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The sleep while the baby sleeps never worked for us. It's the only time you can do anything!
Oh yeah, losts of water only wet wipes were and are still bought by us. Mostly for travel and because you can aso use them to wipe down other parts of the baby. We also use the cotton wipes (they are softer) with water but never boiled the water? might depend on the water quality where you are?
honovere on
+2
ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Make sure that all of your friends and relatives who will want to visit in (at minimum) the first 6 weeks have all had updated vaccines. Pertussis was the big one that our midwife pushed for. But full MMR and TDAP before any visitors.
If you are going to be doing childcare at a center/daycare type place, get in the lists now. Like yesterday now. You do not want to get to the end of your parental leave only to discover that there's no space for your kid at any local places.
I have a bunch of more detailed thoughts, but I'm sure a lot will be covered by others.
My only one for now is: You're going to get a lot of advice. Some of it will be good, some will be bad. Accept all graciously and file it away, as every baby and kid are a sample size of one, so you will need all the tricks possible to stay sane. Anyone with two or more kids will attest to every kid needing different things at different times - don't fight it, just try to find the right puzzle piece to fit the situations.
Also, I lied, I'll give one piece of advice - remember that they're just a baby and can't even reliably move the right limb when needed. They are probably not specifically trolling you. Also, you can swear at them in a very sweet voice and they don't know the difference (stop that after 6 months or so, as kids listen long before they talk).
Steal all the newborn diapers from the hospital. Have at least one box of size ones waiting at home. Many places will let you return unopened boxes so go nuts.
Unless told otherwise by your doctor with reason, don't wake a sleeping baby to feed it.
Like Ahava said, get on the waitlists for childcare places (This may be area specific, but was very true for us).
kid got her first bike this christmas (had a walk bike before) and we thought it might be a bit tall for her as she can't put the whole foot down on the ground, but uh, she's way better at this than I was as a kid. second day was already riding by herself with holding the bike only for the first few metres, next session she had the start figured out and by now she does the half mile to the kindergarten basically by herself. And the best part is that she'S so happy about it.
You can't hold a baby too much. Some babies want to be held. Hold that baby.
If a baby is crying it's usually one of four things. They are hungry, cold, tired, or dirty. That's really it. You can knock out those interventions in five minutes and then work on sleep.
The only book I found helpful was Happiest Baby on the Block, which to save you some money, boils down to this. Swaddle the baby, sway with the baby, shush the baby (shh shh shh) and just kind of walk around and they'll fall asleep.
Oh! Other parents lie, just don't listen to them.
Finally, earplugs. A baby screaming just sets me on edge. But, I learned early to pop a few earplugs in and I can calmly soothe and relax with a baby screaming right in my face without an issue.
kid got her first bike this christmas (had a walk bike before) and we thought it might be a bit tall for her as she can't put the whole foot down on the ground, but uh, she's way better at this than I was as a kid. second day was already riding by herself with holding the bike only for the first few metres, next session she had the start figured out and by now she does the half mile to the kindergarten basically by herself. And the best part is that she'S so happy about it.
Get on baby registries now. Set up a wishlist, and you can update it as you go.
We set the Expected Birthdate a bit earlier than real life, so that we could get our “complete your list” coupon early. (E.g. if expecting in July, tell Target the birthday is May30/June1)
My advice: Make sure to bookmark this thread and the D&D parenting thread. Use this place to ask all your questions. Folks here are far more reasonable than googling answers or using social media sites. We all just...get it and will be open and frank with advice.
Seriously, PA is always amazing, but the parenting threads go beyond. Feel free to come to air out your frustrations as well. Family, kids, job, whatever. Getting that stuff off your chest can be very helpful in keeping/restoring your sanity meter.
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
My advice: Make sure to bookmark this thread and the D&D parenting thread. Use this place to ask all your questions. Folks here are far more reasonable than googling answers or using social media sites. We all just...get it and will be open and frank with advice.
Seriously, PA is always amazing, but the parenting threads go beyond. Feel free to come to air out your frustrations as well. Family, kids, job, whatever. Getting that stuff off your chest can be very helpful in keeping/restoring your sanity meter.
But Dover, how will they find out that feeding anything but breastmilk to your baby is akin to murdering it? Or that if you don't follow that up with organic, made from scratch meals in fun shapes and sizes you're a terrible parent?
My advice: Make sure to bookmark this thread and the D&D parenting thread. Use this place to ask all your questions. Folks here are far more reasonable than googling answers or using social media sites. We all just...get it and will be open and frank with advice.
Seriously, PA is always amazing, but the parenting threads go beyond. Feel free to come to air out your frustrations as well. Family, kids, job, whatever. Getting that stuff off your chest can be very helpful in keeping/restoring your sanity meter.
But Dover, how will they find out that feeding anything but breastmilk to your baby is akin to murdering it? Or that if you don't follow that up with organic, made from scratch meals in fun shapes and sizes you're a terrible parent?
Formula?! YOU...MURDERER!!
Thankfully, our doctor and nurses were 100% in the "fed is best" category. Breast milk if you can, otherwise formula. My wife had a really hard time with breastfeeding the first few months. Our daughter has biting and they both couldn't get on the same page. I had no problem stepping in and feeding the baby so my wife could sleep and heal.
As parents, we're always trying to provide a better life for our kids than we had. I extend this to other PA parents; to help provide them with the mistakes we made so that their experience can be better than mine.
Of course, we're talking about kids though, so every result will be randomized on the "Kid character creator" chart.
"Ok, let's see what we got."
*dice clatter*
"Hmmm...46.....ah! Has a 40% chance to spit up 1d6 oz after feeding. Great...."
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
A couple off the cuff:
1. Have a box of size zero and a box of size one diapers ready to go. Our child was a giant, and was in the newborn diapers for about a day, and you do not want to be scrambling around for diapers last second.
2. Even if you're doing cloth diapers, have some disposables as a backup. You do not want to find out your kid won't wear cloth diapers, or have your washing machine break, and be scrambling around for diapers last second.
3. Always have some premixed formula on hand, even if you normally mix formula, or plan to BF only. It's a backup you may not need, but if you do, you really will. (If for example, your child refuses to BF, or if your power and water were to go out for a couple of days unexpectedly).
4. We nicknamed our child, whom we love deeply, "The screaming potato" for the first few months. You will be so very tired all the time. You will be frustrated and exhausted and depressed and probably at some point feel like it was all a horrible mistake, and probably also the angriest you've ever been in your life. That's ok! It does not make you a horrible person, you're under enormous pressure. Just put the screaming potato down for a minute, go have a scream or cry, and get back in there.
5. Dr Browns mixing pitcher is great if you formula feed. If you do individual bottle mixing, do not be like me. Remember that the volume in the bottle is the water and separately the formula. Otherwise you end up putting too little water in, and your child will crap cement for a day. That's no fun!
6. Breast feeding is a nightmare for a lot of mothers. Be prepared to drop it if you need to and be prepared to be sympathetic a lot. Actually just do that in general.
7. You are going to be doing a lot of laundry. We got the boy two laundry baskets of his own (one for "just needs a wash" and one for "covered in bodily output, resolve ASAP").
8. They become more people and less potato every day. Some people love their kid immediately. Some people, especially dads (apparently), it can be a longer, more gradual process. That's OK too, your life isn't a Disney movie. Just keep showing up and wiping the bum and you'll be fine.
9. Oh! Know any hospital specific stuff before you go, like, do you want to do circumcision, do you want to store umbilical cells. They will ask, and you probably don't want to make some of those calls on the fly.
10. Some labours are quick, some aren't. When you make a go-bag for the hospital visit (p.s. , do that) throwing in an e-reader and some sort of portable gaming system will make you a hero. Throwing in some portable battery packs, a tablet and some super long charging cables, too.
ETA:
11. The hospital will probably teach you to swaddle. If you find, or already know, that you will be bad at this, have some sleep sacks when you get home. We had these, and they were infinitely easier to use. Our toddler still wears one to bed - with leg and arm holes, ha.
12. I know I said it's OK not to be OK. But if you find you are persistently not OK, it is also OK to go ask for help if you can. Post-partum depression exists, and it affects both partners. Do not fuck around with it.
ETAETA:
13. North American hospitals will seemingly not let you out of the hospital without a car seat. So do yourself a favour and bring one. Even if, not to give an overly specific example, you live a five minute walk from the hospital, and your wife walked there with contractions. They still won't let you leave without a car seat.
14. That first baby poo is probably going to be pitch black, stinky, and an absolute doozy. Our boy got his all the way up his back and into his hair. Just dive in there with all the wet wipes in the world. Oh, and some zinc cream (Desitin for e.g.). Zinc cream on bums after poops helps prevent diaper rash, and you do not want diaper rash. Also keep them dry!
15. I forgot this, but belly buttons can be weird right after birth - keep clean and dry and mention it to your doctor if you're worried it's infected or anything.
16. Always always always call if you're worried. Family doctors are used to our nonsense, and 90% of the time you wasted 20 minutes on hold but that other 10% of the time you're either deeply reassured, or on your way to the ER. ALways call if you're worried.
I want to make sure I shared what drove me to this thread five years ago.
Ripley was born six weeks premature - a staggering 4 lbs 8 ounces. She spent twelve days in the hospital and was totally fine afterwards.
However, between say six months and a year of age any time I tried to hold her she would just scream. I mean that literally. She would be calm and collected, cooing with my wife and the second I touched her she would start screaming.
This really did a number on me mentally. I've got my own baggage about my father - the usual tropes that he wasn't ever around, said maybe twenty words to me a month, etc. I was terrified I somehow inherited shitty parenting and that's just how my family would be because Ripley was picking up subconsciously that I was already a shit Dad
Everyone here was incredibly supportive and reassured me daily.
I just kept trying. Finally I put in some ear plugs and noise canceling headphones and I held that baby for about two hours while she just screamed right in my face until she finally fell asleep for two hours and we were good after that.
These are the kinds of things most parents don't talk about. Here you can find a much more open group of discussion that doesn't try to make every facet of parenting look like a bespoke Instagram post.
Parenting is equal measures rewarding and harrowing and anyone that tells you otherwise, in either direction, is a filthy liar.
Also anyone who says "if you don't do/feel X then you're a bad parent" is automatically disqualified from giving you any advice about anything ever again, provided that X is not obviously harmful or fatal.
Thank you all! Some of these things my wife has already taken care of. She is going to be such a good mother. I'll keep this thread bookmarked forever probably.
+4
ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
This thread and the one in D&D have such a mix of parents.
We have folks that are sending their kids off to university, and folks who's kids are grown adults , folks who have kids going into middle school, and kids who are just starting school, parents with toddlers, and parents expecting.
We have parents with multiple kids, only children, neurotypical, and neurodivergent.
We have folks with big supportive family structure, and those going on their own.
There are folks from not only around the US, but around the world.
And we're all very tired. So have lost our Instagram filter in our brains and mouths.
Thank you all! Some of these things my wife has already taken care of. She is going to be such a good mother. I'll keep this thread bookmarked forever probably.
Also don't be afraid to vent here or ask the tough questions. Shits hard yo.
This thread and the one in D&D have such a mix of parents.
We have folks that are sending their kids off to university, and folks who's kids are grown adults , folks who have kids going into middle school, and kids who are just starting school, parents with toddlers, and parents expecting.
We have parents with multiple kids, only children, neurotypical, and neurodivergent.
We have folks with big supportive family structure, and those going on their own.
There are folks from not only around the US, but around the world.
And we're all very tired. So have lost our Instagram filter in our brains and mouths.
And parents of kids with genetic disorders!
"Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
+4
ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
This thread and the one in D&D have such a mix of parents.
We have folks that are sending their kids off to university, and folks who's kids are grown adults , folks who have kids going into middle school, and kids who are just starting school, parents with toddlers, and parents expecting.
We have parents with multiple kids, only children, neurotypical, and neurodivergent.
We have folks with big supportive family structure, and those going on their own.
There are folks from not only around the US, but around the world.
And we're all very tired. So have lost our Instagram filter in our brains and mouths.
And parents of kids with genetic disorders!
daammittt
i knew i forgot the right designation. Sorry!
We also have parents of their own varying labels and specialties!
So me and LadyToasty are expecting a miniature Toasty in July. If y'all have some Quick TipsTM to get ready, I would really appreciate them.
Congratulations! Quickest Tip is to do as many home repairs and furniture assembly and kid-proofing loose cables as you can before the little one arrives. You've got more time now than come July and it's usually a great relief for the expecting mother to see that the house is getting better and safer.
The reverse advice of this is obviously, it would be great if you can get all of this done but remember babies don’t come out crawling so try and do the most important rooms and see if you get time to do the others, but don’t forget you still have plenty of time until everything needs to be done.
FishmanPut your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain.Registered Userregular
The night before my wife was induced I stayed up past midnight watching Army of Darkness and while I wouldn't go so far as to recommend it, I can't really say I regret it.
The night before my wife was induced I stayed up past midnight watching Army of Darkness and while I wouldn't go so far as to recommend it, I can't really say I regret it.
The night before all three of our boys were born, my partner watched Princess Bride restlessly in the hospital while I passed out exhausted before the sword fight each time
ShadowfireVermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered Userregular
And holy shit, make sure you take time to rest, and give your partner time to rest as well. You'll both be constantly exhausted, recovery is important!
In that vein, accept help when it's offered. It's going to feel like the baby will spontaneously combust if one of you isn't looking at it 24/7 but if someone offers to watch the baby so you can catch a nap, let them! Take the nap! True sleep deprivation is hard to describe but it's the single biggest obstacle we had with our babies so I recommend all opportunities to rest!
+9
ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
And accepting help is not a failure!
It's going to feel like it.
But it's not! It's you doing your best that you can at that time.
Yeah gaming changes hit in a way I wasn’t quite expecting. Like, I had thought “ok this creature is gonna need constant attention so no games for a while and then maybe I can start back up again next year”
But it wasn’t too much of a reduction, just a change in what I played. Much less OW or MMOs that need constant interaction and teams, more single player stuff.
Gave me a massive appreciation for small things like “game lets you pause during a cutscene”
Also, on the advice front… it may be a bit trite/overplayed but try to enjoy the steps along the way for what they are, because stuff changes.
Like it can be really hard to appreciate a fussing baby at 4am when you know your partner is tired and “c’mon kid please be quieter mom needs sleep please just give me a minute to warm it up, I wish you could eat on your own for a few minutes” …
and then before you know it they’re 2 and they won’t let you help them eat because they’ve got their own plan and food ends up in their hair every meal you’ve given up trying to keep the highchair clean and it sure would be nice if I could help feed you.
Also, on the advice front… it may be a bit trite/overplayed but try to enjoy the steps along the way for what they are, because stuff changes.
Like it can be really hard to appreciate a fussing baby at 4am when you know your partner is tired and “c’mon kid please be quieter mom needs sleep please just give me a minute to warm it up, I wish you could eat on your own for a few minutes” …
and then before you know it they’re 2 and they won’t let you help them eat because they’ve got their own plan and food ends up in their hair every meal you’ve given up trying to keep the highchair clean and it sure would be nice if I could help feed you.
I still generally carry my 6 and 8 year old down to the breakfast table (as they ask me to) and fix them their breakfast (usually just cereal or oatmeal, but still) - It's not long for this world and I'll miss those moments.
As far as great parenting games - slay the spire and other roguelike/roguelites are great as they usually have easy breakpoints. Ideally you want something that can either be stopped or played in 15-20 minute chunks.
I played a lot of Total War Warhammer with my weeks old son strapped to my chest. I would take him downstairs early morning and put him in the carrier as that seemed to be the only way to keep him content long enough so my wife could properly rest in-between breastfeeding.
Think I completed Red Dead 2 entirely during his naps over the course of a year
Now he's starting to take an interest in games, causally saying "shields recharging" whilst I'm playing Apex Legends on my phone....
SharpyVII on
+6
ahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Can I just say
I've been doing a lot of learning around learned incompetence and load sharing and all those things that make the difference between an ok marriage and a good partnership and
Talking with all of y'all
I think we're actually doing alright. We might actually break through some of those old habits eventually and have it be a generational change.
Basically
Y'all are such awesome parents and partners and it's really pretty cool to think about.
I've been doing a lot of learning around learned incompetence and load sharing and all those things that make the difference between an ok marriage and a good partnership and
Talking with all of y'all
I think we're actually doing alright. We might actually break through some of those old habits eventually and have it be a generational change.
Basically
Y'all are such awesome parents and partners and it's really pretty cool to think about.
The bar is so low for Dads I swear. Mrs. Red Robe is in a Facebook group for parents at roughly the same stages as we are and the number of Moms posting asking how many diapers Dad has changed or complaining about how Many m is doing all of the night time feedings. It's downright depressing.
+16
ShadowfireVermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered Userregular
I've been doing a lot of learning around learned incompetence and load sharing and all those things that make the difference between an ok marriage and a good partnership and
Talking with all of y'all
I think we're actually doing alright. We might actually break through some of those old habits eventually and have it be a generational change.
Basically
Y'all are such awesome parents and partners and it's really pretty cool to think about.
The bar is so low for Dads I swear. Mrs. Red Robe is in a Facebook group for parents at roughly the same stages as we are and the number of Moms posting asking how many diapers Dad has changed or complaining about how Many m is doing all of the night time feedings. It's downright depressing.
Yeah, the number of moms from our parents Facebook group that are now divorced is whoa. And it's almost entirely "he doesn't help with the kids" that's at play in those conversations. Luckily, most of them have found better dudes (and a lady in one case) who are treating them right.
I proudly let people know my wife changed less than 20 diapers for both kids. She also had many nights where I just used stored breast milk and/or formula to feed the kids so should could sleep through the night. It isn’t hard accepting a role if you’re good at it. Also, male masculinity is dumb.
MNC Dover on
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Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
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Oh yeah, losts of water only wet wipes were and are still bought by us. Mostly for travel and because you can aso use them to wipe down other parts of the baby. We also use the cotton wipes (they are softer) with water but never boiled the water? might depend on the water quality where you are?
If you are going to be doing childcare at a center/daycare type place, get in the lists now. Like yesterday now. You do not want to get to the end of your parental leave only to discover that there's no space for your kid at any local places.
Mazel tov!
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
My only one for now is: You're going to get a lot of advice. Some of it will be good, some will be bad. Accept all graciously and file it away, as every baby and kid are a sample size of one, so you will need all the tricks possible to stay sane. Anyone with two or more kids will attest to every kid needing different things at different times - don't fight it, just try to find the right puzzle piece to fit the situations.
Also, I lied, I'll give one piece of advice - remember that they're just a baby and can't even reliably move the right limb when needed. They are probably not specifically trolling you. Also, you can swear at them in a very sweet voice and they don't know the difference (stop that after 6 months or so, as kids listen long before they talk).
Unless told otherwise by your doctor with reason, don't wake a sleeping baby to feed it.
Like Ahava said, get on the waitlists for childcare places (This may be area specific, but was very true for us).
If a baby is crying it's usually one of four things. They are hungry, cold, tired, or dirty. That's really it. You can knock out those interventions in five minutes and then work on sleep.
The only book I found helpful was Happiest Baby on the Block, which to save you some money, boils down to this. Swaddle the baby, sway with the baby, shush the baby (shh shh shh) and just kind of walk around and they'll fall asleep.
Oh! Other parents lie, just don't listen to them.
Finally, earplugs. A baby screaming just sets me on edge. But, I learned early to pop a few earplugs in and I can calmly soothe and relax with a baby screaming right in my face without an issue.
That's impressive! Well done, her.
We set the Expected Birthdate a bit earlier than real life, so that we could get our “complete your list” coupon early. (E.g. if expecting in July, tell Target the birthday is May30/June1)
Seriously, PA is always amazing, but the parenting threads go beyond. Feel free to come to air out your frustrations as well. Family, kids, job, whatever. Getting that stuff off your chest can be very helpful in keeping/restoring your sanity meter.
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
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Twitch Page
But Dover, how will they find out that feeding anything but breastmilk to your baby is akin to murdering it? Or that if you don't follow that up with organic, made from scratch meals in fun shapes and sizes you're a terrible parent?
Formula?! YOU...MURDERER!!
Thankfully, our doctor and nurses were 100% in the "fed is best" category. Breast milk if you can, otherwise formula. My wife had a really hard time with breastfeeding the first few months. Our daughter has biting and they both couldn't get on the same page. I had no problem stepping in and feeding the baby so my wife could sleep and heal.
As parents, we're always trying to provide a better life for our kids than we had. I extend this to other PA parents; to help provide them with the mistakes we made so that their experience can be better than mine.
Of course, we're talking about kids though, so every result will be randomized on the "Kid character creator" chart.
"Ok, let's see what we got."
*dice clatter*
"Hmmm...46.....ah! Has a 40% chance to spit up 1d6 oz after feeding. Great...."
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
Steam ID
Twitch Page
1. Have a box of size zero and a box of size one diapers ready to go. Our child was a giant, and was in the newborn diapers for about a day, and you do not want to be scrambling around for diapers last second.
2. Even if you're doing cloth diapers, have some disposables as a backup. You do not want to find out your kid won't wear cloth diapers, or have your washing machine break, and be scrambling around for diapers last second.
3. Always have some premixed formula on hand, even if you normally mix formula, or plan to BF only. It's a backup you may not need, but if you do, you really will. (If for example, your child refuses to BF, or if your power and water were to go out for a couple of days unexpectedly).
4. We nicknamed our child, whom we love deeply, "The screaming potato" for the first few months. You will be so very tired all the time. You will be frustrated and exhausted and depressed and probably at some point feel like it was all a horrible mistake, and probably also the angriest you've ever been in your life. That's ok! It does not make you a horrible person, you're under enormous pressure. Just put the screaming potato down for a minute, go have a scream or cry, and get back in there.
5. Dr Browns mixing pitcher is great if you formula feed. If you do individual bottle mixing, do not be like me. Remember that the volume in the bottle is the water and separately the formula. Otherwise you end up putting too little water in, and your child will crap cement for a day. That's no fun!
6. Breast feeding is a nightmare for a lot of mothers. Be prepared to drop it if you need to and be prepared to be sympathetic a lot. Actually just do that in general.
7. You are going to be doing a lot of laundry. We got the boy two laundry baskets of his own (one for "just needs a wash" and one for "covered in bodily output, resolve ASAP").
8. They become more people and less potato every day. Some people love their kid immediately. Some people, especially dads (apparently), it can be a longer, more gradual process. That's OK too, your life isn't a Disney movie. Just keep showing up and wiping the bum and you'll be fine.
9. Oh! Know any hospital specific stuff before you go, like, do you want to do circumcision, do you want to store umbilical cells. They will ask, and you probably don't want to make some of those calls on the fly.
10. Some labours are quick, some aren't. When you make a go-bag for the hospital visit (p.s. , do that) throwing in an e-reader and some sort of portable gaming system will make you a hero. Throwing in some portable battery packs, a tablet and some super long charging cables, too.
ETA:
11. The hospital will probably teach you to swaddle. If you find, or already know, that you will be bad at this, have some sleep sacks when you get home. We had these, and they were infinitely easier to use. Our toddler still wears one to bed - with leg and arm holes, ha.
12. I know I said it's OK not to be OK. But if you find you are persistently not OK, it is also OK to go ask for help if you can. Post-partum depression exists, and it affects both partners. Do not fuck around with it.
ETAETA:
13. North American hospitals will seemingly not let you out of the hospital without a car seat. So do yourself a favour and bring one. Even if, not to give an overly specific example, you live a five minute walk from the hospital, and your wife walked there with contractions. They still won't let you leave without a car seat.
14. That first baby poo is probably going to be pitch black, stinky, and an absolute doozy. Our boy got his all the way up his back and into his hair. Just dive in there with all the wet wipes in the world. Oh, and some zinc cream (Desitin for e.g.). Zinc cream on bums after poops helps prevent diaper rash, and you do not want diaper rash. Also keep them dry!
15. I forgot this, but belly buttons can be weird right after birth - keep clean and dry and mention it to your doctor if you're worried it's infected or anything.
16. Always always always call if you're worried. Family doctors are used to our nonsense, and 90% of the time you wasted 20 minutes on hold but that other 10% of the time you're either deeply reassured, or on your way to the ER. ALways call if you're worried.
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Ripley was born six weeks premature - a staggering 4 lbs 8 ounces. She spent twelve days in the hospital and was totally fine afterwards.
However, between say six months and a year of age any time I tried to hold her she would just scream. I mean that literally. She would be calm and collected, cooing with my wife and the second I touched her she would start screaming.
This really did a number on me mentally. I've got my own baggage about my father - the usual tropes that he wasn't ever around, said maybe twenty words to me a month, etc. I was terrified I somehow inherited shitty parenting and that's just how my family would be because Ripley was picking up subconsciously that I was already a shit Dad
Everyone here was incredibly supportive and reassured me daily.
I just kept trying. Finally I put in some ear plugs and noise canceling headphones and I held that baby for about two hours while she just screamed right in my face until she finally fell asleep for two hours and we were good after that.
These are the kinds of things most parents don't talk about. Here you can find a much more open group of discussion that doesn't try to make every facet of parenting look like a bespoke Instagram post.
Also anyone who says "if you don't do/feel X then you're a bad parent" is automatically disqualified from giving you any advice about anything ever again, provided that X is not obviously harmful or fatal.
We have folks that are sending their kids off to university, and folks who's kids are grown adults , folks who have kids going into middle school, and kids who are just starting school, parents with toddlers, and parents expecting.
We have parents with multiple kids, only children, neurotypical, and neurodivergent.
We have folks with big supportive family structure, and those going on their own.
There are folks from not only around the US, but around the world.
And we're all very tired. So have lost our Instagram filter in our brains and mouths.
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Also don't be afraid to vent here or ask the tough questions. Shits hard yo.
And parents of kids with genetic disorders!
daammittt
i knew i forgot the right designation. Sorry!
We also have parents of their own varying labels and specialties!
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The reverse advice of this is obviously, it would be great if you can get all of this done but remember babies don’t come out crawling so try and do the most important rooms and see if you get time to do the others, but don’t forget you still have plenty of time until everything needs to be done.
Satans..... hints.....
The night before all three of our boys were born, my partner watched Princess Bride restlessly in the hospital while I passed out exhausted before the sword fight each time
But seriously, on the day, don't panic, just do.
And afterwards, everything is going to change, so listen to your partner and adapt sooner rather than later.
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It's going to feel like it.
But it's not! It's you doing your best that you can at that time.
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this rules because I love that little larva to death and also struggle with self-worth and this is a Purpose, but also I am an anxious dude so
but she's only a few months so I can keep her in arm's reach and still play Dwarf Fortress, the most pause-able game ever.
Good times!
But it wasn’t too much of a reduction, just a change in what I played. Much less OW or MMOs that need constant interaction and teams, more single player stuff.
Gave me a massive appreciation for small things like “game lets you pause during a cutscene”
Like it can be really hard to appreciate a fussing baby at 4am when you know your partner is tired and “c’mon kid please be quieter mom needs sleep please just give me a minute to warm it up, I wish you could eat on your own for a few minutes” …
and then before you know it they’re 2 and they won’t let you help them eat because they’ve got their own plan and food ends up in their hair every meal you’ve given up trying to keep the highchair clean and it sure would be nice if I could help feed you.
I still generally carry my 6 and 8 year old down to the breakfast table (as they ask me to) and fix them their breakfast (usually just cereal or oatmeal, but still) - It's not long for this world and I'll miss those moments.
As far as great parenting games - slay the spire and other roguelike/roguelites are great as they usually have easy breakpoints. Ideally you want something that can either be stopped or played in 15-20 minute chunks.
Think I completed Red Dead 2 entirely during his naps over the course of a year
Now he's starting to take an interest in games, causally saying "shields recharging" whilst I'm playing Apex Legends on my phone....
I've been doing a lot of learning around learned incompetence and load sharing and all those things that make the difference between an ok marriage and a good partnership and
Talking with all of y'all
I think we're actually doing alright. We might actually break through some of those old habits eventually and have it be a generational change.
Basically
Y'all are such awesome parents and partners and it's really pretty cool to think about.
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The bar is so low for Dads I swear. Mrs. Red Robe is in a Facebook group for parents at roughly the same stages as we are and the number of Moms posting asking how many diapers Dad has changed or complaining about how Many m is doing all of the night time feedings. It's downright depressing.
Yeah, the number of moms from our parents Facebook group that are now divorced is whoa. And it's almost entirely "he doesn't help with the kids" that's at play in those conversations. Luckily, most of them have found better dudes (and a lady in one case) who are treating them right.
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