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begging everyone I know on facebook for help, or how to be a human on social media

redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1whole numbersRegistered User regular
edited February 2018 in Help / Advice Forum
I am having a hard time not posting something close to this either as a status post thing, or in the local Burn community's social page(low number of thousand of texas hippies, social and sexual deviants, trolls and artists, pretty much including anyone I know for whom this would be a thing capable of working).
I know this is kind of awkward to ask. I’m fairly dyslexic and somewhat autistic and really am trying to change how I deal with people in, well, in a whole lot of ways compared to who I spent my life being. I pretty much wasted my teens and 20s being very alone, and basically need to figure out how to person. I am sort of making progress on stuff, but…
I really need sort of stable access to minor physical intimacy that isn’t dependent on a romantic partner, because right now not having it is fucking with how I deal with people, and distracting me at work, and just generally preventing me from dealing with other issues that aren’t solved by me sitting on a couch next to pretty much anyone who’d be reading this, for a couple hours a week. and, I get, kinda thing that is driving this is something that does need to get addressed(hard when I need to learn not to expect to feel the way I am feeling).
I don’t know. Anyone want to get unsober and watch some cartoons? Anyone know of a movie night where I might find a home? Know of something else where I’m likely to find a compatible situation and not be expected to try to talk a lot?
There’s not really anything here I mind talking about. It’s been a few revisions for this not over share even more.

it doesn't take that much for it to work, just one or two yeses. and I think I don't care about how many people are going to think I am weak and broken, needy and creepy piece of shit. or I mean, I do, which I why I am asking here, and am fine if it's just like 15% and people I don't really need in my life anyway.

This machine kills threads.
redx on


  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    keep in mind that social media has a long memory. this might seem like an honest representation of where you're at right now, but will it be so in the future?

    to be frank, it reads as more than just a little needy - you're coming off as entitled. i do believe we all should feel entitled to something as fundamental as human relationships, but this is not the best way to go about establishing them. if you're looking for a couple of hours of connection on a couch... have you thought about seeing a therapist?

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    What kind of advice are you looking for here?

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion Pronouns: He, Him, HisRegistered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Don't post that or send it to anyone but your mom or therapist. This isn't saying those aren't natural and understandable concerns (hell, I think we've all been there at various parts of our lives), but that rhetorical strategy is not going to create a hangout or engender friendships.

    All of those things take work to make happen, and you have to initiate that work usually. Throw a party. Start a movie night. Set up a local hangout. Then advertise those on social media and be seen as the person who makes cool shit happen. That's how you'll get this going.

    Sending out essentially "somebody please love me," while totally relateable to literally everyone on earth, isn't going to win you favors because most folk reading it will think "well, same here pal. Get in line." Sending out something saying "hey, everyone interested in watching horror films and having a few brews, we are setting up a movie night! Third Friday each month join a few like minded individuals in enjoy a good flick, good beer, and good company. First round and pizzas covered by the house, rest BYOB."

    Or something similar. Trick is finding a venue that is neutral for the first few events. Setting it up at your house will probably skeeve off folks unless you are grabbing a bunch of people you know and are friends with already. I'd reach out to a local bar with a TV and see if they would be interested in hosing such an event on one of their slower nights, if you want drinks involved. They get more custom, everyone gets a safe place, and you don't have to foot as much of the bill.

    Enc on
    Fuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloudfirewaterworddavidsdurions
  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular

    it's annoying that the response of "well, same here pal. Get in line." isn't more, "wait, ok, you too. I'm willing to take some risk for that also." I mean, that's just the most freaking ridiculous thing.

    and the response of "well wait everyone needs that", I kinda hate how everyone else gets to talk about the health issues giving them trouble. But, talking about stuff like this is inexcusable weakness.

    I sort of wanted to mostly verify that it was a bad idea. Maybe get a gauge on how bad an idea. Like, I get like, this is sort of the advices for "well this is how most people in society think", but I kinda think society is wrong about a lot and most of it can go screw. But if it's actually off putting to aggressively progressive people used to dealing with weird social stuff.

    Can I just ask: "hey, I really would like a regular movie or anime night. Anyone want to start one? Maybe know of one already?" or should I just start going around and talking about it to, like, individuals i trust and am sort of close to? I sort of hoped I could just tear the bandage off in one jank.

    I sort of do have a therapist, but won't be seeing them for another 2 weeks. I sort of talked a bit about being more public about this stuff. But begging for affection probably wasn't what she had in mind. I should be splitting a house with a couple people in a few months, and was planning on a nice comfortable living room good for entertaining, and I was planning on getting a good TV for exactly this sort of stuff.

    I sort of posted this because I didn't want to wait the two weeks, or the few months. And it was late and I was, not great, and I guess I'm glad I posted it here. rather than there.


    This machine kills threads.
  • UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    Red, have you considered just going to a Burner event?

    The kind of intimacy you're looking for definitely exists in the community, but you deffo need to friends? with folks before that's going to crop up.

  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    ...I was thinking of posting in either the Flipside facebook page, or maybe just the one for DaFT (we are the folks that build the thing they burn), if I didn't do it as a status update.

    I'm like, going to a decomp from the winter this afternoon, and I am getting to be more active as a member of the community here. I get invited to people house for parties. I don't get invited to do random weeknight of mostly just sitting around, and it's mostly that sort of thing that I am missing.

    This machine kills threads.
  • UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    Yeah I get ya, but it takes a while to build up the sort of relationship where that's appropriate friend-level shenanigans.

    You're not in the PNW by chance, are you?

  • redxredx I(x)=2(x)+1 whole numbersRegistered User regular
    Texas (I sort of wanted to ask because... but I don't really care.

    and, i know.

    i just haven't actually ever had that sort of level of casual physical contact with someone I hadn't been inside of.

    And I'm trying to do that pretty late in life, and am just sort of terrified that if I don't fix this, I will end of living the rest of my life as alone as I did the first half.

    Seriously, I spent half of my life, to within a handful of months, pretty much constantly worried about people touching me. The autism and dyslexia fuck with my ability to both send and perceive body language. Most of the time I am around people, I'm somewhat uncomfortable, and that shows and... and of physical contact, hug response, oxytocin stuff seems to work. And the here is a reward for recognizing the faces of people you love, hey let's make infants look at people's faces so they learn how to read them... haircuts and different make-up make me uncomfortable around people I've known for years.

    So getting from here to there, I just want this one minor trivial thing taken care of, so I have somewhere I know is solid to stand, as I work on the rest of this mountain of shit.

    and it's really hard.

    This machine kills threads.
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    I understand that this sucks, but this forum can't be used for therapy in itself, which is what it seems you're really looking for. If you want advice on better therapy options, resources, etc., that we can do. You can make another thread asking for that kind of advice.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
This discussion has been closed.