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Awful [chat] Jokes
emnmnme
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
There have been a few new Dads and Uncles in [chat] these past two months. Everyone contribute at least one Dad joke to the thread.
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He was an unaccompanied miner.
Below are some key dad jokes I grew up with:
1. "Hey, what's new?"
"Nothing much, how about--"
"c over lambda!"
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wavelength)
2. "A Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two-story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. Correct, said the chief. How did you figure it out?
The warrior answered: the value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
3. "Where does a general keep his armies?"
"?"
"In his sleevies!"
Choose Your Own Chat 1 Choose Your Own Chat 2 Choose Your Own Chat 3
yeah, he had the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear
Maek u think
It was out standing in its field
Note that squaw is widely considered a slur.
I am having a lot of trouble suspending my disbelief here
If television has taught me anything, it involved a montage of scenes of hardship intercut with the beauty of the natural world over some drums and flutes.
Nothing, it just let out a little wine
Bartender approaches the first customer in line at the bar, and he asks for one beer. As he walks to fill that, the customer behind drunkenly shouts that he’ll take a half a beer. Immediately, the third customer slurs for a quarter of a beer. Exasperated, the bartender glances down the length of the line and sees that it stretches off to infinity. He angrily draws two beers, slams them on the bar, and says ‘you guys really oughta know your limits’.
I did not know that; I'm sorry.
Since my dad has a PhD in statistics, dad jokes are nerd jokes and vice versa--at least to me.
The first chemist says "I'll have some H2O."
The second says "I'll have some water as well, and I don't know why you bothered to refer to it by its chemical notation."
The first chemist silently fumes, his attempt at murder thwarted.
So at Creation, God has gathered all the animals and he tells them "be fruitful and multiply", and all the animals go forth. When they leave though, God sees that there is a pair of dejected-looking snakes. "We can't multiply;" the snakes say, "we're adders!" So God gives them a log table.
Come in
Thanks!
No worries.
and my dad absolutely does not care that his kids did not grow up using slide rules; furthermore, he would tell this before either of us even particularly knew what a logarithm was--and that is part of what makes it a peak dad joke to me
On my way back to my seat, the widow grabbed my arm and, with tears in her eyes, said, "Thank you. That means a lot."
99 bugs in the code
Patch one down, compile it around
117 bugs in the code
It's better in person, but whatever.
Two whales are sitting in a bar. One says, "UuueeeeeooooooooooooEEEEEEEEEEUUUUuuuuuuueeeeeeooooooOOOO". The other one says, "Frank, you're drunk."
@Doodmann I really like how dynamic Sophia's dress and hair look, it's very evocative of the animation from the movie despite being a still image. A++ work!
I came here to post this one.
rekt
Should have paid more for express.
It’s not a very important country most of the time
http://steamcommunity.com/id/mortious
Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity."
Celeste [Switch] - She'll be wrestling with inner demons when she comes...
Super Mario Wonder - Wowie Zowie!
The bartender says, "Wow, do you know how to play that thing?"
The octopus says, "Play it? Once I figure out how to get its pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it."