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girlfriends friend help
xxhennersxx
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
update: we were in the car and I decided to start talking and just suck up this whole thing and deal since I really like Krysten. When I got home krysten called me and said when I left her friends couldn't stop talking about how I actually talked this time and thought I was funny and what not...then last night at a graduation party we all hung out and played Wii Sports and one of their boyfriends was like "...man you're talking now. o_O we broke you out of your shell!" etc. All is good.
I don't post much personal stuff on the forum, so I'll give a little background information on me. I'm a 19 year old male, and if you were to categorize me I'd pretty much be a Geeky Goth kid, who is pretty shy and quiet and not very outgoing and I'm not a party person... And I work with this preppy 3.0 student, running start, got her AA while in high school and is now going to Washington State University...
And for a few months we were dating, and now we've been an official couple. I like her alot and vice versa. Which is great...
the problem, is that...I don't mesh well with her friends. Even though her and I are really different we get along great. And her friends are very similar to her, very preppy party goers and stuff...
We've gone out to dinner as a group a few times and I don't find opportunity for conversation. They'll talk and really I can't add anything to it unless they specifically ask. :-\ It's kind of weird. I have never really had this problem. But the way they act is so alien to me, it's strange. Example, they decided to ask what I wanted to be when I was older...jokingly I said I wanted to be a ninja...and now it's become a running joke with them. I'm not sure if they're laughing because it's silly or if they're laughing at me.
Today we went out, her, her 2 best friends, and her best friends boyfriends. It was a bit of an awkward dinner, they talked about graduating next week and stuff and I finished that last year ( I didn't even go to the same high school) so it was weird. But even when they talked to me it was kinda...weird. Almost like they don't like me but are tolerating me because I'm their best friends boyfriend.
After dinner we went to a party and I felt like I was just killing the mood almost because it's not...my scene(?) i guess? I don't drink, I hate it, and so it was weird. And I just...I dunno.
Is there any way I can really fix this? I mean, honestly, I'm basically your typical computer and video game nerd. I build computers, service them on the side, and have a video game collection in the triple digits...
we don't even dress similar, so being in public with them as a group kind of is strange. I have my hair spiked and my bangs flat ironed and down almost over my eyes...they're...very very...preppy. I wear alot of black, and 98% of my tshirts have video game or computer references on them. Most of them are obscure and you would just think it's some tshirt if you don't get the reference yourself.
I really like her, and she likes me. But it's just kind of weird and different for me because like, almost every one i've dated within the last 3 or 4 years has had similar interests to me and i got along with her friends perfectally. I don't know what to do.
Do I change? Do I wing it and just accept they may not actually like me?
I don't post much personal stuff on the forum, so I'll give a little background information on me. I'm a 19 year old male, and if you were to categorize me I'd pretty much be a Geeky Goth kid, who is pretty shy and quiet and not very outgoing and I'm not a party person... And I work with this preppy 3.0 student, running start, got her AA while in high school and is now going to Washington State University...
And for a few months we were dating, and now we've been an official couple. I like her alot and vice versa. Which is great...
the problem, is that...I don't mesh well with her friends. Even though her and I are really different we get along great. And her friends are very similar to her, very preppy party goers and stuff...
We've gone out to dinner as a group a few times and I don't find opportunity for conversation. They'll talk and really I can't add anything to it unless they specifically ask. :-\ It's kind of weird. I have never really had this problem. But the way they act is so alien to me, it's strange. Example, they decided to ask what I wanted to be when I was older...jokingly I said I wanted to be a ninja...and now it's become a running joke with them. I'm not sure if they're laughing because it's silly or if they're laughing at me.
Today we went out, her, her 2 best friends, and her best friends boyfriends. It was a bit of an awkward dinner, they talked about graduating next week and stuff and I finished that last year ( I didn't even go to the same high school) so it was weird. But even when they talked to me it was kinda...weird. Almost like they don't like me but are tolerating me because I'm their best friends boyfriend.
After dinner we went to a party and I felt like I was just killing the mood almost because it's not...my scene(?) i guess? I don't drink, I hate it, and so it was weird. And I just...I dunno.
Is there any way I can really fix this? I mean, honestly, I'm basically your typical computer and video game nerd. I build computers, service them on the side, and have a video game collection in the triple digits...
we don't even dress similar, so being in public with them as a group kind of is strange. I have my hair spiked and my bangs flat ironed and down almost over my eyes...they're...very very...preppy. I wear alot of black, and 98% of my tshirts have video game or computer references on them. Most of them are obscure and you would just think it's some tshirt if you don't get the reference yourself.
I really like her, and she likes me. But it's just kind of weird and different for me because like, almost every one i've dated within the last 3 or 4 years has had similar interests to me and i got along with her friends perfectally. I don't know what to do.
Do I change? Do I wing it and just accept they may not actually like me?
xxhennersxx on
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If it doesn't work it, it wasn't meant to be.
Perhaps you working harder to find the commonalities and not focusing so much on the differences could help. I'm sure if you dug deep enough, you'd find something you have in common. However, you're going to have to step out of your comfort zone in order to do that digging.
I don't always think they're laughing at me, quite the sopposite actually. It's just they make alot of Ninja jokes aftre I jokingly said I want to be a Ninja. I'm not sure if they're just joking around, or if they're poking fun at me. And that is the only part.
It probably doesn't help that you're a year older (?), not in high school, dress in black and are interested in things they probably never heard of.
My advice to you is to be yourself and try to be kind to them; maybe they'll see that you're not some creepy goth-kid or annoying nerd. I assume the club you went to plays hip-hop/lousy house music, I can't really dance to most of that shit (doesn't help that I'm ~6ft tall) and I usually fight through by getting drunk enough to just bounce to the beat and stop caring about how I look and how fucking annoying everyone around me actually is.
I've never tried doing this whilst sober. :? Good luck, I suppose?
Do you consider yourself a boring person or do all of your interests just fall into some small little niche that you can't even bring up without getting weird looks?
Don't change who you are, but that doesn't mean you can't broaden your horizons and talk about other things. I have certain friends who are into this or that and I talk to them about it, but other friends I stick to a less geeky conversation because of what they're into. It doesn't mean I'm not being true to who I am, it's just that I relate to different groups of friends for different reasons.
Their boyfriends started talking to each other about video games, but it was Madden...and I haven't played Madden since 93 on the Genesis. They asked about my favorite games and I would love to give some answer but when you have literally hundreds of games you don't exactally make favorites. It seems like they don't mind me and such but so far I've just been really quiet and usually i'm not a very quiet person. The problem is I don't exactally know how to go about making more conversation. My friends have always been friends for a very long time. And all my other friends I've made, even those that aren't geeky and into video games, have always had the friend ship start on a conversation pertaining to something I know a ton about.
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Also: I have to ask, is this the girl you met through MySpace? I remember an H/A thread you made and you asked whether you should bring a knife with you or not.
rofl...
no its not myspace girl. but myspace girl and i are still friends. we dated awhile, i was actually dating myspace girl and this girl at the same time. But myspace girl and i were in a (very short) relationship because she has problems being in relationships. Since i want an actual relationship, and this girl obviously wanted to be more than just dating (as did I) we started going out. Myspace girl's friends I got along with a little easier, they were goth and kinda goofy (similar to me basically) and this is really the first time I've ever had alot of problems relating to someone. I'm usually actually really good at that sort of thing.
the ninja comment WORKS.
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When they ask about your favorite videogame, you don't have to say your absolute favorite that you spent weeks contemplating and drawing up charts to decide; just bring up something you recently played that you liked. If they're fairly trustworthy, offer to let them borrow games, or host a pizza-and-group-game get-together (something like Mario Party or an easy-to-pick-up fighting game would be good). Yes, they're going to bring up topics that exclude you, but the more you spend time with them, the more shared experiences you'll all have and the more you'll have to talk about.
What you say makes sense...I've talked to Krysten about guitar hero. she's really interested in it and wants to play...I told her to have a guitar hero party and she wants to.
Best advice I can give is be cool and don't say anything stupid that'll piss off your girl.
Don't sweat the highschool stuff. That's constant. It was one of the reasons I lost complete interest in girls that were younger than me when I left high school -- I don't really give a flying fish what so 'n so said during math class to mr. teacher guy, as I've never met either. It's just a gossipy thing that happens with people who really get caught up in high school, and as soon as they leave high school, it quickly drops off. It's one of the reasons why people say that college is so much more interesting and that you meet more interesting people -- everyone comes from different backgrounds and you're all in different classes so you talk about more than what happened 10 minutes ago
As for the awkwardness, that can be tough. Your mind is likely geared to make jokes and comments that are based on what you experience, such as video games, PA forums, internet memes, etc. But many people use the internet solely for social networking and email, and tons of people only play video games at get togethers or hanging out with friends. It's kind of a self-filtering thing, and you need to realize when making a joke or reference will actually hit and succeed, and when it will mark you as simply saying something odd. And I wouldn't be surprised if one of the reasons the ninja comment is sticking around is in part because you wear all black
But you don't have to be "on" all the time. If people are talking about something you have no frame of reference for, you don't have to jump in and be a part of the conversation. You can ask questions and get more info, like "who's that guy," but don't think you always have to say something interesting or add to the conversation. Sometimes people talk about things that really don't mean anything to you; it's common when you're a party to friends who know each other separately from you.
Anyway, the girl obviously likes you, so what does she like about you? If you can remember to emphasise those parts of your personality around her friends then you should all get on a bit better. As long as what she likes isn't everything that makes you different from her friends, in which case I'd try introducing her to your friends.
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Well the high school stuff, isn't exactally High School stuff. None of it is gossip. Prom, Graduation and whatnot. They're all running start students, took college classes while in high school and are getting their AA's and HS diploma's at the same time. I don't really know her friends that well, my GF will understand if I say "LAWLZ YOU HAS A FLAVOR?! NOM NOM NOM!" and laugh because its a meme from lolbots.com, her friends... I'm not quite sure.
Well, everyone's definition of "high school stuff" is different, but basically it's the general conversation that inevitably happens when you get a group of people together who all experience the same thing. It's similar to "work talk," in that if you put 3 employees who know each other together, and a 4 person who doesn't know them, the 4th person isn't going to know what they're really talking about (and they will inevitably talk about work). But high school is different because you've gotta be there, and there's much less competition.
As you said, they're all running start, college in high school people, and they inevitably talk about that when they're together. You don't have that experience, but that's not a bad thing -- it's really just, you know, how it is. It makes you different from them but not in a bad way, just that you can't share those experiences.
And whenever I bring up internet memes around people who don't know about them (and get the requisite odd look), I just tell them "man you need to get on the internet more, you're missing out." Just like how you pointed out -- your girlfriend thinks it's funny because she knows what it's about, and if you don't know what these other friends are into then it's not a sure joke anymore. But it's no different from quoting movies that they haven't seen, as well. If you and your girlfriend are, say, Big Lebowski fans, and her friends have never seen it, quoting The Dude's lines aren't going to mean anything to them.
But, for example, when I find out that people haven't seen said movie, I say "oh, you need to watch it." You don't need to withdraw and think you don't fit in. You just have a different set of experiences. Embrace that
Joke around with them and follow on what they are saying, if they bring up being a ninja go into detail about how you were doing your ninja in training course and while practicing stalking someone you fell through their skylight and had to act like a really large plant so they wouldn't notice you or something equally ridiculous.
You could also try doing group things like movies so everyone has a topic to talk about after the movie. (This does involve going somewhere afterwards be it someone's place or a bar or whatever).
Satans..... hints.....
It's not that I think of people because of how they dress. Quite teh sopposite. My inner circle of friends is extremly diverse. last night at a halo party I had i had religiou snut jobs, stoners, standard nerds, and others.....It's that I think they don't like me because of how I look. Or, perhaps because I have different taste in movies and otehr activities than them. I'm not in the mindset of how differnt people are if they dress differently, if that were the case I wouldn't be dating this girl who fits in with the preppy crowd.
ok little advice from one geeky bloke to another, now i don't want to step on your individuality or anything ok? but one thing that worked well with my girl, since i have a pretty eclectic wardrobe, an this caused a little strife but it was worth it to "tailor" my apperence.
So search ebay, thrift stores etc pick up some black suit jackets and then just buy some plain red, purple, blue etc t shirts and put em together when you go out with her mates,or go the whole hog and pick up the whole suit
I myself have like 7 jackets different colours but they all have something that is me on them, i'm talking chinese silk, brocade, some I screenprinted, other i just changed the buttons, you can still let the darkness out but if you dress in all black, all the time...its not about you fitting in with them and their rules, its about fitting in on your own terms. as for the conversation stuff, ask questions...people love to talk about themselves and you get a bead on her friends TRUE personality.
not ALL my clothes are black. i wouldn't even say half? I just tend to wear black more...