise is a pretty effective treatment (along with tonnnns of other quality of life improvements), and making some human connections can help with the loneliness.

    For the endless internet browsing, you might try setting some limits. There are lots of parental control type settings and apps out there to help it stick. I've used LeechBlock and StayFocusd to limit myself to 30 minutes a day on here, news sites, Reddit, Facebook, etc. There are apps for both iOS and Android that'll do the same sort of thing.

  • Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
    [Michael] wrote: »
    On top of the above suggestions for depression treatment, you might try joining a gym along with some group classes. Exercise is a pretty effective treatment (along with tonnnns of other quality of life improvements), and making some human connections can help with the loneliness.

    For the endless internet browsing, you might try setting some limits. There are lots of parental control type settings and apps out there to help it stick. I've used LeechBlock and StayFocusd to limit myself to 30 minutes a day on here, news sites, Reddit, Facebook, etc. There are apps for both iOS and Android that'll do the same sort of thing.

    I actually have a gym membership and I used to use it regularly, but I haven't had the motivation to do that in a long time. I agree I need to make myself go again on weekends, I don't think there are classes at this one though, but perhaps I haven't looked enough.

    Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    While your wife might never be coming back, you are still a dad, and have rights to see your daughter (unless there are abuse allegations.)

  • Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
    edited July 2017
    Nothing like that, it's just, well, we are still married. In the very rare interactions I have had with her in the past few years, whenever I bring up the question of divorce, she always refuses to discuss it. Basically it's this weird limbo, they don't live with me or see me, she doesn't ask me for anything, but I have no real way of contacting her. There was a period where I didn't have her cellphone number for over a year and could only reach her through messenger apps. I did get a new number from her recently, we talked once, I texted her not too long ago to tell her to tell the young one happy birthday, and never heard back. She may not have a current phone again, I do not know. Literally.

    My friend says it's because she knows she fucked me over and has this weird guilt thing going which is why she never asks for anything, and also refuses to interact with me. I don't even know what to do about that. I haven't seen my daughter for what feels like years now, maybe 2? I also sometimes feel like that's for the best, to avoid stressing out the child further.

    Hiryu02 on
    Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Sounds like you need to focus on getting a divorce, once you figure out your tax and license stuff. You might owe child support, but you'd also be able to get a plan in place so you can see your daughter. No need to interact with your ex beyond the basics. I can't imagine it would stress out your kid who is probably wondering what happened to you.

  • Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
    Like, when I say it's a weird limbo, she left essentially by going over to her parents house over the weekend, to help her mom with some problems her parents were having, which was true. It's just, she never came back. My apartment is a monument to the strange end of my marriage, she left a bunch of clothes and stuff, and the baby's room is filled with baby stuff, just gathering dust. She has a key to the apartment. She can come and go should she wish to, to get her things maybe while I'm at work, she just hasn't. She's come to see me twice, most recently I was giving her a phone to replace her broken one. But yeah, I didnt change locks, shes on the lease, she has access.

    Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    edited July 2017
    A big part of the reason you would want to actually get a divorce here is to get a court mandate when you get to see your child. Until you get that mandate then as I understand it she can, legally, take your child wherever she wants and you have no recourse.

    Usual disclaimer here that I am not a lawyer, which is why you want to be talking to one to get your rights.

    Cambiata on
    "excuse my French
    But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
    - Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
  • bowenbowen Sup? Registered User regular
    .. you might have a good argument for primary custody of the child too, since she just straight up walked out on the marriage and blocked you from seeing your daughter.

    Time to get in touch with an accountant and a lawer.

    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    I would be hitting the roof if my partner disappeared with my kid and no explanation. Maybe you should see a therapist? You sound curiously apathetic about it. This is probably a symptom of depression. It can make you stop caring about stuff.

  • Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
    The thing, it took a long time. Like I said, this happened slowly. First she couldn't come home because her parents were having issues, then it was helping her mom move out, move in, then more on this, and so on. Always something as to why she wasn't ready to come back home. This happened over years, man, before I realized it was never going to change. I wouldn't be surprised if I was clinically depressed, I don't enjoy the things I used to, as I said in the OP. It's taken me years to basically realize she's not coming back. In theory, I know where she lives, she's at her parents house not far from me. I don't know if I want to go there and find out she's no longer there, either.

    Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
  • Hiryu02Hiryu02 Registered User regular
    edited July 2017
    Sorry if this is a stupid question, when you guys say to see a tax pro or accountant to help with my tax stuff, do I need to get like an actual CPA? Or can I walk into an H+R Block and talk to someone senior?

    Edit: Further, I can ask my employer to re-send me my W2's from say 2012 to 2014, right?

    Hiryu02 on
    Sev: Your gameplay is the most heavily yomi based around. Usually you look for characters that allow you to force guessing situations for big dmg. Even if the guess is mathematically nowhere near in your favor lol. You're happiest when you have either a 50/50, 33/33/33 or even a 75/25 situation to go crazy with. And you will take big risks to force those situations to come up.
  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    Hiryu02 wrote: »
    Sorry if this is a stupid question, when you guys say to see a tax pro or accountant to help with my tax stuff, do I need to get like an actual CPA? Or can I walk into an H+R Block and talk to someone senior?

    Edit: Further, I can ask my employer to re-send me my W2's from say 2012 to 2014, right?

    RE:Edit:

    "Retention

    Employers should keep Copy D (Employer Copy) of Form W-2s for their records for 4 years."

    You may get lucky but you're passing that retention policy. I also don't see where they have an obligation to supply them to you. Though the IRS would have them.

    I would really get an actual CPA to untangle this myself. This is not going to fit into any of H&R's little boxes and procedures.

    Nod. Get treat. PSN: Quippish
  • LailLail Surrey, B.C.Registered User regular
    Assuming your taxes are just the normal paperwork, you can go to an H&R Block or any tax preparer really. CPAs will likely charge more. The fact that you are late filing won't complicate things (I say this as a Canadian CPA - I'm not 100% sure, but I can't imagine this is different in the US).

    And yes, your employer should be able to resend your W2s.

  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    A CPA would be a good idea, but you can get good help at an H&R Block as well. Going that far back, you'll want to ask for someone with at least that many years experience as well no matter where you go.

    Source - I've worked as a tax pro at an H&R Block and have dealt with very tangled webs of divorced and not divorced couples with even stranger stories than the one you've laid out here.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User, Transition Team regular
    Your children need a father. You didn't give an age but if your daughter was a baby when your wife disappeared 5 years ago, she is old enough to have conversations and understand people now dude. Shes in school somewhere now, or should be. There is literally no way she isn't aware of not having a dad.

    To hell with the mother's opinion, she doesn't own that child. Get a lawyer, get a divorce, get your kid back.

  • bowenbowen Sup? Registered User regular
    What spool said.

    She is your kid, you have rights. She has rights too.

    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • GnizmoGnizmo Registered User regular
    Going to add my professional opinion as well. Short work history is I worked for child protective services and do a lot of therapy with kids. She needs you especially at that age. I am not saying it will be easy, and I would expect to get yelled at a lot. She will come around, and both of your lives are likely to be better for it. Fight for your kid.

    Also, try walking a bit every now and again or other exercise you feel you can manage. It really does help. Therapists are always amazing people to talk all of this out with and get a grasp on where to go next. Places to find them on the internets abound. Don't be afraid to look around a little to find one that really clicks with you.

Sign In or Register to comment.