The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Not another comic critique!
milknpeaches
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Sorry guys. More comics 
I'm at work atm, so I can't make any changes right away, but I was thinking desaturate the colors a little bit, because it's too contrasty, and get rid of the stupid looking gradient in the third panel.
And btw if it still looks too much like a PA ripoff you may as well tell me :?
I'm at work atm, so I can't make any changes right away, but I was thinking desaturate the colors a little bit, because it's too contrasty, and get rid of the stupid looking gradient in the third panel.
And btw if it still looks too much like a PA ripoff you may as well tell me :?
milknpeaches on
0
Posts
The characters' expressions don't communicate at all. The round glowing eyes aren't helping.
I had to look at it several times before I realized that the third panel is supposed to be Optimus and the blond character burying the other guy. Other than that little curl of hair, he doesn't have a recognizable silhouette. It just feels like you were too lazy to draw them.
The mint green background in the first two panels is really bad. Are they supposed to be in a hospital?
EDIT:
Transformers sucked!
And yeah, I didn't like Transformers either. But I didn't write this comic.
So the silhouette doesn't work? What if I blew it up a little, so it was tres bigger?
And finally I'll do another version in a couple hours when I get off work that fixes the character placement, the eyes, everything. I'm thinking in black and white so that you can't see how bad my coloring is.
EDIT: and I kept it as a silhouette in the third panel not because I'm lazy but because I wanted to be stylish.
Not to sound like a pessimist, but did you do the B&W piece all by yourself? There is such a jump in style and quality that I only question this because it is as though you suddenly flipped a switched and "got it".
And yes, I did it myself
Hopefully this addresses both the annoyingly thick eyebrows, and the ambiguous expression in panel 2.
Anything else? Or am I done this strip?
i still think in panel 2 just shift the pupils so they are looking left. in panel 1 you have established that the guy is to the left, so if he's looking after him in anger we understand the message.
by having him look at us it makes me thing like he's looking to us for approval to kill the other dude.
like this? i dunno maybe i'm alone on this one.
Same here. Might want to think about it.
Your edit to panel 2 just makes it look mucky and scribbled on, like you haven't quite figured out what's what with it.
might read more like a hand and not a tree in the distance
Considering how everyone's piling in to make suggestions, you sure are churning out these WIP-shots quick! Wow!
And maybe instead of having a white hand poking up out of the white ground, I should do a black corpse silhouette lying on the white ground?
Though I should say this: if you have to take a moment to add an asterisk and explain a term your friend made up that the meaning of which can't be ascertained within the context, that term might not be ready for public consumption. Hell, you could even get a second strip out of it explaining 'bitchtits':
Gabe: Man, that movie was bitchtits, wasn't it?
Tycho: Bitchtits? The fuck?!
Gabe: You know, bitchtits. Like, it was awesome.
Tycho: I'm sorry. Language is not a right, it's a privilege. And you just lost it. Hand in your vocal cords.
Gabe: Joke's on you, I've been talking out my ass this whole time.
Ahahahahah!!! Oh, I laugh far too often at the things said in these boards. You guys are crazy, and I actually learn a lot of English with you.
Also, the guy didn't make it up, the first time i heard it was fightclub when describing Meatloafs drug induced breasts.
Is the comic messy now? Maybe the second panel could be cleaned up. The shading on the guy's face. And the third panel, does the silhoette make it too busy?
Tumblr/Artblog | DevArt
Eyebrows are very important for conveying emotions. The way you draw them makes it seem as if they'd have a hard time moving. Take your second panel, for exmple: If the guy had to frown, the eye brows would colide... if you didn't want the eyebrows to colide, you'd have to play around with their shape when drawn in a frown, but then you'd be breaking how you draw the character.
It's like you're shooting yourself in the foot with those brows.
Toaster makes some good suggestions, but very simply put: draw eyebrows the way Gabe draws them.
:x