Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
edited May 2018
My favorite bit from John Mulaney's Kid Gorgeous was him talking about college.
I related to it a bit.
"Also, what did I get for my money? What is college? Stop going until we figure it out. Because I went to college, I have no idea what it was. I went to college, I was 18 years old, I looked like I was 11. I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and Adderall. College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.
By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was 17 years old. With no attorney present. That’s illegal. They tricked me. They tricked me like Brendan Dassey on Making a Murderer. They tricked me like poor Brendan. They pulled me out of high school. I was in sweatpants, all confused. Two guys in clip-on ties are like, “Come on, son, do the right thing. Sign here and be an English major.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Yes, you heard me, an English major. I paid $120,000.
How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t. That’s the worst use of 120 grand I can possibly fathom. Other than if you, like, bought a duffel bag of fake cocaine. No, I take it back. That’s a better use of the money, ’cause I know you’d be disappointed when you open up the duffel bag and you realize it’s not real cocaine, it’s like powdered baby aspirin or whatever they do. But at least you have baby aspirin. And maybe you have a baby and one day your baby goes, “Oh, my head,” and you go, “Hey, I’ve got something for you! Come here, little guy.” And you dump it out on a mirror. You make it nice for the baby. You make it nice. You cut it up into lines with your laundry card or whatever and you make it nice, and your baby takes his sippy-cup straw and he holds it in his little ravioli-sized baby fist and he leans over and he snorts up the baby aspirin, and he gets rid of his baby headache, plus you get a duffel bag!
That is way better than walking across a stage at graduation, hungover, in a gown, to accept a certificate for reading books that I didn’t read. Strolling across a stage, the sun in my eyes, my family watching as I sweat vodka and ecstasy, to receive a four-year degree in a language that I already spoke."
Zonugal on
+12
Options
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
FMA: Brotherhood
30 Rock
Law and Order
Arrested Development
Simpsons
DBZ Kai w/ Yamamoto Score (or just TeamFourStar if I can't watch TeamFourStar)
The Wire
Spectacular Spider-Man
Game of Thrones
Conan or Late Night with Conan so I could just have something 'new' to watch in perpetuity
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
0
Options
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
Regarding them releasing all of Late Night With Conan O'Brien on the internet, if you watched one episode a night it'd take you around seven & a half years to get through it all.
+2
Options
minor incidentexpert in a dying fieldnjRegistered Userregular
"Plus you get a duffel bag!" is maybe my favorite punchline in that whole special.
Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
+3
Options
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
My favorite bit from John Mulaney's Kid Gorgeous was him talking about college.
I related to it a bit.
"Also, what did I get for my money? What is college? Stop going until we figure it out. Because I went to college, I have no idea what it was. I went to college, I was 18 years old, I looked like I was 11. I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and Adderall. College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.
By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was 17 years old. With no attorney present. That’s illegal. They tricked me. They tricked me like Brendan Dassey on Making a Murderer. They tricked me like poor Brendan. They pulled me out of high school. I was in sweatpants, all confused. Two guys in clip-on ties are like, “Come on, son, do the right thing. Sign here and be an English major.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Yes, you heard me, an English major. I paid $120,000.
How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t. That’s the worst use of 120 grand I can possibly fathom. Other than if you, like, bought a duffel bag of fake cocaine. No, I take it back. That’s a better use of the money, ’cause I know you’d be disappointed when you open up the duffel bag and you realize it’s not real cocaine, it’s like powdered baby aspirin or whatever they do. But at least you have baby aspirin. And maybe you have a baby and one day your baby goes, “Oh, my head,” and you go, “Hey, I’ve got something for you! Come here, little guy.” And you dump it out on a mirror. You make it nice for the baby. You make it nice. You cut it up into lines with your laundry card or whatever and you make it nice, and your baby takes his sippy-cup straw and he holds it in his little ravioli-sized baby fist and he leans over and he snorts up the baby aspirin, and he gets rid of his baby headache, plus you get a duffel bag!
That is way better than walking across a stage at graduation, hungover, in a gown, to accept a certificate for reading books that I didn’t read. Strolling across a stage, the sun in my eyes, my family watching as I sweat vodka and ecstasy, to receive a four-year degree in a language that I already spoke."
This is from his new special on Netflix?
I need to watch that.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
0
Options
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
By the way, the variant on that brain-teaser is instead of having ten shows in their full length, you have fifty seasons to fill your streaming service.
No I have a life, i can't get sucked into picking out 50 seasons of TV i feel are... farscape is still only 4 seasons.
My favorite bit from John Mulaney's Kid Gorgeous was him talking about college.
I related to it a bit.
"Also, what did I get for my money? What is college? Stop going until we figure it out. Because I went to college, I have no idea what it was. I went to college, I was 18 years old, I looked like I was 11. I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and Adderall. College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.
By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was 17 years old. With no attorney present. That’s illegal. They tricked me. They tricked me like Brendan Dassey on Making a Murderer. They tricked me like poor Brendan. They pulled me out of high school. I was in sweatpants, all confused. Two guys in clip-on ties are like, “Come on, son, do the right thing. Sign here and be an English major.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Yes, you heard me, an English major. I paid $120,000.
How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t. That’s the worst use of 120 grand I can possibly fathom. Other than if you, like, bought a duffel bag of fake cocaine. No, I take it back. That’s a better use of the money, ’cause I know you’d be disappointed when you open up the duffel bag and you realize it’s not real cocaine, it’s like powdered baby aspirin or whatever they do. But at least you have baby aspirin. And maybe you have a baby and one day your baby goes, “Oh, my head,” and you go, “Hey, I’ve got something for you! Come here, little guy.” And you dump it out on a mirror. You make it nice for the baby. You make it nice. You cut it up into lines with your laundry card or whatever and you make it nice, and your baby takes his sippy-cup straw and he holds it in his little ravioli-sized baby fist and he leans over and he snorts up the baby aspirin, and he gets rid of his baby headache, plus you get a duffel bag!
That is way better than walking across a stage at graduation, hungover, in a gown, to accept a certificate for reading books that I didn’t read. Strolling across a stage, the sun in my eyes, my family watching as I sweat vodka and ecstasy, to receive a four-year degree in a language that I already spoke."
My favorite bit from John Mulaney's Kid Gorgeous was him talking about college.
I related to it a bit.
"Also, what did I get for my money? What is college? Stop going until we figure it out. Because I went to college, I have no idea what it was. I went to college, I was 18 years old, I looked like I was 11. I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and Adderall. College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.
By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was 17 years old. With no attorney present. That’s illegal. They tricked me. They tricked me like Brendan Dassey on Making a Murderer. They tricked me like poor Brendan. They pulled me out of high school. I was in sweatpants, all confused. Two guys in clip-on ties are like, “Come on, son, do the right thing. Sign here and be an English major.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Yes, you heard me, an English major. I paid $120,000.
How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t. That’s the worst use of 120 grand I can possibly fathom. Other than if you, like, bought a duffel bag of fake cocaine. No, I take it back. That’s a better use of the money, ’cause I know you’d be disappointed when you open up the duffel bag and you realize it’s not real cocaine, it’s like powdered baby aspirin or whatever they do. But at least you have baby aspirin. And maybe you have a baby and one day your baby goes, “Oh, my head,” and you go, “Hey, I’ve got something for you! Come here, little guy.” And you dump it out on a mirror. You make it nice for the baby. You make it nice. You cut it up into lines with your laundry card or whatever and you make it nice, and your baby takes his sippy-cup straw and he holds it in his little ravioli-sized baby fist and he leans over and he snorts up the baby aspirin, and he gets rid of his baby headache, plus you get a duffel bag!
That is way better than walking across a stage at graduation, hungover, in a gown, to accept a certificate for reading books that I didn’t read. Strolling across a stage, the sun in my eyes, my family watching as I sweat vodka and ecstasy, to receive a four-year degree in a language that I already spoke."
when he did this bit live it ended with him saying ".....so I gave them five hundred dollars."
+1
Options
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
Oh, I know nothing of his history. I’d never even seen his work until two days ago.
John Mulaney, according to his stand-up, used to be a booze/drug fiend.
Yeah. He mentions in one of his first two netflix specials that he looks and sounds fairly clean cut so people are always surprised to hear that he used to regularly get blackout fucked up and "ruin parties."
"I know that's hard to believe, because I don't look like someone who used to do anything."
My favorite bit from John Mulaney's Kid Gorgeous was him talking about college.
I related to it a bit.
"Also, what did I get for my money? What is college? Stop going until we figure it out. Because I went to college, I have no idea what it was. I went to college, I was 18 years old, I looked like I was 11. I lived like a goddamn Ninja Turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived on cigarettes and alcohol and Adderall. College was like a four-year game show called Do My Friends Hate Me or Do I Just Need to Go to Sleep? But instead of winning money, you lose $120,000.
By the way, I agreed to give them $120,000 when I was 17 years old. With no attorney present. That’s illegal. They tricked me. They tricked me like Brendan Dassey on Making a Murderer. They tricked me like poor Brendan. They pulled me out of high school. I was in sweatpants, all confused. Two guys in clip-on ties are like, “Come on, son, do the right thing. Sign here and be an English major.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Yes, you heard me, an English major. I paid $120,000.
How dare you clap? How dare you clap for the worst financial decision I ever made in my life? I paid $120,000 for someone to tell me to go read Jane Austen and then I didn’t. That’s the worst use of 120 grand I can possibly fathom. Other than if you, like, bought a duffel bag of fake cocaine. No, I take it back. That’s a better use of the money, ’cause I know you’d be disappointed when you open up the duffel bag and you realize it’s not real cocaine, it’s like powdered baby aspirin or whatever they do. But at least you have baby aspirin. And maybe you have a baby and one day your baby goes, “Oh, my head,” and you go, “Hey, I’ve got something for you! Come here, little guy.” And you dump it out on a mirror. You make it nice for the baby. You make it nice. You cut it up into lines with your laundry card or whatever and you make it nice, and your baby takes his sippy-cup straw and he holds it in his little ravioli-sized baby fist and he leans over and he snorts up the baby aspirin, and he gets rid of his baby headache, plus you get a duffel bag!
That is way better than walking across a stage at graduation, hungover, in a gown, to accept a certificate for reading books that I didn’t read. Strolling across a stage, the sun in my eyes, my family watching as I sweat vodka and ecstasy, to receive a four-year degree in a language that I already spoke."
If you ask around, literally every single college degree that isnt like, physics or math is apparently useless.
+3
Options
Shortytouching the meatIntergalactic Cool CourtRegistered Userregular
non-STEM degrees are extremely difficult to leverage into a viable career right now, yes
Created, written, and starring Sandy Honig (Isn’t It Romantic), Mitra Jouhari (Miracle Workers), Alyssa Stonoha (The Special Without Brett Davis), Three Busy Debras is described as an absurdist comedy that follows three disturbed housewives (played by Honig, Jouhari and Stonoha), and their fellow residents of an affluent Connecticut suburb that exists outside of reality as we know it.
I mean when college costs 120 thousand dollars I can imagine
Bloody hell
The best part is when you need a 4 year degree to be a fucking data entry peon which at best takes 4 hours of training
I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
+11
Options
MalReynoldsThe Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicinesRegistered Userregular
When people ask why I quit drinking, I quote Mulaney.
"I used to drink. And then I drank too much, and now I don't drink anymore."
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
+1
Options
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
Conveniently enough it is the time of the year when the seniors at the high school have to present their senior plans for after graduation.
I am grading a couple of them in two weeks.
And I have to lie and pretend that telling kids to just blindly sign up for college is a swell idea!
0
Options
minor incidentexpert in a dying fieldnjRegistered Userregular
Conveniently enough it is the time of the year when the seniors at the high school have to present their senior plans for after graduation.
I am grading a couple of them in two weeks.
And I have to lie and pretend that telling kids to just blindly sign up for college is a swell idea!
Do you ever just want to flip a table, scream "FUCK IT, JUST LEARN A TRADE!" and storm out?
I went on a long rant with a couple seniors that prospective career tests only ask what you would like to do, rather than asking what you are good at/can do professionally.
I have also explained that the entire point of attending a liberal arts university means invalidating their senior project, as they'll be introduced to so many new fields of study that they might be ensnared by one (like anthropology or Russian literature or anything).
My very first exposure (directly) to John Mulaney was his awful, awful television show, so it was refreshing to find out that he's actually a very good comedian.
Apropos of nothing, the other day I watched John Mulaney’s “Kid Gorgeous at Radio City” and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much he sounds like Zonugal
Please don't ruin John Mulaney for me
+11
Options
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
I've been struggling with my ten shows for a Streaming Service...
So far I have
The Drew Carey Show
Judge Judy
Looney Tunes
Star Trek TNG
Bob's Burgers
Jeopardy
Scrubs
SNL (mostly due to quantity)
At that point I get stuck that I need some actiony stuff.
0
Options
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
Posts
Must be a cold life
I related to it a bit.
30 Rock
Law and Order
Arrested Development
Simpsons
DBZ Kai w/ Yamamoto Score (or just TeamFourStar if I can't watch TeamFourStar)
The Wire
Spectacular Spider-Man
Game of Thrones
Conan or Late Night with Conan so I could just have something 'new' to watch in perpetuity
This is from his new special on Netflix?
I need to watch that.
It's really really good!
No I have a life, i can't get sucked into picking out 50 seasons of TV i feel are... farscape is still only 4 seasons.
Too real
Oh absolutely, I was just being irreverent. And good for him for knocking it on the head too.
"Do you want this old turnip I found in the cupboard? Is that good? Is that good for you? I know you don't drink."
"Or this nuvaring my girlfriend left in the fridge? Would you like that? Would that be good for you? I know you don't drink."
when he did this bit live it ended with him saying ".....so I gave them five hundred dollars."
"I know that's hard to believe, because I don't look like someone who used to do anything."
I identify very strongly with this joke
If you ask around, literally every single college degree that isnt like, physics or math is apparently useless.
Yeah, alright
Bloody hell
120 thousand is the cost before interest
His dad worked for the law firm that handled Clinton's impeachment defense. I'm going to guess he didn't need to take out any loans.
The best part is when you need a 4 year degree to be a fucking data entry peon which at best takes 4 hours of training
"I used to drink. And then I drank too much, and now I don't drink anymore."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
I am grading a couple of them in two weeks.
And I have to lie and pretend that telling kids to just blindly sign up for college is a swell idea!
Do you ever just want to flip a table, scream "FUCK IT, JUST LEARN A TRADE!" and storm out?
I went on a long rant with a couple seniors that prospective career tests only ask what you would like to do, rather than asking what you are good at/can do professionally.
I have also explained that the entire point of attending a liberal arts university means invalidating their senior project, as they'll be introduced to so many new fields of study that they might be ensnared by one (like anthropology or Russian literature or anything).
please don't make me a part of jimmy-dean thinking he's john mulaney now
Please don't ruin John Mulaney for me
What the heck is this?
PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
So far I have
The Drew Carey Show
Judge Judy
Looney Tunes
Star Trek TNG
Bob's Burgers
Jeopardy
Scrubs
SNL (mostly due to quantity)
At that point I get stuck that I need some actiony stuff.
Senior presentations?
Its a pretty common occurrence these days?
I like how taking out the @ makes it seem like he's talking about this wacky fictional character now.