[Vent]There is no possible solution but i have to type this out, it's driving me insane

Peas

I love my mother, but i also hate her with the very depth of my soul. I live in a very toxic environment and left around 2 years ago due to my siblings and father. But shortly after I left, my mother's cancer came back and I changed my plans from not contacting anyone from that side to calling her daily and regular visits.

She doesn't seem to/or want to understand the level of hatred and contempt I have for the rest of the family members and keep telling me to "forgive and let go" of what they have done to me throughout the years. There is zero chance of that happening and juat going to the place where they live brings me back really unpleasant thoughts and memories. I tried to suppress my feelings in front of her and acted like everything is fine but it hurts so fucking bad.

Just now she passed me a bunch of money and I ask what's its for and she told me she asked my brother to sell my ps4 because i don't use it anymore since i am living outside. Everything negative just came back and I almost lost it right in front of her but I don't want to make her sad since she's recovering from her chemo. But I am feeling really upset right now, it fucking sucks,I have no one to vent this to. I feel really bad, like really really bad

Cambiata

This sucks so bad, I'm sorry. I also come from a toxic family. Is there any chance you can get a therapist to vent these feelings to and get strategy sessions on how to plan for the inevitable grossness from having to be around that? I've found having plans in advance for the things that will for-sure go bad in dealing with family makes it a lot less awful when I do have to deal with them and bullshit happens. It also helps HEAPS to have someone who can tell you, "no, you are not the crazy one, these people are whack."

Peas

Thanks for reading Cambiata! I really felt much better typing it out instead of hoarding my feelings to myself, really appreciated the advice too. I managed to rein it in and told her that it's very important to ask me first before doing anything "for my own good". I am going to continue to visit her and talk to her, I really love her dearly and she's pretty much the only person I care about, hopefully I will be able to tank this pain inside my heart.

Enc

...how did they have access to your PS4?

ceres

Hey, all of this sucks and I would be livid enough that I probably wouldn't be able to contain myself as well as you did. I would make sure you get the rest of your things ASAP though, even if it needs to go in a storage locker. Whatever that costs per month is probably cheaper than having to deal with this again.

I am going to close this because H/A isn't really a great place for it, but the family thread in SE is pretty awesome. They're supportive and there's some really good perspective to be had in there.