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Want to ask a girl out, but I'm not sure when to do it.

elevatureelevature Registered User regular
edited May 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
Last weekend I ran into a friend of mine who was with a friend of his that I'd never met before. I sat with them on the train, and discovered that this (female) friend of his is someone I would like to ask out. We've got a ton of stuff in common, she's cute, and lives really close to me.

He tells me she's single, and she likes guys who share her interests. I figure this is good for me. I got her MSN from him, and we've talked a little on there, but I've only seen her online once.

Next month, a group of us, including her, are going both to the Evil Dead musical and to a comic con. I don't know if I should ask her out for coffee or for lunch now, or wait until after these group activities are over.

If she turns me down, it might be awkward to do all of this stuff together, but there will be other people present. But because there are other people present, those won't be the best times to get to know her better.

It's been a couple years since I last did this so I'm not really sure what the hell I'm doing. Should I keep hoping to catch her on msn, talk to her a bit, see how things go in a group, and then see if she's up for doing something alone? Or show interest now before we get into any sort of friend zone, so she knows what my intent is?

EDIT: I'm 26, not sure exactly how old she is but within a couple years.

elevature on

Posts

  • Dance CommanderDance Commander Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Immediately, it doesn't matter if she turns you down, sane people won't make a big deal of it and you can still have a fine time at the con. Really no sense in waiting.

    Dance Commander on
  • ElectricTurtleElectricTurtle Seeress WARegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    In this matter I think it would be far worse to regret inaction than to regret action.

    ElectricTurtle on
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  • Sharp101Sharp101 TorontoRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Just ask her.

    Also
    The Evil Dead Musical Is awesome.

    Sharp101 on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2007
    Can we make it a rule in dating advice threads to provide the OP's and his/her target's ages? The advice varies significant across the board.

    ege02 on
  • devoirdevoir Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Immediately, it doesn't matter if she turns you down, sane people won't make a big deal of it and you can still have a fine time at the con. Really no sense in waiting.

    I have to agree with this. Asking and being rejected doesn't mean that things will be awkward afterwards, if you get in early. It's more likely to be awkward if you have known each other for years.

    devoir on
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited May 2007
    In this matter I think it would be far worse to regret inaction than to regret action.
    I've been painfully single for way too long because of this. This won't make you feel better, but I've actually been asking girls out in recent months, and while I have a 100% failure rate, I'm getting over the fear of failure and ballooning the whole ordeal into something it's not.

    Sterica on
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  • thej3wthej3w Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    *deleted* I got nothing

    thej3w on
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  • devoirdevoir Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Rorus Raz wrote: »
    I've been painfully single for way too long because of this. This won't make you feel better, but I've actually been asking girls out in recent months, and while I have a 100% failure rate, I'm getting over the fear of failure and ballooning the whole ordeal into something it's not.

    Too true. The less importance you place on a single request for a date, the less you will agonise over not getting the "Yes" answer.

    devoir on
  • Filler Inc.Filler Inc. Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    You really don't know her well enough that getting turned down would be that painful.

    So the return is far greater then the failure.

    Filler Inc. on
  • DrFrylockDrFrylock Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Also you will spend hours kicking yourself in the ass if she gets asked out by a new guy in the next month and you miss your shot.

    DrFrylock on
  • GrimmyTOAGrimmyTOA Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Sharp101 wrote: »
    Just ask her.

    Also
    The Evil Dead Musical Is awesome.

    Good to hear -- a friend of mine wrote the play adaptation. :)

    To the OP: Definitely ask her out first. Like, now-ish. This has a few advantages: Firstly, you're sure that she's single now. She might not be by the time the musical rolls around. Secondly, if she shoots you down you'll have a few weeks to get your sense of humour back about the whole thing, and the musical/con will be less awkward. Thirdly, if you're waiting until afterwards, you're going to have so much time to think about what you'll say and how you'll say it and when you'll say it and what she'll say and etc etc etc etc, that you're likely to be a nervous wreck by the time the day comes along and, consequently, less attractive.

    Capisce?

    GrimmyTOA on
  • rockmonkeyrockmonkey Little RockRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Another vote for asking now.

    I suggest asking her to go out to dinner with you. There a several good ways of doing this:

    "man I'm starving, what do I want to eat though?"
    <she might answer with a suggestion or ask a question regarding what you like to eat, or comment on whether or not she, herself, is hungry>

    if she suggests a place then say "that actually sounds pretty good right now, care to come along?"

    if she asks a question about what you like or are in the mood for say "X sounds pretty good right now actually, care to come along?"

    if she says she isn't hungry then this is a bust and you can try and salvage by saying "Well I'm going to go grab some X to eat, maybe we can do lunch (or dinner) tomorrow."

    if she says she too, is hungry you're golden, ask if she's hungry for anything in particular, if not then make a suggestion and say, "Well since we're both hungry lets go over to X and grab a bite together, my treat."
    if she IS wanting something in particular then say "that sounds pretty good, we should go grab a bite, my treat."

    rockmonkey on
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  • edited May 2007
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  • elevatureelevature Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    well this is pretty much unanimous, so next time I see her I'll ask. thanks for the advice

    tRockmonkey: that all sounds a little forced to me. I think I'd rather just ask if she wants to go grab lunch or a coffee.

    I've never really dated before, all of my past relationships I've kind of just fallen into, so this is all pretty new to me. I think I'll just be direct about, though.

    elevature on
  • Nexus ZeroNexus Zero Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Also I think you'll find that, if you get along anyway, things won't be as awkward as you imagine should she say no.

    Nexus Zero on
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  • elevatureelevature Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    looks like we're going out for coffee. thanks for the advice, everyone!

    elevature on
  • Uncle LongUncle Long Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Congratulations. I approve of the coffee first date (assuming you both like coffee related beverages and the cafe is a nice enough place to hang out) as well as the 'drinks' first date. They always leave room for an escape and are generally cheaper than dinner. Good luck!

    Uncle Long on
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