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Very simplistic Web Comic
the_monarch23
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey guys and dolls, I have started a webcomic on myspace simply because its free. It's about working in a grocery store, and the stupidity that abounds therein. I don't really want crits on the genre or dialogue, but i'm not going to refuse them easier considering it usually takes an outside perspective to point out flaws and such. I only recently started using a drawing tablet to draw, and since i'm still gettting used to the line weights and such, i was wondering what i could do to make the backgrounds look good, and to make the characters pop. My drawing style is somewhere between Disney and Anime, so that might throw a few people, but i just need some ideas to fuel the fire. thanks in advance.
Dave.
PS, the website is myspace.com/retail_kings in case anyone wants to keep up with it.
Dave.
PS, the website is myspace.com/retail_kings in case anyone wants to keep up with it.
"Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
~Jeremy Clarkson
~Jeremy Clarkson
the_monarch23 on
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~Jeremy Clarkson
Seriously? Between that, the trouble you're having with export size and the terrible size of the fonts, it looks like you need to work on your knowledge of how to export decent graphics.
~Jeremy Clarkson
Why is there a white bar on the bottom?
I've never used flash before, but I would think this would be a lot easier in Photoshop.
You need to make the text bigger, it's almost impossible to read.
A white background is pretty lame. At least use some color.
Why is he reading something that upsets him? Why is he reading that box in the first place?
Why is he angry in the last panel?
Sorry, the whole thing just needs a ton of work.
Thanks, that helps. I set the quality supposedly at 100, but i didnt think about the fact that its a vector program. I'll have to play around with it when i get home.
As for Nibcrom.... not sure about the white bar honestly, thanks for the advice on the gutter space... as to the box, they work at a grocery store. I had to stock "feminine products" and was always curious why they needed illustrated instructions. I don't want to defend the work, because its here to be critiqued, but i figure if i explain it better, you could help me figure out ways to get these points across.
~Jeremy Clarkson
wasn't there a show on tbs about people working in a grocery store?
and then they had that movie a little while ago that also featured a grocery store.
it's not a very fresh idea
maybe like, one guy could work in a convenience store, and the other could work at a nearby video store.
and they could talk about star wars and play hockey on the roof!
Is.... is that it? is that all you had to say?.... cuz I kinda figured you might have a point towards the end, but i guess not. Oh, and in case you didnt know many places of "business" have uniforms that everyone has to wear. Just thought I'd let you know. I'm not following a bandwagon or anything moron, I've worked in a grocery store.... it sucks. Thats the point. Why don't you save the pitiful attempts at humor and belittlement for the discussion forum or something, I'm trying to get some help with fixing resolution and some VALUABLE help about backgrounds and stuff. But thanks for the attempt, bro. Top class.... seriously.
~Jeremy Clarkson
Find a better one at dafont.
Flickr ... Myspace
I am not apro at comics or anything but maybe if you showed the guy actually stocking the douches and the other guy comes up and says "boss got you stockin the douches again eh?" "yeah, you know these things have illustrated instructions?" then have the other guy look all excited and just say "I know! Isn't that hot!?"
I dunno. But as far as the comic itself in design it looks kinda cramped even with no background. I also had a hard time reading the font but we established this already. Other than that the idea of a retail comic is good. There are alot of stupid ass things that happen in the retail world. Granted it has been done before so you have to think of what yours will add to the genre to keep people interested.
I know you said you drew this in flash but do you draw anything normally? Like on paper? If nothing else it will help you flesh out what you are going for in the comic a bit more.
I have no idea if I was helpfull at all.
Thank you for the honest appraisal, I was in sort of a hurry last night to get the comic done, and sadly didn't even realize until i had posted it that there was no lead up to the joke. Maybe I should send you my dialogue before i write it in. Your version was definitely more interesting and informative. Oh well, live and learn. I'll work on it.
Thanks again.
~Jeremy Clarkson
Being funny is one thing, but trying to sit down and structure that into a set up and a punchline can be a lot harder than you realize.
"You had to be there" moments don't usually translate well into jokes.
If you rush to get it done it will show.
Heh wish I could take my own advice!
I am actually working on my own comic with a bud of mine...struggling like hell too.
kinda nervous to post it.
Do it man. Worst that can happen is you are told to get back to the drawing board... litterally.
Flickr ... Myspace
~Jeremy Clarkson
Save it as a .AI file.
Open in Photoshop.
Rearrange and colour.
Wallah, far better results.
ummm... draw some?
seriously, try drawing some backgrounds then ask that question.
I don't hate the comic. I don't think it's all that special, but keep at it dude. You'll do fine if you just keep working at it.
Also, if you're having trouble controlling the tablet try drawing the comic in pencil then scanning and inking with the tablet. After some practice drawing straight with the tablet should get easier.
I'm not really sure if it's a good idea to go down the retail store comedy path, because it'll be endlessly compared to Clerks, and that's a bad thing because Clerks eats up anything else in that "genre" and spits out their bones.
Seriously, don't compete with Clerks. It'll get ugly.
On that note, and somewhat unrelated to the OP, I'd like to see some other vocational settings other than 'Office' and 'Store'. While it wasn't completely centered in it, the Oblongs (A short-lived animated sitcom starring Will Ferrel as a limbless father) took place partially in a rat poison bottling plant. It made for great and witty jokes, and I'd like to see a clever comic take on other locations.
I've never seen a comic/cartoon about guys who work at an animal reserve, a hospital (which is overdone on primetime TV, but a witty comic would be great) a homeless shelter... even a farm. The possibilities really are limitless.
For your comic, it's probably been said here, but really look into weight/size diversity. It's rare to see two people standing beside each other (outside of military boot camp) and they have identical builds/waistlines. I'd probably do something with a short/stocky man, a tall skinny man, a beefy heroic figure who seems out of place, a pudgy or perpetually pregnant woman, an asian, a black man, an Indian of either kind, a girl in a wheelchair or missing an arm... again, the possibilities are endless. There's no real reason to make a strip about two guys who are 5'10", 210lbs, dark hair and a slight case of beer gut.
That being said, please please PLEASE don't feel discouraged by any advice, even if you think it's the shittiest advice you've ever heard. I wish you the very best, and I hope you work hard every day until you have the best strip in the world.
You're damn right I did.
I Think my main problem is character development (besides backgrounds and resolution) the guy in the background of panel one is based off of me.... i'm 6'3", 300 pounds with a slight beer gut.... the other guy is supposed to be about 5'9" and skinny. I'll have to work on that. Thanks for the encouragement though.
Dave.
~Jeremy Clarkson
~Jeremy Clarkson
IGNORE ME!
"Yes, Hank.. You're a big man now, and I--LADY-SMITH BLACK MOMBASSO!!!"
~Jeremy Clarkson