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show me your usenet fan letters

The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hopRegistered User regular
edited May 2007 in Social Entropy++
I will show you mine:

Dear Mark Ruffalo,


Look -- here's the thing. Yes, you are better looking than me. No, I couldn't really fault a girl for leaving me for you because of this (although she would kinda be a superficial bitch then, wouldn't she?). Yes, your smile is charming and lights up the screen and just makes us all swoon, but I mean really -- do you have to be a talented actor to boot? That's just not really fair, now is it Mark.

So anyway I'd much prefer it if you choose one or the other -- all out hunkiness or respectable acting career -- it worked out just fine for the Heather Grahams and Josh Hartnetts of the world, why you gotta be better than them? -- and please allow us little people some fleeting feelings of self-worth.


Adoringly,

celery77

The Green Eyed Monster on
«13

Posts

  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Never written any except for one I sent to the Arthur Conan Doyle Society re: his Mars novels.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Axl Rose,


    Jesus christ just fucking stop, would you? Just fucking stop.


    Obviously,

    celery77

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    mark ruffalo? seriously?

    satansfingers on
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Dr Pepper

    You're awesome and delicious.
    Please come back to Australia, we miss you. I know some people said mean things about you, but they're just jealous.

    Miss you
    Pipe.

    #pipe on
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Rosario Dawson,

    I like you.
    Do you like me?
    []yes [] no

    Yours Truly,
    celly

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    To be fair I had to write mine as an assignment in grade school.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Rosario Dawson,

    I hope you die.

    Love,
    Lord Dave

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(

    mully on
  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Jessica Alba

    Look, now that the press has died down do I have a shot?

    [ ] yes or [ ] yes

    Yours
    Skull

    Skull Man on
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    mark ruffalo? seriously?
    He was pretty good in that movie about married couples and infidelity, I forget its name now, and some other one about a threesome whose name I also forget.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Dane Cook:

    I ...
    ..I mean you .. I mean.. don't you...
    Don't you ... god, it's useless.

    Love,
    mully.

    mully on
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Rosario,

    I apologize for what Dave said. He doesn't mean it and he was never really my friend anyway. Are you going to the football game on Friday?

    c77

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • MoriartyMoriarty __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2007
    dear dr gene ray

    thank u 4 the time cube

    i truly am educated stupid

    luv
    moriarty

    Moriarty on
    will suck dick for shock images and videos
  • <3<3 Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear internet

    Will you be my friend?
    []yes []no []fuck off and die you horrible faggot

    Love,
    Heart

    <3 on
  • scarlet st.scarlet st. Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    mark ruffalo? seriously?
    He was pretty good in that movie about married couples and infidelity, I forget its name now, and some other one about a threesome whose name I also forget.

    Was he the guy in Zodiac? Because that was fucking excellent.

    scarlet st. on
    japsig.jpg
  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(
    why would you want him to feel better

    Faricazy on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(

    Maybe he just takes the time to personally respond to every letter but it takes him decades to catch up, like Ringo.

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • MoriartyMoriarty __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2007
    dear heart

    ur gay

    luv innernet

    Moriarty on
    will suck dick for shock images and videos
  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    lord dave can I hug you

    Skull Man on
  • msuitepyonmsuitepyon Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Zach Braff,

    Do me and never stop...

    <3,
    msuitepyon

    msuitepyon on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Rosario Dawson,

    You should marry celery77, you deserve each other.

    Also die,
    Lord Dave

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • MarathonMarathon Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Dane Cook:

    How in god's name did you get cast in a movie that is not a comedy?

    -M

    Marathon on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Skull Man wrote: »
    lord dave can I hug you

    do you want to hug me because I hate Rosario Dawson, or because I love The Simpsons?

    either is acceptable I guess

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    #pipe wrote: »
    Dear Dr Pepper

    You're awesome and delicious.
    Please come back to Australia, we miss you. I know some people said mean things about you, but they're just jealous.

    Miss you
    Pipe.

    Dear Mountain Dew:

    You are so elusive now that Mountain Dew Energy has come out. Why is that? Why can I only ever find Mountain Dew Energy!? Where are you hiding?! IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE MADNESS!!!

    <3 mully.

    mully on
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    mark ruffalo? seriously?
    He was pretty good in that movie about married couples and infidelity, I forget its name now, and some other one about a threesome whose name I also forget.

    Was he the guy in Zodiac? Because that was fucking excellent.
    Coulda been. I'd check imdb but I'm lazy. The threesome one was really good, I'd recommend it. The filmmaker's name was "Austin Chick", that's what I really remember.

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    how about both daddio

    Skull Man on
  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Faricazy wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(
    why would you want him to feel better

    are you kidding me
    are you
    kidding me
    mel brooks
    you can't tell me you have something against freaking mel brooks

    mully on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Skull Man wrote: »
    how about both daddio

    alright, but only 1 hug

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Jennifer Garner,

    I won't lie -- I'm a little intimidated by women with a more cutting jaw-line than me. I mean that things is wicked! You could like cut steel on that shit! Am I seriously the first guy to tell you that's a little intimidating? I mean what did your brothers say, weren't they a little jealous?

    Bemusedly,
    cel

    The Green Eyed Monster on
  • mullymully Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    celery77 wrote: »
    Dear Jennifer Garner,

    I won't lie -- I'm a little intimidated by women with a more cutting jaw-line than me. I mean that things is wicked! You could like cut steel on that shit! Am I seriously the first guy to tell you that's a little intimidating? I mean what did your brothers say, weren't they a little jealous?

    Bemusedly,
    cel

    If you send that, I will pay for the postage.

    mully on
  • Skull ManSkull Man RIP KUSU Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Lord Dave wrote: »
    Skull Man wrote: »
    how about both daddio

    alright, but only 1 hug

    I'm the big spoon

    Skull Man on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Phil Hartman,

    I hope you don't die.

    Love,
    Lord Dave

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    mully wrote: »
    Faricazy wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(
    why would you want him to feel better

    are you kidding me
    are you
    kidding me
    mel brooks
    you can't tell me you have something against freaking mel brooks
    okim going crazy

    i confused mel brooks with me gibson

    FIFTY LASHES

    Faricazy on
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    mully wrote: »
    Faricazy wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(
    why would you want him to feel better

    are you kidding me
    are you
    kidding me
    mel brooks
    you can't tell me you have something against freaking mel brooks

    I got your back Mully
    Mel brooks is a living legend and a musical comedy genius.
    got something to say Fari? let's dance.

    #pipe on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    #pipe wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    Faricazy wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(
    why would you want him to feel better

    are you kidding me
    are you
    kidding me
    mel brooks
    you can't tell me you have something against freaking mel brooks

    I got your back Mully
    Mel brooks is a living legend and a musical comedy genius.
    got something to say LD? let's dance.

    who, me?

    what?

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • <3<3 Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Mel Gibson

    I hope you make Passion of the Christ 2.

    Love,
    Heart

    <3 on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Dear Douglas Adams,

    I hope you don't die.

    Love,
    Lord Dave

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Lord Dave wrote: »
    #pipe wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    Faricazy wrote: »
    mully wrote: »
    I've only ever written one letter to a celebrity.
    It was to Mel Brooks, about 10 months ago.
    I had a dream that he was really sick, and that I gave him a painting, and then he felt better.
    So I painted his portrait and sent it to him.
    Never heard back. :(
    why would you want him to feel better

    are you kidding me
    are you
    kidding me
    mel brooks
    you can't tell me you have something against freaking mel brooks

    I got your back Mully
    Mel brooks is a living legend and a musical comedy genius.
    got something to say LD? let's dance.

    who, me?

    what?

    sry
    I was blinded with rage

    #pipe on
  • FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    <3 wrote: »
    Dear Mel Gibson

    I hope you make Passion of the Christ 2.

    Love,
    Heart
    reality show

    with mel in the title role

    Faricazy on
  • DynagripDynagrip Break me a million hearts HoustonRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2007
    Mel Brooks movies aren't that funny.

    Dynagrip on
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