Getting my mind off stuff

Magus`

Ok. Girl screwed me over. What's done is done. The only thing I don't want to do right now is think about it.

The problem is, I keep running into things that remind me. Everyday things that can't be avoided. Even sleep doesn't help as I dream about this stupid shit.

I wake up after only a few hours of sleep, quite sick feeling. See, the thing is, nothing more can be done and I'm not worried about that, but I just wish I could think of other stuff.

The lack of sleeping is affecting my school work and I don't have the energy to do anything like go out or talk to other people.

I've tried keeping myself busy but I can't distract myself for the life of me.

Any ideas at all?

Sonos

In all seriousness I say MMOs or Xanax.

Spackle

Friends, of course can help the most. But sometimes they just aren't always available.

A new hobby helps a lot. MMOing, playing an instrument, coding whatever interests you. Basically, something new.

Magus`

I've been trying to keep busy. It's just I keep seeing stuff about her in everything. It's like 7 degrees of seperation, but with items, not people.

Skullo

After my last major breakup, I went through a similiar process. What I found to be a great way to get through it (and relieve stress in general) was pick up a good, really hands-on hobby. For me, I started up WH40K, and hey! Whatta ya know, it was actually fun and gave my friends and I something else to do, as well as get my mind off stuff. And hey, I'm still doing it today!

MMOs aren't that bad an idea either. It's a great way to kill time, just don't too crazy into 'em. The goal is to clear your head, not obsess over something new :P

Sonos

One last thing. You could get really into excercise. Nothing takes your mind off of a ladi like running 5 miles almost on the verge of death. And then in a few months when she is nothing but an afterthought you will likely look better and upgrade from the previous gf into a swankier 2.0 version of her. Without the geting screwed over.

So to give my final recap: Excercise, MMOs and/or Xanax.

Good luck friend most of us have been there at some point or another.

Halfmex

I'd say get out of the house. As fun as MMOs are, you'll be at home and that's just more opportunities to see/hear things that remind you of that person. Believe me, even if you think you've gotten rid of every posession that reminds you of her, you'll find some stupid matchbook or something stashed somewhere that you'd forgotten about, and then it's back to square one.

Get out, do some camping, hang out with some friends, just be out and active. The less time you have to be idle is less time you'll spend thinking about her. Good luck.

misbehavin

I second the exercise, specifically running and weight lifting. No weird cardio routines or Yoga, but good ol' fashioned running and free weights.

Running especially does something special once you get into it. At first, it sucks and hurts, but if you stick with it, within a week or 2, you will be in enough shape to be able to run hard enough and long enough to get a really good Runners High, which is just about the best feeling in the world.

Skullo

Another thing about running is that it's a great oppurtunity to really just think about stuff. I guarantee that after a mile you'll be realizing how you're better off, etc. Thinking while running solves a lot of problems.

Also, like they said before, it not only passes the time but gets you into shape. I actually don't believe I didn't think about bringing it up, since it's currently what I do to pass the time (longdistancerelationshipblows) when I get home from work.

Remington

I had the exact same problem a little over 3 years ago (even came in here asking for advice about it) and I have to agree with what everyone's saying. Friends helped me out a ton but picking up a new hobby really was the most helpful.

I ended up buying a car and getting really into mechanics and fixing it up and shit.

themightypuck

Sonos wrote: »

One last thing. You could get really into excercise. Nothing takes your mind off of a ladi like running 5 miles almost on the verge of death. And then in a few months when she is nothing but an afterthought you will likely look better and upgrade from the previous gf into a swankier 2.0 version of her. Without the geting screwed over.

So to give my final recap: Excercise, MMOs and/or Xanax.

Good luck friend most of us have been there at some point or another.

This worked for me sort of. I was so depressed I basically just survived on alcohol and constant movement. Made me really rockstar skinny. A couple months later I was hooked up with probably the hottest girl ever (way out of my league) and the heartbreaker was in deep regret.

ins0mniac

You and me seem to be going through the same type of deal, OP.

I don't know how long it's been, but it's been just about two months for me. And yeah, sure it still sucks, especially due to the fact that I'm back home for the summer and away from pretty much all my friends from college, but you know it only gets easier.

I really want to stress how much running/weight lifting can do for your state of mind. Especially in the morning when you wake up. Going for a run or lifting just seems to make the day so much better. And yeah, picking up a hobby is great as well. Personally, I've just been working and exercizing and reading alot and I'm so much better off than I was two months ago.

Hell, I even still see this girl almost every day at work, as well as the new guy she's with and you know, it's not that bad. The key is not to look back in anger, because you know, at one time they were what made you happy.

EDIT: I'd also stay away from meds or alcohol or anything else like that.. really easy way to develop a dependancy.. although weed is great, especially when you can go and play video games or watch the Discovery or History channel or something.

wunderbar

go on a road trip, even if it's just for 2 or 3 days. Drive to the next city, find something to do, have fun. that will help.

When you get back, go to the gym, exercise helps. Find a hobby that gets you out of the house, if possible.

GrimmyTOA

Consider joining a recreational sports league or something. It gets you out of the house (and away from stuff that reminds you of Her), keeps you active (and fit and tanned), and you'll meet some people who don't know her and couldn't care less about her.

Good times.

Alternately, try forcing yourself to go out. It's tempting to sit at home and mope until you get over her. You'll get over her a lot faster if you're having a good time, though, than you will if you're lying around feeling that the best days of your life ended when your relationship did.

Fallout

Magus` wrote: »

I've been trying to keep busy. It's just I keep seeing stuff about her in everything. It's like 7 degrees of seperation, but with items, not people.

This happens, dude. Everyone else has given good advice on distracting yourself, which is good, but frankly you're just going to feel like shit for a while, no matter what you do. It'll go away with time.

AtomBomb

Another vote for running. I'll often find myself thinking about something for the first mile or 2, but by mile 6 my brain is pretty much shut off =p

Black Ice

I'm another vote for exercise. It releases dopamine (or another chemical that triggers happiness and releases stress) so not only will you inevitably look better, you'll feel better about yourself, won't think about it as much, etc.

I'd be careful about the MMO recommendations. I've never been addicted to one but apparently it's an easy niche to get into when you're depressed if you have an addictive personality. Good luck ;-)

witch_ie

A lot of the suggestions so far are great. One that hasn't been mentioned yet is meditation. If your problem is that you can't stop thinking about her, you might want to try relaxing and finding elsewhere to focus your mind. If you can stop thinking about her for 10 minutes and then 30 and then hours at a time, it should help.

Magus`

Went out for a walk. Give you guys three guesses as to what I could not stop thinking about.

That and the fact that I feel like I have no dependable friends. Like, I can never seem to find anytime to spend with anyone I know. Not on my end, I have lots of free time. But they always seem to come up with stuff.

I like to think my personality isn't that abrasive but shit like this is really starting to sting.

Seattle Thread

Keep in mind that this is temporary, and eventually you will come out of it... when exactly that will be is indeterminable, unfortunately. But stay focused, and remind yourself "this fucking sucks right now, but it won't be this way forever."

A good thing to do is work. Concentrate on your job, or schoolwork, or just doing chores around the house/apartment. There's always something to be done.

Magus`

Well, I had two very similar events (girls kicking me in the balls, so to speak) barely months apart. I was just over the first one when the second one happened.

Bleh.

I've barely eaten in 4 days and I can only get 3-4 hours of sleep (at best) since I just keep waking up and staring at the ceiling.

Black Ice

It sounds like a part of what you're going through is also depression, which I didn't really pick up on in your OP. If you're not against medicine, see about taking some anti-depressants.

I said exercise would help earlier, but if you don't have any energy.. I feel for you man, I know what that's like. I hate to see sleep not even helping you escape reality, I know what that's like too, although I admit I haven't had it so extremity that I can't have a full night's rest from a busy mind.

You'll find you'll get more energy after you get at least a full, unmolested 7 hours of sleep, but as to how to get that much sleep, I honestly can't say. I did a huge paper on sleep recently but I never looked into how to get better sleep.. my research and paper focused on sleep deprivation. Speaking of which, I can't help but notice that a lot of what you're saying like your symptoms of depression, loss of energy, etc., are simply signs of sleep deprivation. If you can figure out how to get more sleep and maybe even toss some exercise into your routine, I'd bet you would feel much better!

I know you said you feel like your friends don't seem dependable. That sucks.. I find that social events get my mind off of things, I was going to recommend that to you. I know a lot of people here have suggested MMOs. It's kind of contradictory since video games wake up the human mind, but I'd recommend playing a fun video game before you go to bed. A HUGE advantage of playing a video game over watching TV or a movie is that you are forced to concentrate on what you're doing, meaning you have to get your mind off of what you're thinking about. If you do that for a few hours at a time, maybe you can dream about the video game instead of your girl problems.

One step at a time, I guess - sleep --> feel better --> exercise --> feel better --> etc.

Hang in there ;-)

Spaz

Sonos wrote: »

One last thing. You could get really into excercise. Nothing takes your mind off of a ladi like running 5 miles almost on the verge of death. And then in a few months when she is nothing but an afterthought you will likely look better and upgrade from the previous gf into a swankier 2.0 version of her. Without the geting screwed over.

So to give my final recap: Excercise, MMOs and/or Xanax.

Good luck friend most of us have been there at some point or another.

Zanax fucks you the hell up. Don't take that shit, you won't remember anything.

Not Sarastro

It sounds like a part of what you're going through is also depression, which I didn't really pick up on in your OP. If you're not against medicine, see about taking some anti-depressants.

God, no. Being depressed after a breakup != pill popping depression.

Also, I really wouldn't go for MMOs, in your current state of mind its just way to tempting to lose yourself in the game and do nothing else. And it really doesn't help anything either.

Plenty of other better suggestions here.

Magus`

I'm already on meds, actually. They helped for awhile but I think my body has adjusted or something.

Not Sarastro

It's the advice that nobody follows, and I know it certainly pissed me off when it was given to me because it seemed too simple and diminishing, but really truely: exercise.

Makes perfect sense when you think about it from a biological perspective, but often seems too bizarre to accept that it really can totally change your outlook on everything.

EWom

I don't know where you live, but if it's anywhere near a trail head, go out into the woods. That's my cure for just about all emotional problems. Get out into the woods, where everything bullshit, you thought was important, fades away, and you get time to really focus, and gather yourself.

I had a girlfriend when I was younger who I was sure was "the one". Then she decided to take me to a party, and see how many guys she could sneak away with and sleep with without getting caught, well after like 5 or so she got caught, and I was devastated obviously. I tried to just deal with it "normally" and that was going nowhere,and friends were the last things about to help me. Cause a lot of friends just say stuff like "she was a bitch anyway, you're better off", while may be true, in no way helps.

Few days alone out in the woods, and I was completely over her.

Sonos

Spaz wrote: »

Sonos wrote: »

One last thing. You could get really into excercise. Nothing takes your mind off of a ladi like running 5 miles almost on the verge of death. And then in a few months when she is nothing but an afterthought you will likely look better and upgrade from the previous gf into a swankier 2.0 version of her. Without the geting screwed over.

So to give my final recap: Excercise, MMOs and/or Xanax.

Good luck friend most of us have been there at some point or another.

Zanax fucks you the hell up. Don't take that shit, you won't remember anything.

not for me. I recently got some just to deal with little stresses of everyday life. I never exceed the recommneded dosage and dont take them when I dont need them. I might have a drink or two when on one but I am careful to stay away from excess. I dont get tired and I remember everything.

they might be different for everyone but they sure as hell work for me. Just to take the edge off sometimes.

Like tonight. Picking up a first date in about 30 minutes. Hurro Mr. Pill thanks for taking away yon butterflies. :^:

Spaz

Sonos wrote: »

Spaz wrote: »

Sonos wrote: »

One last thing. You could get really into excercise. Nothing takes your mind off of a ladi like running 5 miles almost on the verge of death. And then in a few months when she is nothing but an afterthought you will likely look better and upgrade from the previous gf into a swankier 2.0 version of her. Without the geting screwed over.

So to give my final recap: Excercise, MMOs and/or Xanax.

Good luck friend most of us have been there at some point or another.

Zanax fucks you the hell up. Don't take that shit, you won't remember anything.

not for me. I recently got some just to deal with little stresses of everyday life. I never exceed the recommneded dosage and dont take them when I dont need them. I might have a drink or two when on one but I am careful to stay away from excess. I dont get tired and I remember everything.

they might be different for everyone but they sure as hell work for me. Just to take the edge off sometimes.

Like tonight. Picking up a first date in about 30 minutes. Hurro Mr. Pill thanks for taking away yon butterflies. :^:

You probably worked up a tolerance or have low dosages. If he just gets it off the street his first time and gets something like a schoolbus he's fucked.

romanqwerty

Mmm as people of said, excercise is probably the best relief. However u cant excercise all the time. MMO's are really good in this case BECAUSE you get addicted to them. I remember when i was into one, it took up most of my thinking time, which is both good and bad, so it is important to be careful about it.

aquabat

Also, everytime you find your brain thinking about her think about something, anything else. Mental strength counts for a lot, but if your mind is weak then everytime you think about her it'll start of a chain of thoughts and your brain becomes a runaway train like a vicious cycle and a self fulfilling prophecy of 'fuck i cant stop thinking about her hey im thinking about her now lets keep thinking about her'

So try not to think about her. Dont be angry if you mind slips back there, just pointedly start thinking about something else. It'll be hard at first but keep doing it and it'll get easier.

the wook

surprise surprise, another vote for exercise. last time a girl screwed me over, i took out all of my anger at the gym. in three months i dropped twenty pounds and came to the conclusion that the whole situation was a positive step in my life.

also, make sure to get outside in the sun for at least twenty to thirty minutes a day. you'd be surprised how depressed you can feel simply from a vitamin D deficiency.

The Black Hunter

Dwarf Fortress.

It won't distract your life, it will consume it.

Rohaq

The lack of sleeping is affecting my school work and I don't have the energy to do anything like go out or talk to other people.

Not going out will not help with your lethargy; you're going to need to force yourself out if you want to break this, otherwise it's just an endless cycle.

Exercise is a good tip; it makes you feel more energetic and less likely to become more lethargic.

Sucks about your friends, but if they suck, maybe you should make some new ones: I've met a few people doing classes at the gym, which nicely combines exercise and socialising

ins0mniac

Sounding like a broken record.. but if you exercise regularly, it can help regulate your sleeping patterns and get you better, more restful sleep.

Magus`

My gerbil just died. Back to square one.

Black Ice

I never realized until this topic came up just how many relationships die in the beginning of the summer. A few other people I know personally have talked to me about the exact same stuff Magus is going through (in terms of problems, not necessarily the exact same scenarios) and it's just surreal how similar everyone's problems are.

To be more constructive though, have you [Magus] tried any of the stuff listed??

Preacher

Therapy, talk it out, you seem to want to keep it inside of you. If you have a health plan awesome, if not just try finding a sympathetic ear amongst your friends and let it all hang out.

Magus`

I've been going outside a bit and it does help, yeah. I'm in the final week of a summer class though, so I don't have a lot of time to exercise.

The main problem is I've just had a ton of unfortunate events happen this year alone. Like as soon as I recover from one something else happens. I hate to be so negative though as I know that pushes people away (which is a bitch cause that makes me even more negative). I can only hope that it eventually passes.

The weird thing is, I've never had a guy friend ever pull stuff on me. I'm not here to bash women, but everytime I've had someone do something that made me go "WTF was their problem?" it was a girl. I mean, I try to understand their viewpoint and it just comes out as 'crazy-go-nuts'. I like girls as much as anyone else but man are they hard to get along with sometime.

Sonos

Black Ice wrote: »

I never realized until this topic came up just how many relationships die in the beginning of the summer. A few other people I know personally have talked to me about the exact same stuff Magus is going through (in terms of problems, not necessarily the exact same scenarios) and it's just surreal how similar everyone's problems are.

because you arent stuck indoors anymore and your clothes start to come off. As a glass is half full guy I see more relationships STARTING in summer. Its a key time to steal other people's girlfriends/boyfriends after they have gone through two seasons of neglect and bad sex. that's when the predators come in.

so...do better in the winter before people start showing more skin and play in the sunshine more.

Magus`

Mm, I appreciate you trying to help but that advice seems kind of lacking? Not that it's bad advice but I'd rather worry about getting myself feeling better than worrying about yet another person.