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how to convince someone to stop smoking and drinking who refuses to

Crippl3Crippl3 ohnoRegistered User regular
edited June 11 in Help / Advice Forum
my father is making everything wose in our house because he won't stop sneaking white claw into seltzer bottles even when driving and him and my mom and I have been arguing about it for years
he won't stop and now he's also started buying cigarettes on the sly, he even made a secret credit card to buy booze and ended up getting his truck repossessed for a day over it because he wasn't paying (he got it back)

I'm tired of the arguing and the screaming and him driving drunk
someone just please help I don't even know what I'm asking at this point

Crippl3 on

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    Crippl3Crippl3 oh noRegistered User regular
    we just had a 30 minute fucking screaming contest because of the fucking joey chestnut shit in the news, all because he's a huge fucking baby and completely misunderstood a question I asked him about soemthing he said, which turned into a screaming match about the nature of truth and how we all beat up on him because he's a conservative and oh make sure to at least tell your mother about all this when you snitch and there's only 2 genders and I can't stand it when it's being thrown at my face and I'm so fucking sick of him being a huge fucking persecution complex asshole

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    CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    I don't think you can, unfortunately. The important thing for you is to focus on your own safety. Do you have a trusted adult figure you can reach out to, like a teacher or a counselor? (I'm assuming you're a minor because it sounds like you live with your parents and are relatively powerless; apologies if that is not the case!)

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    SkeithSkeith Registered User regular
    Nuclear option would be reporting him for drunk driving.

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    GnizmoGnizmo Registered User regular
    You can't basically. There is nothing you can do to force someone to change their mind. I wish I had better news on that front but years of addiction counseling has driven the point home repeatedly for me. You can't force someone to take care of themselves.

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    BlindZenDriverBlindZenDriver Registered User regular
    Report his driving to the police. It likely won't help relations in the family at first, but if he does see the error of his ways it will.

    Bones heal, glory is forever.
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    kaidkaid Registered User regular
    Crippl3 wrote: »
    my father is making everything wose in our house because he won't stop sneaking white claw into seltzer bottles even when driving and him and my mom and I have been arguing about it for years
    he won't stop and now he's also started buying cigarettes on the sly, he even made a secret credit card to buy booze and ended up getting his truck repossessed for a day over it because he wasn't paying (he got it back)

    I'm tired of the arguing and the screaming and him driving drunk
    someone just please help I don't even know what I'm asking at this point

    I lived through this myself and unfortunately the answer is you really can't. Until they want to do it themselves there is not a ton you can say or do that would change that. When the addiction has them in its grip anything you say is just going to bounce off. If they come to the point they want to/start making changes then assist them as best you can. I had to deal with this with my dad and even after a couple bouts of cancer and a DUI he just could not stop smoking and drinking.

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    spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    edited June 12
    Everyone is right. What you need to do is reach out to someone outside your family circle of adults. Your mom won't be able to make him stop, and you definitely won't be able to. What you have to do is make some connection with adult people who are healthy enough to offer you some support, a listening ear at minimum. A teacher, a therapist, a coach, a friend's family.

    Addiction is an illness that makes you fight to stay sick. If you fight them to get well, they will fight back to stay sick because they have an illness that makes them do it. Your only real option, until you have the power or authority to force him to change, is to take care of yourself in whatever ways you can while you put together a plan to stop living with a person who is literally threatening your actual life with their illness.

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    RiboflavinRiboflavin Registered User regular
    edited June 13
    I'll echo Calica, you can't stop him.

    Until he gets to the point where he is like "This sucks but I can't stop" and "I'll do anything to quit" there is not alot you can do. You might want to look into alanon or get an AA Big Book and read the stories in the back.

    https://al-anon.org/

    Riboflavin on
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    DonnictonDonnicton Registered User regular
    The only thing that I could suggest that doesn't just echo everyone else is that I have a grandfather that has historically had a tendency not to listen to family, but would often repeat back to us anything that his political/masonic buddies would tell him in conversation, even if it was something we already told him recently("Hey I just heard that..." yes we know we told you two days ago).

    If you know if he has any more level-headed friends among his social circles that he's more willing to listen to who would be willing to help externally bring it up separately, it might be an avenue to try.

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