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3 Ham Egos

rfilyawrfilyaw Registered User regular
edited May 2007 in Artist's Corner
Hello, I'm new to the community. For a long time, I've wanted to establish an appropriate creative outlet, and for a long time, I've wanted to create a steady web comic. I had one back in the day, but they were simple one-panel ones 'Farside' style, with the occasional multi-panel.

So I mustered up a bit of cash and a bit of work to come up with a website with a clever name, reasonable layout, and hopefully a community in the future. While I'm certainly not the greatest artist (It's hard to look at other people's work and wonder if I'll ever be that good) or the greatest comedian (some people just have the gift) I wanted to make something appealing, easy to look at, and compelling enough to, at times, induce a chuckle or two.

So yeah, that's a lot of talk about nothing. You can critique if you like, but I'm certain I simply need more practice. One of my strips so far has a mild case of talking head syndrome, but it was made in a time crunch. It's a three panel, Sunday-style comic and I'd like to make it clean and simple, and most of all, enjoyable.

Anyway, have fun with it. If you feel like a little nonsensical reading, scroll below the day's strip for a post related to it.

Three Ham Egos

This is actually meant to go up Tuesday, May 29, but I thought I'd give you guys first dibs.
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Edit: Changed the strip that was to be added Tuesday, and also put it up on the website ahead of time.

rfilyaw on

Posts

  • DangerousDangerous Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Ok you seem like a nice, intelligent person who is genuinely looking for constructive criticism and not just a ego blowjob so I'll spare you the OMG SUX and get down to business. I don't feel qualified to give a really indepth criticism so I'll leave that to others and just point out a few things I've noticed.

    First off, the art isn't terrible. You seem to have a basic knowledge of human anatomy and the colors didn't sear my eyes. I'd say work on your anatomy as much as humanly possible. All the style in the world can't make up for shitty proportions. It's something that has been beaten into my head at every opportunity by instructors. draw from life. a lot. After you know the human figure inside and out, THEN start making comics and things will come so much easier.

    Edit: Another nitpick, the photo she's holding is crooked yet the sign and guy are centered..does this mean they were originally on an angle? Or maybe the cousin is a really crappy photographer and held the camera at a 35 degree angle while photographing an immobile sign on the wall.

    Next the humor. I don't really get it. He's farting on the other guy's face? Clever. I just don't see any punch line. I thought the guy in the picture was the cousin at first, until I read the part about the jacket then I was kind of confused.

    strip2.gif

    The joke in this one doesn't have enough of a setup. They're just sitting there having a friendly discussion and his friend flips out? He seems like a psycho and not in the funny way. From what I've read I don't know enough about the character to know if that's typical behavior. It would make more sense if he grew really enraged like the incredible hulk and busted the table then loomed over his friend, spoon in hand. then cut to the next panel. As it is now I was kind of confused again.

    I hate to sound pretentious, but to me it just looks like another comic where normal people get into sometimes amusing situations. Cartoon characters should be caricatures of real life, having parts of their personality exaggerated for the sake of interest. The characters people often enjoy most in comics and tv/cartoons are the strange people they'd never associate with in real life. If you want characters people can identify with, start by taking interesting people that you know. Think about their personality and what parts of it are humorous or interesting, then magnify and exaggerate them. A great example of this is George from Seinfeld. He was based on Larry David. Watch an episode of Seinfeld and one of Curb your enthusiasm and you'll see how they took his personality and created one of the most hilarious characters on TV.

    Anyway sorry to be so harsh, it is never a good feeling to get criticized but when artists give honest feedback they are doing it because they want to help you identify your mistakes and fix them so you can get even better. I guarantee if an artist tells you a body part is off or a color scheme looks wrong, Joe everyman will look at that comic and tell you it sucks. They won't be able to tell you WHY it sucks, it just won't look right to them.

    Dangerous on
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  • rfilyawrfilyaw Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Thanks for being nice about it.

    The photo: Yes, the cousin was a crappy photographer, and the general confusion about the joke sort of WAS the joke. (That doesn't make it right that my reader didn't get it. That's almost always the fault of the writer)

    The spoon: It was supposed to be a commentary on how strongly people feel about chocolate, and there's not been enough strips really to establish that Ross is an elitist a-hole that gets under everyone's skin. As for advice I'd give myself, I should have built up Kanh's anger so that, at least by the second or third frame, he was snarling or something else comical. You're exactly right. If I hadn't THS'ed it, it would have made more sense.

    My colors: Thanks for the compliment. I purposely dull most of the colors (unless for comic effect) to be easy on the eyes.

    The Anatomy: Again, thanks for the compliment. Thats exactly what I do -- draw from life. It's the only way to get your own style. Once you have that, you can practice a bajillion hours to perfect that style.

    My Blowjob: Gimme! Just kidding, lol. Thanks a lot for your help. I really appreciate your professional, well-thought-out opinion. I wish you the best, and I hope you comment on every strip I write.

    rfilyaw on
  • MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Your comic seems interesting, and it's not about two guys talking about World of Warcraft, so ultra kudos! However, at this stage in your life it's just a matter of following the first, second and third rule of drawing:

    1. Practice
    2. Practice
    3. Practice

    I find it hard to say something that might potentially crush your drive, cuz you seem like a nice guy that wants to build a nice web comic, but keep in mind that what I say next is not meant to discourage you, but rather to make your comic more interesting.

    *ahem*

    Even though I said before that your comic seems interesting, it's not interesting enough. It looks like every other comic out there. You might not have the time to sit down and draw as much as you like, so what you need to do is find something that's gonna make your comic stand out more! What would make this really interesting? What can you do to put elements that no other web comic has?

    Sit down, think about how to make your comic unique and practice, practice practice.

    Easier said than done!

    MagicToaster on
  • NakedZerglingNakedZergling A more apocalyptic post apocalypse Portland OregonRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    if you listen to the podcasts from this site, you can hear the evolution of the punchlines. i think it might help you in your brainstorming phase of the writing process.

    NakedZergling on
  • DangerousDangerous Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    rfilyaw wrote: »
    Thanks for being nice about it.

    The photo: Yes, the cousin was a crappy photographer, and the general confusion about the joke sort of WAS the joke. (That doesn't make it right that my reader didn't get it. That's almost always the fault of the writer)

    The spoon: It was supposed to be a commentary on how strongly people feel about chocolate, and there's not been enough strips really to establish that Ross is an elitist a-hole that gets under everyone's skin. As for advice I'd give myself, I should have built up Kanh's anger so that, at least by the second or third frame, he was snarling or something else comical. You're exactly right. If I hadn't THS'ed it, it would have made more sense.

    My colors: Thanks for the compliment. I purposely dull most of the colors (unless for comic effect) to be easy on the eyes.

    The Anatomy: Again, thanks for the compliment. Thats exactly what I do -- draw from life. It's the only way to get your own style. Once you have that, you can practice a bajillion hours to perfect that style.

    My Blowjob: Gimme! Just kidding, lol. Thanks a lot for your help. I really appreciate your professional, well-thought-out opinion. I wish you the best, and I hope you comment on every strip I write.

    You're going to go far, I can tell. :) Anyway I had an idea for the picture strip that might give you some ideas. Sometimes it's funnier when you DON'T see what they're looking you just leave it to the reader's imagination. Rather than them just commenting on what the reader sees. An idea I had to show that is as follows.

    Panel one: Kind of the same, the girl shows him the photos from her cousin. "Hey it's some photos from my cousin who's visiting Japan"

    Panel two: The two characters looking down at the photograph. You could show a picture of the parlor from the outside and hint at what it really is. "Hey what's this? Bukkake parlor..must be some kind of traditional tea house."

    Panel three: Really important not to show the picture in this one. Leave it to the imagination ;) "Haha wow..those girls must really love yogurt!" "Who is the guy with the 80's jacket and what is he....oh GOD!" *One of the characters passes out or barfs.*

    A little crude for your comic but you get the idea. Anyway keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing more of your stuff. Writing well and drawing well are very hard to do seperately, and combining them is even more difficult. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if you've got a good attitude and you love what you do then I am sure you will succeed.

    Dangerous on
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  • WastingPenguinsWastingPenguins Registered User
    edited May 2007
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    This reminds me a bit too much of a PA strip...

    20020619h.gif

    The setup is the same and the punchline is the same.

    WastingPenguins on
  • rfilyawrfilyaw Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    WastingPenguins: You're right, though it's difficult to come up with new ideas without accidentally (and I can't stress that enough) coming up with ones that have been done. That strip actually bugged the hell out of me after I added it, because a short time later, I remembered the Claw Shrimp from PA past. But I positively don't want to lift PA's style (or jokes) in the least.

    Dangerous: You're an awesome guy, thanks for your help. I've been thinking about what you said all day about developing characters rather than situations. (looking for gems in the North Carolina mountains is kinda boring which is what gave me time to think). Seinfeld is a great show, because the characters had uniqueness and depth, especially Larry David's character, as well as the real Kramer.

    NakedZergling: I do listen to the podcasts, and I really enjoy the insight they give into the creative process.

    MagicToaster: Practice is the key, I totally agree.

    Thanks everyone for your positive words, and I look forward to bringing you all increasingly higher quality work twice a week.

    rfilyaw on
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