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Keeping a secret thats really big deal.
Horus
Los AngelesRegistered User regular
Los AngelesRegistered User regular
History
In October of 2006 my cousin was diagnosed with lung cancer. She did her treatments (kimo, radiation and medicinal) and also join a support group to help know the doctors are doing the right thing. She is very strong, she will be laughing and joking on days she had her kimo. With all this shes attending college being 18.
Present
I help her out alot, take her out and do things to make her enjoy life and basically get her out of her boredom since shes at home alot. Well we talk alot in aim and stuff, well this Friday she told me that since early this year the doctors told her that no treatment was working for her. The cancer was not being affected with anything that was given to. I am the only person in the family who knows this, not even her mom knows her current health situation. She even asked me to help her out with a scrapbook to give out when the time comes which is her wish from me and her friend.
Reason for Secrecy
She told me the reason she did not tell her family (only me and her best friend know this) is because shes already being treated as cancer is contagious or seen as a corpse. To be honest shes not exaggerating, some people talk to her as though shes retarded, this is withing the family. She just thinks that if people think her treatment is going well they will be positive around her, if they knew the reality she will get negative vibes and she wants all the positivity she can get. She wants to enjoy life to the fullest and not be in drama or depressive moments.
My problem
Honestly I am crying at nights, just knowing the truth but holding something that big is like crazy. I am respecting her wishes even if it causes drama on my end. I have her trust right now she doesnt want to waste time me breaking that trust. I jsut need to vent this information because I cannot handle this in me.
I don't know what to ask but just wanted people to hear me out and maybe help me somehow if possible how to do the best.
Just writing all this is helping me calm down and be able to give positive vibe for my cousin.
PS.
Current family problems shes having is her brother is getting married. Shes fighting with him because he wants her to pay or help out in the wedding. Remind you that she cant work and is struggling student making enough to pay for school. Now she had drama with her brother and their mom is backing up her son, now you know why she doesnt want to tell her family. She really has a grudge with her family which she just told me now as I write this, I never knew about.
Anyway thanks for just reading this I know i wrote this very emotional but just needed to get this off my chest for just 5 minutes.
Thank You
In October of 2006 my cousin was diagnosed with lung cancer. She did her treatments (kimo, radiation and medicinal) and also join a support group to help know the doctors are doing the right thing. She is very strong, she will be laughing and joking on days she had her kimo. With all this shes attending college being 18.
Present
I help her out alot, take her out and do things to make her enjoy life and basically get her out of her boredom since shes at home alot. Well we talk alot in aim and stuff, well this Friday she told me that since early this year the doctors told her that no treatment was working for her. The cancer was not being affected with anything that was given to. I am the only person in the family who knows this, not even her mom knows her current health situation. She even asked me to help her out with a scrapbook to give out when the time comes which is her wish from me and her friend.
Reason for Secrecy
She told me the reason she did not tell her family (only me and her best friend know this) is because shes already being treated as cancer is contagious or seen as a corpse. To be honest shes not exaggerating, some people talk to her as though shes retarded, this is withing the family. She just thinks that if people think her treatment is going well they will be positive around her, if they knew the reality she will get negative vibes and she wants all the positivity she can get. She wants to enjoy life to the fullest and not be in drama or depressive moments.
My problem
Honestly I am crying at nights, just knowing the truth but holding something that big is like crazy. I am respecting her wishes even if it causes drama on my end. I have her trust right now she doesnt want to waste time me breaking that trust. I jsut need to vent this information because I cannot handle this in me.
I don't know what to ask but just wanted people to hear me out and maybe help me somehow if possible how to do the best.
Just writing all this is helping me calm down and be able to give positive vibe for my cousin.
PS.
Current family problems shes having is her brother is getting married. Shes fighting with him because he wants her to pay or help out in the wedding. Remind you that she cant work and is struggling student making enough to pay for school. Now she had drama with her brother and their mom is backing up her son, now you know why she doesnt want to tell her family. She really has a grudge with her family which she just told me now as I write this, I never knew about.
Anyway thanks for just reading this I know i wrote this very emotional but just needed to get this off my chest for just 5 minutes.
Thank You
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Horus on
0
Posts
And wow is that brother an ass.
Limed for truth... Dear god.
I'm so sorry dude. My long-time boyfriend lost his mother to cancer just last year, and it was not pleasant. Please accept my sympathy for the next wee while.
Vent as needed, and grit your teeth at the idiots. Smile as much as you can, sometimes that's the only thing you can do when something of this magnitude hits.
Give your cousin a hug.
And take a digital camera
I host a podcast about movies.
That brother is complete asshole though.
Also you could personally go to the older brother and tell him to stop being a dick.
I mean get her to pay for part of the wedding? Fuck off, nowdays you are lucky if the parents chip in let alone your sister. Does he expect the rest of the people to bring cash as well as presents?
Satans..... hints.....
Well that happened a lot at my cousin's wedding this past summer BUT it was limited to the adults (i.e. people with steady jobs). But that's messed up. I've never heard of the sister of the groom being required to chip in for the wedding. Do they not have the money in the first place? Here's some advice for them then. Downsize the wedding. Don't spend money you don't have. Selfish assholes.
Shes not in the wedding at all because she cant commit due to her health. Also my cousin, her brother, is calling everyone to pay for his wedding. I like to call it as getting the down payment from everyone for his house, something like that. Yeah I am pissed off he got me too, with wedding invitations we agreed I will design the copy but he told my parents I am buying everything thats $500-700 bucks. I am still looking for him but hes MIA.
As for the bride, she ran away from her parents, so I bet they do not want to pay at all. My cousin is doing like fast wedding not sure why. He is living with his parents with the soon to be and will be like that after the marriage. He is very strange, well he change from what I use to know him, the day his grandma died he was happy because of the $$$$. Sad it is but I believe in karma.
Everyone in the family is pissed off at him and probably my aunt (his mom) for thinking this is acceptable to do. Also they want to have LIVE BAND and top of the line room for the party!!!!!
My cousin told me she is not attending the wedding because she does not approve how he is doing things, also because he did not support her during times of sickness as in take her to the hospital. Shes mad because he is telling shes selfish over this.
Conclusion,
I really cant believe the response I got, guys honestly you really help me a lot. Don't understand how this sharing of my life on the internet(ironic) is helping me be stronger and be there for my cousin.
Thank You
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Your cousin should just stop talking to him.
About your cousin. Tell her how much the pressure is affecting you, and try to work out other family members you COULD tell, that wouldn't treat her like a pariah for having cancer. But what you are doing is very noble, helping her make the most of her time while she has it.
Her whole family sounds messed up though.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
I'm going to strongly support that suggestion. It's obviously a pain for you to not have anyone to talk about his. It would help a lot.
Note on the wedding part : hah. if he thinks pouring money is going to make it better, he's in for a surprise. For a small side story, one of my best friend who had no money whatsoever actually just went for the City Hall thing, and then invited everyone to the japanese restaurant next to where he lives.
Due to the fact that he had been able to reunite both families for a long time, it was one of the best i've attented.
Money != win.
Mass disapproval & witholding of cash from the rest of your family will make it much harder for them to hit on your cousin for it, and at the very least make her feel vindicated.
I also think it would be a good idea to encourage her to include a few more people with this secret. I'm sure it would take a bit of the burden of this off of the both of you.
And really, good job man. I have known many people with cancer (two grandfathers, one grandmother, cousins, uncles, and friends) good support seems to help more than chemo, radiation, or any other treatment.
If you don't think she'd mind, let her know that a bunch of random people from the internet are thinking about her.
Personally I'd talk to her and tell her that her parents need to know, and that you can't keep a thing like this to yourself. Not to sound like an ass, but imagine the hot water you'd be in after she's gone and everyone finds out that you knew her time was limited all along?
I'm not sure what her plans are, but blind siding her family with something like this isn't a great thing to do.
I believe in Karma... You have a lot of good things coming up in your life!
I know you can't tell her, but it might be enough to know that I, and probably a lot of people here, are praying for her and have her in our thoughts.
I cant really add anything to this. Its all been said.
With things like this, it doesn't hurt to repeat the lime-age a few times. You have already shown a great deal of strength, you are a true friend to your cousin, and I wish you the continued courage to stay by her side.
My brother has Colon Cancer and has been fighting it for over a year now. The Chemo treatments leave you sick and tired and you can't work. He had to file for bankruptcy and everything. Money is the last thing your cousin needs to be worrying about right now.
On a side note you are really doing great being there for her. There's always hope. My brother's situation started to get worse for awhile there. He had lost so much weight and wasn't doing so hot. They switched doctors and clinics for treatment and he likes his new place much better. They are watching him more carefully and most importantly giving him hope. His last Dr. said there wasn't much they could do except make him comfortable. They were shitheads. His new Dr. had said that's crap, Your young and we're going to fight this. Hope goes a long way. We found out about a month ago my brother is now in full remission! He's getting his last doses of Chemo and things look bright. So please if there's anything you can do is just be there to support your cousin and continue to give her hope.
You need support, too. You're doing a wonderful thing for her, but it's not something you can keep up without cracking. Let her know you understand why it needs to stay behind the scenes for now, and that you'll help her all you can, but that you can't keep it up without having someone you can count on as well.
In addition.. I think her brother needs a severe kick to the nuts.
Thank you once again.
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!