Is it "Wrong" to Like Big Girls?

Windbit

I've decided to stop hijacking the thread over at Debate and Discourse and start my own.

I'm a few months short of 19, and for as long as I can remember I've had a preference for heavier girls. I wanna clarify that I don't have a "fat fetish", I just like women who are heavier than what most people prefer. For a near perfect example of my ideal, just look at Nikki Blonsky, the lead actress in Hairspray.

Anyway, I've struggled with accepting my preference for a while now. I used to think I was a freak for finding fat girls attractive when the vast majority don't. Though I'm beginning to accept my preference, I still have trouble with with an important issue.

I feel guilty that I find the body shape of overweight women attractive because medical research shows that excess body fat can cause serious health problems. If I really cared about someone, I would suggest that they live a healthy lifestyle. But, if living a healthy lifestyle results in weight loss, then the excess body fat that gave her such an appealing shape to me would be lost.

I'm really at a loss for what to do. Am I being too hard on myself for something that may be beyond my control?

The Cat

No, you're not a freak. The only dodgy group I've ever come across are fat fetishists who actually compete to become more obese, which is nowhere near where you're at. Like whoever you like. Fat isn't neccessarily a health risk, even in quite rotund women. Some are just built that way.

Raneados

extreme skinnyness can cause major health issues

everyone has their stuff, dude, don;t sweat it

body fat is natural and healthy (to an extent)

Windbit

Raneados wrote: »

body fat is natural and healthy (to an extent)

To what extent, though? From what I've read, it seems like anything above "normal" is potentially very harmful.

graizur

Windbit wrote: »

Raneados wrote: »

body fat is natural and healthy (to an extent)

To what extent, though?

Opinion

If you can run to save your life or catch a bus, if you are not addicted to food, if you feel good to ok about your body, if you do not loathe and despise skinny people for being skinny, if your blood pressure is good then you are ok.

aesir

Not weird at all. It was most people's preference to prefer the thick girls for most history.

Pheezer

It's called a fetish. There's nothing wrong with it, that's just what you're into and it's really not in any way as unhealthy as many are.

You'll probably be happiest if you learn to accept and embrace who you are and be happy with whoever makes you happy.

If that sounds far too hellish to even consider, a professional psychiatrist might be able to "help" you. Most fetishes (and not all) are the result of simple Pavlovian conditioning, the same as most phobias are. Which means that they can generally be trained out of you, but honestly, you're not obsessed with anything dangerous or unhealthy. And there's really no guarantee without you undergoing professional assessment that you could even be a candidate for that anyhow, and I'm not really sure a reputable psychiatrist would even handle this.

So stop being so damned hard on yourself. Besides, the health issues of the women you're attracted to are not your issue, you didn't force anyone to become that size and unless you start dating thin women and trying to convince them to pack on the pounds, it won't be something for you to feel guilt over.

Also, it's not up to you to change the people you date for the better either. Other people will live the way they want to, and you'll find life is easier if you learn to accept them for who they are.

FirstComradeStalin

It's unusual, but people have their preferences. You're going to get a hard time as your life goes along, however, especially when your friends invariably make fun of you about it. That's really your only concern, and once your friends get used to it they'll stop. If they don't, they're douchebags.

Now, if you're only into heavier girls, that may be an issue.

Are you yourself a larger person?

b0bd0d

I mean, I don't think its a fetish. I like fat(er...thick) girls too though...so...you know. Don't worry bout it. Just more to love. I like skinny ones too but there ain't nothing like a sexy thick woman.

Just Like That

Who cares? Its not like being bigger will cause your chick to die really early. She won't live as long as thinner people, but unless she's really obese, she'll live plenty long. It's like drinking beer: it's generally not very good for you, and it might shorten your life a bit, but I would rather die a couple years earlier than not be able to enjoy life the way I want to.

It would be pretty messed up if you encouraged her to eat alot or told her she couldn't lose weight, though.

A-Rod

Well I have a friend who pretty much is exactly like you. he likes the big ladies, we may not always see eye to eye when we say 'oh look at that hot chick' but i dont think its a real problem. I also have another friend who likes the real thin ones....its just something you are into.

Plus Queen made a song about loving the big ladies, so go listen to "Fat Bottom Girls" and stop worrying bout something so silly, unless you purposely are going out with some girl and kept feeding her fatty foods and somehow made her avoid exercising.

Incenjucar

Just don't try to fatten them up more, and if they decide they want to lose weight for health reasons, be supportive.

There's nothing wrong with liking extra flesh. There IS something wrong with wanting them to damage their health for you.

Faricazy

Mika has a song you might be interested in.

Fellhand

Different strokes for different folks. You sound perfectly normal.

INeedNoSalt

I am at a loss for what could actually make someone think there is a problem with liking girls who are not skinny.

Bigger girls are pretty awesome dude. Keep it real.

SilverWind

Everyone's basically said all I can think of, except, try to find someone who is comfortable with their (big) body size. Then, you'll avoid a future conflict where they want to lose weight but you don't really want them to, or a large emotional dramafest where she's unconfident enough about her figure to disbelieve you could love someone large. Plus, confidence is sexy.

supabeast

Big girls need love, too. And if you haven’t noticed, there are a hell of a lot of big girls out there getting laid, married, and having families, so having a thing for them is quite within the bounds of normality. So get out there, love the big girls, and be happy about it!

exis

I would argue that someone that finds themselves attracted to large women has less of a problem than someone who finds themselves explicitly attracted to dangerously underweight women (the "ideal" supermodel/actress body type, etc.). Being moderately overweight may be a little unhealthy (isn't everything, though?), striving to be underweight is dangerous and self-destructive.

And in my limited experience, larger girls tend to be more fun to hang around with. That's a massive generalisation, but there you go.

multimoog

FirstComradeStalin wrote: »

It's unusual, but people have their preferences. You're going to get a hard time as your life goes along, however, especially when your friends invariably make fun of you about it. That's really your only concern, and once your friends get used to it they'll stop. If they don't, they're douchebags.

Now, if you're only into heavier girls, that may be an issue.

Are you yourself a larger person?

1) Not really. In movies and on TV maybe, but not in real life.

2) Again, not really. I've dated exclusively heavier girls, because I feel the same way as the OP. I like nice, big tits and full, round asses. A nice, pronounced hourglass shape is the hottest fucking thing on the planet for me. Nobody has EVER given me shit for it (although I admit I'm only friends with intelligent, decent people who actually care about and respect me). If any of my friends ever said anything about it, that is the point they get told off and, if it persists, stop being friends (and possibly punched).

3) So, so off base. Whatever you like is what you like. You can't help it, and you shouldn't change it. If you're attracted to someone who doesn't fit what you're usually into, and you like them because of their personality, or whatever reasons, that's cool, too, but everyone has their own thing.

This Savage Love column discusses exactly what the OP is having problems with. Read that article and take the advice to heart. Essentially, if you're having problems with admitting you're attracted to heavier girls, you should stop being a douche yourself and get over it.

GoodOmens

My girlfriends have all been a bit big, and my wife is now. It's strange, though, because I don't think of myself as being attracted to big girls; rather, the girls that I've been attracted to have been big. It's not a trait I seek out, but it sort of works out that way.

At any rate, being attracted to big girls is no different really than digging redheads or Asians or whatever. As long as you're not being a dope about it...say, staying in a bad relationship just because the girl has that trait...go for it.

Malkor

Wow, that Savage Love column is pretty bad advice. You can't help who you're attracted to, just don't let that physical trait blind you to the person's personality and such.


edit: To clarify, let's say one of her goals is to lose some weight and she accomplishes it. It would suck for her and you if you found her unattractive once she reached it.

Werrick

Absolutely not, Windbit. There's nothing wrong with that taste.

Djeet

OP should not worry so much. most people in U.S. are probably "medically" overweight, including the elderly. you can be of average weight and still be in shitty health.

go make many big women happy.

Fallingman

Basically its no different from any other preference. If its not making you weird things, then its fine.

Like blondes, so make your girlfriends all dye their hair? --> Too far.
Like slim women, so guilt the ladies into losing weight? --> Too far.
Like big boobs so make alady get implants just for you? --> Too far.

If you're not being creepy... Power to you.

CoJoeTheLawyer

Relax...There is nothing wrong with you.

Preference as to women is the same as preference as to anything else. It's your business, your mind, your body, and whatever turns you on turns you on. As long as you are not hurting anyone (including yourself) it is ok. Don't feel ashamed about it. I could insert some excellent lyrics from Freddy Mercury or Sir-Mix-A-Lot, but I'll refrain for now.

I could go on (including some very naughty tales), but I think the OP gets the point from all the other posts that his penchant for different-shaped girls is normal.

poshniallo

Yup, there's a big middle ground between not being 'normal' in every way and a 'freak'. I wouldn't even call it a fetish - my understanding of the word is that fetishism is the association of non-sexual stimuli (rubber, high-heels, the colour pink, Lindsey Lohan) with sex.

Body shape is pretty much a sexual stimulus for everyone, you just like something that some odd culture has convinced you is unacceptable.

nexuscrawler

A fetish also take precedence over everything else. If you felt hte need to have sex with a chubby girl every day regardless of anything else it'd be a fetish. The way you'e talkig it's no more a fetish than someone who says they prefer blondes over redheads. Just because a preference isn't mainstream doesn't make it freakish or anything

Seaborn111

fat people are immoral.

i'm sorry, i absolutely had to

Gorgeeen

Just want to make it clear that "big" girls are not "fat" girls.

A girl can be heavy but tall enough that her weight distributes evenly all over her body, allowing her to carry herself like a normal human being. Probably tall too, like, 6'3. Nothing really unusual about liking girls built like this, especially if you are big yourself.

A fat girl is just a girl who has too much weight for her current height and ends up all wobbly and deforms much more easily than a big girl. More unusual to prefer this build in this era, but to each his own.

precisionk

Gorgeeen wrote: »

Just want to make it clear that "big" girls are not "fat" girls.

A girl can be heavy but tall enough that her weight distributes evenly all over her body, allowing her to carry herself like a normal human being. Probably tall too, like, 6'3. Nothing really unusual about liking girls built like this, especially if you are big yourself.

A fat girl is just a girl who has too much weight for her current height and ends up all wobbly and deforms much more easily than a big girl. More unusual to prefer this build in this era, but to each his own.

I think a lot of fat girls like to class themselves as "big" girls, because it helps their self-esteem and not to have the label "fat", which I see a just reason. Who the hell wants to be called fat? I know I sure wouldn't.

happyshark

Whats wrong about liking heavy girls is that they dont value exercise and having a healthy body. If YOU value that and they dont then it can cause huge problems in your relationship.

ZeeBeeKay

Way to make a gigantic sweeping generalization there, happyshark. Not all heavy girls don't value exercise, and (I believe) not all heavy girls are even unhealthy. There's a range of body types, and some of them are caused by genetics and not overeating.

OP, there's nothing wrong with liking bigger girls. I'll just echo the chorus.

LondonBridge

I'm a very in shape guy and I see nothing wrong with bigger girls. I don't like obese girls but a little weight sometimes makes girls come out with an extra sexiness that skinny girls don't have.

My problem is when I date a curvy girl they see me and think I'm a chubby chaser because they think my type is a twiggy.

Now I think some guys prefer bigger because they think they're easier since they may be more approachable than a skinny type. Well, thats my theory.

ApolloTreatingYou

Yes.

Feral

nexuscrawler wrote: »

A fetish also take precedence over everything else. If you felt hte need to have sex with a chubby girl every day regardless of anything else it'd be a fetish. The way you'e talkig it's no more a fetish than someone who says they prefer blondes over redheads. Just because a preference isn't mainstream doesn't make it freakish or anything

Yep.

Most people colloquially use the term "fetish" to mean "an unusual preference," but when psychologists/psychiatrists use it they are referring to the obsessive attraction towards inanimate objects (for example, food) or specific body parts (for example, large stomach) to the exclusion of all other forms of sexuality.

In any case, Windbit, I hope that you are attracted to women primarily based on who they are inside, not on what they look like. If personality takes precedence over physical appearance, it doesn't really matter much what body shape you prefer.

Nataneko

happyshark wrote: »

Whats wrong about liking heavy girls is that they dont value exercise and having a healthy body. If YOU value that and they dont then it can cause huge problems in your relationship.

What's "wrong" in normal girl and skinny girl, and a whole lot of person in general, is that they don't value exercice and having a healthy body.

Not everyone care about healthy body or exercising. Caring about that don't even make you healthy. So you bar every thick girl from your life but you give thinner one a chance? thinner =/= more healthy, especially if you value mental health in any way

anecdotal evidence:
Me, a couple of years ago, not even close to overweight but thinking I am. Start going on a diet, reading about healthy food, exercice, etc, starting obsessing over that. Anorexia, Bulimia, Shitty relation with food, depression, anxiety, etc. Not healthy

Me, Now. Clearly overweight. Not obsessing over food (ZOMG FAT), overcoming huge anxiety problem. Not healthy yet, but way way more healthy.


to the OP: You are perfectly normal, and are not alone in that "situation". Don't be ashamed!

Pheezer

nexuscrawler wrote: »

A fetish also take precedence over everything else. If you felt hte need to have sex with a chubby girl every day regardless of anything else it'd be a fetish. The way you'e talkig it's no more a fetish than someone who says they prefer blondes over redheads. Just because a preference isn't mainstream doesn't make it freakish or anything

Actually it's been a while but I'm fairly certain that the definition the DMS gives is that someone with a fetish can't achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse without catering to the needs of his or her given fetish. It might be slightly less strict than that about the definition, but it's certainly not defined by a constant need for fetishistic sex, it's defined by the inability to enjoy non-fetishistic sex.

Not finding women attractive unless they're larger is like not finding women attractive unless they have red hair. It's different than simply preferring redheads. If I had to guess based on the brief description, I'd wager the OP here at least toes the line of a legitimate fetish for larger women. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it though, or wrong with him.

In fact, it's far from the rarest or most outlandish fetishes/preferences.

Gorgeeen

Well, there's nothing wrong with the op being unable to orgasm unless he's with a fat girl. If he's ok with that then that his own unique thing and people won't judge him for it in any way that really matters. So I see no problem here.

Pheezer

And I agree, there's nothing wrong with it, providing he can come to terms with it and enjoy knowing exactly what he wants. A lot of people waste a lot of time not having any idea what they're really into.

Windbit

I'd like to add really quick that I grew up pretty sheltered, and that I'm inexperienced with the opposite sex. I hope to change that soon, but I want everyone to know that I value women for who they are much more than I do their appearance. Hell, I used to avoid sexual material because I felt like it was disrespectful to use a woman's image for sexual reasons. I still feel weird about it now (in fact, don't hesitate to tell me if that is, in fact, wrong).

Horseshoe

You may be spending a lot of time worrying that the things you do are "wrong".

Some dudes like porno. You don't.

Some dudes want to fuck skeletal waifs. You don't

Consider that these could be matters of taste and right and wrong are not part of the equation.

You're normal. Just do your thing and stop worrying about it.

Someday you may be surprised to discover that women really like a guy with your tastes.