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3 Ham Egos
HugmasterGeneral
Poopmaster GeneralYobuttRegistered User regular
Poopmaster GeneralYobuttRegistered User regular
[ Purging all of my old posts. Sorry. ]
HugmasterGeneral on
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First off, the art isn't terrible. You seem to have a basic knowledge of human anatomy and the colors didn't sear my eyes. I'd say work on your anatomy as much as humanly possible. All the style in the world can't make up for shitty proportions. It's something that has been beaten into my head at every opportunity by instructors. draw from life. a lot. After you know the human figure inside and out, THEN start making comics and things will come so much easier.
Edit: Another nitpick, the photo she's holding is crooked yet the sign and guy are centered..does this mean they were originally on an angle? Or maybe the cousin is a really crappy photographer and held the camera at a 35 degree angle while photographing an immobile sign on the wall.
Next the humor. I don't really get it. He's farting on the other guy's face? Clever. I just don't see any punch line. I thought the guy in the picture was the cousin at first, until I read the part about the jacket then I was kind of confused.
The joke in this one doesn't have enough of a setup. They're just sitting there having a friendly discussion and his friend flips out? He seems like a psycho and not in the funny way. From what I've read I don't know enough about the character to know if that's typical behavior. It would make more sense if he grew really enraged like the incredible hulk and busted the table then loomed over his friend, spoon in hand. then cut to the next panel. As it is now I was kind of confused again.
I hate to sound pretentious, but to me it just looks like another comic where normal people get into sometimes amusing situations. Cartoon characters should be caricatures of real life, having parts of their personality exaggerated for the sake of interest. The characters people often enjoy most in comics and tv/cartoons are the strange people they'd never associate with in real life. If you want characters people can identify with, start by taking interesting people that you know. Think about their personality and what parts of it are humorous or interesting, then magnify and exaggerate them. A great example of this is George from Seinfeld. He was based on Larry David. Watch an episode of Seinfeld and one of Curb your enthusiasm and you'll see how they took his personality and created one of the most hilarious characters on TV.
Anyway sorry to be so harsh, it is never a good feeling to get criticized but when artists give honest feedback they are doing it because they want to help you identify your mistakes and fix them so you can get even better. I guarantee if an artist tells you a body part is off or a color scheme looks wrong, Joe everyman will look at that comic and tell you it sucks. They won't be able to tell you WHY it sucks, it just won't look right to them.
1. Practice
2. Practice
3. Practice
I find it hard to say something that might potentially crush your drive, cuz you seem like a nice guy that wants to build a nice web comic, but keep in mind that what I say next is not meant to discourage you, but rather to make your comic more interesting.
*ahem*
Even though I said before that your comic seems interesting, it's not interesting enough. It looks like every other comic out there. You might not have the time to sit down and draw as much as you like, so what you need to do is find something that's gonna make your comic stand out more! What would make this really interesting? What can you do to put elements that no other web comic has?
Sit down, think about how to make your comic unique and practice, practice practice.
Easier said than done!
You're going to go far, I can tell.
Panel one: Kind of the same, the girl shows him the photos from her cousin. "Hey it's some photos from my cousin who's visiting Japan"
Panel two: The two characters looking down at the photograph. You could show a picture of the parlor from the outside and hint at what it really is. "Hey what's this? Bukkake parlor..must be some kind of traditional tea house."
Panel three: Really important not to show the picture in this one. Leave it to the imagination
A little crude for your comic but you get the idea. Anyway keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing more of your stuff. Writing well and drawing well are very hard to do seperately, and combining them is even more difficult. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if you've got a good attitude and you love what you do then I am sure you will succeed.
The setup is the same and the punchline is the same.