Where to begin
Do you miss sports? Have you never fully understood the appeal of sports, but would like to? Do you enjoy sports, but feel guilty about the real-life toll sports take on the bodies and minds of athletes? Do you wanna have real strong
opinions about someone named Randall Marijuana?
Well, Blaseball might just be for you!So, uh, what's Blaseball?
Blaseball is, boiled down its mechanical essence, an AI-simulated sporting league. The core rules of the game the AI teams are playing resemble those of real-life baseball. Every season of Blaseball lasts a week. In a given season, teams will play 99 games. Post-season happens on the weekend.Uh-huh. So what do I do, as a fan of Blaseball?
You can place bets on teams [with fake money, a la Saltybet], purchase upgrades that let you place higher bets, purchase upgrades that grant passive income. Oh, and you can buy votes.Votes?
Yeah. Every week, elections are held to alter the rules of Blaseball. Teams might upgrade the Anti-Capitalism stat for all of their players, enabling their players to steal bases more efficiently. Votes might be cast to open a Forbidden Book, revealing some
knowledge about hidden Blaseball mechanics, but at a terrible price.This FAQ format is all well and good, but how about a straight pitch on why I should give a shit?
Blaseball bills itself as a "cultural event," and while this is mostly tongue-in-cheek, it's not far off the mark. It's a thing that you can invest as much, or as little, of your time and mental energy into as you want. And that investment will be repaid. You can get in DEEP, joining the Discord channels for your favorite team, drawing fanart of your favorite players, following games intently, learning all the chants and nicknames and lore. Or you can dip in, place some fake bets with fake money, see what happens the next time you log in. You don't have
to be invested to have fun, you don't have
to follow every move. Blaseball will continue with or without you. If you need Blaseball, it's there for you. If you don't wanna care too much, Blaseball won't fall apart if you're not around. I find that comforting.
Also, it's very
funny. It's the highs and lows of a sport, sped up and amplified and filtered through the surreal. Your team doesn't lose a star player to a torn ACL, they're lost to a Rogue Umpire who wields the power to incinerate players. Players aren't "traded" between teams, they are "swapped" when cosmic feedback reaches the exact right frequency. Player names are randomly generated from a pool of randomized words, so you might so Basilio Fig hit a ground out to Tamara Crankit. If you give a shit, you can look up the Fan Lore about the tragic fate of Jaylen Hotdogfingers. If you don't
give a shit, you can just chuckle at the name "Jaylen Hotdogfingers" and get on with your day.
The teams all have their own cultures and vibes, if exploring that sort of thing tickles your fancy. The Seattle Garages keep making SHOCKINGLY competent parodies of grunge and alt-rock songs, all about how they want to fight God (and also how their pitcher sucks). The Baltimore Crabs are moneyballing assholes loathed by the rest of the league. The Miami Dalé have an elaborate lore incorporating a whole
lot of Pitbull-themed jokes.
There is a lengthy and useful FAQ about the finer points of Blaseball here: https://sourceful.co.uk/doc/503/blaseball-the-faq
We Are All Love Blaseball
Someone at me and then immediately guilt me please thank you
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
I saw a summary of all the different stats when it first started and they are extremely good.
Also I don't know if Jon Bois is directly involved or just a fan, but it has his seal of approval, which is more than enough for me.
My idol is Nagomi Mcdaniel, powerhouse hitter for my beloved Breckenridge Jazz Hands
I wake up every morning to three large in the bank thanks to her
he just threw out our case after we submitted a 20 page brief outlining the basis for our defamation suit, but the Wild Wings Legal Team is consolidating our options
also our rotation is just fucking garbage how did we give up seven runs in four innings to the horrible Shoe Thieves
I come bearing only two guillotines forged of natural chitin, lifted unto the gods like the death threats they are.
It's...it's been a ride I'll tell ya what.
Steam Live: Azraith PSN: AzraithDeMitri
While I am not personally backing the Garages, I cannot overstate how fun their music is
"Fight Gods" is such a fucking jam
Garages 4 lyfe yo.
What other team has multiple best-selling albums?
breaking the heel kayfabe for a second to say
though in the meantime, god damn is it fun to be the ones breaking the game while it's still in this absolutely breakable beta
Lots of fun being had there.
[stares at phone, as is our custom]
If I was forced to explain to friends and family all the reasons why I've become passionately attached to the Hawaii Fridays in the past month, they'd probably have me committed. But the short version is I spent actual American dollars last week commissioning art of a 1.5 star batter so that I can eventually start his blaseball twitter account.
I decided to follow the Tacos because I love tacos. And because NaN is the coolest!
The tacos have NO LIMIT
Naan tacos, tortilla tacos, bread tacos, prosciutto tacos...
EDIT: WAit shit it's not even Infinite Tacos it's UNLIMITED TACOS
THE TACOS CARE NOT FOR YOUR SHACKLES
Isn't that just a hamburger/sloppy joe?
Baldwin Breadwinner feels like a real star right now. I think it's going to all work out.
Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
it's a surprisingly even mix of people new to splorts fandom and people with experience following baseball, as well as a fun mix of people who are really into the stats/voting aspects and people who are primarily there for the fanart and RP (and of course all of these categories I'm mentioning have substantial overlap)
now, when I do see conflict or friction between fans it can also follow these fault lines - there's definitely some culture shock for the new splorts fans upon realizing just how much experienced fans revel in a bit of inter-team fandom conflict, and the RP-heavy fans tend to get absolutely devastated if a character gets incinerated. the worst case so far I've seen was the person running the Randall Marijuana twitter account desperately needing financial assistance due to health insurance overcharges and then the actual ployer getting incinerated later that day. fucking brutal
the devs seem to have plans in mind for working to resolve a few of these tonal conflicts (especially the rich-get-richer stat grabs that the Crabs absolutely rolled this week), but it's gonna be a long few weeks while Blaseball figures out what it is, both at the level of the game itself as well as the fandom-driven meta
in the meantime, let's go Crabs, claws up, attack and dethrone god, etc
you're telling me
C R A B S
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
If your team ain’t great, it was getting a little rough if you had a string of bad bets to get back in it.
come, my child, you have much to learn
you can get passive income, based on a character you pick
there's a lot of money in the pitcher idolization options in particular, if you play it right
what a shame it will be if they get incinerated, and not at all good for the Wild Wings, no sir, no way