How to get used to being alone (post divorce)

Thundyrkatz

How does one get used to being alone after a divorce?

So, as I posted here a while back, I got divorced earlier this year and so far its gone pretty well. The one thing that I am struggling with is being without another adult around to talk to and share with. So many of you shared with me when I was going through the divorce about your own experience and I am hoping to get some more perspective. You guys are all awesome and I really appreciated your kindness and help.

So, here is my situation...

I'm 45 and I got divorced in February, it was a complete surprise... as Clark Griswold put it... "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I could not be more surprised... " Since then I have the kids most of the time, 5 days a week, which is awesome, they are 6 & 8 and we do fun stuff every other weekend. I have been seeing a therapist and that has been very helpful. I found a girlfriend that is awesome, but she has a busy life in a neighboring town and I can only see her every other weekend or so for a day (when I don't have the kids), though we talk on the phone and text every day. I am not ready to mix the kids and the girlfriend for a verity of reasons that are not important here, but that option is out for the foreseeable future. I have a full time job and a part time job that eats up most of my remaining time. I am trying to make more friends outside of the old marriage friends, but with covid and having the kids and work, its proven to be very difficult to do anything consistently enough to form come to the zoo with me friendships.

So, what I am struggling with is not having another adult around. I don't need help with the kids, I am looking for another adult to be around. I don't know if this is a hangover from being married for 13 years? We went to the zoo yesterday and it was awesome, but I missed having someone else there to laugh with and talk to on the car ride and stuff. Its just really been driving me crazy recently. It feels like I am more lonely, not less.

Is this something that will get easier and more normal as time goes by? i admit i have only been divorced for like 5 months.

DouglasDanger

It gets easier. See if you can find a club for a hobby you enjoy, try playing co-op videogames.

Try hanging out with some friends you have not seen in a while

Depending on vaccinations, of course

Thundyrkatz

Hey @DouglasDanger thanks for the tips on seeing friends/hobbies. I have looked up old friends and tried to join some groups to make some friends.

The truth is that I just don't have the time at this point to develop quality friendships. The 2 jobs, being a single dad most of the time and everything else. This is all ok to be honest, I am not actually looking for advice on how to make friends. (though that is defiantly no easy task!).

What I am looking for is advice from others that have been divorced or ended long term relationships and found themselves living alone now. Well, other then the kids. But how have they learned to grow accustomed to not having another adult around to share with.

Xaquin

for me, there was no one thing that made it easier

it just slowly happened over the course of a year

I will say that gaming online with friends helped a LOT

edit: also, divorce blows, but it'll get better and easier and I wish you the best!

Six

It sucks! Making new friends is hard! I was divorced at 41 and it’s no picnic.

but it does get easier. Focus on doing things you enjoy. Make more time for yourself and try to use it to be around new people. Meetup.com and facebook groups helped.

It’s been 2 years for me and it’s still slowly getting better. Be kind to yourself—you’re a lot stronger than you feel sometimes. And shoot me a PM if you ever want to game online. Just connecting with others helps.

Capt Howdy

I focused on decorating my new place when she was still around and had the kids for the weekend. Breath of the Wild got played, like, a lot a lot. Plus I was lucky enough to have a great friend who lived down the road who was going through the same thing.

All that said, I missed the hell out of having a romantic companion for quite some time. It really is something that takes time getting used to. (Close to a year and a half for me after 17 years of marriage)

I have a GF now who is phenomenal with the kids. We knew each other from HS and started texting after I filed. Eventually that turned into phone calls, then FaceTime, and at some point my youngest started muscling his way into our video chats. Knowing her for so long and then seeing how those two responded to each other removed any reluctance I had about her being around my kids. Now we live together and I'm happily moving on with the next chapter of my life.

You'll get there broseph. It just takes time, patience, and understanding.

Thundyrkatz

Hey @capt Howdy, @Six , @Xaquin thanks a lot, that's very helpful to hear from people that have gone through this. It has not been very long for me, just 5 months and I guess its just takes time. Its crappy to have to go through all of this, but hopefully as you have said it will be better on the other end. I am certainly glad to be free of the X, just did not plan for my life to take this path. Just keep plugging along I suppose.