Hello H&A, So, I am looking for some perspective from any of you that have gone through this process.
Last week my wife of 14 years asked for a divorce. This was a complete surprise for me, I thought everything was going great with our family. We have an 8yo & 5yo and life has been good. We never fight, there is no issues with money or cheating or anything.
She claims that shortly after having our youngest, 5 years ago, she started to fall out of love with me and has been fighting this on her own since then. I will admit that I am not the most romantic or passionate person. I am extremely loyal and caring and I think I am a great husband, friend and father.
She says she has been looking for the right time to divorce me for a while. The tipping point came when I mentioned I was going to go for a new job, this would have been a risky move, but could have had a big payoff for us. Without going into a lot of detail about the job, my wife felt that if I took the job, she would be locked into the relationship for 2 or 3 more years until I got my feet back under me and the job was secure. She decided it was now or never and dropped the hammer.
So, we are getting a divorce. We are amicable and are doing a collaborative divorce to keep the costs down and try to stay as friendly as possible and sty good parents for the kids. We have never hid things from each-other anyway, so this is happening.
So here is the advice part... I don't want to be divorced, I still love my wife and family very much. I want to fix this. She is 100% committed to this process and is not interested in doing anything to try to fix our marriage at this time. Has anyone managed to save their marriage after divorcing?
We will still be in close contact as we co-parent. My plan is to not be a sad sack and to use this time to be the best Dad that I can be. I have a nice safe apartment lined up and am moving out in a few weeks. We are very civil to each other in the house (so long as I don't try to convince her to forget this). I plan to work on me with this new free time (when she has the kids). Redevelop some friendships, get involved in the community and stay healthy.
I am hopeful she will see, after a while, that being divorced is not everything she hopes it will be and that maybe trying to work out our problems is worth while.