Club PA 2.0 has arrived! If you'd like to access some extra PA content and help support the forums, check it out at patreon.com/ClubPA
The image size limit has been raised to 1mb! Anything larger than that should be linked to. This is a HARD limit, please do not abuse it.
Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

Very simplistic Web Comic

the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
edited June 2007 in Artist's Corner
Hey guys and dolls, I have started a webcomic on myspace simply because its free. It's about working in a grocery store, and the stupidity that abounds therein. I don't really want crits on the genre or dialogue, but i'm not going to refuse them easier considering it usually takes an outside perspective to point out flaws and such. I only recently started using a drawing tablet to draw, and since i'm still gettting used to the line weights and such, i was wondering what i could do to make the backgrounds look good, and to make the characters pop. My drawing style is somewhere between Disney and Anime, so that might throw a few people, but i just need some ideas to fuel the fire. thanks in advance.
Dave.
l_5ac1736932690f868d605785ab9b10c9.jpg
PS, the website is myspace.com/retail_kings in case anyone wants to keep up with it.

"Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
~Jeremy Clarkson
the_monarch23 on

Posts

  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    BTW, I'm using Flash 8 to draw this stuff, if anyone can help me figure out sizing, and resolution, let me know. The above is supposedly 2000x1000 pixels.... right.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Cant sleep... jpg artefacts will get me.

    Seriously? Between that, the trouble you're having with export size and the terrible size of the fonts, it looks like you need to work on your knowledge of how to export decent graphics.

    Synthetic Orange on
    Death to PA.
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Um... thats why i asked, bud. Asking for help usually means you are aware of the problem.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • Synthetic OrangeSynthetic Orange Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Just make your text bigger, pick an output resolution (because Flash is a vector drawing program, it doesnt care about pixels) and increase your jpg quality before you export.

    Synthetic Orange on
    Death to PA.
  • NibCromNibCrom Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    You need gutter space (space inbetween the panels).

    Why is there a white bar on the bottom?

    I've never used flash before, but I would think this would be a lot easier in Photoshop.

    You need to make the text bigger, it's almost impossible to read.

    A white background is pretty lame. At least use some color.

    Why is he reading something that upsets him? Why is he reading that box in the first place?

    Why is he angry in the last panel?

    Sorry, the whole thing just needs a ton of work.

    NibCrom on
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Just make your text bigger, pick an output resolution (because Flash is a vector drawing program, it doesnt care about pixels) and increase your jpg quality before you export.

    Thanks, that helps. I set the quality supposedly at 100, but i didnt think about the fact that its a vector program. I'll have to play around with it when i get home.

    As for Nibcrom.... not sure about the white bar honestly, thanks for the advice on the gutter space... as to the box, they work at a grocery store. I had to stock "feminine products" and was always curious why they needed illustrated instructions. I don't want to defend the work, because its here to be critiqued, but i figure if i explain it better, you could help me figure out ways to get these points across.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • bread of wonderbread of wonder Registered User
    edited June 2007
    It's not very obvious they work at a grocery store - there's no background to indicate that. It's kind of tough to imply a specific location without a background, don't you think? And if that's such a strong part in the comic, why wouldn't you draw one?

    bread of wonder on
    Long distance runner, what you standin' there for?
  • Grim OutlookGrim Outlook Registered User
    edited June 2007
    are you sure your comic doesn't actually revolve around two guys who like to wear red shirts and their adventures through an endless white void?

    wasn't there a show on tbs about people working in a grocery store?
    and then they had that movie a little while ago that also featured a grocery store.

    it's not a very fresh idea

    maybe like, one guy could work in a convenience store, and the other could work at a nearby video store.
    and they could talk about star wars and play hockey on the roof!

    Grim Outlook on
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    are you sure your comic doesn't actually revolve around two guys who like to wear red shirts and their adventures through an endless white void?

    wasn't there a show on tbs about people working in a grocery store?
    and then they had that movie a little while ago that also featured a grocery store.

    it's not a very fresh idea

    maybe like, one guy could work in a convenience store, and the other could work at a nearby video store.
    and they could talk about star wars and play hockey on the roof!

    Is.... is that it? is that all you had to say?.... cuz I kinda figured you might have a point towards the end, but i guess not. Oh, and in case you didnt know many places of "business" have uniforms that everyone has to wear. Just thought I'd let you know. I'm not following a bandwagon or anything moron, I've worked in a grocery store.... it sucks. Thats the point. Why don't you save the pitiful attempts at humor and belittlement for the discussion forum or something, I'm trying to get some help with fixing resolution and some VALUABLE help about backgrounds and stuff. But thanks for the attempt, bro. Top class.... seriously.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • EntrYEntrY Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Do not use comic sans.

    Find a better one at dafont.

    EntrY on
    beavotron wrote:
    hang on, i need to go put an adult diaper on before you continue explaining.

    Flickr ... Myspace
  • JandissJandiss Registered User
    edited June 2007
    I think the joke kinda falls flat...
    I am not apro at comics or anything but maybe if you showed the guy actually stocking the douches and the other guy comes up and says "boss got you stockin the douches again eh?" "yeah, you know these things have illustrated instructions?" then have the other guy look all excited and just say "I know! Isn't that hot!?"

    I dunno. But as far as the comic itself in design it looks kinda cramped even with no background. I also had a hard time reading the font but we established this already. Other than that the idea of a retail comic is good. There are alot of stupid ass things that happen in the retail world. Granted it has been done before so you have to think of what yours will add to the genre to keep people interested.
    I know you said you drew this in flash but do you draw anything normally? Like on paper? If nothing else it will help you flesh out what you are going for in the comic a bit more.
    I have no idea if I was helpfull at all.

    Jandiss on
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Jandiss wrote: »
    I think the joke kinda falls flat...
    I am not apro at comics or anything but maybe if you showed the guy actually stocking the douches and the other guy comes up and says "boss got you stockin the douches again eh?" "yeah, you know these things have illustrated instructions?" then have the other guy look all excited and just say "I know! Isn't that hot!?"

    I dunno. But as far as the comic itself in design it looks kinda cramped even with no background. I also had a hard time reading the font but we established this already. Other than that the idea of a retail comic is good. There are alot of stupid ass things that happen in the retail world. Granted it has been done before so you have to think of what yours will add to the genre to keep people interested.
    I know you said you drew this in flash but do you draw anything normally? Like on paper? If nothing else it will help you flesh out what you are going for in the comic a bit more.
    I have no idea if I was helpfull at all.

    Thank you for the honest appraisal, I was in sort of a hurry last night to get the comic done, and sadly didn't even realize until i had posted it that there was no lead up to the joke. Maybe I should send you my dialogue before i write it in. Your version was definitely more interesting and informative. Oh well, live and learn. I'll work on it.
    Thanks again.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2007
    Here are some tips for writing comics:

    Being funny is one thing, but trying to sit down and structure that into a set up and a punchline can be a lot harder than you realize.

    "You had to be there" moments don't usually translate well into jokes.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • JandissJandiss Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Hey just keep in mind you are doing the comic for YOU right? No need to ever rush.
    If you rush to get it done it will show.
    Heh wish I could take my own advice!
    I am actually working on my own comic with a bud of mine...struggling like hell too.
    kinda nervous to post it.

    Jandiss on
  • EntrYEntrY Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Jandiss wrote: »
    Hey just keep in mind you are doing the comic for YOU right? No need to ever rush.
    If you rush to get it done it will show.
    Heh wish I could take my own advice!
    I am actually working on my own comic with a bud of mine...struggling like hell too.
    kinda nervous to post it.

    Do it man. Worst that can happen is you are told to get back to the drawing board... litterally.

    EntrY on
    beavotron wrote:
    hang on, i need to go put an adult diaper on before you continue explaining.

    Flickr ... Myspace
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2007
    "Expect failure, but don't settle for it" is the mantra I started school with.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    I want to thank all you guys for the advice, I plan on posting the third comic by the end of the week, when i do i will post it here too. Hopefully it will be a great improvement. Appreciate the help :)

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • EnefEnef Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Draw the lines in flash.

    Save it as a .AI file.

    Open in Photoshop.

    Rearrange and colour.

    Wallah, far better results.

    Enef on
  • RavenshadowRavenshadow Registered User
    edited June 2007
    ...i was wondering what i could do to make the backgrounds look good...

    ummm... draw some?

    seriously, try drawing some backgrounds then ask that question.

    I don't hate the comic. I don't think it's all that special, but keep at it dude. You'll do fine if you just keep working at it.

    Also, if you're having trouble controlling the tablet try drawing the comic in pencil then scanning and inking with the tablet. After some practice drawing straight with the tablet should get easier.

    Ravenshadow on
    That's why I like the AC. Just the right combination of stupid butt-fuckery and verbal masturbation to suit my needs.
  • D90D90 Registered User
    edited June 2007
    ...You started school with a mantra?

    D90 on
  • bread of wonderbread of wonder Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Now that I think about it, the dude with the red hair kinda reminds me of Dante.

    I'm not really sure if it's a good idea to go down the retail store comedy path, because it'll be endlessly compared to Clerks, and that's a bad thing because Clerks eats up anything else in that "genre" and spits out their bones.

    Seriously, don't compete with Clerks. It'll get ugly.

    bread of wonder on
    Long distance runner, what you standin' there for?
  • rfilyawrfilyaw Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Now that I think about it, the dude with the red hair kinda reminds me of Dante.

    I'm not really sure if it's a good idea to go down the retail store comedy path, because it'll be endlessly compared to Clerks, and that's a bad thing because Clerks eats up anything else in that "genre" and spits out their bones.

    Seriously, don't compete with Clerks. It'll get ugly.

    On that note, and somewhat unrelated to the OP, I'd like to see some other vocational settings other than 'Office' and 'Store'. While it wasn't completely centered in it, the Oblongs (A short-lived animated sitcom starring Will Ferrel as a limbless father) took place partially in a rat poison bottling plant. It made for great and witty jokes, and I'd like to see a clever comic take on other locations.

    I've never seen a comic/cartoon about guys who work at an animal reserve, a hospital (which is overdone on primetime TV, but a witty comic would be great) a homeless shelter... even a farm. The possibilities really are limitless.

    For your comic, it's probably been said here, but really look into weight/size diversity. It's rare to see two people standing beside each other (outside of military boot camp) and they have identical builds/waistlines. I'd probably do something with a short/stocky man, a tall skinny man, a beefy heroic figure who seems out of place, a pudgy or perpetually pregnant woman, an asian, a black man, an Indian of either kind, a girl in a wheelchair or missing an arm... again, the possibilities are endless. There's no real reason to make a strip about two guys who are 5'10", 210lbs, dark hair and a slight case of beer gut.

    That being said, please please PLEASE don't feel discouraged by any advice, even if you think it's the shittiest advice you've ever heard. I wish you the very best, and I hope you work hard every day until you have the best strip in the world.

    rfilyaw on
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2007
    D90 wrote: »
    ...You started school with a mantra?

    You're damn right I did.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • matthewbmatthewb Registered User
    edited June 2007
    I work in a supermarket, some of the weirdest crap happens, glow in the dark vibrating ribbed studded condoms!? I said Condoms! i made a funny ^.^

    matthewb on
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    rfilyaw wrote: »
    Now that I think about it, the dude with the red hair kinda reminds me of Dante.

    I'm not really sure if it's a good idea to go down the retail store comedy path, because it'll be endlessly compared to Clerks, and that's a bad thing because Clerks eats up anything else in that "genre" and spits out their bones.

    Seriously, don't compete with Clerks. It'll get ugly.

    On that note, and somewhat unrelated to the OP, I'd like to see some other vocational settings other than 'Office' and 'Store'. While it wasn't completely centered in it, the Oblongs (A short-lived animated sitcom starring Will Ferrel as a limbless father) took place partially in a rat poison bottling plant. It made for great and witty jokes, and I'd like to see a clever comic take on other locations.

    I've never seen a comic/cartoon about guys who work at an animal reserve, a hospital (which is overdone on primetime TV, but a witty comic would be great) a homeless shelter... even a farm. The possibilities really are limitless.

    For your comic, it's probably been said here, but really look into weight/size diversity. It's rare to see two people standing beside each other (outside of military boot camp) and they have identical builds/waistlines. I'd probably do something with a short/stocky man, a tall skinny man, a beefy heroic figure who seems out of place, a pudgy or perpetually pregnant woman, an asian, a black man, an Indian of either kind, a girl in a wheelchair or missing an arm... again, the possibilities are endless. There's no real reason to make a strip about two guys who are 5'10", 210lbs, dark hair and a slight case of beer gut.

    That being said, please please PLEASE don't feel discouraged by any advice, even if you think it's the shittiest advice you've ever heard. I wish you the very best, and I hope you work hard every day until you have the best strip in the world.

    I Think my main problem is character development (besides backgrounds and resolution) the guy in the background of panel one is based off of me.... i'm 6'3", 300 pounds with a slight beer gut.... the other guy is supposed to be about 5'9" and skinny. I'll have to work on that. Thanks for the encouragement though.
    Dave.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Oh, and I'm Native American..... and Irish.

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
  • rfilyawrfilyaw Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    And a fan of the greatest show ever.

    ignoreme.jpg
    IGNORE ME!

    rfilyaw on
  • the_monarch23the_monarch23 Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    EXACTLY! Someone said Lady-Smith Black Mombassa that other day in my office, and noone knew why i was laughing.

    "Yes, Hank.. You're a big man now, and I--LADY-SMITH BLACK MOMBASSO!!!"

    the_monarch23 on
    "Gott in himmel! Fritz, vee haff named our car after ein lady-garten."
    ~Jeremy Clarkson
Sign In or Register to comment.