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My 'Girl Problem' Post (Long)
ChamClowder
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Hi there,
First off I only registered to post here. I'm not a newb really, just a lurker, I've been a big PA fan for years and all but never felt like posting until now. Secondly this IS just another 'Girl' thread in case you were hoping for more. I need some help/advice and would appreciate any input. Yes, this is long.
I'll start by giving some background: I have not had that many relationships with women, the few that I have had were brief and I was not really all that attracted to them to begin with so they were undramatic when they ended. Terms like 'one night stand', 'fuck buddies' etc. are not really in my vocabulary. It's not that I have a problem with that, it's just that I'm a boring guy.
So I met this girl. I need to preface this by saying that although I can be friendly with and befriend most of the people around me, I secretly cannot relate to 95% of the population. I know that even though, deep down, they are all basically the same as me, once I hear some of the shit they say out loud, I can't help but think that I must be from another planet. So when I meet one of these 'other' people, I really want to get to know them. She was one of them, I knew that from the start. She had a boyfriend. Once I hear 'boyfriend' I sort of just put them in another category called 'The Stripper Rule' which is basically don't touch unless they touch you first. I'm not the sort to mess with people and start drama. If they are not happy with who they are with, they will make it clear and initiate something. In the beginning, as far as I knew, I wanted nothing more but to be friends with her. We were totally compatible from the start. I don't believe in 'Soul Mates' or anything like that but I do believe in numbers and she was in that coveted 99th percentile. Those geeky girls who are also hot and can still carry a conversation, the ones you hear about but never meet, I finally met one. Even the flaws she had, I loved. But there is one flaw, the fatal flaw, and this is not an insult on my part, these are here own words from day one: She is a total whore. Big time. Not in the literal sense of being a prostitute, but wanting attention from and wanting to fuck every man she meets and not being shy about it at all. And then getting it.
So she cheated on her boyfriend with me. It sounds trite but I did give it alot of thought before I went ahead, I knew that once I took it to that level there was no turning back. She eventually broke up with the boyfriend. For a few months it was all that good stuff. Spending days on end with each other, talking on the phone for hours, the great sex, the passion, all of it, there were no problems as far as I knew. I gave and I gave and I asked for little in return. I had no reason to believe that my feelings for her were not mutual. Then it gradually unraveled. It's hard to find a specific moment, but when someone tells you 'I'm not going to have sex with you', that's a clear sign that the relationship is now over. It felt like being terminated from a job without warning. I tried getting answers from her but all I got were lame excuses and illogical explanations. I kept at it and the most probable one I could squeeze out of her was this: A long time ago, there was someone who she felt about the same way I felt about her, who eventually broke her heart, but still retains enormous power over her, and can fuck her anytime he rolls back into town and decides to stay for a while. She would feel too guilty being with me and then doing this guy on the side, so it's easier to just keep me out of the picture entirely. I have no reason to trust her on this but it's the best explanation I can find. Even if she's lying, the real reason is still probably another guy.
So we broke up. The loneliness was not the hardest part, the hardest part was the pain. I'm sure you are familiar with the kind of pain I'm referring to. I would not wish that pain upon my worst enemy. Even though I had already passed the point of no return, I still had to maintain the 'friends' aspect with her because that was what I had started off with, and more importantly, I really did want to remain friends with her. She is an amazing person and I know that we are always on the same wavelength. But wanting is not getting and soon everything just crumbled and my brain exploded. I couldn't stand it and basically told her to stay out of my life lest she cause me more pain. But she would have none of that, and since I cannot resist her, I also cannot ignore her. Which leads to my current situation. It's been six months since the break up and we're still propping up the 'friends' facade. She is basically an online superstar / attention whore and maintains a stable of past conquests with whom she can use for attention and I assume sexual favors. But not me because I am too nice of a guy. I talk to her online or on the phone regularly but rarely in person anymore. Some friends tell me the situation is fucked up and will just get worse. Others tell me I just need to 'go out and get some pussy'.
Anyway I guess I just need some ideas or answers to these questions:
1. Is there anyway to trick her into thinking I don't have any serious intentions just so I can get some sex? I'll take whatever I can get even if it means problems later on.
2. How can I avoid or reduce this pain? I know it's supposed to get better after time but so far it's been the same or worse. I'm willing to destroy the friendship if I have to, but I fear that I would have to say some terrible things.
Thank you in advance.
First off I only registered to post here. I'm not a newb really, just a lurker, I've been a big PA fan for years and all but never felt like posting until now. Secondly this IS just another 'Girl' thread in case you were hoping for more. I need some help/advice and would appreciate any input. Yes, this is long.
I'll start by giving some background: I have not had that many relationships with women, the few that I have had were brief and I was not really all that attracted to them to begin with so they were undramatic when they ended. Terms like 'one night stand', 'fuck buddies' etc. are not really in my vocabulary. It's not that I have a problem with that, it's just that I'm a boring guy.
So I met this girl. I need to preface this by saying that although I can be friendly with and befriend most of the people around me, I secretly cannot relate to 95% of the population. I know that even though, deep down, they are all basically the same as me, once I hear some of the shit they say out loud, I can't help but think that I must be from another planet. So when I meet one of these 'other' people, I really want to get to know them. She was one of them, I knew that from the start. She had a boyfriend. Once I hear 'boyfriend' I sort of just put them in another category called 'The Stripper Rule' which is basically don't touch unless they touch you first. I'm not the sort to mess with people and start drama. If they are not happy with who they are with, they will make it clear and initiate something. In the beginning, as far as I knew, I wanted nothing more but to be friends with her. We were totally compatible from the start. I don't believe in 'Soul Mates' or anything like that but I do believe in numbers and she was in that coveted 99th percentile. Those geeky girls who are also hot and can still carry a conversation, the ones you hear about but never meet, I finally met one. Even the flaws she had, I loved. But there is one flaw, the fatal flaw, and this is not an insult on my part, these are here own words from day one: She is a total whore. Big time. Not in the literal sense of being a prostitute, but wanting attention from and wanting to fuck every man she meets and not being shy about it at all. And then getting it.
So she cheated on her boyfriend with me. It sounds trite but I did give it alot of thought before I went ahead, I knew that once I took it to that level there was no turning back. She eventually broke up with the boyfriend. For a few months it was all that good stuff. Spending days on end with each other, talking on the phone for hours, the great sex, the passion, all of it, there were no problems as far as I knew. I gave and I gave and I asked for little in return. I had no reason to believe that my feelings for her were not mutual. Then it gradually unraveled. It's hard to find a specific moment, but when someone tells you 'I'm not going to have sex with you', that's a clear sign that the relationship is now over. It felt like being terminated from a job without warning. I tried getting answers from her but all I got were lame excuses and illogical explanations. I kept at it and the most probable one I could squeeze out of her was this: A long time ago, there was someone who she felt about the same way I felt about her, who eventually broke her heart, but still retains enormous power over her, and can fuck her anytime he rolls back into town and decides to stay for a while. She would feel too guilty being with me and then doing this guy on the side, so it's easier to just keep me out of the picture entirely. I have no reason to trust her on this but it's the best explanation I can find. Even if she's lying, the real reason is still probably another guy.
So we broke up. The loneliness was not the hardest part, the hardest part was the pain. I'm sure you are familiar with the kind of pain I'm referring to. I would not wish that pain upon my worst enemy. Even though I had already passed the point of no return, I still had to maintain the 'friends' aspect with her because that was what I had started off with, and more importantly, I really did want to remain friends with her. She is an amazing person and I know that we are always on the same wavelength. But wanting is not getting and soon everything just crumbled and my brain exploded. I couldn't stand it and basically told her to stay out of my life lest she cause me more pain. But she would have none of that, and since I cannot resist her, I also cannot ignore her. Which leads to my current situation. It's been six months since the break up and we're still propping up the 'friends' facade. She is basically an online superstar / attention whore and maintains a stable of past conquests with whom she can use for attention and I assume sexual favors. But not me because I am too nice of a guy. I talk to her online or on the phone regularly but rarely in person anymore. Some friends tell me the situation is fucked up and will just get worse. Others tell me I just need to 'go out and get some pussy'.
Anyway I guess I just need some ideas or answers to these questions:
1. Is there anyway to trick her into thinking I don't have any serious intentions just so I can get some sex? I'll take whatever I can get even if it means problems later on.
2. How can I avoid or reduce this pain? I know it's supposed to get better after time but so far it's been the same or worse. I'm willing to destroy the friendship if I have to, but I fear that I would have to say some terrible things.
Thank you in advance.
ChamClowder on
0
Posts
Honestly, all I can recommend is to find other ways to occupy your time. Find a new hobby, something. Anything, the less free time you have the less time you'll spend thinking about her. Also, if you're serious about getting over it, spend less time in contact with her, it sounds like you'd rather not be friends with her if that's all it'll be, so stand your ground. So long as you let her have power over you, the more futile your efforts will seem. I'm not saying completely ignore her for the rest of your life, just try to avoid talking to her while you're getting over her, or at least completely avoid sensitive subjects like sex or anything relating to your past relationship.
I don't agree with you needing to "go out and get some pussy" necessarily, but definitely find something to do that wont let you keep your mind on this chick. Who knows, perhaps you'll even find someone else who'll be interested, however, for fucks sake man, don't let her control your life, particularly if she's out banging other dudes.
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of doom
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What's it going to be?
You have two choices, and one of them seems a lot easier than the other. You can either break it off with her entirely and move on with your life, or you can stay in this situation and continue being miserable. Believe me, if you stay in this relationship with this girl, you will become miserable. You're pretending that she has power over you, when in reality, the only person who has power over you is yourself. You have the power to tell her no, no matter how much she pleads or begs.
It sounds like the sex part of your relationship with her is over, whether you like it or not. Tips or tricks won't help in this situation. In this case, if you feel that the only thing the relationship with this girl causes is pain (you use words like "facade" and came to the conclusion that you had to stay friends with her because "that's what it started with"), I would advise to break it off with her completely. It sounds like you only liked her because she filled some sort of woman niche that you had in your head, but now that she doesn't want sex from you anymore, you're struggling to cope with it.
I say break it off.
You need to just cut her off. Stop answering her calls, and block her from any IM programs you use. You arent seeing each other in person much by the sounds, so hopefully she wont come around, but if she does you need to not let her in and tell her you need to be away from her. Dont elaborate, just keep it simple and short. You dont need to explain yourself to her.
It is not fair for her to use you the way she has. Pain she might have suffered in the past does not give her free reign to fuck with your emotions. So treat it as a breakup and just cut her off. (I know, first hand, that this is much easier said than done... somewhat similar experience)
Be done with it. You'll be the better for it in the long run. Clean break. No explanation necessary.
PSN: Broichan
pleasepaypreacher.net
Walk away.
Lawl
While I don't think casual sex will really help you out, maybe you could try to get back into the dating scene. Meet someone else, because once you find some other cool chick, you're gonna wonder what the hell you saw in the first one.
And why in the world would you want an attention whore?
First, and this is most important, if you are still so wrapped up in her that it hurts to think about not being with her romantically, I would recommend avoiding her entirely. Unless you work, live, or have class together, this should be practicable. Being around her when your feelings are still this strong can be like treating a terrible infection with nothing but morphine; it may make the pain go away, or at least make you less cognizant of it for a time, but it is not going to do anything to make it better in the long run, and is in fact just going to delay the actual healing.
Next, practice self-improvement. Channel your unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and disappointment into something productive. When you feel down, run around the block until you are focusing more on the running than the emotional anguish. Or maybe, instead of running, read. Or work on learning a language. Or paint. This serves the twin purpose of both improving you in some way AND distracting you, if only for a while.
Last, don't burn any bridges. If you're sure that you'd consider this girl a great friend, divorced from any hope of ever dating her again, just let her know that you need some space for a while. If she is friend material, she will understand. Let your emotional wounds heal. Wait until you feel completely, totally over her, like you could look at her picture and not feel--if even for the briefest instant--a pang of heartache or regret...get to this point, and then wait some more.
Personally speaking, I tend to avoid contact with exes entirely. Then again, I'm usually on the leaving, not the leaved side of things, but the impulse for a rerun--at least physically--is just too strong and too needlessly risky to chance. The important underlying bit is that, regardless of how you yourself prefer to do things (or for that matter, what you think you want right now), there is almost always a compelling reason behind a breakup...even if it takes a while for one of you to realize it.
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Im not gonna go down the same path as everyone else and say dont sleep with her. I agree that its probably not the best, but if u can sleep with her without feeling romantically involved then all the better. Until then though avoid her. Despite how much u think you like her, if she cheated on you, chances are its not mutual.
Im gonna go out on a limb and pretend i know the type or person she is because i have had simmilar experiences to yours. To begin, she cheated on you with her boyfriend and you already see her as an attention whore? Didnt you see this coming? Currently i doubt she ever liked you but actually liked how you saw her. I know im being very presumptious here and feel free to ignore me if you want.
If you do want to feel over her, it will take atleast 1 of 2 things, alot of time 2-4months and another relationship. That said, an even worse relationship isnt gonna help, so dont jumping into things wildly.
An easy way i found is to demonize her. I dont think this is right but it makes it a hell of a lot easier to get over someone if you hate her.
(sorry this was a bit all over the place, i had alot of thoughts to put down.)
I'm starting to see a common theme here. It's the power struggle. The truth is, yes, I have given her all of the power. At one point I had some power, maybe it's because I was something new and different, but gradually it has all flowed in her direction. That's how things tend to work with her, not just towards me but everyone. I think the pedestal analogy is too small in this case. Now we're wandering into total pathetic territory. It's more like this:
She is The Queen. You do not get to choose your queen. You are a subject of the monarchy. What the queen wants, she gets. If The Queen sends out an order, you must fill it. You can bitch and moan all you want but eventually you will carry out orders as instructed. When The Queen does something you do not approve of, it's your right to complain, but she will still do what she pleases. Maybe someone can do something better than The Queen, but it matters not because she stands on the shoulders of others who would gladly put their superior talents aside for her. Your participation is voluntary in so much that every part of you commands you to obey.
I'm all about attention whores. I do not want any attention for myself. I give attention and she gets attention. It's the perfect arrangement. I would rather be invisible and hold someone up on my shoulders so that they could appear to be flying. You know those people who always talk and never listen? Well, what if they were you and you could listen to yourself but never needed to talk? I wouldn't move from that spot, I'll tell you that much. I like to touch and she likes being touched. She is symantics and I am syntax. Again, it's not like she is 'the one' but seriously, where the fuck are all of these other people I'm supposed to be attracted to?
I'll describe the last few times I tried to make a clean break. During those times I was absolutely committed to following through with my plans. But you know how the best laid plans tend to go when you put them into action...
I came to see her and she was mopey as usual. I really like that most of the time, but lately she would turn everything good into something bad. I only wanted good things for her. When someone turns a good thing into a bad thing, it makes you feel like shit. She made me feel like shit. That was not a usual thing between us. There were many things on my mind before coming to see her but that feeling was the most prominent. Usually I would stay for the rest of the day, but this time I gave her a big hug and told her that I would be leaving now and would not be returning and to please never contact me again for my own sake. She began to cry. I really do not want to make a woman cry, but in this case I felt committed to my plans and had to get out of there and leave no matter what. She pinned me down and sat on me so I could not leave. I'm practically twice her size but there is no way I could have pried her off of me. Then she hurt me in a way that only a man can be hurt. She punched me in the goddamn balls. She wanted me to feel the same pain I caused her. There is not much that this woman could do to physically hurt me if she tried, but this is where I drew the line. It's never acceptable to hit a man in the family jewels. There's no equivalent pain to that. Eventually she let up, we kissed and there was much intimacy afterwards.
I was driving her around to pick up various things for one of her latest projects. At this point we were no longer physical and I was missing that intensely. When we got back to her place, instead of shutting off the car and getting out, I told her to please leave my car and that I was going home. She protested and got very violent about it, but I stood my ground and told her please go away, I would like to go home and be alone with my pain now, thank you very much. More protesting until I told her that she could not force me to be her friend. Then she got really angry and it's the only time I have seen her truly angry at me and not some other target. It felt like civil disobedience. She left in a huff and slammed the door. I didn't even get halfway home before she called me and we started talking again.
This time was going to be the one. I spent all day at work psyching myself up for it, I couldn't do anything else. The whole day I had told her that I would be seeing her right after work. Instead I called her so I could do it over the phone and not in person. I told her that she was the best friend I ever had, and that I loved her very much, but for my own sake do not contact me again. These were more like pleas than orders. I told her that I did not have the strength to ignore her on my own and that it was up to her to stay away, as a favor to me. I hung up and went out and got drunk with my friends. Later that night when I got home she called about a billion times. I couldn't stand it anymore because I had wanted to talk to her all night, so I answered my phone. It was the weirdest conversation. There was so much silence which was unusual. It was mostly me begging her to please leave me alone while at the same time telling her how much I still wanted to talk to her. She said she would just stalk me and my family and just force her way into my life if I tried to ignore her. Now I kind of wish that she would stalk me.
The last time was an angry email. I tried to direct my anger towards how she made me feel and not personal attacks but it was still cruel. I made it fairly clear that we could not be friends despite me wanting to. When she called me about it, I lied to her for the first time and put on an act like I was only interested in her for sex. I figured it was a win-win situation. If she was offended, she would be disgusted with me and leave me alone like I wanted. If not, at least I could get some sex out of it. It sort of worked but she just seemed confused. Since then she has kept me at a distance but is still constantly in contact with me.
I do not want to love this girl. If I believed in god, I would pray to him every day to make me not love her anymore. I wish she were a man so that there would be no desire. But those are my own problems to deal with. There is a process in the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. If you've seen it you'll know what I'm referring to. I would very much like to undergo that process. At the same time I want her close to me as much as possible.
Now it has become complicated. We have mutual friends and she is my friend on facebook. It's easy to be fake there and just make jokes but she is always talking to me and we get along so well that it's scary. Now she can keep tabs on me and message me anytime she wants. So I don't think I can just completely ignore her. It's clear that I need to do something drastic. There's this other girl, but I know that there is not enough between us to really hit it off. It would be like doing to someone else what was just done to me. I don't want to lead someone on just to turn around and cause them pain later on like that. The demonizing is something I've tried. It's very hard to do with her. She's the exception to every rule I try to make. I think I forgot my point. If you have any specific advice for me or examples of things that have worked for you in the past, it would be much appreciated. I feel like I'm working on a puzzle and there's a solution buried somewhere in there.
I've never posted here before but just felt compelled to do so here... What the hell is wrong with you man? She treats you like shit repeatedly and you just go straight back to her? You're basically telling her that she can do whatever she wants and get away with it. Do you have such low self-esteem that you think this is the best relationships can be?
No matter how much you 'can't relate' to other people, you can do better than this. Sorry if this all sounds a bit harsh but... just think for a second! If you keep this up, she'll just keep taking and taking. If there's any puzzle in there, it's for her to work out (if she wants to). Forget the sex, move on, focus on something more worthwhile.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I understand that break-ups hurt, but there comes a time when you've gotta cut the chord Rick! Regardless of how awesome/beautiful/interesting this chick is, she's not the queen. She's a girl, and a fucking succubus of a girl at that.
At this point there is absolutely no way the two of you can ever be together because, from your stories, it's obvious that she has no respect for you (not that, with the way you've been acting, you deserve much respect). Accept this fact: you're nothing to her but a plaything and she won't go away until you make her. I mean really, she punched you in the balls and you still were "intimate" with her for Christ sakes!
Your problem seems to be that you keep trying to have an actual "break-up" conversation with her and (faced with loosing her favorite toy) she gives you just enough hope that something might eventually happen to keep you in the game. The solution: don't give her a chance to rebut your reasoning- just cut her off. No phone calls, no emails, no online conversations, and, if you see her in public, just walk away. I know it seems passive-aggressive but I think at this point you've adequately demonstrated that you're not capable of more direct forms of ending this thing and you have GOT to end this thing.
In short, have some self respect, man-up, and run, don't walk, away from this dead-end bitch.
This about sums up the relationship. You are continuously getting hit in the balls, but you keep taking it. Talk to your friends, you need their help for this one, and tell them to force you out of all contact with her. Remove her on facebook, block all digital avenues of communication with her, then get your friends to, at all costs, keep you from regaining that contact with her. You need some outside help on this one.
Edit: Beat'd.
She will keep you there with hints that you might get back together or sex etc etc.
THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN!!!!
It is just a tool she is using, do not be fooled. From the sound of it, this girl isnt worth your time. What is the last 3 things she has sacrificed for you? If you cant think of any, or they dont outway what u gave her, then you owe this girl nothing.
My advice is to start making her feel bad. Subtly hurt her at every oportunity you get, but most of all, stop having feelings for someone who clearly has no feelings for you.
P.S. Girls can cry at will. Dont be fooled by it or sucked into thinking she is sincere, since form your post id stake alot of money on that she isnt.
Repeat: There's nothing there.
It was what it was, which is just another one of her unhealthy flings, you got in too deep, that's your problem, just walk away and STOP. LOOKING. BACK.
Yes, I've been there, not as bad as you but I've been there.
Block her out of your life 100%, stop answering her calls, if she wants to go all psycho bitch let her, just keep her out
Focus on your own life, you'll be a lot happier (I find that the time after a breakup can be very healthy in terms of prioritizing your life and going after things you want in life)
Don't just go for any old rebound relationship, focus on YOU for a while, and when you're ready, find yourself a girl that isn't like that
Jumping into codependency on the rebound is literally the worst thing you could do
Seriously, go to therapy, no one on this forum is going to be able to help you.
You probably should go into therapy.
If at any point another person wants to hurt you (ball punching) and is physically restraining you from doing something that you feel is 100% right FOR YOU, you know this person is an evil self centered horrible creature.
She does not care about you, the end.
Stop having sex with her, stop being there for her. You don't owe her any of that because she does not respect you enough to be with you exclusively.
No matter how great times have been with her, right now they SUCK ASS and something needs to change fast, before you end up in the looney bin.
I'll repeat what Super Kipper wrote above: She can do whatever she wants and get away with it. That's how her whole life is run, other lives orbiting around hers. She gets whatever she wants and she's used to it. She is an evil self centered horrible creature and I just find that so cute. Seriously though, there were so many good times and going over what I wrote reads like emptying a clogged filter. It's those memories of the good times that make me keep coming back. If I must find ways to stay away from her in spite of those memories, so be it.
In the past I thought of a few things to do to sabotage all of this, but it always felt like pushing the self-destruct button on a spaceship. There's this irreversible chain of events that follow and it's hard to go through with it. I don't want to drag on, but I need to preface this with my view on human relationships.
Every social network that includes someone of the opposite sex is held together by threads of sexual tension between those members who are attracted to another member. So for example if you work with your friend's wife or girlfriend whom you are attracted to, you will take some time out of your day to chat it up with her. Real friendly like. If you were not attracted to her you would just be polite and leave it at that. But talking to her does not make you some kind of creep intent on breaking them up. There is a little part of your DNA telling you that, no matter how absurd the circumstances, there's a possibility that one day the opportunity for you two to have sex will arise. And you are planting a seed towards that because you're a person and that's what people do. It doesn't matter if she's moving to another country tomorrow, you're getting a new job and the two of you will never meet again, you will still talk to her because subconsciously you believe there is a possibility, even if it does not exist.
Once you start adding people to this mix, and they all rank each other, it becomes a delicate web of threads. Cutting one of those threads will in turn affect the threads connected to yours. You might say that you really don't care what people think and that you will treat people the way you please, but I bet you will still act civil towards them if you meet them on the street one day.
So on to the methods. I could call her a stupid bitch and say that everything I've done was to get into her pants. Whether or not that's true, it will hurt her and she will probably leave me alone. The hurting part aside, that is just a childish thing to do and there is no way to save face in that situation. A friend of mine volunteered to do some really horrible stuff and make it look as if it were me. That could make it easier to push the button, but it just seems like pussying out and not fighting my own battles. I could start a campaign to publicly harass and insult her, spilling all of her secrets and so on, but that's like mutually assured destruction. Actually it would be more like a war between the members of NATO and Singapore. She has more friends and influence than me.
I suppose I'm avoiding the whole ignoring completely method. Cutting all ties would take some work and a fair amount of lying to a fair amount of people, but I admit that it could be done. Drifting apart is where things seem to be headed, but there are so many opportunities for a chance encounter and I don't trust myself at all. I'll try compiling a rolodex of excuses in my head and use them when she tries contacting me. Not picking up that phone when it rings will be some tough shit to do. I can only try.
Thanks again for the comments good and bad. I apologize if I'm using this for cheap therapy. It's been helpful to write all of this down and get honest answers. I find it kind of cool that I motivated someone enough to post for the first time. I'd like to print out some of the therapy replies and put them on my desk at work where her picture used to be. If anything changes and this thread is still around I'll update, if only for my own sake.
stout's Amazon Wishlist | my lastFM
Theme Song: Self Esteem - Offspring
Seriously guy. You should try the sticking up for yourself, and TAKING some of that power back. You might actually LIKE it. You do that and you'll feel better about yourself. Chicks use and abuse doormats, but want what they can't have. Like you said, you were just a new conquest for her. Once she had you totally under her control she put you on the back burner. Make yourself unavailable more, leave on your terms... NOT because you're emo and going to mope alone somwhere. get out of your car with her, walk her to the door and say, "Hey, I'm supposed to meet up with some friends, I'll catch you later." and just walk off. If she physically tries stopping your ass just shake her off and tell her to "grow up" and "quit acting like a 5 year old"
walk to your car, get in and leave. Let her contact YOU. do NOT contact her, if when she does she gets all "blahblah" emotional on your ass just tell her you don't have time for these games, get back to me when you'll treat me like an actual friend and not a doormat. then hang up
There is a difference between service and free will. Service does not mean you must give up respect for yourself, or constantly be at odds with your own values. A good servant, a dedicated follower, gains thier value by finding a good leader. Someone who's goals and needs are admirable. Someone who knows you and your abilities and will make proper use to you. Good servants choose their masters well. This is what makes them human and free in spite of giving up some of themselves to be in tune with someone else.
This girl is not a good master. She is not making proper use of you, and is undermining your own humanity. You have goals and dreams and desires, and they will not be met by following this person. The craving and desire to follow and be used is always strong in those most honest and giving. It can be hard to switch leaders, because there will be a time when one feels empty and out of place with the world around them.
It is in these times, when we must realize there is a higher calling to what we must be than any one individual. Everyone is accountable to someone. In this case, the rules that hold proper and correct governance have been broken, and she is in violation of her obligations to you as a good servant. You are a naturally equipped to follow, but she is not worthy of leading you. Find someone who is. Find those things which you wish to be, and look for someone who requires those things in order to support thier life. In this way, it is to serve and be well at the same time.
It seems you have a solid feeling on who and what you wish to be. Be the best thing at what you are and do, and search out those things which allow you to progress in the life you choose to lead. Remember that loyalty, humility and honor are more important than any one relationship or person. You must find a leader with these qualities if you wish to be a fulfilled servant with these qualities. Be careful about who you choose to serve, and things will go well for you. As it goes out in love, with love it comes back in.
Raven said, "Good start".