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Insight needed
mordecat
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I’m 28 and very disconnected from my family (mostly by choice) because they tend to bring too much anxiety to me something I needed to gain my own control over.
Anywho, I’m seeking advice because I had a lovely dinner with my father this evening and he may actually be the person Ive grown the furthest away from, I can honestly say I haven’t seen him since thankgiving. So he has been dating a woman he met on Match.com which I think is great however she has began displaying very unusual behavior in my opinion. My sisters both have children and so this behavior became a concern earlier on for them because they now have little ones to think about, so this woman sort of cowardly texts all three of us daughters through my fathers phone I say cowardly because there is not mention of “Hey this is Abby here I just wanted to respond for your Dad or a Hey it’s Abby hope this finds you well” it’s all under the assumption that it’s my father which is beyond clear that it is NOT! It frustrates all of us because we have yet to meet this person but she is comfortable telling us how react in certain text arguments with our father and so on. Oh, it might help for me to mention that she has spent some time with my nephew (quite a bit of time) but Still refused to meet my sister even though my sister suggested it many many times to my dad. It’s been about two years now that my father has been with this woman we just found out they are now living together and we are even more concerned, I would never want my dad to be lonely but,I guess I’m uneasy with what her motive to be with him might be. I’m also not sure how involved I can get, I kind of got emotional tonight talking about her with him and said a bit too much I.e. I can imagine him not coming to my wedding bc I doubt she will be invited, im not sure I want to meet her at this point, what is she hiding, someone who loves you typically wants the best for you not the opposite
That last thing I said is referring to my father having a slipped disc in his back and her thinking it’s ok to take him hiking. I can’t go down that road I get too upset but overall, I need advice.
I’ve already mentioned that the texting is uncomfortable and has to stop bc I don’t want to filter myself with him being that I’m fearful she will be reading and responding. Also, apparently she is ready to meet us but it has to be in a 1 at a time scene otherwise she is uninterested. It feels like too little too late? My sister with the son had to cry to my father a few weeks back about how she doesn’t understand why this woman wants a relationship with her son but has no interest in meeting/ having a relationship with her.
Is it weird that I A) believe she has a drinking problem and
Is a very manipulatively abusive person to him?
Another note to help you understand and advise properly a while back I mean a year or so we caught wind of a situation (via my dad) about a fight the two of them had where she kicked him out and went missing for days and so on we don’t have exact details but it sounded like a drunken debacle and my dad was on the receiving end of some hard hitting drama due to her drunken shenanigans.
Any advice will be helpful, also for a while we have had a running joke that the whole situation reminds us of a snapped episode.
Anywho, I’m seeking advice because I had a lovely dinner with my father this evening and he may actually be the person Ive grown the furthest away from, I can honestly say I haven’t seen him since thankgiving. So he has been dating a woman he met on Match.com which I think is great however she has began displaying very unusual behavior in my opinion. My sisters both have children and so this behavior became a concern earlier on for them because they now have little ones to think about, so this woman sort of cowardly texts all three of us daughters through my fathers phone I say cowardly because there is not mention of “Hey this is Abby here I just wanted to respond for your Dad or a Hey it’s Abby hope this finds you well” it’s all under the assumption that it’s my father which is beyond clear that it is NOT! It frustrates all of us because we have yet to meet this person but she is comfortable telling us how react in certain text arguments with our father and so on. Oh, it might help for me to mention that she has spent some time with my nephew (quite a bit of time) but Still refused to meet my sister even though my sister suggested it many many times to my dad. It’s been about two years now that my father has been with this woman we just found out they are now living together and we are even more concerned, I would never want my dad to be lonely but,I guess I’m uneasy with what her motive to be with him might be. I’m also not sure how involved I can get, I kind of got emotional tonight talking about her with him and said a bit too much I.e. I can imagine him not coming to my wedding bc I doubt she will be invited, im not sure I want to meet her at this point, what is she hiding, someone who loves you typically wants the best for you not the opposite
That last thing I said is referring to my father having a slipped disc in his back and her thinking it’s ok to take him hiking. I can’t go down that road I get too upset but overall, I need advice.
I’ve already mentioned that the texting is uncomfortable and has to stop bc I don’t want to filter myself with him being that I’m fearful she will be reading and responding. Also, apparently she is ready to meet us but it has to be in a 1 at a time scene otherwise she is uninterested. It feels like too little too late? My sister with the son had to cry to my father a few weeks back about how she doesn’t understand why this woman wants a relationship with her son but has no interest in meeting/ having a relationship with her.
Is it weird that I A) believe she has a drinking problem and
Is a very manipulatively abusive person to him?Another note to help you understand and advise properly a while back I mean a year or so we caught wind of a situation (via my dad) about a fight the two of them had where she kicked him out and went missing for days and so on we don’t have exact details but it sounded like a drunken debacle and my dad was on the receiving end of some hard hitting drama due to her drunken shenanigans.
Any advice will be helpful, also for a while we have had a running joke that the whole situation reminds us of a snapped episode.
mordecat on
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For example: The most begin reading of this says you are having some strong degree of bias against this new woman wanting to be a part of your father's life, including wanting to have a relationship with his kids and grandkids. This is very common for folks in long term relationships with people. You want to love what they love. That, by itself, isn't harmful. Nor potentially is encouraging him to go hiking as exercise may be a viable way to prevent future injury (within reason). Them living together after two years is... well... not surprising? Lots of couples share cell phones. I know my mom and her boyfriend (of 15 years) do all the time. It's not an uncommon thing for folks in the Baby-Boomer generation.
But, with all that said, there is no way for us to read the actual context here. It's possible that literally every one of these things is Glen-Close-In-101-Dalmatians-Evil and the context of how these things are said totally changes the context. The only person who can set you at ease here would be your father. And you probably want to have this conversation in person with your other sisters (assuming they all agree with you).