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I'd like some feedback on my webcomic
chiyosdad
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This may be a bad time because there seems to be a lot of these critique threads floating around right now, but I am just starting a webcomic and would like some feedback. Let me know what you think and what needs improvement.
Right now there are only 3 strips:
Btw, slightly off-topic question: are a lot of the regulars here authors of webcomics themselves? Because I saw that in some of these other critique threads, a lot of people came out to give good advice.
Right now there are only 3 strips:
Btw, slightly off-topic question: are a lot of the regulars here authors of webcomics themselves? Because I saw that in some of these other critique threads, a lot of people came out to give good advice.
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Comic 2 and 3 have a fuckton of reading, the first panel of comic 3 is basically a paragraph with a doodle next to it. The font and the speech bubbles(when there) are an eyesore. Again in comic 2 the stab scene's bubble woulda worked much better with jagged edges showing excitement or shouting or anger. Explore some more fonts and look at comics and see how they do their speech bubbles. I did chuckle on comic 3 a little bit, the humor needs a little more development and timing.
Keep at it man!
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The second one had way too much writing, so I didn't read it.
The third one has even more writing than the second one! Goddam thats a shitload of text!
You should be able to convey a joke in a comic strip with about 1/20th of the words you currently have.
INSTAGRAM
The jokes are not as horrible as most webcomics posted here, but the speech ballons are really annoying. The words are too close to the ballon in most instances, which creates a lot of tension and makes it hard to read.
And yeah, there is a lot of words in the second two. Those could have probably been condensed down into something more concise that gets the point across with less words.
He wrote a song called Für Elise. (For Elise) You've probably heard it...
Get it now? It's still not that funny, though. Maybe if it were better implemented... I dunno.
OP: I find the art dull, and the rendered face in the last one is way out of place.
You should make it about two guys who sit on a couch and play Halo.
In #1 I was originally going to draw the propped up lid of a grand piano, but found that it obstructed the faces too much. Now that I think back, I think something like this would have worked better, yes?
I realize that my art style is inconsistent. I haven't really developed my own style yet, so I just copied whatever style I thought fitted the subject. For example, for #1 I was thinking of Beethoven as a Quagmire-like character, hence the family guy style. Is this a bad thing? Should I try to streamline all my comics to have the same look?
On speech bubbles: so make the borders less thick and have more white space buffering the text and the border? Anything else I should work on?
Aumni: Can you tell me exactly what's wrong with the font I have (so that I know what to look for in a replacement)? I don't know a lot about fonts, only that you should use one without serifs for a comic, and to avoid comic sans serif because apparently that is a terrible faux pas. I picked one that I thought didn't look retarded and was easy to read, but... it's no good?
earthworm and catnip: most of my strips won't be so wordy. I feel I should explain myself regarding #3, though, and you can feel free to tell me why I'm wrong: each panel is kind of a joke in itself, making fun of each of those characters. Now, I don't have a lot of recurring characters; that means that in each strip characters are basically being introduced for the first time, and the reader has to get a feel for their personality from that one encounter. In many of the strips I have planned, this won't matter because the humor will be more plot-based, but in this particular strip, the entire joke is their personalities. It's true that I could get the gist of the point across with a sentence or too, but I think that the speech as I have it contains more character.
Thanks for the replies so far! I'll try to keep these in mind for the next one.
Only the best of the best can really command 'style' in whichever direction they want. For the majority, 'style' is just a crutch. I would worry less about the style and just draw shit the way you feel like drawing it. And do as good a job as you can at drawing it that way. Practice, get better. And you will get better if you practice. Regardless of what 'style' you draw in.
Seriously though, do what you want with style....but I'd say keep it consistent within the frame of one piece(comic) unless the joke IS the contrast of style (Warlock from those super-old New Mutants comics comes to mind).
Oh and remember that drawing things as they look in reality is also a "style". As long as you can make things look the way you want and the reader understands/accepts the premise, it'll work. Of course, I'm someone who doesn't really believe in elbows and noses, so take my words with a grain of salt. Just draw what's best for communicating your idea and style will come out of it.
-jared
PS: It just occurred to me that the last iPhone panel might be in reference to some commercial you Colonials have going for you in America. If that's the case, the drastic style shift is appropriate and I'm out of touch. We don't get too many US adverts here.
Hey you're right! That would be amazing.
do you have stairs in your house
edit: oh, and # 1 looks like family guy
hahah
Agoodz: yes, I frequent the awful forums. Did you catch the thread where that one came from?
And the doctor looks like he has a banana on his face in the last frame.
the joke is meh, but my real trouble with the strip is "unzip"
"zip" is an onomatopoeic word to begin with, whichever way you pull a zip it goes ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. *unzip* just looked clunky and weird. it's not like we're going to think that his remedy for her lack of cock is doing his pants up... i think *zip would suffice
Fibre: I guess you're right. That's exactly the reason I used unzip, so people wouldn't think he was zipping up his pants, but I guess I should give people more credit.
Art is improving though, keep it up!
It loses some funny with the un-subtle statement of "intake of cock"
Might I suggest a more humour-angled phrasing for these things, such as "you're lacking some very important nutrients" followed by something like "I need you to open wide". In fact, there are a thousand possibilities for a framework like this. Go for interesting approaches.
If the gag is displayed in the picture, there is no need to reenforce it in the verbage. The two should compliment one another, but still present their own qualities of the message. That is the glory of comics.
The joke is ok I guess, at least for this thread since it comes as an anti-response to the whole "why not just make a joke about cocks?" It would honestly be a lot better IMO with just the first 2 panels. That is the joke. The third panel draws it out and drains vital funny. Personally, I'd ditch the last panel, replace his second speech bubble with something like "Hmm..." or "Yup." hell you could even remove her first speech bubble. The simplicity speaks for itself better than verbally explaining everything.
See, now it's like practically PBF-worthy.
Haha damn, that is a lot funnier.
I see what you mean about the third panel drawing it out. I'll keep this in mind for the next one.
1) Drawing style and line wright are MUCH improved
2) The Joke needs work (or to be replaced with something funny). It seems like you taped the punch line to a piano and dropped it on my head from 30 stories high.
3) The doc in the final panel looks like a woman.
4) "SHE'S CODING! NURSE! 20 CC's OF COCK, STAT!"
5) woman: Doctor, whats wrong with me?
doc: You have Cancer. And your Cancer has AIDS.
Woman: Am I going to die?
Doctor: Yes.
(Woman Dies)
(Doc mounts her corpsified remains)
( 3 weeks later the woman's corpse calls the doctor)
Corpse: Jeffrey.... I'm late....
Get it? Late? She's dead!
That's gross. You're gross.
geek comic
www.hijinksensue.com
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
That's fucking hilarious. I don't like the title of the comic, but I love the joke. In fact, I think you should take out your titles all together.
gimpy
Also keep her hair consistent in shade between the two panels. It confuses the reader into thinking there's a third character.
I'll keep in mind the stuff about consistent shading. My thoughts were that it's a closer shot in the second panel, so that you should be able to see more detail in the shading.
lilchingch0ng: I'm... not sure if that's a compliment or an insult...
anable: Yay someone likes it!