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Comic Critique -- Be as harsh as you please
acadia
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey guys. Longtime lurker, firstime poster (my, how cliche I sound). Figured I'd get some critique from the 'masters' of comic critique. Let me make this clear that this is NOT a plug, nor a WHORAGE (heh, 'whorage', not a word -- but it should be) of my SITE, mainly because I'm not posting a link to it. That should appease the gods of PA enough to not rip me apart.
It's a 'journal comic' of sorts. I basically just chronicle my thoughts, or just what happened during the day. It's a daily update, so the quality isn't amazing, but I try to hold it to a certain standard. Keep in mind that it's not intended to be exclusively humorous. It's mostly just something for me to talk about life in. Like a visual blog, I guess. There's not much else to do but to show you a few examples of my work and ask for some advice on improvement!
One of the earlier ones...
I really DO miss those old cartoons...
If any of you ever get an opportunity to see the man live: take it. He's fantastic.
Heh, I totally jacked Watterson's style.
She did eventually get the cookies to me. They were delicious.
These are all just basic examples of the typical 'Id' strip. I could use a little critique, methinks. Let me KNOW.
It's a 'journal comic' of sorts. I basically just chronicle my thoughts, or just what happened during the day. It's a daily update, so the quality isn't amazing, but I try to hold it to a certain standard. Keep in mind that it's not intended to be exclusively humorous. It's mostly just something for me to talk about life in. Like a visual blog, I guess. There's not much else to do but to show you a few examples of my work and ask for some advice on improvement!
One of the earlier ones...
I really DO miss those old cartoons...
If any of you ever get an opportunity to see the man live: take it. He's fantastic.
Heh, I totally jacked Watterson's style.
She did eventually get the cookies to me. They were delicious.
These are all just basic examples of the typical 'Id' strip. I could use a little critique, methinks. Let me KNOW.
acadia on
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The art delivers, it's clean and simple, I quite like it.
The writing though... none of these made me even smile. Neither do I find them interesting, there's nothing there to keep my interest. No jokes, no action, no philosophical divagations, no half-naked elf chicks. You need to find something to keep the reader interested... or find a writer. It would be a shame to see the pretty good art go to waste.
Keep on truckin' and good luck with your projects!
it that aspect i thought it was done quite well. i like the 2 tone element. i think the drawings are nice. it's very storyboard like. i really like the panel where you're watching tv.
plus if this is updated daily, then thats really nice as well. pm me the link i'll check it out.
Mayday also mentioned that it didn't hold his interest, and went on to describe some interesting elements that the comic lacks, that would probably help.
...which I agree with, really. Comics like this don't have to be humorous, but they usually have some kind of storyline/character-obstacle/philosophical discussion/etc...they also tend to be quite a bit longer than only four panels.
Jen Wang's site has brilliant examples of non-funny, day-to-day kinda comics. (go to art >> comics.) I would suggest you go checck her out, OP.
Your art is nice, but I don't really feel like reading through all of the other comics...they're mildly interesting, yes...enough for me to check out a few pages, but it wouldn't be something I'd want to bookmark and look through on future dates, personally. Have you ever considered updating once every other day, perhaps, and writing a longer comic? I think that would be really nice, as you'd be able to get into a little more "depth" (see Jen's site).
No I agree, I think that handwriting would add a little personal feeling to it since it is about your day to day stuff. Also ND I love the artist's site you linked, really cool stuff.
My Portfolio Site
I get that you see this as a blog, but I think it would be good practice to exaggerate some of the events a little more. It's great practice that you're updating every day, but in doing so you're pretty much just taking the events of your day and putting it into comic form - which is great for practicing art, but not much for writing. Maybe you should take a single event from your day, and see how far you can stretch it to make it interesting while still basing it on a real event. Inject some of your own philosophy/humor/perspective into your strips a little more.
I was trying to pick out a single sentence to lime, but I really think the whole post deserves it.
For Nightdragon and Bread of Wonder who suggested I also try to exaggerate the events a bit, or make a longer comic: I already have another comic where I do this, and it's loads of fun, but at the end of the day, I just want to sit down and draw whatever I'm thinking about at the time. Id is kind of an escape for me. I do understand how it may not hold your interest, and how some of you can't identify with it, and I respect that. So I should try to be a bit more profound (to match the 'feel' of the strip?) or more personal thoughts, rather than just recording events? I actually agree. I'll definitely try to get some more personality in there.
Also, thanks to everyone who liked the art! I usually get "Where's his nose?", "Y no colorz? lolz!", or "I WANTS BACKGROUND", and it really isn't that type of comic. I like to focus on the CHARACTER more than the pretty look of the page. So thanks a ton to you guys.
(Here's a page of the 'longer' comic -- for Night and Bread. It updates twice a week, so it's in full color -- it's also written by someone else)
Damn girlscouts, always collectin them organs.
I like the diary comic too, because for a diary comic you did a good job of not making it text heavy, I agree with the others. I think the last one is pretty funny though, would have been better with just the expression and not the "cookies, why do you torture me so?" though.
It seems like you're trying to fit them all into a four panel format for consistency, but you should really let your content dictate the form if you're doing auto-bio comics like these. Not every event can be smoothly stretched out to four panels.
ed: And the page comic suffers from WAY too much negative space. (sorry about being harshly terse, but I'm short on time at the moment.)
I liked the comic though.
Nothing particularly funny (although they're not really meant to be) but interesting nonetheless.
Feel free to pm me the link for the comic...
And you were by no means harshly terse, you got your point across and it was much appreciated.
vascy: Thanks!
Iruka: I hadn't thought of that, but I changed it. You're right, it does work better with just the expression.
Also, the shadows of the girls on the last panel look a bit odd. I know it was a stylistic thing, but it's a bit oddly done comapred to the one on the left.
That said, I laughed.
I know you didn't ask for it, but I did a drawover of the Applied Living comic so I could visually explain my crit.
First off, the negative space that I was talking about. It's not so much packing more stuff in as it is using the space you have more wisely. That first panel is ginormous. You could fit so much into that, but all we get is a fairly sparse dorm-type room thing, your character (full figure in the chair), and some clutter. We can see that he's got a remote, so he's probably watching TV. The things on the ground could mean that he's kind of a slob, but that's really not very messy as far as dorms go, so, as a viewer, I just don't get anything from the objects on the floor. Pretty much all I do get is "dorm".
So, in the drawover, I pulled the view in close to your dude, since what I get about the panel is that it's about him being surprised (or showing some sort of emotion) in reaction to someone at the door. His face is in the center of the panel, and the center of attention. I did some rearranging of the objects you already had in the room so I could make the room look more cluttered (notice how the same objects look like more of a mess when there's less open floor). The lettering clutters the page like the trash, making the whole thing seem more messy. You can really do anything you want to make it more interesting. This was just one idea. The main thing that really needs to go is all of the dead space that isn't really adding anything to the panel.
My beef with the second and third panels, however, lies in the body language. More specifically... the lack of body language. The main character is just kind of standing there in both panels. It makes him seem very detached and like he has no stake in the outcome of the exchange with the girl scouts. The scale's an issue, too, but it's not the main issue, really, when you're dealing with comics. The storytelling should come first.
The third panel is pretty functional, save for the dude. I doubt the guy would be completely unaffected by crazy people wanting to remove his internal organs while holding menacing weapons. So let's see what he's feeling.
I could analyze it for a long time, but that's the gist.
And regarding the shorter comics...
It's your choice, but the quality genuinely suffers when it doesn't have to. Maybe reinvent it by having everything take up two panels instead of four? It's not as square, but if the writing continues down the path it's going with the current comics, the art and words will mix a lot better.
About condensing Id. I'll definitely give it a try. You make a compelling argument =P
Thanks a ton, everyone.
You know, I always want to yell at people who say LOLed. You, my good sir, demonstrate commendable use of language.
I haven't read the preceding or following comics, but the dialogue made it seem like the scouts at the door thing was a recurring theme. If it's not, I totally agree with you Iruka, but if it is, the reader should be accustomed to the scenery.
As I stated, I liked the OP's final two panels, anyway. They were really functional for the joke, but not so much for the characters. There are countless ways to frame the action that are better than what I did. My suggestions were more about activating the space, rather than angles.