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Relationship advice
xAlibearx
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
The last person I dated was the first I've ever loved including my family and the only person I have loved though I don't anymore. He cheated on me with his step sister...the person I hate the most and it really messed me up it's been almost a year I'm over it all forgotten but still haven't felt like that with anyone. I'm kind of scared to love someone. Whenever people say they romantically like me I just analyze them figure out why think do. Like the guy who cheated on me all of his relationships we're purely sexual and he had substance problems and I was the only one who didn't just hook up with him I took time to know him and helped him. He didn't really love me. Now another guy has asked me if I would date him and he's so nice but I can't feel anything. I feel like the only reason he likes me is I'm pretty much the only girl that's shown remote interest in him. I just feel so empty all the time and this prevents from even being capable of being in a relationship. I feel like it's not fair to the other person because I'm like this. I'm so lonely I just don't know what do. I don't mean to sound so pathetic it's just rough I used to be such a nice kind affectionate person now I can barely even say the word love and everything makes me sad or angry. I don't really care about myself anymore I wouldn't even smoke cigarettes because I knew it'd be bad for my health. I'll smoke frequently and I also smoke weed now. Honestly if someone were to offer me crack and tell me it'd be a great high I'd do it that's the level of depression I'm at. I don't know just some advice on how to love would be great. I don't really understand emotions very well anymore. Thanks
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How old are you out of interest?
A good therapist is like a magic mirror that asks the right questions. They aren't there to fix everything for you, but to help you equip yourself with the tools to understand what's wrong and how to fix yourself. I strongly recommend it.
also
Please use paragraphs going forward. It makes it much easier for us all to read and much more likely you'll get worthwhile advice.
@Gnizmo may have some suggestions here.
Just to be clear, I am not here to be a therapist, provide therapy, counseling, or anything of the sort. This is personal advice. Why I put this disclaimer here will be apparent later on.
So, um, kinda burying the lede a little here I think. This all sounds like text book depression symptoms to me. Like I would absolutely suggest you see a therapist because a lot of what you describe sounds incredibly painful and hard to manage. The biggest problem with depression is it makes it impossible to want to try and make things better. Its a beast that fights incredibly unfairly. Its also a beast that sneaks up on you.
So my first question is why do your parents need to know at all? You are 18 and able to consent. There is no strict requirement so I guess I am curious what the barriers are, and if there is a way to mitigate them. If it is transportation that can be hard, but manageable. Friends are a wonderful resource, and you have indicated that there is at least on person deeply interested in your well being. Buses can also work depending on your area. If it is simply leaving that is easy, but requires some level of deception. Nothing terrible though.
If I might ask, is there anything physical you like to do for fun? Running, biking, hiking, jogging, walking, any type of exercise etc? Remember how I mentioned depression fights unfairly? Well an easy way around is to actually just do stuff oddly. It will not solve your problems, but it helps give you the mental energy to combat the problem. Its a brain chemistry thing is the short answer for why.
My largest bit of advise here? Talk. Talk about it all. Talk to the people around you. Tell them how you are feeling. Let them know what you are going through. Your parent's sound closed off, but that is only one relationship. Letting it all out and processing is incredibly effective. Want to know what the most effective part of therapy is? The relationship. Being able to just sit and talk to someone who is supportive is 70% of the effect of therapy. Techniques and what not make up the last 30%. That is huge! You don't have to take my word on it either. The research is out there. I say this as someone who has near a decade of experience working in the mental health field in settings ranging from drug rehab, to psych hospitals, to working for child protection, and most recently finally getting around to getting my masters. If you want a study send me a PM and I will find a way to get it to you.
From a personal note, I can say I know how hard it is to fight these demons. My brother died from HIV that progressed to AIDS when he decided the best way to fight it was to ignore it. After that I fell in love with a boy who wasn't great to me, and eventually exploded for shockingly similar reasons. I got lucky and found a wonderful set of supportive friends who loved me through this. I felt like I didn't deserve it, but I know I needed it in hindsight. Don't let the voice in your head convince you that you have no value. Your existence is magic, and is incredibly valuable. Others can see this so I ask you trust them a little bit, at least for now. They see who you are better than you can as strange and impossible as that sounds. Let them show you how amazing you truly are.
The most common types (causes?) of depression are situational and clinical. Both can be helped with medication but situational will also benefit from counseling and just talking to people. That being said, finding a medication (or medications) that work for you can be difficult so if you go that route, keep at it.
Also, at least for me, depression and being in a relationship has a rather soul crushing dynamic. My ex of roughly 1.5 years ago was a terrible GF. I'll spare the details but I can objectively say she was pretty bad. However, I was never happier in our shitty, barely there relationship. Meds never came close and that makes you obsess over it. As you can see, I haven't exactly figured it out yet.
What I can say is get yourself on stable ground by any means necessary. Trust me, I know super well how horrible the loneliness is and how things just don't feel right but being happy only through someone else is just not a great way to live your life.
Hope that helps.
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But my main issuyis im having problems with relationships. I keep on going for guys who I know don't care much about me as a person and regecting the ones I know have more pure intentions.
I think I'm scared to be cheated on and care for somebody and open up. I just don't know how to get over it. Now the thought of being in a healthy relationship scares me.