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What makes for a good marriage?

2

Posts

  • YarYar Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    I always find a way to get "booty" or "butt" or "bottom" or some combination thereof onto all of my wife's grocery lists. I also put stuff on my head and say "it's on mah haid" whenever we're discussing an item.

    Yar on
  • an_altan_alt Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Does anybody have any comments on how long two people should be a couple before they decide to get married? I've been with my gf for a year, we live together, are best friends, are madly in love and lust, have an extraordinary amount in common, have been able to talk our way out of every potential fight, and both pretty much assume we'll get married at some point and not for a lack of other options.

    I know it's not smart to jump into anything too quickly, but I'd really like to hear some opinions on the matter.

    an_alt on
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  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    an_alt wrote: »
    Does anybody have any comments on how long two people should be a couple before they decide to get married? I've been with my gf for a year, we live together, are best friends, are madly in love and lust, have an extraordinary amount in common, have been able to talk our way out of every potential fight, and both pretty much assume we'll get married at some point and not for a lack of other options.

    I know it's not smart to jump into anything too quickly, but I'd really like to hear some opinions on the matter.

    I was with my wife for about a year and a half before proposing, and we were engaged about another year. If you both think you're ready, you probably are.

    To be honest (and I guess someone might feel annoyed by this), I worry about couples who stay together a long time, talking about marriage, but don't take that step. I always think there's some reason/problem that stops them from finally getting married.

    Note that I don't mean people who never want to get married - my sister doesn't believe in it, and has 2 kids with her partner. I mean people who have 6-year engagements, or live together for years, talking about when they're going to get married. Not a good sign.

    The moment that made me propose was just realising that I couldn't imagine myself with someone else. I mean obviously I can, (Salma Hayek, Johnny Depp) but if I ever met another woman who was interesting, the only person I'd want to talk to about it would be my wife. Nowadays, the idea of being with someone else is just... silly.

    One thing I've learned is that loyalty is an under-rated quality nowadays. A lot of people expect their spouse to make them happy. They want to know what they're getting from being married. And a lot of the time your marriage will make you happier. But sometimes it won't - maybe your spouse is ill, or depressed - and this is when some people think 'This isn't making me happy anymore' and leave.

    You have to realise that the purpose of marriage isn't to fulfill you or make you happy. The purpose of marriage is to have the deepest relationship you can with that person, and that means bad as well as good.

    poshniallo on
    I figure I could take a bear.
  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    FirstComradeStalin on
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  • ShintoShinto __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    Yar wrote: »
    I always find a way to get "booty" or "butt" or "bottom" or some combination thereof onto all of my wife's grocery lists. I also put stuff on my head and say "it's on mah haid" whenever we're discussing an item.

    I think all good relationships have a version of this.

    My wife and I have an intricate series of inside jokes, quips and parries. We call it the Bedroom Floor Variety Show because when we first got together we'd laugh until we fell off of her twin size bed, and then lay at odd angles on the floor joking around for hours.

    @Mom2Kat - I believe the U.S. also has common law marriages.

    Shinto on
  • BitstreamBitstream Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    Bitstream on
  • ShintoShinto __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    Bitstream wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    The fact that you don't get married usually signifies that on some level you aren't completely dedicated to the relationship, and this makes the relationship more fragile.

    It's not like having a wedding fixes that problem magically, but deciding to go all or nothing and get married is sometimes an outward sign of that inward change to full commitment.

    Shinto on
  • MikeManMikeMan Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    The world is more complicated than you might realize.

    edit: and I really didn't mean that to sound as condescending as it might.

    MikeMan on
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  • BitstreamBitstream Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Shinto wrote: »
    Bitstream wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    The fact that you don't get married usually signifies that on some level you aren't completely dedicated to the relationship, and this makes the relationship more fragile.

    It's not like having a wedding fixes that problem magically, but deciding to go all or nothing and get married is sometimes an outward sign of that inward change to full commitment.

    I'm sure for some people there's a fear of total commitment, but I'm thinking more of people like my great-aunt and -uncle, who have lived together for forty years without ever getting officially married.

    I should point out that I'm certainly not opposed to marriage. I've seen a lot of marriages go bad, though that was obviously due to the individuals and not the institution. I hope to get married myself someday. I was mostly playing devil's advocate against his moral assumption that marriage was an inevitable conclusion and unmarried couples are somehow 'sad'.

    Bitstream on
  • Lord Cecil EaglelaserLord Cecil Eaglelaser Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Shinto wrote: »
    Bitstream wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    The fact that you don't get married usually signifies that on some level you aren't completely dedicated to the relationship, and this makes the relationship more fragile.

    It's not like having a wedding fixes that problem magically, but deciding to go all or nothing and get married is sometimes an outward sign of that inward change to full commitment.

    All or nothing in what sense?

    Lord Cecil Eaglelaser on
    Yar wrote: »
    Hey, thanks. You know what? Fuck you. You know what else? Suck my dick.

    I think if you're interested in what I read, the proper thing to do would be to read a book on Shut the Fuck Up or something.
  • foursquaremanfoursquareman Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    For me (being married 5 years) the biggest thing I've found is that we both want the same things. Not necessarily material things, though we realise now we could not live without a computer, but more the type of life we want to live. Like what we do on weekends, how many kids we want, the environment we make for our home, where we live and things like that make us try harder and fixing the small (and not quite as small) problems that come up.

    I don't think the spending time apart thing is always a good idea. Like jeffe said, I work, so we are separated most of the day. So when I get home, or on the weekend, most of the time I want to be together with my wife and son. Even if we aren't doing something together, knowing that I can turn to either of them at any time and tell them something funny is an awesome feeling.

    foursquareman on
  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Although spending time together is super-good, it's important to not let resentments build up because you couldn't do something. For example, I really want to visit China, and my missus has no interest at all. None. And she is stubborn. So, someday I'm going to visit China on my own, maybe ride the Trans-Mongolian. If every holiday was together, I'd resent her for stopping me from going.

    poshniallo on
    I figure I could take a bear.
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Yar wrote: »
    Proto wrote: »
    I don't know if I agree with the "don't go to bed angry" rule. Sometimes it's much more productive to talk things out the next day when you've both calmed down.
    This rule has been reiterated to me so many times and proven true in my own marriage so many times that I'm going to ask that your dissention be stricken from the record. Seriously, I've talked to a 50-yr marriage couple who listed that as their single key to successful marriage.

    Waiting to talk it out in the morning means in the morning you'll have packed it away into the smoldering and stewing parts of your brain and moved on to other things until one day you fucking hate the other person and aren't even sure why.

    I have to agree with Proto. I've found that my ability to resolve conflict degrades rapidly after midnight. And, eventually, real life has to take over. If conflict resolution means that I'm not going to get up on time for work, it's going to have to wait until the next day. That and I've found that late-night relationship talks just aren't productive and lead to greater resentment, because we just end up waking up the next morning feeling like crap and blaming one another for it.

    So my gf and I (I'm not married) have a rule: no heavy talk after midnight. No relationship talk, and no fighting. This doesn't necessarily mean going to bed with things totally up in the air... it means around 11:30 it's time to reassert our love for one another and our commitment to one another. Setting up a specific time to return to the matter also helps. The conversation from 11:30 - 12:00 usually looks something like this:

    "Look, I'm still pretty mad about this but in the grand scheme of things nobody died and we'll be able to get over it. I know I'll be able to forgive you someday even if I can't forgive you right now. I'm not going to break up with you over this but I'm not done talking about it either. It's just if I don't go to bed now I'm going to be cranky and irritable tomorrow and that's not going to do either of us any good. So I get off work at 6, you get off work at 7. Why don't I pick you up from work and we'll continue talking about this then? Okay, great. I love you. I'm mad at you, but I love you. Good night."

    I, too, got this from a happily married couple of many years.

    Feral on
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  • NarianNarian Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Being only a 19yo who has never had a Girlfriend, for reasons that I've never met a girl I've ever liked instead of just lusted, if TV, Movies, books, and common sense has taught me anything it's that the most important thing to keep a marriage going is "Never go to bed angry." I saw this on TV a long time ago and I have never forgotten this and I hope to keep this philosophy throughout my life.

    Narian on
    Narian.gif
  • ShintoShinto __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    Shinto wrote: »
    Bitstream wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    The fact that you don't get married usually signifies that on some level you aren't completely dedicated to the relationship, and this makes the relationship more fragile.

    It's not like having a wedding fixes that problem magically, but deciding to go all or nothing and get married is sometimes an outward sign of that inward change to full commitment.

    All or nothing in what sense?

    In the sense of "Either this thing with you will work or else I will undergo horrible emotional scarring, lose years of my life and a great deal of my assets in a horrendous divorce."

    Shinto on
  • ryuprechtryuprecht Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Narian wrote: »
    Being only a 19yo who has never had a Girlfriend, for reasons that I've never met a girl I've ever liked instead of just lusted, if TV, Movies, books, and common sense has taught me anything it's that the most important thing to keep a marriage going is "Never go to bed angry." I saw this on TV a long time ago and I have never forgotten this and I hope to keep this philosophy throughout my life.

    Some fights last until 4am, with the alarm ready to go off at 430. It's still worth it though.

    ryuprecht on
  • AurinAurin Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    The length of time before you get married varies greatly. I knew my husband for 6 weeks, and now we've been married 6 years. Gamers and hermits, but we're happy as hell. :)

    Never go to bed mad. But don't be afraid to take a walk to cool off either. :P

    Aurin on
  • Mom2KatMom2Kat Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    Not sad at all. My Husband (and yes I know we are only engaged) Does not really beleive in getting married. It is a bit easier up here since we have been together for so long that we are considered common law by the government. And really after all this time the piece of paper does not change anything. However he did propose to me over WoW (yes we are HUGE geeks in this house) because he knew the piece of paper means somethign to me. If you are not particulary religious I can see getting married as not all that important. I kind of agree with my husband nothing will cange from before we sign the forms to after we do.

    Mom2Kat on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    Shinto wrote: »
    Bitstream wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    The fact that you don't get married usually signifies that on some level you aren't completely dedicated to the relationship, and this makes the relationship more fragile.

    It's not like having a wedding fixes that problem magically, but deciding to go all or nothing and get married is sometimes an outward sign of that inward change to full commitment.

    I disagree. You shouldn't need some sort of external contract to "consolidate" your relationship with the other person. You can still be fully committed and not be married, or even engaged.
    I think our society is too romantic about marriage and always talks about how to get there, assuming that afterwards love will conquer all.

    This is a direct consequence of the said society having backwards and Victorian views on sex and relationships in general, and it leads to shitty marriages. Like many things, when it comes to this stuff people are brainwashed either by shitty Hollywood movies, or their religious textbooks, and they lose the ability to think rationally. Their minds become too fogged by how things should work (because they've seen it in movies) rather than how they actually do. So years down the line when they are signing the papers, they think, "man, where the hell did we go wrong?"

    ege02 on
    Medopine wrote: »
    Fuck that woman going "oh god oh no!!"

    It's nature, bitch
  • FencingsaxFencingsax It is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understanding GNU Terry PratchettRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    Shinto wrote: »
    Bitstream wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    There are, believe it or not, many people who don't want to get married, for whatever reason. Plenty of happy couples exist without marriage, and short of tax benefits and legal rights (and wedding gifts, of course), what tangible good comes from two people being married that they couldn't get as an unwed couple?

    The fact that you don't get married usually signifies that on some level you aren't completely dedicated to the relationship, and this makes the relationship more fragile.

    It's not like having a wedding fixes that problem magically, but deciding to go all or nothing and get married is sometimes an outward sign of that inward change to full commitment.

    I disagree. You shouldn't need some sort of external contract to "consolidate" your relationship with the other person. You can still be fully committed and not be married, or even engaged.
    Also, if you think you need to marry to make the relationship work, or problems will go away, or some shit like that, perhaps more time should be taken to examine the relationship.

    Fencingsax on
    torchlight-sig-80.jpg
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Yar wrote: »
    Also, this business about having individual activities away from your spouse is overrated. It sounds good to the unmarried, but in reality it is give or take. Sure, if you've got you thing you do that s/he doesn't do, fine, but all-in-all I think that's more a liability than a quality. Often having a lot of separate activity just allows one to prolong their relationship with someone they aren't compatible with, giving the illusion that this is actually good for them.

    I think it's important to have time away from your spouse, but if you don't work together, you've already got 8 hours a day away from her that should fit the bill. Outside of that, the only reason I like to have time to do my own thing is because I have several hobbies that she doesn't share in. And generally when I'm doing them, I much prefer that she be nearby. Playing a video game is more enjoyable for me if I can look over and see her, even if she's doing her own thing. Moreover, when I can actually get her to play with me, it's awesome.

    So yeah, it's really not so much that time away from her is important as that time to do the things I enjoy is important.

    Agreed. The eight manditory hours a day that we spend apart suck. Not even so much because we're not together, but because that eight hours is filled with me doing shit I don't want to be doing.

    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    But as much as I might miss my wife when I go out with friends and do things without her, I know damn well I'd be even less happy not getting to do those things, because they are important parts of my life.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • YarYar Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Yeah but marriage is a nice committment ceremony. You're making it official to family and firends. Sure, you don't have to, but weddings are awesome parties with presents, which leads one to wonder what reason one might have for putting it off.

    Yar on
  • ryuprechtryuprecht Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Yar wrote: »
    Yeah but marriage is a nice committment ceremony. You're making it official to family and firends. Sure, you don't have to, but weddings are awesome parties with presents, which leads one to wonder what reason one might have for putting it off.

    Never underestimate the value of symbolism. I think a lot of people put it off because it has extra meaning embedded in the symbolism.

    Humans are just symbolic creatures.

    ryuprecht on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    This is the kind of thing that I can't get my mind around. I don't know you and I don't mean to be judgmental here, but not enjoying something if she is not around sounds way too needy. And why do you (and Eljeffe I guess) feel better if she is around even though she is not participating?

    ege02 on
    Medopine wrote: »
    Fuck that woman going "oh god oh no!!"

    It's nature, bitch
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    This is the kind of thing that I can't get my mind around. I don't know you and I don't mean to be judgmental here, but not enjoying something if she is not around sounds way too needy. And why do you (and Eljeffe I guess) feel better if she is around even though she is not participating?

    I dunno, I just like having her around. Even if we're not actively engaged in something together, I'm happier when she's simply in the house.

    Is it needy? I dunno, maybe. I cannot fathom what it would've been like ever living alone. When she goes out of town, I make it a habit to pretty much never be home because it just makes me lonely and depressed when no one is there.

    As for the gaming thing, I have always liked gaming better with someone around. When I mostly played games by myself, it was when I was depressed and anti-social, so when I do it now, it just puts me back in that mindset. I like to share the experience with her, talk to her about the game, try and get her to play, etc.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • ryuprechtryuprecht Registered User
    edited June 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    This is the kind of thing that I can't get my mind around. I don't know you and I don't mean to be judgmental here, but not enjoying something if she is not around sounds way too needy. And why do you (and Eljeffe I guess) feel better if she is around even though she is not participating?

    I'm the same way. I need her around, even if she's not doing what I am. I just need it.

    ryuprecht on
  • SkulloSkullo Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    ryuprecht wrote: »
    ege02 wrote: »
    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    This is the kind of thing that I can't get my mind around. I don't know you and I don't mean to be judgmental here, but not enjoying something if she is not around sounds way too needy. And why do you (and Eljeffe I guess) feel better if she is around even though she is not participating?

    I'm the same way. I need her around, even if she's not doing what I am. I just need it.

    (Not married, but close, so I figured I'd drop some advice)

    Well, I can relate to this. For example, when the two of us are in classes, my girl tends to study. A lot. I can't do that. So I'll go off and fool around on the internet, game, or read a book, etc. But to have her there, laying down next to you (or even just sitting NEAR you) makes everything a lot better. I dunno, maybe I'm sappy. Never underestimate how much enjoying someone's company can do.

    Skullo on
  • Ol' SparkyOl' Sparky Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Judging from my parent's marriage, I would say the most important thing is a willingness to "make it work."

    I think too many couples break up over little shit that shouldn't really matter, they don't work at the relationship.

    I mean, you're spending your lives together, come on guys. You have to make it work, it's not an eternal one night stand.

    Ol' Sparky on
  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Ol' Sparky wrote: »
    Judging from my parent's marriage, I would say the most important thing is a willingness to "make it work."

    I think too many couples break up over little shit that shouldn't really matter, they don't work at the relationship.

    I mean, you're spending your lives together, come on guys. You have to make it work, it's not an eternal one night stand.

    Agreed. Although one has to be somewhat practical about it. There are some people who simply are not compatible, and short of pretending to be someone they're not, they will never have a good relationship.

    My parents are an excellent example of that. They could not have been less suited to each other, but the made the mistake of marrying early in their relationship, and having kids, such that it was no longer practical to split once they recognized the number of issues they had. It took them 17 years to get around to finally breaking up, and it was better for everyone when they did. Knowing them as I do, I cannot fathom how they ever got together in the first place.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • NexusSixNexusSix Registered User
    edited June 2007
    ryuprecht wrote: »
    ege02 wrote: »
    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    This is the kind of thing that I can't get my mind around. I don't know you and I don't mean to be judgmental here, but not enjoying something if she is not around sounds way too needy. And why do you (and Eljeffe I guess) feel better if she is around even though she is not participating?

    I'm the same way. I need her around, even if she's not doing what I am. I just need it.

    Funny you guys should mention that--I feel the same way. Well, I'll be honest and say that if she goes out of town on business, the first couple of nights is awesome: I grab a bunch of beer on the way home, put on some ratty PJs, get some really greasy food, crank up the Dolby and just game for hours. After 2 days of that, I'm like, I want my wife back.

    This is a big reason I don't play on Xbox Live much even when I'm gaming--my gameroom is on our third floor, and our TV room is on the first floor. When I'm gaming, she's usually watching TV or on our laptop. But I'll play for a half hour or hour and go and hang out with her for about the same amount of time, then go play some more, repeat.

    I guess a person could look at that and call it needy. My own personal opinion: I just really enjoy her company and she's fun to be around. It also makes me feel tingly in special places.

    NexusSix on
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  • Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    NexusSix wrote: »
    ryuprecht wrote: »
    ege02 wrote: »
    When I'm home and doing things I enjoy that she doesn't (like gaming, for the most part), I like to have her around, to the point that I actually have a hard time enjoying gaming if she's not there.

    This is the kind of thing that I can't get my mind around. I don't know you and I don't mean to be judgmental here, but not enjoying something if she is not around sounds way too needy. And why do you (and Eljeffe I guess) feel better if she is around even though she is not participating?

    I'm the same way. I need her around, even if she's not doing what I am. I just need it.

    Funny you guys should mention that--I feel the same way. Well, I'll be honest and say that if she goes out of town on business, the first couple of nights is awesome: I grab a bunch of beer on the way home, put on some ratty PJs, get some really greasy food, crank up the Dolby and just game for hours. After 2 days of that, I'm like, I want my wife back.

    This is a big reason I don't play on Xbox Live much even when I'm gaming--my gameroom is on our third floor, and our TV room is on the first floor. When I'm gaming, she's usually watching TV or on our laptop. But I'll play for a half hour or hour and go and hang out with her for about the same amount of time, then go play some more, repeat.

    I guess a person could look at that and call it needy. My own personal opinion: I just really enjoy her company and she's fun to be around. It also makes me feel tingly in special places.

    Heh, yeah, playing on Live makes me feel like a total jackass, because my wife is usually in the room with me, and when I'm yelling "Come on you motherfucker, rez me!" I feel like maybe that's a little rude to her.

    Vincent Grayson on
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Yar wrote: »
    Yeah but marriage is a nice committment ceremony. You're making it official to family and firends. Sure, you don't have to, but weddings are awesome parties with presents, which leads one to wonder what reason one might have for putting it off.

    I like the symbolism around it. I like the idea of wearing a ring that signifies to the world, "Yes! I have found the love of my life!"

    I'm not so keen on combining my assets, debt, and tax liability with another person.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • the Togfatherthe Togfather Registered User
    edited June 2007
    Hey cool, a thread that doesn't make me feel old.

    Been married to my wife almost five years, we lived together for almost 2 years before getting married, dated for about a year before that, and were very good friends for at least 2 years before ever hooking up. It's kinda weird for us because the Lust was probably the last thing to click. We met in college and were both with someone else at the time so never considered eachother in that way. And by the time we were both single, we had become such good friends that we still didn't even consider getting together...till that one random hook-up night. Kinda odd to both get a sudden realization that hey, in addition to getting along totally well, you also want to screw eachother's brains out.

    Most the major points have been covered pretty well so far. I agree that if you can avoid it, don't go to bed angry. For the most part we're able to settle things before it gets too late, but very rarely there does come a point when my wife, being the type that needs at least 8 hours to function, just has to go to bed. Those always end up being our worse fights. We still get over them eventually, but they take on a whole different look to them than the other fights that we do manage to settle before bed. But they're very, very rare though, so that's good.

    We share a lot of interests, same TV shows, movies, reading, food, partying, and sports, but also have our own, gaming for me, talking on the phone for her. We get a decent mix of together and alone time, majority of it is together but occasionally we'll do something on our own and it suits us well. Have to agree with some things I saw posted earlier though, when she goes out of town for a week (business trips before the child, now to visit her folks) those first couple days are a blast (marathon gaming, beer, and...just maybe...a bit o' porn) but then it quickly starts sucking for the rest of the week.

    I know everyone is different, but for us, marriage was definately the way to go. We feel really bad for our friends that got married and always say "yah, it didn't change a thing". To us, getting married was HUGE and awesome. We're just incredibly compatable. Our goals and priorities are almost identical, which helps a lot, as does the fact that we share similar religious views.

    Things have changed a bit ever since our daughter came along, a bit over a year ago. I don't notice us finishing eachothers thoughts as much and we do bicker more often than we used to, but all the big stuff is still there and *knock on wood* cannot see how anything could disrupt that.

    As for the increase in bickering, my theory is that it's all due to the decrease in sex. It's a good way to gauge how long it's been by how much we're bickering at eachother. If we're in a good 'banging' stretch we hardly snap at eachother at all. Currently, we're nearly at eachother's throats. Thank god my brother(staying with us this summer) isn't going to be home tonight. :winky:

    although...no blowjobs (for me)...*sigh*

    damn, sorry...I rambled...

    the Togfather on
    The night is dark and full of terrors.
    twit feed
  • YarYar Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Feral wrote: »
    I'm not so keen on combining my assets, debt, and tax liability with another person.
    You don't, really.

    Yar on
  • ProtoProto Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    Speaking as someone who has been his girlfriend for 8 years now, it has nothing to do with lack of commitment or whatever. We just don't feel the need. We are perfectly commited to living with each other for the rest of our lives, we just don't need a piece of paper to tell us that.

    Many find it hard to understand, so you get comments that imply that one us MUST be the one holding up the all important wedding (usually the implication is that it's me, because I'm a guy). You also get the "you aren't really commited" bullshit, but fuck 'em, it's not their relationship.



    Yar:
    I think we in basic agreement that conflicts should always be resolved, I just don't think that it's always possible "before you go to bed".

    Proto on
    and her knees up on the glove compartment
    took out her barrettes and her hair spilled out like rootbeer
  • FirstComradeStalinFirstComradeStalin Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Proto wrote: »
    Keep in mind here that I'm only 17 and very much single, but how can someone be with someone for like 8-10 years and not get married by then? If you haven't decided whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after that long, isn't that just a little sad?

    Speaking as someone who has been his girlfriend for 8 years now, it has nothing to do with lack of commitment or whatever. We just don't feel the need. We are perfectly commited to living with each other for the rest of our lives, we just don't need a piece of paper to tell us that.

    Many find it hard to understand, so you get comments that imply that one us MUST be the one holding up the all important wedding (usually the implication is that it's me, because I'm a guy). You also get the "you aren't really commited" bullshit, but fuck 'em, it's not their relationship.



    Yar:
    I think we in basic agreement that conflicts should always be resolved, I just don't think that it's always possible "before you go to bed".

    But wouldn't you get tax breaks, a better insurance policy, etc., all those benefits, along with all being legally clarified as permanently together?

    FirstComradeStalin on
    Picture1-4.png
  • the Togfatherthe Togfather Registered User
    edited June 2007
    But wouldn't you get tax breaks, a better insurance policy, etc., all those benefits, along with all being legally clarified as permanently together?

    My wife and I got screwed hard on our first year of marriage taxes. I think it's cause we got married late in the year...

    the Togfather on
    The night is dark and full of terrors.
    twit feed
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2007
    Proto wrote: »
    Yar:
    I think we in basic agreement that conflicts should always be resolved, I just don't think that it's always possible "before you go to bed".

    Studies have shown couples who go to sleep without resolving conflicts wake up with significantly higher levels of stress, which guarantees they'll start the day in a shitty mood and will blame it on the other person.

    But then, as with all things, YMMV.

    ege02 on
    Medopine wrote: »
    Fuck that woman going "oh god oh no!!"

    It's nature, bitch
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    edited June 2007
    Yar wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    I'm not so keen on combining my assets, debt, and tax liability with another person.
    You don't, really.

    So you're saying that if I got married to my girlfriend and she declared bankruptcy due to old medical bills, my assets and income would not be factored in at all?

    Funny, that's not what my accountant says.

    Edit: I don't mean to come across as snarky. It's just that saying "you don't, really" pretty much goes against everything I've ever heard.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited June 2007
    I'm not married, Hell, I'm in my first relationship ever and it's only been 2 months, but Like said previously, you have to be willing to accept your spouses faults. Not just accept them, but pretty much love them, I think.

    For example, My parents have been together for a good 26 years. They're pretty much exact opposites personality wise (Dad is VERY laid back, sloppy, and quiet, while mom is eccentric, has OCD, and can talk the ear off of a brass monkey), but they've made it work with barely any huge fights at all.

    Anyway, to get to my point, something my dad said to me a while back stuck with me.
    My mom is notorious for being late, and taking her time to say goodbye to people, and my dad and I would sit in the car waiting for her. I started to get aggravated and said something along the lines of "God damnit, why does she always take this long". My dad looked at me and said:

    "Alyce, Your mom may have a toy Alien collection, she may make annoying little comments during movies, and she may take absolutely forever to leave someplace, but those quirks and 'faults' are what make your mom who she is, and would you want her any other way? I know I wouldn't. "

    It makes sense to me.

    AlyceInWonderland on
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