The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Ask wife to go to speech therapist or let sleeping dogs lie?
altymcaltface
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
My wife has always had a vocal tic--maybe? I hope people here will know if this (1) is a tic and (2) if it's something that could be addressed by a speech therapist without much hardship.
After many statements, she unconsciously says "mmmm" or "hmmm." Like Marge Simpson. "I talked to my parents, mmmmm." "What do you want for dinner? hmm mmm" It gets worse when she's self-conscious. It's daily, almost every conversation.
Please let's skip advice about underlying stress, anxiety, etc., because, obviously. That's a constant project with no likelihood of resolution in the immediate future, like for 99% of people. We try. It's imperfect. Living is struggle.
She's now expanding out professionally. She's self-conscious about promoting herself and her work, in a field where bravado is probably more important than talent. I really want her to succeed. I worry that it won't help her if influential people get vibes of vulnerability, lack of confidence, and general unhinged-ness, which is what a person sounds like when they finish every sentence with a worried humming noise.
On the other hand, I do not want to make her feel bad or even more self-conscious by encouraging her to see a speech therapist if this isn't the sort of thing that they do. Maybe it's not particularly "curable,"--just part of being who is she is. In relationships, I think it is important not to make personal comments unless there's a damn good reason to do it and change is possible.
Edit to add: she's aware that she does this, because other people have said charming things like, "do you know you hum when you speak," but she's not aware when she's actually doing it.
After many statements, she unconsciously says "mmmm" or "hmmm." Like Marge Simpson. "I talked to my parents, mmmmm." "What do you want for dinner? hmm mmm" It gets worse when she's self-conscious. It's daily, almost every conversation.
Please let's skip advice about underlying stress, anxiety, etc., because, obviously. That's a constant project with no likelihood of resolution in the immediate future, like for 99% of people. We try. It's imperfect. Living is struggle.
She's now expanding out professionally. She's self-conscious about promoting herself and her work, in a field where bravado is probably more important than talent. I really want her to succeed. I worry that it won't help her if influential people get vibes of vulnerability, lack of confidence, and general unhinged-ness, which is what a person sounds like when they finish every sentence with a worried humming noise.
On the other hand, I do not want to make her feel bad or even more self-conscious by encouraging her to see a speech therapist if this isn't the sort of thing that they do. Maybe it's not particularly "curable,"--just part of being who is she is. In relationships, I think it is important not to make personal comments unless there's a damn good reason to do it and change is possible.
Edit to add: she's aware that she does this, because other people have said charming things like, "do you know you hum when you speak," but she's not aware when she's actually doing it.
altymcaltface on
0
Posts
Speech therapy covers a wide range of issues that I think might include this. I did when I was younger for a stammer. Your mileage may vary, but I was taught methods of practicing speech when at home and that helps inform your public speaking using those coping techniques. That and practice.
Yes, and she's not happy about it. I floated speech therapist once, briefly, about six months ago, when she said someone had commented on her doing it. She said it hadn't occurred to her, but I haven't brought it up since, because she hasn't.
Edit: to clarify, she's aware that she does it, but not aware when she's doing it.
You're (probably) never going to "fix" the issue or the person. You'll just introduce mindfulness and speech techniques to help over time. I still randomly stammer to this day, but it's improved immeasurably.
If public speech training is expensive, though, maybe go directly to speech therapy? It's a money issue at this point since you'll eventually end up at the cheapest method that works
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
-The first thing is to determine whether it is a hum, or clearing of the throat to get rid of irritation. The former is something an SLP can help with, the latter is better left to an ENT specialist.
-You can help your wife a lot by letting her know whenever she does it. The first step in an SLP's treatment is to make the patient be aware of the issue. You can do things like record her hums and playing it back to her. Awareness is key.
-If it does not impede on her ability to communicate, then it's actually not a big problem. That is, does the hum result in people focusing more on the method of communication, rather than the message of the communication. The former is a bigger problem.
-If this is being used as filler, then public speaking tutoring would help more.