Where to begin
Do you miss sports? Have you never fully understood the appeal of sports, but would like to? Do you enjoy sports, but feel guilty about the real-life toll sports take on the bodies and minds of athletes? Do you wanna have real strong
opinions about someone named Randall Marijuana?
Well, Blaseball might just be for you!So, uh, what's Blaseball?
Blaseball is, boiled down its mechanical essence, an AI-simulated sporting league. The core rules of the game the AI teams are playing resemble those of real-life baseball. Every season of Blaseball lasts a week. In a given season, teams will play 99 games. Post-season happens on the weekend.Uh-huh. So what do I do, as a fan of Blaseball?
You can place bets on teams [with fake money, a la Saltybet], purchase upgrades that let you place higher bets, purchase upgrades that grant passive income. Oh, and you can buy votes.Votes?
Yeah. Every week, elections are held to alter the rules of Blaseball. Teams might upgrade the Anti-Capitalism stat for all of their players, enabling their players to steal bases more efficiently. Votes might be cast to open a Forbidden Book, revealing some
knowledge about hidden Blaseball mechanics, but at a terrible price.This FAQ format is all well and good, but how about a straight pitch on why I should give a shit?
Blaseball bills itself as a "cultural event," and while this is mostly tongue-in-cheek, it's not far off the mark. It's a thing that you can invest as much, or as little, of your time and mental energy into as you want. And that investment will be repaid. You can get in DEEP, joining the Discord channels for your favorite team, drawing fanart of your favorite players, following games intently, learning all the chants and nicknames and lore. Or you can dip in, place some fake bets with fake money, see what happens the next time you log in. You don't have
to be invested to have fun, you don't have
to follow every move. Blaseball will continue with or without you. If you need Blaseball, it's there for you. If you don't wanna care too much, Blaseball won't fall apart if you're not around. I find that comforting.
Also, it's very
funny. It's the highs and lows of a sport, sped up and amplified and filtered through the surreal. Your team doesn't lose a star player to a torn ACL, they're lost to a Rogue Umpire who wields the power to incinerate players. Players aren't "traded" between teams, they are "swapped" when cosmic feedback reaches the exact right frequency. Player names are randomly generated from a pool of randomized words, so you might so Basilio Fig hit a ground out to Tamara Crankit. If you give a shit, you can look up the Fan Lore about the tragic fate of Jaylen Hotdogfingers. If you don't
give a shit, you can just chuckle at the name "Jaylen Hotdogfingers" and get on with your day.
The teams all have their own cultures and vibes, if exploring that sort of thing tickles your fancy. The Seattle Garages keep making SHOCKINGLY competent parodies of grunge and alt-rock songs, all about how they want to fight God (and also how their pitcher sucks). The Baltimore Crabs are moneyballing assholes loathed by the rest of the league. The Miami Dalé have an elaborate lore incorporating a whole
lot of Pitbull-themed jokes.
There is a lengthy and useful FAQ about the finer points of Blaseball here: https://sourceful.co.uk/doc/503/blaseball-the-faq
We Are All Love Blaseball