The Cultural Event of [Blaseball]

PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, manAh, jeezRegistered User regular
edited September 11 in Singularity Engine++
Where to begin

Do you miss sports? Have you never fully understood the appeal of sports, but would like to? Do you enjoy sports, but feel guilty about the real-life toll sports take on the bodies and minds of athletes? Do you wanna have real strong opinions about someone named Randall Marijuana?

Well, Blaseball might just be for you!

So, uh, what's Blaseball?

Blaseball is, boiled down its mechanical essence, an AI-simulated sporting league. The core rules of the game the AI teams are playing resemble those of real-life baseball. Every season of Blaseball lasts a week. In a given season, teams will play 99 games. Post-season happens on the weekend.

Uh-huh. So what do I do, as a fan of Blaseball?

You can place bets on teams [with fake money, a la Saltybet], purchase upgrades that let you place higher bets, purchase upgrades that grant passive income. Oh, and you can buy votes.

Votes?

Yeah. Every week, elections are held to alter the rules of Blaseball. Teams might upgrade the Anti-Capitalism stat for all of their players, enabling their players to steal bases more efficiently. Votes might be cast to open a Forbidden Book, revealing some knowledge about hidden Blaseball mechanics, but at a terrible price.

This FAQ format is all well and good, but how about a straight pitch on why I should give a shit?

Blaseball bills itself as a "cultural event," and while this is mostly tongue-in-cheek, it's not far off the mark. It's a thing that you can invest as much, or as little, of your time and mental energy into as you want. And that investment will be repaid. You can get in DEEP, joining the Discord channels for your favorite team, drawing fanart of your favorite players, following games intently, learning all the chants and nicknames and lore. Or you can dip in, place some fake bets with fake money, see what happens the next time you log in. You don't have to be invested to have fun, you don't have to follow every move. Blaseball will continue with or without you. If you need Blaseball, it's there for you. If you don't wanna care too much, Blaseball won't fall apart if you're not around. I find that comforting.

Also, it's very funny. It's the highs and lows of a sport, sped up and amplified and filtered through the surreal. Your team doesn't lose a star player to a torn ACL, they're lost to a Rogue Umpire who wields the power to incinerate players. Players aren't "traded" between teams, they are "swapped" when cosmic feedback reaches the exact right frequency. Player names are randomly generated from a pool of randomized words, so you might so Basilio Fig hit a ground out to Tamara Crankit. If you give a shit, you can look up the Fan Lore about the tragic fate of Jaylen Hotdogfingers. If you don't give a shit, you can just chuckle at the name "Jaylen Hotdogfingers" and get on with your day.

The teams all have their own cultures and vibes, if exploring that sort of thing tickles your fancy. The Seattle Garages keep making SHOCKINGLY competent parodies of grunge and alt-rock songs, all about how they want to fight God (and also how their pitcher sucks). The Baltimore Crabs are moneyballing assholes loathed by the rest of the league. The Miami Dalé have an elaborate lore incorporating a whole lot of Pitbull-themed jokes.

There is a lengthy and useful FAQ about the finer points of Blaseball here: https://sourceful.co.uk/doc/503/blaseball-the-faq

We Are All Love Blaseball

Poorochondriac on
shalmeloA Dabble Of TheloniusfacetiousRingoTofystedeth
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Posts

  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    RIP in peace to Randall Marijuana, blazed in his prime

    YaYaAzraithMatevTynnanOlivaw
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    Jessica Telephone is my idol

    QRK7dOP.gif
    PSN: GrahamCR | Switch Friend Code: SW-7440-9863-2027
  • CelloCello Registered User regular
    Gonna need a reminder to actually pay attention to Blaseball next season

    Someone at me and then immediately guilt me please thank you

    Steam
    3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
    Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    I haven't been following this too closely, but it pops up on my Twitter feed once in a while and seems like a fun weird thing.

    I saw a summary of all the different stats when it first started and they are extremely good.

    Also I don't know if Jon Bois is directly involved or just a fan, but it has his seal of approval, which is more than enough for me.

  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    Jessica Telephone is my idol

    My idol is Nagomi Mcdaniel, powerhouse hitter for my beloved Breckenridge Jazz Hands

    I wake up every morning to three large in the bank thanks to her

  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited September 11
    my team the Mexico City Wild Wings have spent several days in a vicious legal battle with the commissioner after he dared to call us the Mild Wings

    he just threw out our case after we submitted a 20 page brief outlining the basis for our defamation suit, but the Wild Wings Legal Team is consolidating our options

    also our rotation is just fucking garbage how did we give up seven runs in four innings to the horrible Shoe Thieves

    YaYa on
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    Well the commissioner is doing a great job

    QRK7dOP.gif
    PSN: GrahamCR | Switch Friend Code: SW-7440-9863-2027
    MaddocYaYarhylithPoorochondriacMatevcB557NiryaCurly_BraceGONG-00A Dabble Of TheloniusTynnanBloodsheedOlivaw
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    My wife backs the Unlimited Tacos. One of her favorite players, Rat Mason ("Rat-a-tat-bat!") inhaled a stray peanut during a game, suffered an allergic reaction, and has lost an entire star of his batting ability.

    Brutal

  • MaddocMaddoc I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother? Registered User regular
    I will always love my forever middle of the pack team that hates the sun and also God as much as I do, the Garages

    97H9G7S.png PSN - Masked Unit | FFXIV - Laitarne Gilgamesh
    MatevTofystedeth
  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    gswltc0ccb7o.jpg

    I come bearing only two guillotines forged of natural chitin, lifted unto the gods like the death threats they are.

    cB557OlivawRingo
  • AzraithAzraith DON'T Registered User regular
    I'm a Sunbeams fan. Randall was my idol.

    It's...it's been a ride I'll tell ya what.

    kgefLUA.png
    Steam Live: Azraith PSN: AzraithDeMitri
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    Maddoc wrote: »
    I will always love my forever middle of the pack team that hates the sun and also God as much as I do, the Garages

    While I am not personally backing the Garages, I cannot overstate how fun their music is

    https://thegarages.bandcamp.com/album/the-garages-kill-the-gods

    "Fight Gods" is such a fucking jam

    Mortal Skyfacetious
  • MatevMatev Cero Miedo Registered User regular
    Yo, I'm with the Band.

    Garages 4 lyfe yo.

    What other team has multiple best-selling albums?

    "Go down, kick ass, and set yourselves up as gods, that's our Prime Directive!"
    Hail Hydra
  • rhylithrhylith Registered User regular
    Houston Spies are just laying low gathering intelligence.

    Rhylith - <Shambler Milk> Horde Chogall
  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    EfGgnvWWoAAduUR.jpg:large

    breaking the heel kayfabe for a second to say
    I joined on the Crabs at the end of S3 because Baltimore is the only city on the list I spend any real time in, and it's been a wild ride seeing how far our organization has gotten us, though part of me also cannot wait for us to just win a series already and allow someone else to be the new Tigers because being the mega-heel can be exhausting after a while

    though in the meantime, god damn is it fun to be the ones breaking the game while it's still in this absolutely breakable beta

    cB557
  • milskimilski UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ Registered User regular
    I have decided that I am now ride or die for the Yellowstone Magic.

    You can't write me off like that! You're just a voice, pal! You don't know a DAMN THING ABOUT RACING!!
  • Virgil_Leads_YouVirgil_Leads_You Proud Father House GardenerRegistered User regular
    edited September 11
    As a Friday's fan, I really enjoyed the Crab's stealing Nagomi McDaniel for the start of season 4.
    Lots of fun being had there.

    Virgil_Leads_You on
    VayBJ4e.png
    shalmeloRingo
  • LanzLanz Registered User regular
    Milleniaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaals!

    [stares at phone, as is our custom]

    waNkm4k.jpg?1
  • cB557cB557 voOOP Registered User regular
    (\/)┌¶─¶┐(\/)

    facetiousTynnanMortal SkyHeadCreeps
  • PoorochondriacPoorochondriac Ah, man Ah, jeezRegistered User regular
    I have typed the phrase "My beloved Breckenridge Jazz Hands" so many times that my phone's auto-predict jumps in as soon as I type the word "my"

    shalmeloMaddocMortal SkyYaYaOne Thousand CablesfacetiousTynnanOlivawMatevRingoFlarneTofystedeth
  • shalmeloshalmelo sees no evil Registered User regular
    First off, thanks to Pooro for posting the better version of the OP of this thread that's been sitting in my drafts for a few days. I'm a godawful salesman, and it turns out that it's a mighty challenge to articulate all the different ways that blaseball and its community have pushed so many buttons on both sides of my brain here in hellworld 2020.

    If I was forced to explain to friends and family all the reasons why I've become passionately attached to the Hawaii Fridays in the past month, they'd probably have me committed. But the short version is I spent actual American dollars last week commissioning art of a 1.5 star batter so that I can eventually start his blaseball twitter account.

    Steam ID: Shalmelo || LoL: melo2boogaloo || tweets
    cB557Mortal SkyfacetiousMatevRingoTofystedeth
  • Curly_BraceCurly_Brace Robot Girl Mimiga VillageRegistered User regular
    72 degrees and Infinite, baby!

    I decided to follow the Tacos because I love tacos. And because NaN is the coolest!

  • MaddocMaddoc I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother? Registered User regular
    Tacos usually aren't made on Naan though

    97H9G7S.png PSN - Masked Unit | FFXIV - Laitarne Gilgamesh
  • MechMantisMechMantis Registered User regular
    edited September 11
    Maddoc wrote: »
    Tacos usually aren't made on Naan though

    INFINITE Tacos

    The tacos have NO LIMIT

    Naan tacos, tortilla tacos, bread tacos, prosciutto tacos...

    EDIT: WAit shit it's not even Infinite Tacos it's UNLIMITED TACOS

    THE TACOS CARE NOT FOR YOUR SHACKLES

    MechMantis on
    dkj3oHf.jpg
  • Curly_BraceCurly_Brace Robot Girl Mimiga VillageRegistered User regular
    edited September 11
    NaN is short for "Not a Number" ya silly gooses.

    Also: EAT

    Curly_Brace on
  • ElaroElaro Mister No Fun AllowedRegistered User regular
    MechMantis wrote: »
    bread tacos,

    Isn't that just a hamburger/sloppy joe?

    My ongoing quest to ask Larlar if he's a good source of Malarlarkey: NEW SCHEME HATCHING
  • LasbrookLasbrook It takes a lot to make a stew When it comes to me and youRegistered User regular
    I haven’t had a lot of time to invest into this season and the last, which is for the best as a Tacos fan since I get to watch my team get worse every season.

  • A Dabble Of TheloniusA Dabble Of Thelonius It has been a doozy of a dayRegistered User regular
    Hawaii Fridays represent!

    Baldwin Breadwinner feels like a real star right now. I think it's going to all work out.

    vm8gvf5p7gqi.jpg
    Steam - Talon Valdez :Blizz - Talonious#1860 : Xbox Live & LoL - Talonious Monk @TaloniousMonk Hail Satan
    Virgil_Leads_You
  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    the fandom dynamic of this game has been really interesting to me for just how many different flavors of nerd have ended up in the Discord servers I'm active on

    it's a surprisingly even mix of people new to splorts fandom and people with experience following baseball, as well as a fun mix of people who are really into the stats/voting aspects and people who are primarily there for the fanart and RP (and of course all of these categories I'm mentioning have substantial overlap)

    now, when I do see conflict or friction between fans it can also follow these fault lines - there's definitely some culture shock for the new splorts fans upon realizing just how much experienced fans revel in a bit of inter-team fandom conflict, and the RP-heavy fans tend to get absolutely devastated if a character gets incinerated. the worst case so far I've seen was the person running the Randall Marijuana twitter account desperately needing financial assistance due to health insurance overcharges and then the actual ployer getting incinerated later that day. fucking brutal

    the devs seem to have plans in mind for working to resolve a few of these tonal conflicts (especially the rich-get-richer stat grabs that the Crabs absolutely rolled this week), but it's gonna be a long few weeks while Blaseball figures out what it is, both at the level of the game itself as well as the fandom-driven meta

    in the meantime, let's go Crabs, claws up, attack and dethrone god, etc

  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    A good friend of mine who lives across the country and I don't get to talk with very often anymore was telling me about this. I saw some of his twitter interactions about it, too. I've been kind of invested in like three different things lately so I didn't think I could spend the time or energy for another thing.

    But

    you're telling me

    there are

    C R A B S

    ?????????

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
    cB557Curly_Brace
  • rhylithrhylith Registered User regular
    edited September 11
    The introduction of idols has definitely helped if you’re following a team that loses more than it wins.

    If your team ain’t great, it was getting a little rough if you had a string of bad bets to get back in it.

    rhylith on
    Rhylith - <Shambler Milk> Horde Chogall
    YaYaMatev
  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    facetious wrote: »
    A good friend of mine who lives across the country and I don't get to talk with very often anymore was telling me about this. I saw some of his twitter interactions about it, too. I've been kind of invested in like three different things lately so I didn't think I could spend the time or energy for another thing.

    But

    you're telling me

    there are

    C R A B S

    ?????????

    oq0r2740fhyb.jpg

    come, my child, you have much to learn

    facetious
  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    What do idols actually do, I've entirely forgotten to check in this week

    QRK7dOP.gif
    PSN: GrahamCR | Switch Friend Code: SW-7440-9863-2027
  • Mortal SkyMortal Sky queer punk hedge witchRegistered User regular
    Grey Ghost wrote: »
    What do idols actually do, I've entirely forgotten to check in this week

    you can get passive income, based on a character you pick

    there's a lot of money in the pitcher idolization options in particular, if you play it right
    also seems like the most idolized characters may get sacrificed??

  • rhylithrhylith Registered User regular
    I picked the best hitter on my team (you can pick other teams but also who the hell wants to betray their own team?) and it’s a very reliable source of coins.

    Rhylith - <Shambler Milk> Horde Chogall
  • rhylithrhylith Registered User regular
    I will laugh my ass off if all the top idols get incinerated by umps

    Rhylith - <Shambler Milk> Horde Chogall
    Maddoc
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    my team has no players good enough to be in the Idol standings so my idol is Nagomi McDaniel

    what a shame it will be if they get incinerated, and not at all good for the Wild Wings, no sir, no way

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    TEAM JAZZ HANDS ALL THE WAY

    HEY SATAN! HERE'S MY WISHLIST! GO NUTS YOU DEVIL!

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1JI9WWSRW1YJI
    Poorochondriac
  • One Thousand CablesOne Thousand Cables An absence of thought Registered User regular
    I made Stu Trololol of the Shoe Thieves my idol regardless of potential gains, because I am and will always be a member of the STU CRU

    A Dabble Of Thelonius
  • PeenPeen tw1tch0rz occasionallyRegistered User regular
    I could only be a fan of the Pies. I haven't delved deep into the culture but I'm given to understand that everyone hates the Pies. It's sad but necessary.

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