Ask wife to go to speech therapist or let sleeping dogs lie?

altymcaltface

My wife has always had a vocal tic--maybe? I hope people here will know if this (1) is a tic and (2) if it's something that could be addressed by a speech therapist without much hardship.

After many statements, she unconsciously says "mmmm" or "hmmm." Like Marge Simpson. "I talked to my parents, mmmmm." "What do you want for dinner? hmm mmm" It gets worse when she's self-conscious. It's daily, almost every conversation.

Please let's skip advice about underlying stress, anxiety, etc., because, obviously. That's a constant project with no likelihood of resolution in the immediate future, like for 99% of people. We try. It's imperfect. Living is struggle.

She's now expanding out professionally. She's self-conscious about promoting herself and her work, in a field where bravado is probably more important than talent. I really want her to succeed. I worry that it won't help her if influential people get vibes of vulnerability, lack of confidence, and general unhinged-ness, which is what a person sounds like when they finish every sentence with a worried humming noise.

On the other hand, I do not want to make her feel bad or even more self-conscious by encouraging her to see a speech therapist if this isn't the sort of thing that they do. Maybe it's not particularly "curable,"--just part of being who is she is. In relationships, I think it is important not to make personal comments unless there's a damn good reason to do it and change is possible.

Edit to add: she's aware that she does this, because other people have said charming things like, "do you know you hum when you speak," but she's not aware when she's actually doing it.

John Matrix

Is she aware that she's doing it?

Speech therapy covers a wide range of issues that I think might include this. I did when I was younger for a stammer. Your mileage may vary, but I was taught methods of practicing speech when at home and that helps inform your public speaking using those coping techniques. That and practice.

altymcaltface

John Matrix wrote: »

Is she aware that she's doing it?

Yes, and she's not happy about it. I floated speech therapist once, briefly, about six months ago, when she said someone had commented on her doing it. She said it hadn't occurred to her, but I haven't brought it up since, because she hasn't.

Edit: to clarify, she's aware that she does it, but not aware when she's doing it.

John Matrix

Then, given the career goals, I would say it's worth bringing up. "Are you still unhappy with your 'mmm' noise? I think speech therapy might go a long way to helping you with that."

You're (probably) never going to "fix" the issue or the person. You'll just introduce mindfulness and speech techniques to help over time. I still randomly stammer to this day, but it's improved immeasurably.

chromdom

A halfway step may be something like Toastmasters. Public speaking, presentation, awareness of and tricks to get past nervous issues, I think they help with all that kind of stuff.

Quid

So long as you’re tactful and considerate of her feelings I would hope your spouse would be open to at least hearing your suggestion. As gets repeated everywhere, open and honest communication is important to most marriages which includes polite support for looking in to help with something you know she wants to improve about herself.

spool32

What Quid says, and speech therapy might not be as useful as a Public Speaking coach. This is the same sort of verbal affectation as pervasive uptalking or saying "um" or "like" dozens of times in your sentences. Focused public speech training can break the habits - a good coach will include recorded speech that is played back to build awareness, and techniques to defeat verbal affectation.

dispatch.o

Has she ever talked to her doctor and mentioned it? Sinus, throat or vocal cord things can cause people to clear their throat or make various sounds due to irritation.

ceres

This might not be a speech issue... there's a chance it could be a tic. If that's the case it may require something a bit more than speech therapy or public speaking classes. I don't mean medication, but something like behavioral therapy recommended by someone knowledgeable about tics and tic disorders.

Paladin

Go to your primary care physician or NP first; they'll probably recommend you try public speaking classes before a workup anyway. That way, if it doesn't work, your insurance may cover the cost of assessment and possible treatment more.

If public speech training is expensive, though, maybe go directly to speech therapy? It's a money issue at this point since you'll eventually end up at the cheapest method that works

ceres

That is a really good idea. I tend to try to nuke from orbit, it's not always the best way.

Akilae

I sent this to an Speech Language Pathologist I know, and got the following:

-The first thing is to determine whether it is a hum, or clearing of the throat to get rid of irritation. The former is something an SLP can help with, the latter is better left to an ENT specialist.
-You can help your wife a lot by letting her know whenever she does it. The first step in an SLP's treatment is to make the patient be aware of the issue. You can do things like record her hums and playing it back to her. Awareness is key.
-If it does not impede on her ability to communicate, then it's actually not a big problem. That is, does the hum result in people focusing more on the method of communication, rather than the message of the communication. The former is a bigger problem.
-If this is being used as filler, then public speaking tutoring would help more.

Kruite

My experience with this is that it's filler; not being used to speaking publicly makes you more nervous and we'd rather have a sound be intermediate of thoughts rather than deafening silence. Getting used to the act, and being comfortable with an actual pause between statements is just something to practice at.