adult content and younger siblings(help with my sister)

Bendery It Like Beckham

So, I have 2 younger siblings, my brother is 12 and sister is 10.

Not too long ago I walked up on him viewing a mature rated flash on newgrounds, mild nudity and adult themes. Nothing to get too bent out of shape about, I told him that mature ratings are for a reason and to please not visit them anymore. Otherwise I'm going to be blocking the site until he's old enough.

It went fine, no problems what so ever I wouldn't hound him but I always kept an eye on what he was doing. He doesn't exactly know how to clear his internet history...

Anyways, tonight I walked in on both my younger brother and sister playing a 'dating sim' which had a clear mature content warning. My sister turned it off as soon as I got close and my little brother walked away without saying a word. Knowing these dating sims they were at least an hour away from seeing and nudity, but we all know how those sims go... They are rated Mature for excessive nudity, graphic sex, and adult content.

I went and blocked everything from Atomgamez to newgrounds as well as any website extension with the word 'Sim, Date, Girl, Sim_girl, sim_date, and dating_sim. Also Dating%20Sim just to be safe....

I decided to talk to my brother and tell him why i did it, he blamed it on my sister even though he was in on it, he could have advised her not too. I'll be talking with her shortly. I don't know how to explain to a 10 year old girl why she shouldn't be viewing that type of stuff.

Anyone familiar with parenting? I was never a 10 year old girl so I don't know exactly what to do...

Mai-Kero

Tell your parents?

HyperAquaBlast

I would say its time to start explain sexual stuff to her now. Kids see the wrong "basics" really early now. I now I did back in like '89 when I was 5 so I can just imagine now with the ease of internet porn. Its better you tell her the rights and wrongs of it all now rather than some boy in her class who found his older bros porn stash and starts experimenting.

I never believed in candy coating info to kids that are in 1st grade and up so I suggest telling her straight out on sex and its not for her yet.

EggyToast

Are parents in the equation? it's not a bad thing to pass it off on them, even if it seems like you're avoiding responsibility.

If parents aren't an option, sit them down and explain that you know they're curious, cos you were that age too, but you know because you're older that the stuff that you see on the internet and in those kind of games aren't real. Ask if they want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend in the future. They may say "ewww that's gross" but regardless, continue on with "Well, I want you to learn about things when you're ready, and when you understand them. If you're curious, talk to me/mom/dad, rather than trying to find something on the internet."

The general idea isn't that kids cannot view naked people. It's that viewing things that are mildly pornographic can easily distort their idea of what a healthy relationship is. For instance, it's like a kid who watches wrestling or always beats on his parents, then acts like a jackass when playing out with friends. He doesn't even realize that he's being a jackass until he clocks another kid in the face and the kid starts bawling. Then he's like "oh shit, that looks like it really hurts."

I work in publishing and some of the journals I've come across deal with mental development of older kids, and those middle-grade-school years are odd in that they're the ones where kids start to realize how big the world is and how other people have different opinions and different perspectives. It goes from a "me and my family/friends, but mostly me" POV to a more existential "this other person can feel and think the same as me, but is different." Which is also why kids of that age tend to be curious about more 'adult' things.

Anyway, enough theory. Essentially, if it's your job to help out, tell them that you're not punishing them, but you're blocking the websites so that even you can't see them. Say that it's not real and that people don't really act that way.

Luckily, they're both young enough that gender really isn't an issue. I mean, yes they're probably gendered mentally as either boy or girl, but they're both at an age where puberty isn't really an issue and the idea of sex is a big unknown. Both of them should be approached with the idea that being curious and wanting to know information isn't a bad thing, but that it's better to get it from someone you trust, such as yourself or your parents, rather than the internet or a friend.

Bendery It Like Beckham

My mother is currently at work, otherwise I would tell her...

But I don't know if tossing sex out in to the open is really where I am at this point.

She wasn't exactly watching porn or anything, so there is no 'people don't act that way' she was courting a flash girl.

I just need to figure out how to explain, 'adult content is adult content' but in kid terms so that she'll understand and respect that.

hamburger helper

It sounds like they're curious about human sexuality. Instead of oppressing them and punishing their behavior why not discuss it with them and ask them why they're viewing it? If they don't see the material at your house, sure as hell they'll see it at their friends' houses.

aesir

Yea... theres no way you can stop a boy from finding porn. You either read it in bookstores in magazines, or go on the net. to be honest, I probably wouldn't even bother trying to stop them from getting it and just let them figure it all out. Its really not going to mentally damage them or turn them into horrible people.

Argus

aesir wrote: »

Yea... theres no way you can stop a boy from finding porn. You either read it in bookstores in magazines, or go on the net. to be honest, I probably wouldn't even bother trying to stop them from getting it and just let them figure it all out. Its really not going to mentally damage them or turn them into horrible people.

But, as said above, it'd probably be better to have 'the sex talk' and explain it all rather than having them first learn that all men have giant throbbing cocks, women all have DD's, and it always only takes 5 minutes to have sex.

And please, for the love of God, don't pseudo-joke about buying pornography, acting like it's ok but at the same time being apprehensive about it and never really doing anything about it. That part totally fucked me up and made the whole thing seem really embarrassing.

ZeeBeeKay

Another for sitting the kids down and talking to them about sex, or suggesting that your mom do it. It might be easier for all involved coming from a sibling, though (only child here, I've no clue)

Also, just a quick note: I started looking at porn when I was about your sister's age, maybe a tad bit younger. It was mostly curiosity, and because no one ever sat down and said this is what sex is like, this is what it's not like. I don't think it messed me up too much, but just letting you know that your kid sister and brother aren't freaks or pervs or anything like that, just curious kids who should probably have the whole situation explained to them as frankly as possible. I guarantee that they can both handle you saying penis and vagina.

Good luck!

Fibretip

it's simpler than all that in my opinion. My son is 5 and constantly wants to know why he's not allowed to watch this that and the other.... I don't want to get into sex, or violence etc with him, so I just stick steadfastly to the rating system. "It says Mature, and you're not, it's as simple as that" You can give a bit of explanation about things being upsetting and yadda yadda, but if you go for the full all out explanation of what t hey might see, it'll only make them rabidly curious for it. I realise it's different when the kids are older, you can't just go "because that's the way it is" but the principle is similar.

that said... we got the internet when i was 11, and it didn't take long before i found that kinda thing. It didn't scar me for life, i pushed a little, explored a little, just curiosity about "what it's all about". I guess be greatful they're playing dating sims and not skipping straight to googling porn! With the brother his friends will probably be talking about these flash animations etc... trying to get one up on everyone else by finding the one with the most swearing or whatever, with the sister... she's probably just all giggly thrilled at there being a dating sim on there

In my experience growing up though if you lock down their internet completely with one of those parental filter programs or whatever, the moment they're at a friends house they'll be scouring the net for anything even vaguely titilating.

I would say keep doing what you're doing. Restrict what you know is out there, monitor what they look at. You don't have to invade their privacy, but most of these sites aren't very subtle in their address strategy do you have a firewall that can keep a log of what they're looking at as well, incase they learn to clear the history?

oh also... you could effectively cripple the pc for a week or so, (might be as simple as unplugging the net cable and changing the shortcuts to things so they won't open depending on how savvy your siblings are) and claim that someone must have gone on something dodgy online and picked up a really bad virus.


truth is though... any girls magazine that's aimed at the 10-14 bracket will be going on about sex. There was a program on the tv the other day about them here in the uk, and they showed excerpts from a magazine designed for 12 year old girls that was telling them various sexual positions :S so yeah... whatever you do will be a bit like sticking a bandaid on the titanic...

subedii

Bendery wrote: »

My mother is currently at work, otherwise I would tell her...

But I don't know if tossing sex out in to the open is really where I am at this point.

She wasn't exactly watching porn or anything, so there is no 'people don't act that way' she was courting a flash girl.

I just need to figure out how to explain, 'adult content is adult content' but in kid terms so that she'll understand and respect that.

The way I see it you can either lie convincingly (if she does it again a monster will eat her head), or try to generally state that it's harmful for her without going into too much detail as to why. The details are pretty much up to you I guess. Personally I'd recommend option number two if you trust her to listen to what you have to say and obey it, at least for the time being. Kids DO learn about this stuff sooner or later, but this probably isn't the best way for it to happen.

witch_ie

This isn't something that needs to be dealt with immediately...and I mean before your mother gets home from work. You stopped them from doing something you think they shouldn't be. Fine. You explained it to your brother and it sounds like your sister already knew it was wrong or at least something she shouldn't be doing.

Now you tell your mother about the situation and let her handle it. Being an older sibling myself, I know it's difficult not to try to look out for the best interest of your younger sibs, but it's really your mom's role to do so. You can tell them what you think about it, but it's probably best that you wait until your mother speaks to them about it first. She may even have a specific way she would prefer you handle situations like this when she's not there.

Khavall

I recently did the score to a show that was heavy on sexual themes and swearing and a bunch of stuff that in general isn't even close to appropriate to anyone who isn't college+, and my little sister is 7, so fascinated by her College-student Brother and college-graduate sister, so likes to listen to my music, and wanted to see the show, and it's really, really not appropriate for her, but she seemed really receptive to the "That's for older people. When you're in college, you'll understand it, and other people who are in college watch it, but you're not old enough for it yet" approach. Of course, sometimes she'll listen to the songs, or hear some... inappropriate things when I'm talking to my older sister, but she seems to understand very clearly that it's for "When she's older". So that may work.

whuppins

I have a brother who's 10 years younger than me, and a sister who's 14 years younger, so I've been stuck as a demi-parent plenty of times. One of the hardest things to remember is that while you may be older and wiser, and have their best interests at heart, you're not the one who's responsible for their upbringing, and you're not doing anyone any favors by stepping into the parent role. Don't worry about how to talk about sex to adolescent kids; they need to hear that stuff from their parents.

Tell your mom everything you posted here, and if she's any kind of decent parent, she'll deal with it instead of pushing the responsibility off on you.

Argus

Fibretip wrote: »

In my experience growing up though if you lock down their internet completely with one of those parental filter programs or whatever, the moment they're at a friends house they'll be scouring the net for anything even vaguely titilating.

I would say keep doing what you're doing. Restrict what you know is out there, monitor what they look at. You don't have to invade their privacy, but most of these sites aren't very subtle in their address strategy do you have a firewall that can keep a log of what they're looking at as well, incase they learn to clear the history?

So... you're saying that blocking porn on your own computer is very ineffectual, but you still recommend it in the next paragraph?

Fibretip wrote: »

oh also... you could effectively cripple the pc for a week or so, (might be as simple as unplugging the net cable and changing the shortcuts to things so they won't open depending on how savvy your siblings are) and claim that someone must have gone on something dodgy online and picked up a really bad virus.

What the hell? Trying to guilt trip a kid into not looking into porn is going to screw with them a lot, and it will just wind up with them being really confused and embarrassed (and thus more secretive if they do get back into it) about the whole thing.

Chief1138

Is there a reason you're not just passing this off to your parents? You sound like a responsible dude which is nice but really this seems like this should be their job. Not to mention you're probably undermining their authority as your siblings will learn to fear discipline from you more than their own parents...

Everywhereasign

Punishing them for being curious is a no no in my books.

First off, you can explain the rating system, and tell them that if they see a mature rating, they need to come get you or your mom. That way you can decide if you are going to sit with them while they play the game/watch the movie, or just say, "you aren't old enough, wait afew year"

Nextly, IMHO someone should be with your sister when she's surfing the net anyway. Your little brother obviously isn't coming to you if she comes across somthing suspect. If you can convince your Mom, move the computer to a public area, kitchen/family room. Someplace where you and your mom can monitor what they are doing. Saying "Don't do that you aren't old enough!" will work up to a certain age, after that they will seek out this type of thing, just because they aren't allowed to. Using the "Come and get one of us" approach will let the mature adults decide what's okay, using the rating system as a basis.

Uncle Long

Well, it's a talk that needs to happen; but not necessarily with you. It's the kind of thing parents should be doing. Talk to your mother about it and see what she says; chances are she wouldn't mind having you around for support if she decides that explaining sexuality is the best route.

For now you can always ask them what they know about what they're doing/seeing and be a resource for their questions. Be honest and open about it.

And, it wouldn't hurt to explain that one of the reasons for not going on those kinds of sites is the damage they can do to a computer and that it's embarrassing for you when you have to clean up or explain to your parents why the compy is slow and pornographic ads keep popping up. Or something like that.

Fibretip

@ Argus

1)no. i specifically said using a filtering program. for example the ones which filter by meta tag or by colour content of images. I did not say that generally restricting their access to things he knows are bad is wrong. I implied that all out fascist internet culling was a bad idea.

2)I also never said guilt trip. the time i had to do what i said It worked as a fantastic introduction as to how to use the internet properly, to highlight that bad things can happen on dodgy websites, and that it's a good idea to avoid them or it can mess with your machine. My point was...he can handle the internet angle if he wants that way without having to answer the questions about "why can't we look at these sites?", the sex angle is the parents business to be sorting in the first place. PErsonally i'd much rather say to a 10 year old "I don't want you going on these sites because you might get a pc virus" than have to go into sex discussions when it's none of my business.

Also :

I don't know what i'ts like in the states, but by 10 years old in the UK they have most certainly had the birds and bees talks in school. My mom is a teacher of 7 year olds and it's her job to teach them about the act of sex, so i doubt they need the whole birds and bees talk.

Argus

Fibretip wrote: »

Also :

I don't know what i'ts like in the states, but by 10 years old in the UK they have most certainly had the birds and bees talks in school. My mom is a teacher of 7 year olds and it's her job to teach them about the act of sex, so i doubt they need the whole birds and bees talk.

Consider yourself lucky to not be in the States. Many public schools follow an "abstinence only" education, whereby we're shown a video in 5th grade with ridiculous drawings of naked men and women with developed genitals and told to use deodorant, and have to take a one semester class in high school (typically 9th grade) on "health," where sex is only covered in one unit. This unit consists of 1) describing exactly how sperm is developed and subsequently gets to an egg and 2) an hour long video talking about sperm, ending with a 10 second view of a baby being born. There was almost no talk on the act of intercourse itself, and any non-vaginal penetration was not covered.

Pheezer

Argus wrote: »

Fibretip wrote: »

Also :

I don't know what i'ts like in the states, but by 10 years old in the UK they have most certainly had the birds and bees talks in school. My mom is a teacher of 7 year olds and it's her job to teach them about the act of sex, so i doubt they need the whole birds and bees talk.

Consider yourself lucky to not be in the States. Many public schools follow an "abstinence only" education, whereby we're shown a video in 5th grade with ridiculous drawings of naked men and women with developed genitals and told to use deodorant, and have to take a one semester class in high school (typically 9th grade) on "health," where sex is only covered in one unit. This unit consists of 1) describing exactly how sperm is developed and subsequently gets to an egg and 2) an hour long video talking about sperm, ending with a 10 second view of a baby being born. There was almost no talk on the act of intercourse itself, and any non-vaginal penetration was not covered.

This is completely off topic. Drop it.