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mid-30s, homesick, and not sure what to do about it
I've been living on my own for almost 10 years, and I've never felt like where I live is "home." Home
is my parents and the house I grew up in; my apartment is just where I sleep.
I want to move out of my current apartment for several reasons, but I'm having trouble mustering any real enthusiasm for the search because no matter where I end up, it won't be home. A lot of that is plain old loneliness. It's not so much the physical house that I miss - although I do - but having family around. Right now I have people I know and even like, but no one I feel particularly close to other than my parents. I haven't felt truly comfortable around anyone my own age since my last relationship ended five years ago - longer than that, actually, if I'm honest. Partly that's because I've never understood how to intentionally develop closeness. All of my previous relationships, platonic or otherwise, developed organically just from being around the same people a lot, doing nothing in particular, for long enough to trust them, and adult life just doesn't have space for that.
So... where I live now is not home, and I don't like it, but also I can't see much reason to go through the hassle of finding a new place to live when I have no reason to think that'll feel like home either. I'm tired of thinking of my living situation as temporary, but there's nowhere I particularly want to put down roots.
I guess I'm just wondering whether anyone else has felt like this and overcome it, and if so, how.
The GOP cares about babies until they're born, soldiers until they're in need of care, and families until they interfere with stockholder dividends.