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GIRLFRIEND, GAMES, and A Baby.
Sesphoheme
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, Here's the deal.
I'm miserable... I've been dating this girl named Jessica for five years now. Since we were freshmen in high school. We're both entering our sophomore year at college.
For a couple weeks I've honestly been tested in every way possible. She has recently discovered that she hates when I play or buy new video games, when I've always been a video gamer. The recent fit is about my decision to buy Forza 2 and not buy an engagement ring. Well, today, after not speaking to me for 2 days straight, she decides to call and say she's buying me The Sims 2, a simulation video game that's supposed to touch on the family unit. Her original "rule" was that she would monitor my family to see how I was taking care of it, and it any one died or if it was a poor family with more than 2 children, or the wife was not her, or I was cheating on her, she would break up with me. Well that was the last straw for me. I decided that it was time to break up with her.
But Little did I know the information she was about to break to me. Apparently she's 3 months pregnant... THREE MONTHS?! Isn't there like 2 months there she could have noticed that, and told me???????! And Apparently I'm supposed to be happy about it, when the reason I haven't bought her an engagement ring yet is because I'm not ready to settle down.
I don't intend to abandon her, I do love her. I'm just not ready for a child, yet I know she is. Any HELP would be greatly appreciated... Before I go crazy.
I'm miserable... I've been dating this girl named Jessica for five years now. Since we were freshmen in high school. We're both entering our sophomore year at college.
For a couple weeks I've honestly been tested in every way possible. She has recently discovered that she hates when I play or buy new video games, when I've always been a video gamer. The recent fit is about my decision to buy Forza 2 and not buy an engagement ring. Well, today, after not speaking to me for 2 days straight, she decides to call and say she's buying me The Sims 2, a simulation video game that's supposed to touch on the family unit. Her original "rule" was that she would monitor my family to see how I was taking care of it, and it any one died or if it was a poor family with more than 2 children, or the wife was not her, or I was cheating on her, she would break up with me. Well that was the last straw for me. I decided that it was time to break up with her.
But Little did I know the information she was about to break to me. Apparently she's 3 months pregnant... THREE MONTHS?! Isn't there like 2 months there she could have noticed that, and told me???????! And Apparently I'm supposed to be happy about it, when the reason I haven't bought her an engagement ring yet is because I'm not ready to settle down.
I don't intend to abandon her, I do love her. I'm just not ready for a child, yet I know she is. Any HELP would be greatly appreciated... Before I go crazy.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Sesphoheme on
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As for the baby, well, it's hard really to say anything except to keep it, since you told us you both were catholic and that she wants it (if she even is pregnant).
Insert snipped ultrasound image here.
Anyway, this complicates things quite a bit. You should have left a while ago, but now you have to stick it out, crazy girl and all.
Quite frankly I think she's a bit.. off, to put it nicely and you aren't exactly ready for the more difficult parts of a relationship. The only advice I can tell you now is to plan as well as you can because if you thought you were having a tough time now, just wait until 6 months is up.
If she really is pregnant, then you have some leeway. I highly doubt she'll leave you in her situation, so it should give you sometime to sit down and just think of what to do. I'm not saying ignore her (and I really hope no one thought I was) but it might be a good idea to try and prioritize right now while you still have time.
Good luck?
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If your family in The Sims does bad, shes breaking up with you?
If your family in The Sims does bad, shes breaking up with you?
If your family in The Sims does bad, shes breaking up with you?
Maybe I should be liming this, because, man. Thats 42 flavors of crazy. I'd personally bring this up, and point out the outright silliness of it. Thats just me though.
As for the kid, unless you have any reason to believe she cheated on you, he is as much yours as hers. You guys slipped up, these are the consequences. You sound like you really care about this girl, thats good. Having the baby is going to be really difficult for both of you, but it can be done, and I imagine that in the long run, you'll be glad you were there to help, and stick things through, even if it was a bit earlier than you had planned.
Whatever you do man, good luck with the whole thing. Theres gonna be some tough decisions, and times involved, but it can easily work out for the best.
So, if you two want to do it right, there are going to have to be some changes. No-one's saying you can't game, but you're going to have to rein in the habit a bit now. You should also consider as budget a wedding as possible if you go for tying the knot, since you've certainly got enough on your plates with college. You need to consider care arrangements for the child during the day so you can both finish up your studies - you're halfway through, there's no sense in either of you packing it in at this stage. This is going to mean a high degree of cooperation, and even then, your GF might need to defer a semester or two.
Lastly, your thread title is pretty offensive, not to mention immature. Are you sure you two are ready to be parents?
From what I can read (him not wanting to get married, the overall reaction to him becoming a father), the answer is a pretty big no on his end.
But still, that's pretty batshit loco. I understand that you both had catholic upbringings, but if you were going to have sex without contraception, you really should have considered this outcome.
Isn't three months also past abortion time too? Maybe this is why she kept it a secret.
neither one of you is in any way mature enough to raise a child and if you're seriously considering giving it the life it'll have having been raised by you two retards then you're beyond all hope
No, three months is not.
Second:
There's not enough lime for that.
Third: Here's the thing that I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around. Now, obviously the two of you had sex. Did you use a condom? If not, did she ever say that she was on the pill or anything? Because, I dunno about you, having unprotected sex in my area of the world usually results in the woman getting pregnant. This can probably be explained by you calling yourself an idiot in G&T.
Fourth: While the decision of what to do with the child is the most obvious, I think that you need to think long and hard about what kind of future your current girlfriend will make for you. I mean, to be blunt, she's obviously not dealing with a full deck if she thinks the goddamn Sims is an accurate judge of your character. In light of that, while keeping the child may be the 'right' or 'noble' thing to do now, can you be sure that she will really be able to handle it?
I dunno...maybe I'm just a cynic, but I've seen many young women who think they're ready to have a kid come to hate their decision because they weren't prepared for the 24-7 nature of parenthood.
Assuming she's being honest about the pregnancy, and she's definately keeping it, well, you're going to be a father. As mentioned, because of this, its unlikely she'll leave you at this time, so you do have some time to think. Dont try to get too wrapped up in "Am i ready? Do i want a kid?" sort of thoughts, because that ship has sailed. Focus more on what this means, both for you personally and your relationship. No matter what, you're going to have to let her know that ultimatums such as 'The Sims Incident' are completely unacceptable in an equal relationship. You have a hobby, and she needs to deal with it in a mature manner. (i'd like to point out that Sims can die unexpectedly through no fault of your own, so her 'test' is ridiculous, and not just for that reason) People need hobbies, and partners need to at least be tolerant of each others hobbies. However, you do need to get to the bottom of why she hates games so much. Perhaps she thinks you play too much, perhaps some compromise needs to be made.
Is the videogames thing the heart of your current problems, or just a catalyst? I'd guess the latter. If i were you, i'd want to know why she didnt tell you earlier about the pregnancy, for example. Thats big information she should have shared with you, because you both really need to prepare for this, starting as early as possible, and she's kind of let you down there. You really want to weigh up all the factors as to whether you want to work on fixing this relationship. I'm not going to say 'Get out now, man!'. You've been with her for 5 years, so i assume theres a very good reason for that. Perhaps reflect on that, and use those thoughts/feelings to discuss with her about the way things have been, where they've changed, and why you felt like you needed out of the relationship. Personally i hope you can work things out, and you can both come to a better understanding of each other.
I dont think its doomed, yet. People fight and technically break up all the time. But just DONT lose your temper and start saying mean stuff to her. Swallow your pride on that. If it isnt going to work out, so be it. Because of the kid you're still going to need to see her (well, you should) so just shut up and keep it civil
Even better, you should remove the entire image and just say "I've seen the ultrasound". If you're posting anything relating to her medical records without her consent, it violates the law. (Sorry, but I work in healthcare, and I know how big of a deal this can be)
I don't believe it - I'm on my THIRD PS3, and my FIRST XBOX360. What the heck?
OP: Man, I dunno what to say. As has already been said the video game thing, since it seems like it's just recently come up, is probably just a reaction to a child being quite a large cost and she's concerned about the money going toward the baby.
Your girlfriend sounds, from the Sims situation, like she's maybe not the most rational out there, but try to sit her down and talk about this with her about what options you two have. You're not ready for a child, and she is most definitely not. At three months an abortion is still an option, though obviously never a remotely pleasant one to even discuss.
When she told you and ran out did you go find her hold her and tell her that you guys while figure out how to deal with this? Or is she out there on her own crying and scared somewhere?
It's sounds like that she's worried that you care more about your video games than you relationship and your future baby. Granted she picked a really retarded way to discuss that with you, but you can understand how she could feel like that right? You can understand how she could be afraid that you will leave her on her own? How scary it is tell you that she's pregnant.
Get it through your thick head that all of this has not been about video games.
Yea, in a previous topic in G&T, he was the one who shared it with us.
Anyway, maybe we can remove it from this thread since the OP didn't include it here? It does have a full name after all...
Yeah the full name part is kinda fucked up.
Also- You don't neccesarily need to commit to this relationship because shes pregnant. But you DO need to commit to the child. Either way decide whats important to you.
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Ok.
Conflict a.: Religion: Alright, it's bad enough the religion thing got this far. Me being Catholic is not an excuse not to use protection, and I've said before in G&T that I did and she was on the pill the whole time. The part where the Catholicism comes in is where my mom and dad and her parents would completely disown us if we agreed to abort a child. Not only that, but it is not in my religious beliefs to practice abortion. However, I'm completely pro-choice, just would never do it. I'm not insane with religion people.
Conflict b. My maturity. I'm 19 years old, going on 20. I am mature to some level... but my maturity does not extend to the whole wanting to start a family thing... although, it now will, because I love my girlfriend, no matter how crazy she is, or gets, and would do anything for her. My absence from this post actually, was spent looking for her. Her mom said she'll be coming to my house later. I'm not, and neither is she 'retarded' in anyway at all and we are completely capable of raising a child.
Conflict c. The Ultrasound Picture and her last name. Yea... my bad I should have thought before posting on the picture on here. But in my confusion and terror, of just finding out that I'm going to be a father, I was not thinking rationally, I'm sorry. My apologies.
Conflict d : Video Games and My Girlfriend. Alright. For those of you who said that I place video games above my girlfriend, here is a little piece of information that I left out. for the last few weeks, I have been with her, when not in class or working, with little to no video game contact. I place her, highly above video games, and actually here's a prime example, I bought Crackdown, just so I could play the Halo 3 beta; she got mad so I didn't.
I also believe I said, in G&T that I was a complete idiot for not realizing it before because of her change in just about everything. Attitude especially. My previous post, and my choice of words were merely as I've said before, out of fear and irrationality.
Do not get married just because you are pregnant and she is trying to pressure you into it. it will be unhelathy to you, her and the baby.
Without underemphasising how much society doesn't give a crap about supporting families, despite paying vocal lip service to how wooooonderful they are, its important to realise that you guys aren't fucked. A child will be a big change, yeah, and you're going to have to juggle education carefully, but its do-able. You're also going to have to brace yourself when dealing with your GF for the next while - she's in an extremely vulnerable position, where the course of her life for some time to come is pretty much directly dependant on all the people around her: how willing her family and yours are to help her finish studying while pregnant/newly be-mommed, what kind of allowances her school and job are prepared to make for her, how likely you are to stick by her, how her friends will treat her. That dependence will freak the fuck out of anyone, so its unsurprising that she's acting mental. A little reassurance that things can be handled will go a long way.
That said, don't just plunk her down in front of a ten-point plan for coping and expect that to do the trick :P you need to do some comforting before leaping straight in to fix-it mode. You also need to take care of yourself, because even though your GF is going to cop most of the pregnancy-related shit, you'll get a fair bit of it too, as well as copping it from her. Make sure you've got people you can go to when you need to vent who'll just let you get it all out without trying to tell you what to do. Make sure you keep a little time for yourself, even if that means only gaming a little bit at night or something.
If you spend every waking moment playing video games and never take a break, I could see how she would feel upset. BUT if you only play a few hours a day and are making time for her, then this is none of her damn business.
Good decision because she is CRAZY. Break up with her. Better to pay child support than to have to live with a control freak.
Okay, that came out harsher than I intended. What I'm saying is you need to look at your relationship with her, not the fact that she's pregnant, in order to decide if you want a long term relationship with her. We are talking about the REST OF YOUR LIVES here. Before you knew she was pregnant, you were going to break up with her. Are the reasons still valid?
Growing up without a father sucks, but being raised by two people who should really never have gotten married is not any better, and is sometimes worse.
That would make a big difference. Maybe she isn't being a control freak after all, but just freaked out about the baby.
Damnit, LadyM's edit now makes my post look redudant and stupid
She never really liked me to play them, but didn't complain nearly as much... I understand why now. I vote she's just flipping out also.
EDIT: Post Edits are teh DEVIL!
So remember: stay calm. If she freaks out, counter with patience. Don't Panic.
However, as we all stated before, don't let her be a control freak. NOW, she's flipping, and this is kind of understandable. But before this all happened, and after you settle down a little, you still deserve your hobby and some time to yourself.
For the moment, though, be comprehensive and comforting. Try to, at least. You stated you won't leave her now and you're willing to make this work because you love her. If she doesn't know it right now, she needs to.
Your GF would indeed be freaking out, it must be a terrifying thing for her. I wont offer anything else about the pregnancy thing, i think The Cat has made some excellent points here and i agree with them.
I couldn't agree with you more, on that one. My friend's parents hated each other and always fought.
But anyway.
I was going to break up with her because she's just been so crazy lately, but it may be because of this whole pregnancy ordeal, it's completely possible that it was caused by the stress and for now, I'm going to say that that's what it is. She's coming over here later, and we're going to talk about it.
I mean, really, it's a terrible time in your life to try to raise a child, from the sounds of it, you don't want to settle down, and that's only going to make you fairly bitter towards both her and the child. Do you really want to bring up a kid in an environment like that?
And raising a kid while going to college is a bitch. If you waited at least a couple years before settling down, you'd be in a much, much better financial position, and likely, much more ready for it.
Something caught my eye when you posted a message, you said that you used protection AND she was on the pill. Unless you got a faulty condom AND she didn't take her pill at the same time every day, there is no possible way she could be pregnant. Did I miss something here, or is that what actually happened?