For the past 7 years, my dad has been a raging alcoholic.
For the past 2, he's been using painkillers and tranqualizers in addition to Steel Reserve and High Gravity.
For the past 6 months, he's also been threatening my mother and myself.
We've called the cops, they won't do anything. My mom is pretty much scared shitless but won't leave because of my brother's kids (she babysits them a lot and doesn't want him to have to actually pay for a sitter. God forbid he should have to pay 150 a week so my mom doesn't think she has to live in fear). He's threatened suicide countless times, and I've even walked in on him in the garage trying to fumigate himself with a Chevy. He is absolutely convinced that nothing is his fault and it's all ours. He used to be a bouncer and was in a local somewhat big-time biker gang in the late 70s-mid 80s, and still likes to try to intimidate people, mainly my mom and my coward brother. He's 25 and doesn't live here anymore, but he still doesn't want to be on bad terms with my dad so he'll put up with his shit and humor him and tell him he's right and everything else just so he looks like the good son. When intimidation fails, he'll point out every decent thing he's ever done for any of us as if it's justification to be a douchebag. I've tried to talk to him when he's sober, and he always apologizes and swears it won't ever happen again but it always does, usually the same day.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't just abandon my mom to deal with his shit, she's very weak and has had a few strokes recently and I couldn't live with myself if I let him hurt her. I just want to hurt him. I want to grab him by his fucking throat and inform him that he's a coward, a bitch, and a lowlife motherfucker. I want to make him cry without ever having to hit him, and when he does finally break down like a cunt I want to beat him until there's nothing left. I honestly love him but I want to make him hurt. I know I could never make him suffer like he has all of us, but I want to try. I know I'm a horrible son, and a horrible person for even wanting to take violence against my own father but he has it coming. I've hid the guns from him so he can't use them against himself or us, but it's not hard to get a gun. I just want him to suffer and I want to watch it happen. I want to look into his eyes and make him acknowledge that he's powerless and his life is no longer in his own hands. I have never felt this way towards any person, and it scares me. He's turned me into someone I don't want to be and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this shit before I snap.
What can I do to make this better? I feel like I've hit the wall and it's down to a last resort. I just took a gun from him today (I have no idea how he got it) that he was carrying while making veiled threats about my mom. He's currently passed out in the living room floor, but I'm pretty sure he's still breathing and hasn't OD'd. He probably won't remember any of this in the morning, and will most likely deny it all and accuse me of trying to fuck with his head. I'm sorry for rambling, but if anyone has any useful advice then I would appreciate it.
Something tells me this story ends up with Ballbaggins fucking his house again.