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Some Therapy related questions; specifically getting one
never die
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I kind of don't feel like, at the moment, getting into why I need a therapist other than to say it is anxiety and depression related, but I've started searching for one the last couple of days and have some questions I'm hoping people might have some insight on:
1. How long does it normally take to be able to have your first visit with a therapist (United States, Mid-West if this is needed)? One of my closest friends recommended the place she goes to, but I called them to set an initial assessment (they apparently, unless you know for sure who you want to see in their specialty group, do an assessment with you to help you identify the issues and people that could work for you) and was told that July was the earliest they could see me (and August could be a possibility as well). Partially this was apparently insurance related, but it was also apparently they have a waiting list for people to be accepted. They seem to be very well reviewed from what I've seen so I get it. But is this common? They are the only one I've actually reached out to so far.
2. Related to that; and I've read shit tons of articles about it, but seriously, how do you pick out a therapist? Besides the one I got recommended by my friend, my wife kind of recommended her old therapist in the city. Except I remember her, and my wife complained about both the cost and the quality of therapy she got from her, so I'm not really jonesing for that one. Other than that, I've lately just been looking at listings, feeling like I'm doing the weirdest dating app dance.
I'm past the stage of "I need this immediately" so urgent call/chat websites haven't really looked appealing, but maybe I'm missing something with online therapy options?
1. How long does it normally take to be able to have your first visit with a therapist (United States, Mid-West if this is needed)? One of my closest friends recommended the place she goes to, but I called them to set an initial assessment (they apparently, unless you know for sure who you want to see in their specialty group, do an assessment with you to help you identify the issues and people that could work for you) and was told that July was the earliest they could see me (and August could be a possibility as well). Partially this was apparently insurance related, but it was also apparently they have a waiting list for people to be accepted. They seem to be very well reviewed from what I've seen so I get it. But is this common? They are the only one I've actually reached out to so far.
2. Related to that; and I've read shit tons of articles about it, but seriously, how do you pick out a therapist? Besides the one I got recommended by my friend, my wife kind of recommended her old therapist in the city. Except I remember her, and my wife complained about both the cost and the quality of therapy she got from her, so I'm not really jonesing for that one. Other than that, I've lately just been looking at listings, feeling like I'm doing the weirdest dating app dance.
I'm past the stage of "I need this immediately" so urgent call/chat websites haven't really looked appealing, but maybe I'm missing something with online therapy options?
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Ive never searched for therapists myself, but I know if people call DHS here they can usually point you to a few places. Also help lines can usually point you in the right direction. COPES is the big one here as they do crisis intervention. You dont sound like youre at that point but i know the people who work the hotline would love to help someone before they get to that point.
Also DHS in this case is department of human services. Each state calls it different things but didnt want that confused with the other dhs lol.
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Thank you.
And yeah, I'm not there now. I was like three days ago, but I'm past that now.
I'll look into my State's equivalent, Indiana, and see what I find there as well.
As someone who went through some of this not so long ago, I hope I can help you on this one. Finding a therapist you like can be a bit of a challenge, but once you have first appointment with them, think of it as a first date. You're feeling them out - both their observations of you, initial conclusions, and how you generally just jive with them. It can take a couple of visits to know for sure, and that's totally normal. Unfortunately, it's tough to get an initial feel for a therapist prior to actually sitting down with them. After an amount of time, you'll know if you want to continue treatment with them - and if not, it'll be no hard feelings either way. It's important you find a therapist that'll help you deal with what you're going through - and sometimes it's a process at first, but if you think progress is happening, stick with it.
Also, a therapist may or may not be helpful, for the short term or long term. I've usually found it helpful to sort things out for a month or two and then just have diminishing returns. Don't feel bad saying "I think we've taken this as far as we can" and moving on, then picking up another one (or the same one) if things get muddled again.
Edit: In response to your actual question, I advise asking your psychiatrist. They often keep a list of references. Otherwise, go down your insurance list and just pick someone who seems about the right sex/age/background, because it's really a roll of the dice unless they throw up a flag like "Christian therapy" or "holistic care" or something unusual. I prefer old men because I feel like they viscerally understand certain pressures and goals of masculinity (breadwinner stuff, etc.) that others might not, and I doubt I myself could take life advice from someone in their 20s or 30s very seriously.
Edit edit: Ask to be put on the cancellation list, if they have one! Then they'll call you if someone else cancels.
In terms of what to look for I don't know what to offer. Without previous therapy experience and what works for you being a known there isn't a lot I can say. Try someone out and see if it is working. If it isn't talk to them as they might have a recommendation for someone who can work with you better. Anyone who is worth seeing will have no issues with finding a therapist that is a better fit.
I can try to give more specific advice if you can give me a better idea of what does or doesn't work for you.
I can't agree more.
After my little brother killed himself I saw a therapist and I think it was actively harmful. It was a guy who flat out told me he was just doing his required rotation for another degree and I just assumed it was just part of the therapy or something and a way to force me to open up. But I did 3 40 minute sessions with him and he spent almost the entire time browsing the web or checking email.
It ended up making me feel like the fact that I wasn't feeling anything and had basically just gone emotionally dead was just how it was supposed to be.
If you think your therapist isn't helping please look into alternatives.
will do. And I’m so sorry you went through that!
I would also consider what type of atmosphere you are comfortable in for this type of experience. My first two attempts were both at larger orgs/facilities that again felt very clinical. The one I went with was a home practice and the area just felt very relaxed by comparison, which was what I needed.
Good luck!
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Now to actually have the assessment and all that. I’m excited, nervous, and terrified.
But I also remember that the above logic is what lead to me not going in the past, and locking away my emotions for years, and bottling everything up, and that some of the positives listed above (like the gym) was me trying to handle this anxiety and depression on my own and it wasn’t fixing anything so I dunno. I guess I just wanted to vent. Or work through this in a public way I couldn’t but in my own mind? Or something.
There's no such thing as a "List of positive life attributes" that disqualifies you from benefiting. Taking care of your mental state, even when everything is fine on paper, is totally valid and more people should do it. You might gain better long term life skills for managing emotions and mental states, and that is a huge benefit for not just you, but everyone around you. Its extremely personal and therapy can get you really pointed help.
Sounds about like the majority of clients I have seen. Therapy is about what you need to feel better. There are far more time slots to see a therapist than there are people seeking therapy. It would be basically impossible to eat up a spot someone else needed more unless you are going somewhere with a bed.
My life looks amazing on paper, and I'm damn lucky in a lot of ways; but I still have anxiety and depression. It is what it is. *shrug*
Thanks everyone for the support and info!