The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
First dates
noir_blood
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I'm wanting to ask this girl out, but before doing so, I was wondering if anyone could recommend some activities that are good first dates. I already hung out with her a couple of times, so we know each other and such, but I want to make this different from the other times we hung out.
And in the case she says yes, any advice I should keep in mind?
And in the case she says yes, any advice I should keep in mind?
noir_blood on
0
Posts
Me: You want to come over and watch a movie
Her: Sure
Then, when she comes over, I just start talking and hanging out with her... if it gets all weird or awkward, then that is the time to put in the movie.
Also make sure it's a fun movie that you don't have to pay attenuation to.. that way, you can talk during - but go back to it if the converstation dies.
after getting to know that person i will do things more interactive with them that i know we both would enjoy
but yea, get some coffee or tea, chat it up, maybe go for a stroll downtown (on offhour times, never busy times) or through a park, then just be a little spontaneous from there. I mean yea, bowling and golfing sounds great and all, but to me its like you are interacting with someone 1 on 1 that you don't know too well, and it just will create some awkward moments if you aren't adept at keeping the pace up
...as for what to keep in mind...some of these maybe obvious, but i'm not sure what level you're at:
confidence is key
you don't have to give her 2 feet of personal space at all times (don't be afraid of being physically flirtatious)
most the time you have to play things by ear (if she responds poorly to something, dont do it again, especially about the flirtatious thing mentioned above)
make sure you aren't the only one talking, but at the same time don't let silence hang around
big thing is listen to her
be polite and a gentleman, but don't be a doormat
keep in mind girls are human to and make mistakes
oh yea...about making conversation...make sure to ask open ended questions
and take things like a grain of salt...its not the end of the world if things don't go perfectly
hope this helps
Like if your playing around and 'accidentally' look her into the eyes a bit to long...not creepy long, but sexy long.
returned calls = 0 at this point. so my advice on first dates apparently sucks 5 balls.
too bad she was a looker.
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
staring at people is one of the least attractive things to do
the one time that i have gone on a formal first date we had some coffee and talked about cartoons, so in my experience informal is better
you don't want to get all SERIOUS immediately
eye contact isn't unattractive. people who won't look you in the eyes are shifty cretins. you do it with your friends why wouldn't you do it with a date?
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
-See a garage band
-Go to the local burger joint
-Stroll through an amatuer car show
-Go-Kart Racing
-Waterpark
i don't stare at people period
I don't think he means a stare he means a shared eye contact that holds for roughly 3 seconds tops. The eyes are the windows to the soul man.
Steam | Live
i don't stare at people period[/QUOTE]
well sure a blank, soulless doll-like stare is creepy but if someone is talking and you are casually looking someone in the eye it's preferred to someone staring at the ground or the top of their heads. fairly universal truth there.
ive been using that term too much lately.
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
Yes, unfortunately the line between "You have a beautiful soul" eye contact and "I WILL CONSUME YOUR SOUL" staring is a very fine line indeed.
I was taught to stare deeply into someone's eyes while white-knuckling the table I am sitting at. If a fork is involved grip it prongs up and leave you mouth slightly ajar.
I've never had a second date.
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
My first date was taking my current to a leadership conference we were both attending (she just wanted to ride with me) and then one of our boys' basketball games. We enjoyed it thoroughly.
it was me and its too late. the deed is done. had a nice time, i asked for a second date at the date and she agreed and now i've called twice with no answer. left a message once. i am giving it one more shot next week and then i give up.
not to hijack your thread OP but i'll take advice too if someone wants to give it for my last call next week.
for the record my 2nd date was going to be ultra casual: cookout at my brother's house (lots of fun easy going peeps) and a 90s garage band i used to listen to that night at a great club.
:^:
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
my first date success is piss poor at best but I've never taken my own advice... most of my "first dates" have been dinner and/or movies and they just didn't go anywhere.
stout's Amazon Wishlist | my lastFM
i was thinking that but my brother is actually a lot cooler than me and his friends are closer to her age (she's a good deal younger than me). him and his friends have the ability to make people comfortable around them so i thought it might work. not that i'm a social misfit but he has a large group of pals that i am also friends with and everyone generally has a really good time. think heavy beer drinking and bbq ribs not "so this is your new girl? children soon?" type of stuff.
i was thinking of asking her if she'd like to go there not just a "I DEEM OUR DATE SHALL BE AT MINE BROTHER'S ABODE. I SHALL NOW PRESENT YOU TO THINE NEW FAMILY" sort of thing. if nothing else the band always works.
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
Basically, you'll know if your doing it right or wrong by whatever reaction you get. If they pepper spray you, then yes; your doing it wrong.
I'm joking, but seriously, it's like Flirting 101; it's hard to flirt without having 'good eyes'... by good eyes, I mean how you use them.
Also in acting there is a phrase "smile with your eyes"... to convey a smile, but with just your eyes. If you can do that while talking or listening to a girl; then your golden.
About the upscale restaurant, I wont' do that for the first date. Keep it light and laid back as possible.. if your doing all that stuff the first date, it's going to put a lot of pressure on both you and her... but if your hanging out at Denny's, just talking and having fun; then no pressure and easier to get to know each other.
Anyways, because of our different work/school schedules, I was thinking of asking her out for breakfast, and then heading out to Adventure's Landing, which is a go kart/golf/laser gun place. Is breakfast too weird to ask out for?
Something you could do to make it more fun and a little intimate depending, is take them back to your place (or hers) and make a pie or some such with them! Boom, cooking together in the kitchen, getting messy together, lots of opportunities for giggles.
Otherwise, eh, I guess coffee is fine.
That sounds good... breakfast isn't weird, as long as you 'pitch' it right. Just have fun about it. Actually, I would rather do breakfast on a first date then dinner, because breakfast just seems more laid back, relaxed and easy going.... where as dinner you have all the 'pressure' of a "date".
oh!! I'm totally stealing that idea. I don't know if they got strawberry fields around there, but I know where a corn field is.
Corn... isn't the same. You'd need to pick another fruit (pun intended). Picking corn and husking it is more work and people don't just pick and eat corn. Also not very sensual.
With strawberries or other fruits (save probably tomatoes) you can pick a basket and eat a few as you go, or wait and just give them a rinse when you're done then eat some, or both.
That said, fleshy fruits are probably best, and by this I mean avoid apples, pears, oranges and the like. Stick to peaches, strawberries, plums and that brood.
edit: Also corn fields tend to be creepy places for the most part. I mean all that corn taller than you and so close together in narrow rows.... *shudder*
First dates are all about strategic timing. You don't ever want a first date to drag.
That being said I aim for a multi-location date with varied activities and at least one backup activity that can be subbed in on the fly.
Stage 1: Pick her up! Makes it feel more of a date. adds more suspense for her than meeting each other someplace, also shows initiative. Exceptions are when she insists on meeting, don't push. She may be embarrassed or shy about where she lives, especially on a first date, pushing makes her MORE uncomfortable.
Stage 2: Location 1 for activity 1 should be within 20 minutes MAX driving time from the pickup point. Obvious exceptions are when she lives in the middle of no where. Long driving times aren't always bad on a date, but in themselves don't ADD anything and have potential to make things DRAG, not a good way to START a first date.
Stage 3: Activity 1 should be exciting/interesting. A lot of us on here aren't big on outdoor activities which is fine, Goofy fun little activities that are semi-original work best here. See: bus riding from 40 days 40 nights, or above for fruit picking. You can sub a lot of things here. go see a comedian, or to a small concert/performance. Wine tasting. Jet ski.
Stage 4: Time for some sort of food consumption. Picnics are GREAT. They show you cared enough about this date to plan ahead and put in prep time. A wide variety of foods, but light on the meat usually. Food enough for 3-4 people even though there is only 2. Multiple drink choices, kept cold in the cooler (with some of the food most likey) 2 bottles of water, a bottle of 2 kinds of soda, a bottle of tea. If she chooses anything other than water, you take one of the waters. If she chooses water, take a soda. Don't pack a dessert, if desired after the picnic have a nearby location planned that you can stop in at grab a slice of pie or scoop of ice cream, or BOTH. This adds another location to your date.
NOTE: Locations are important because they make it seem like you did a lot and used your time well, helps prevent the "drag" feeling, just be conscience of the downtime between locations. It's not too anal to google map all the locations out a couple days before the date to streamline it.
Cooking in at your place is also a good idea. Have supplies for 2 seperate meals stocked and either cook together or let her snoop around your apartment looking at photos, your books/comic collection or picking out an after dinner movie to watch from your collection, have her set the table if she isn't help cooking. Don't TELL her to do it, but make reference to being a team, or earning her keep (jokingly).
Stage 5: Ending the date is an option here if continuing it would make it drag / bore her / be awkward. Otherwise if you cooked in, you might snuggle and relax after a long day of bustling about town and watch a funny/action dvd. AVOID slow/long movies (LotR, pure chick flicks) and real "thinker" movies that lack action.
Seemingly random (but secretively preplanned) activities are also good here. Such as the getting messing baking dessert (possibly using the fruit you picked earlier in the day, pies/cobbler AHOY!) or the pseudo-spontaneous "pillow/sheet fort", which can also be coupled with cheesy but fun music (flight of the valkyries) or the above suggested scary movie.
Stage 6: The is no stage 6. If you're not golden by now then we've lost.
w t f
are these first dates at a 13 year old birthday party or are we talking legal tender ages here?
hannah montana season one dvd a good fun/action movie?
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
Many people feel like they are forced to be too grown up. Having fun like this, even seeing movies meant for kids in the theater, is a good way to just have fun and break down some of the stiffness and tension.
"When I was a child, I read fairy tales under the covers. Now, I read them in the park. When I became an adult, I put off childish things, including the fear of appearing childish, and the need to act very grown up." -C.S. Lewis
i wasnt implying that i DONT WATCH Hannah Montana I was just sayin' is all ;>.>
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
Now my, sorry for hijacking, but what are the rules for double dates when the friends you are taking are blind dates and its just you, your buddy, the girl you're taking, and the girl's friend?
i would imagine that would make it 10 times easier on all interested parties. Minus the pillow fort. With a pillow fort you may end up in an embarassing 4 way with your best friend.
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
You're right, corn just isn't the same.
I think apples can be a good date fruit, so to speak. I've had a good time during the autumn harvest, mucking around the orchard on a date. The trees are generally low to the ground and often times there are tractor rides to the apple specific fields that go all day. There was also a cider mill.
The smells and the textures and the autumn colors; it was all an outstanding thing.
But, I am a bit sentimental.
Ryan M Long Photography
Buy my Prints!
PokeCode: 3952 3495 1748
Dinner and a movie is not the best idea for first dates... there's no opportunity to get to know eachother.
You need chit-chat time to get to know eachother... let her talk, ask questions, but don't just stare in awe, be a good listener and tell her your stories as well. She will probably want to talk a lot but she will also want to hear from you.