Hardest part of the new name is not reacting to your deadname.
Which normally isn’t a problem since mine was uncommon, but suddenly it’s EVERYWHERE.
fun fact, a few months after I started HRT and really settled on the name Molly I went to go play Best Man at @WeedLordVegeta's wedding. It was really great, I volunteered to stay closeted the time as not to make a scene (and because I was still mostly closeted at home). The only thing is that the bride's sister was also named Mollie and was staying in the same house that we were the full week and a half we were all around for the wedding
I feel very dysphoric and upset today. Some stranger called me "bro" the other day and it really got to me. I feel like I'm never going to pass... unless, like I get a ton of money for a fancy femme wardrobe, and plenty of plastic surgery. I hate my voice so much! People have called me ma'am before, then "corrected" themselves when I talk. It's so disheartening.
I'm unemployed right now but I don't think I can mentally and emotionally survive working under my dead name. But I need money to get a name change, to get makeup, and to get a new professional femme wardrobe. I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever and it's just bringing me down really hard.
I feel very dysphoric and upset today. Some stranger called me "bro" the other day and it really got to me. I feel like I'm never going to pass... unless, like I get a ton of money for a fancy femme wardrobe, and plenty of plastic surgery. I hate my voice so much! People have called me ma'am before, then "corrected" themselves when I talk. It's so disheartening.
I'm unemployed right now but I don't think I can mentally and emotionally survive working under my dead name. But I need money to get a name change, to get makeup, and to get a new professional femme wardrobe. I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever and it's just bringing me down really hard.
Just all the hugs your way. I don’t know what else to say but....hugs.
+23
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jaziekBad at everythingAnd mad about it.Registered Userregular
I'm having a really tough time working through some stuff at the moment.
I'm feeling really disheartened about how slowly im able to do anything related to transition. I've asked my GP to refer me to try GIC twice, and still don't think it's been done. I need to complain, and get a new doctor.
I also just feel completely hamstrung by my lack of money meaning I can't really afford to start hrt privately, or do things like replace my wardrobe entirely, buy good quality cosmetics ... Etc.. etc...
But feeling bad about that just makes me feel guilty, because I know plenty of trans people who are in far worse of a situation financially than me, and they not only manage, but push ahead anyway. It's making me doubt myself, because I feel like I'm not willing to bankrupt myself to be able to transition quicker, I must not be trans.
Which is fucking silly, I know, but that's what's going on in my head at the moment, and it sucks.
Hardest part of the new name is not reacting to your deadname.
Which normally isn’t a problem since mine was uncommon, but suddenly it’s EVERYWHERE.
fun fact, a few months after I started HRT and really settled on the name Molly I went to go play Best Man at @WeedLordVegeta's wedding. It was really great, I volunteered to stay closeted the time as not to make a scene (and because I was still mostly closeted at home). The only thing is that the bride's sister was also named Mollie and was staying in the same house that we were the full week and a half we were all around for the wedding
this lead to a few very near misses
God before I was out at work I had so many run-ins with people saying "let's see"
I'm feeling really disheartened about how slowly im able to do anything related to transition. I've asked my GP to refer me to try GIC twice, and still don't think it's been done. I need to complain, and get a new doctor.
I hope you find someone better who doesn't obstruct you
Did anyone who came out at work as transgender obtain a lawyer first?
My wife is pretty scared, rightfully so, and wants me to retain one but I am not sure of the benefit of that yet. I mean if it goes off the rails then sure. .
Also I think I am moving up my time line some because I am so done.
Seidkona on
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Did anyone who came out at work as transgender obtain a lawyer first?
My wife is pretty scared, rightfully so, and wants me to retain one but I am not sure of the benefit of that yet. I mean if it goes off the rails then sure. .
Also I think I am moving up my time line some because I am so done.
I think if it gives your wife peace of mind and you can afford it, go for it. I don’t think it should be necessary unless things go south. You should write down and date what happens in meeting with HR just in case (I didn’t do this but I also didn’t care and wanted to quit anyway).
I don’t trust HR departments, as a rule. If you have the money and talking to a lawyer would set your mind at ease, no reason not to! I don’t think it’s a necessary precaution if money is tight though.
I don’t trust HR departments, as a rule. If you have the money and talking to a lawyer would set your mind at ease, no reason not to! I don’t think it’s a necessary precaution if money is tight though.
THIS.
HR departments, no matter how nice they seem, are not there to help YOU. In the long run, you can't trust them.
There's no plan, there's no race to be run
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Yeah, either take notes on the experience in a logbook (which, I can just do my seasonal How To Write a Logbook guide if you haven't started one of those before), or find a reason to send them an e-mail version of what happened during the meeting with HR so you have it all time-stamped, and bcc a personal email
The logbook is good if HR ends up being great but managers or coworkers end up giving you shit, you can log that all down as evidence of bad faith when necessary, but generally, don't trust HR as far as you can throw them
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Even if you don't have money, there are free legal clinics that you can go to for legal advice.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
+3
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
edited January 2019
Had a good talk with my mum today, about coming out and transition stuff. The first time we've really chatted about things beyond just her asking some practical questions. She's a bit worried about how the extended family will react, and about how hard it will be for her to get used to a new name. Which is fair enough and I'm glad to have her share her worries with me. She also said if any of her friends react negatively she will ditch them for being bigots. So that was cool.
Brovid Hasselsmof on
+53
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MsAnthropyThe Lady of Pain Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the RhythmThe City of FlowersRegistered Userregular
Even if you don't have money, there are free legal clinics that you can go to for legal advice.
Yeah, there is a free trans legal clinic every Thursday that occurs here in Seattle.
I think a consultation can be a good idea if your company hasn’t put forward a good foot (in actual action) before. I am incredibly lucky to work at a company with a huge pride network, a defined transition policy that boils down to ‘listen to the teansitioning person’, organized events around trans day of remembrance, and has previously invited a trans person of color in to talk about allyship and solidarity. So I didn’t feel the need for that kind of thing (though I am still keeping written records of every meeting, etc related to my transition).
It’s less “HR cares about trans people” and more “this company caught on early that being shitty to queer people is a potential PR bomb so just deal with it.”
I can tell my boss is less concerned about me as a person but rather making less work for them.
I only trust HR in so much as their interests and mine align in that they don't want a PR disaster or lawsuit and neither do I but there will be a lot of that if this isn't handled well.
Also so far I have not found any resources that want to talk without there having been an offence we can go after the company on.
I will look a little more before I just go to HR and keep detailed records.
Seidkona on
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
@Platy forgive me if this is not helpful but have you come across https://www.transx.at before? It seems like something you would already know about so I was hesitant to mention it, but just in case you hadn't, maybe it could be a helpful resource for you.
I am applying for jobs under my preferred name, and I am working on changing my name legally. I'd like to update my LinkedIn profile to reflect who I really am. However, I have some connections, former bosses, and former co-workers on there who I think are uh... I am very afraid they are not going to react well to me coming out. These are folks local to my area, I should note. What should I do? Preemptively remove them from my connections? Make a new profile entirely?
I am applying for jobs under my preferred name, and I am working on changing my name legally. I'd like to update my LinkedIn profile to reflect who I really am. However, I have some connections, former bosses, and former co-workers on there who I think are uh... I am very afraid they are not going to react well to me coming out. These are folks local to my area, I should note. What should I do? Preemptively remove them from my connections? Make a new profile entirely?
Change it. Most people will not even notice and if someone does you can remove and block any negative things they do.
Most people do not pay much attention to their linkedin contact lists.
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
Had my phone consultation with my new surgeon! He's awesome and answered all my questions and they take my insurance and he says that they should be able to do the surgery at the end of May like I wanted!
So now they're gonna reach out to insurance and figure out next steps but.... Fuck, this may actually be happening?
by the way i'm gonna put lexi (omnipotentbagel) on blast and let you all know that she's been staying with me for 3 nights now, and it's her birthday tomorrow, so you know, she's having a good time
It's been bugging me for a while that wikipedia articles would still prominently misgender the Wachowskis, so I decided to wade into the byzantine world of wikipedia editing. I spent a couple hours editing all the articles I could think of (and defending the changes on the back end as best I could.) I got a lotta doubts about if the changes will stick and if I went about things in the right way but I feel kinda good about it.
For example, old Speed Racer article:
My edit:
Fake edit: looks like The Matrix is already reverted.
Yeah it's unfortunate but it's a known issue with Wikipedia where chuds insist endlessly that the Wachowskis get misgendered because "that's what the end credits say in those movies."
+8
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I mean, 'The Wachowskis' is still accurate even if they were brothers.
I mean, 'The Wachowskis' is still accurate even if they were brothers.
I mean they weren't ever brothers, strictly speaking.
EDIT: apologies Brovid I misread the meaning of your comment.
The term they used to be credited under, I'd argue, is a pseudonym of sorts. Treat it as such. For SOME reason other pseudonyms don't get as much hand-wringing from the editors on Wikipedia... odd. 🤔
A certain subset also really want to not have the correct naming on the Matrix because they can't face the extream irony when they use the term "red pill" for anything.
Seidkona on
Mostly just huntin' monsters.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
It's been bugging me for a while that wikipedia articles would still prominently misgender the Wachowskis, so I decided to wade into the byzantine world of wikipedia editing. I spent a couple hours editing all the articles I could think of (and defending the changes on the back end as best I could.) I got a lotta doubts about if the changes will stick and if I went about things in the right way but I feel kinda good about it.
Fake edit: looks like The Matrix is already reverted.
I think what you are doing is important because editorializing and slanting wikipedia entries are yet another vector through which the haters try to exert control
"and the morning stars I have seen
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin
Posts
fun fact, a few months after I started HRT and really settled on the name Molly I went to go play Best Man at @WeedLordVegeta's wedding. It was really great, I volunteered to stay closeted the time as not to make a scene (and because I was still mostly closeted at home). The only thing is that the bride's sister was also named Mollie and was staying in the same house that we were the full week and a half we were all around for the wedding
this lead to a few very near misses
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
I'm unemployed right now but I don't think I can mentally and emotionally survive working under my dead name. But I need money to get a name change, to get makeup, and to get a new professional femme wardrobe. I feel like I'm going to be stuck like this forever and it's just bringing me down really hard.
Just all the hugs your way. I don’t know what else to say but....hugs.
I'm feeling really disheartened about how slowly im able to do anything related to transition. I've asked my GP to refer me to try GIC twice, and still don't think it's been done. I need to complain, and get a new doctor.
I also just feel completely hamstrung by my lack of money meaning I can't really afford to start hrt privately, or do things like replace my wardrobe entirely, buy good quality cosmetics ... Etc.. etc...
But feeling bad about that just makes me feel guilty, because I know plenty of trans people who are in far worse of a situation financially than me, and they not only manage, but push ahead anyway. It's making me doubt myself, because I feel like I'm not willing to bankrupt myself to be able to transition quicker, I must not be trans.
Which is fucking silly, I know, but that's what's going on in my head at the moment, and it sucks.
God before I was out at work I had so many run-ins with people saying "let's see"
I hope you find someone better who doesn't obstruct you
My wife is pretty scared, rightfully so, and wants me to retain one but I am not sure of the benefit of that yet. I mean if it goes off the rails then sure. .
Also I think I am moving up my time line some because I am so done.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I think if it gives your wife peace of mind and you can afford it, go for it. I don’t think it should be necessary unless things go south. You should write down and date what happens in meeting with HR just in case (I didn’t do this but I also didn’t care and wanted to quit anyway).
THIS.
HR departments, no matter how nice they seem, are not there to help YOU. In the long run, you can't trust them.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
The logbook is good if HR ends up being great but managers or coworkers end up giving you shit, you can log that all down as evidence of bad faith when necessary, but generally, don't trust HR as far as you can throw them
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
Yeah, there is a free trans legal clinic every Thursday that occurs here in Seattle.
I think a consultation can be a good idea if your company hasn’t put forward a good foot (in actual action) before. I am incredibly lucky to work at a company with a huge pride network, a defined transition policy that boils down to ‘listen to the teansitioning person’, organized events around trans day of remembrance, and has previously invited a trans person of color in to talk about allyship and solidarity. So I didn’t feel the need for that kind of thing (though I am still keeping written records of every meeting, etc related to my transition).
"The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
I can tell my boss is less concerned about me as a person but rather making less work for them.
Also so far I have not found any resources that want to talk without there having been an offence we can go after the company on.
I will look a little more before I just go to HR and keep detailed records.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I am applying for jobs under my preferred name, and I am working on changing my name legally. I'd like to update my LinkedIn profile to reflect who I really am. However, I have some connections, former bosses, and former co-workers on there who I think are uh... I am very afraid they are not going to react well to me coming out. These are folks local to my area, I should note. What should I do? Preemptively remove them from my connections? Make a new profile entirely?
Change it. Most people will not even notice and if someone does you can remove and block any negative things they do.
Most people do not pay much attention to their linkedin contact lists.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
Steam
The bill is called GENDA, which is also great
So now they're gonna reach out to insurance and figure out next steps but.... Fuck, this may actually be happening?
I just dropped them off at Goodwill.
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
For example, old Speed Racer article:
My edit:
Fake edit: looks like The Matrix is already reverted.
I mean they weren't ever brothers, strictly speaking.
EDIT: apologies Brovid I misread the meaning of your comment.
The term they used to be credited under, I'd argue, is a pseudonym of sorts. Treat it as such. For SOME reason other pseudonyms don't get as much hand-wringing from the editors on Wikipedia... odd. 🤔
XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
I think what you are doing is important because editorializing and slanting wikipedia entries are yet another vector through which the haters try to exert control
and the gengars who are guiding me" -- W.S. Merwin