is it me or is my family so dumb?

Amine Boustangi

me and my whole family have a group chat on facebook, and we sometimes send pictures to each other.
the group was made by my brother-in-law and when he did his first message was ''this group is for our grandfather's progeny" which sounds weird..
so recently i've sent a picture of my grandfather with text on it saying "you are my progeny hahaha"
they all got mad at me saying "your dark humor is so bad, you're unstable! how could you make fun of our grandfather"....
I DIDN'T MAKE FUN OF HIM
should i tell them that they're stupid?
what to do?

Enc

Taking this question at face value:

So you tried to make a funny goof, and your family got upset and felt it was insulting. That means you didn't succeed at making a funny goof. When you tell a joke, you need to consider your audience, their experiences, and their values. They aren't stupid for "not getting it." You just didn't tell a good joke for the audience.

Now, you could antagonize your family farther by insulting them. That might make your pride feel a bit better for, like, ten seconds. But that will make your family not like you. You only get one family, and burning bridges with people over something so inconsequential and petty as this is a real high price to pay.

Progeny means offspring, so you are your grandfather's progeny. He is not yours. Just because that word is unfamiliar to you doesn't mean that isn't the actual word for such a thing.

Amine Boustangi

i know that i only have one family but this was just a joke, their jokes are worse than this one
it's like i'm not allowed to make any but they can.

<"Progeny means offspring, so you are your grandfather's progeny. He is not yours">
the text i've typed in the picture was meant to be him saying "you are my progeny"

Enc

Again, it's not about fairness or who is "allowed to" tell jokes. It's just that they didn't find the humor in it. Some were offended by it. That happens. Humor is a tricky thing, and you really only learn to read your audience by context clues (which come with experience).

Were it me and my family were still alive/close enough to have this sort of thing, I'd drop the whole thing. It's not super important in the long run and having that time to actually spend with family that love you is way more important than being right.

Amine Boustangi

well you're right, what should i do now?
do i tell them i'm sorry or just not talk to them right now and wait till they be cool again

ceres

What Enc said, pretty much exactly. Family or not family, friends, coworkers, internet, whatever, it doesn't matter who you're talking to, if your target audience (in this case your family) doesn't think your joke is funny, it isn't funny. If (and this is just an example) the person who made the group and the people in it want to honor your grandfather's memory in a more serious way by exchanging pictures and memories of him and his family/legacy, then that's what you need to keep in mind when you post there. Frankly, it doesn't read like a light joke to me, it reads to me like you're mocking your brother-in-law for using a 50-cent word when he made a group to honor a family member who has passed.

When you do something to someone because you think it's funny, and they don't think it's funny and they get upset, then it's only funny to you. If you posted it because you thought they would think it was funny and they don't, you apologize, because people tend to take memorials fairly seriously. If you don't care what they think and go on to call them stupid for it, then that just sucks and has crossed the line into being mean. You skip over all that to "just mean" if you never really thought they'd find it funny in the first place.

ceres

First, you figure out what you were actually trying to say with the image. Then you can apologize and explain what you were trying to say, you'd hoped they'd find it funny, but they don't so (if you haven't yet) you'll remove it. It's probably not a word you hear much, that's understandable. Or you can wait for it all to blow over, but in short, no you should not call them stupid.

Amine Boustangi

well i should apologize that's for sure, and also explain the joke
but i never said that the group was made to honor my grandfather's memory, he died when my mother was 14.
i'm sorry that i did not provide details
the group was made because most of the family members don't live in the same country, so in order to stay in contact my brother-in-law made it.
we send memes to each other, we talk about how our day was, etc....

Amine Boustangi

that's why i said it was weird when the first message was "this group was made for my grandfather's progeny"
he passed away way before computers were made, even my cousins and brothers thought it was weird.

ceres

That is very important context, yeah. I definitely read a whole lot into your post that wasn't necessarily there. It still comes off to me as making fun of the guy, but it's probably better to respond to their issues with it than mine. :P

Tastyfish

Amine Boustangi wrote: »

well i should apologize that's for sure, and also explain the joke
but i never said that the group was made to honor my grandfather's memory, he died when my mother was 14.
i'm sorry that i did not provide details
the group was made because most of the family members don't live in the same country, so in order to stay in contact my brother-in-law made it.
we send memes to each other, we talk about how our day was, etc....

The read they probably have was;
BiL - lets make a group to keep in touch with family we'll lose contact with, because they've moved away.
BiL - it's my wife's father's side of the family, who passed away when her mother was young, and now they/others are also moving/have moved away so lets use that connection to keep in touch.
You - Grandad says this is dumb!

It's definitely uncharitable reading, but at the same time - you tried to make a joke about the name of the group, and might have actually hit a nerve.
Then rather than even just let it go, you asked strangers whether you should escalate things. If people are offended, definitely think about why that might be (perhaps especially when dead parents are involved) and be charitable. Whole reason internet communication exists is that you can roll your eyes at these responses with no repercussions.

Plus was it really that good of a joke?

Amine Boustangi

well now that i think about it i shouldn't have made fun of him or even use his picture to make fun of somebody else, it's like i made him say things he didn't
it was stupid to do that...

i think i have to go and apologize

thank you guys for clearing things up for me.

Ark Evensong

Also, context and timing is important. It sounds like this is a longer-running group chat, correct? Your family probably didn't get the callback to the opening line if this group has been around for more than a few days or so.

And even a few days is stretching it - your joke only works as a response to ''this group is for our grandfather's progeny" - absent that context, it quickly changes from "Lighthearted jab at Brother-in-Law's slightly awkward opening line" to "Disrespectful nonsense."
I doubt you'd have gotten into any trouble if your image had been one of the first replies in the group - but I'm guessing when you posted it, the time and place for when it had been appropriate had long passed.

Do include "It was a callback to the group chat's first line" in your apology, (or however you want to phrase it) but don't expect your family to turn around and consider it funny afterwards - nothing kills a joke quite like explaining it.