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Because we haven't had a girl thread in the last five minutes..
noir_blood
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This kinda relates to a thread I started a bit back; http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=26462
Basically, I met this girl, wasn't too sure of what her feelings were, and was debating calling her. I did end up calling her, and she basically told me that right now she doesn't have time to for anything serious. That's fine with me, and she's cool and all. So I continue to talk to her...kinda.
See, she has this habit of not returning my calls or texts, and then a few days later texting me out of nowhere or such. For example, the last time I talked to her was on the fourth, right before I was heading to Austin with my friends. She told me to call her when I got back and we'd set something up to get together. So I call her a few days later, and I don't get a call back at all. A few days go by and I text her, still nothing. A few days AFTER that she texts me back in respond to that text..I reply, and I get nothing. Okay, so the next day I call her, leave her a message saying if she wants to talk or get together, to give me a call. I get nothing for a few days, and then all of sudden just a few minutes ago she texts me. We text for like five minutes, and then she suddenly stops responding to my texts.
It's getting to the point where I'm getting frustrated and annoyed. The reason for this is that when we do talk, we have lots of fun, and she says things like "I would love to see you soon" and "don't be shy, call me! Seriously, call me as soon as you get back". Which kinda points that maybe she does like me..but her actions point another way(I mean, I was ready to just face the fact that she wasn't interested in me until I got this text out of nowhere)
So what's people's thoughts on this? Can I ask her about it without things becoming weird?
Basically, I met this girl, wasn't too sure of what her feelings were, and was debating calling her. I did end up calling her, and she basically told me that right now she doesn't have time to for anything serious. That's fine with me, and she's cool and all. So I continue to talk to her...kinda.
See, she has this habit of not returning my calls or texts, and then a few days later texting me out of nowhere or such. For example, the last time I talked to her was on the fourth, right before I was heading to Austin with my friends. She told me to call her when I got back and we'd set something up to get together. So I call her a few days later, and I don't get a call back at all. A few days go by and I text her, still nothing. A few days AFTER that she texts me back in respond to that text..I reply, and I get nothing. Okay, so the next day I call her, leave her a message saying if she wants to talk or get together, to give me a call. I get nothing for a few days, and then all of sudden just a few minutes ago she texts me. We text for like five minutes, and then she suddenly stops responding to my texts.
It's getting to the point where I'm getting frustrated and annoyed. The reason for this is that when we do talk, we have lots of fun, and she says things like "I would love to see you soon" and "don't be shy, call me! Seriously, call me as soon as you get back". Which kinda points that maybe she does like me..but her actions point another way(I mean, I was ready to just face the fact that she wasn't interested in me until I got this text out of nowhere)
So what's people's thoughts on this? Can I ask her about it without things becoming weird?
noir_blood on
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To answer your question, the best way to find out if she really wants to hang out with you is to stop texting her and calling her.
Honestly?
a) Your feelings are platonic, and she'll just always be someone you catch up with every now and again.
b) You're "OK" with the whole not ready thing, but are hoping she'll change her mind. (we've all been there).
If its the latter, you're in for a whole lot of frustration - regardless of the outcome. Nobody here can tell you with any certainty that it will/wont work out... But its not going to be easy regardless.
I'd tell you to try and move on - but thats not what you want to hear is it? ;-)
I don't do that because I think it's wrong (and kind of disgusting), but some girls don't see any problem with it.
See, that's what I wondered, if she doesn't really want to talk to me and just tells me to call her to be nice/because she doesn't want to say "no, don't call me." But like I said in the OP, then when I talk to her, I get the vibe that she really does want to hang out. My annoyance doesn't even stem merely because I would like to be more than friends at some point. I would be annoyed at any of my friends that pull this. I understand people being busy, and maybe it's just me, but if I see that someone called and left a message, I would get back to them.
Unless of course, I really don't want to talk to them, which brings me full circle. But then why text me out of the blue? Ugh, I should just build a robot to take care of my needs.
The more effort you put towards her, the more frustrated and despondent you are going to get, the harder you will try and it will turn into a vicious circle. Just leave her alone for a while, and things will work themselves out. She'll either call you again and ask to hang out, or she will not, but you will not be worse for the experience.
I know it sucks to hear this advice, but in the long term, you will be much better off. Instead of concentrating on this girl so intently, find a girl who reciprocates the effort you put towards her, and you'll see the difference.
Truth.
If she were into you she'd make time, she'd call.
If you mattered in her life in any small way you would not wait days for 'texts out of nowhere' or a random call.
I have this old high school GF (i think shes pretty awesome; datable), same thing man. We go out have a complete blast, she expresses interest in hanging out a lot more, always gives me flirty indications of intrest, and then she does not return calls. Between three days to three months later she calls to see what's up.
To quote the humongous- "Just walk away," not worth it.
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But she's not you, and she apparently handles people differently.
So, why aren't you annoyed? I mean, you sound a little annoyed, but we aren't the ones who can really resolve the problem. You see there's an issue, you know how to resolve it -- you ask her what's up, point blank, or you ignore her and let whatever happens, happen.
The reason you keep contacting her is more to do with the fact that you like her than anything else. Like you said, you probably wouldn't put up with other friends who do this. Why does she get a free pass? She enjoys your company and that's the end of it. You're in a "professional relationship," the kind of friendship that people have at work where they'll see someone for lunch, talk about things and catch up, and then not see each other again for months. You're texting her more frequently because deep down, you're still into her. And she's not into a relationship with you at all.
She's not going to be rude and tell you off, but she's going to get your texts and eventually figure "yeah, I should really call him back, he's going to think I hate him if I don't." And she doesn't want you to hate her. But that's the extent of it. If you stopped texting her, it's likely she'd forget about you completely.
i remember talking about just this kind of thing along time ago. his view was that text was just a slower media and the time it took between sends to each other was a great way to think about the next thing to say, or taking time to really understand what someone said.