Relationship Limbo

LondonBridge

I'm currently separated from my wife after she cheated on me several months back. After she moved out I met a really nice girl online who is separated for different reasons than mine own. With that we hit it off great and since she was still new to the dating scene she wanted to date other folk as did I. We eventually canceled out accounts on the dating web site and have been staying somewhat exclusive for the last few weeks.

As of this week she is officially divorced but I am not. I was bored at work and was checking out the dating site I was on and found she is back on it with a active profile, mine was inactive but I could still look around. Yeah, I know I was looking but not with an active profile.

Anyways, I'm guessing she did this for several reasons like... She is disinterested in me, I'm not ready available as I'm not divorced, or possibly thinks we're still dating other folk? So... how do I talk to her about this without mentioning I saw her back on the dating site?

EggyToast

Opening a profile doesn't mean you're actively looking -- it can mean you're passively looking. Perhaps she likes you, but wouldn't be opposed to meeting a guy who contacted her with a really interesting profile.

She may also simply be testing the waters with her newfound freedom. If you want to "check it out" with her, I'd suggest discussing your relationship status sans mention of the website. Talk about how you feel about each other and how things are going. Catch up with her and ask how she feels now that it's finalized.

If you're really curious, you could ask why she re-activated her account. Of course, bringing it up means that you, too, were looking at profiles on said dating site.

JPArbiter

also keep in mind, as she is recently divorced, she may wish to go to being non exclusive for a while. that does not mean you can not see her still.

when you get divorced, it is only natural to want to "sow your wild oats" a bit, you know what I mean?

LondonBridge

JPArbiter wrote: »

also keep in mind, as she is recently divorced, she may wish to go to being non exclusive for a while. that does not mean you can not see her still.

when you get divorced, it is only natural to want to "sow your wild oats" a bit, you know what I mean?

And thats what I let her do at first. She'd even tell the other guy she was dating about our sexual exploits which I found very odd. It's just that I thought she was done dating other guys. It feels like I'm in a open relationship which isn't what I want.

EggyToast wrote: »

If you're really curious, you could ask why she re-activated her account. Of course, bringing it up means that you, too, were looking at profiles on said dating site.

Yeah... no can do. I just gotta find away to ask what she really wants.

Butterfly4u

London why don't you just ask her how she thinks things are going between you two. She may be just keeping her options open in case you find someone else. I was in a relationship for 10 months of my year divorce battle. The guy I was with said he didn't care, but in the end he left me for a chick who's divorce had been finalized. Some people can't wait while others can. Your girl may also be thinking that your divorce is taking too long to finalize. She may be thinking about things differently now that her divorce is finalized. If she ditches you just remember there are more fish in the sea. It sucked when my ex left me before my divorce was finalized, but now I have a man who is ten times better than my ex. Happiness takes it's sweet old time coming to you sometimes.

ege02

LondonBridge wrote: »

JPArbiter wrote: »

also keep in mind, as she is recently divorced, she may wish to go to being non exclusive for a while. that does not mean you can not see her still.

when you get divorced, it is only natural to want to "sow your wild oats" a bit, you know what I mean?

And thats what I let her do at first. She'd even tell the other guy she was dating about our sexual exploits which I found very odd. It's just that I thought she was done dating other guys. It feels like I'm in a open relationship which isn't what I want.

Then tell her that.

If she doesn't like it, move on.

What's the problem here?

JPArbiter

not my damn business, but what is so bad about an open relationship. she is divorced and you are on the outs, why get back into commitment so soon

LondonBridge

JPArbiter wrote: »

not my damn business, but what is so bad about an open relationship. she is divorced and you are on the outs, why get back into commitment so soon

I really like this girl... I don't want to date anybody else and it'd be nice if she felt the same. Oh well, I give her space which funny enough hasn't caused me to react badly which keeps us together so far.